I'm eight years old, daddy's cutting my hair
Aqua Velva on his hands
Mama's in the kitchen
Got Fried green tomato's poppin in the pan
I see a home run, a gold note,
Holding my breath getting baptized
I see her beautiful face under that veil as she's walking down the aisle
This is ironic, after all his drinking, and being stupid. For things to go this way, this was for shit. Blood was in his eyes, everything hurt. This was shit. She was there, in his mind. All the things that he wanted to say all the things that he had four stinkin' years to say. This was shit. The pain was unbearable. He should have said more then he couldn't live without her. He should have said that he couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't eat, and couldn't sleep. That the day he found out that she was dead, he died. Then when he saw her again, it was like he was resurrected. Yet five months had gone by and he still didn't say anything. Opportunity after opportunity presented itself, and he said nothing.
I can hear the sirens coming
Smell the gasoline and smoke
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes
I hope they get to me in time
"Drinking?" "Not as much as I used to." The drinking got bad again when she died, or maybe just before she died. He only started to sober up when he came up with a plan to avenge her death. Revenge was then the only thing keeping him going, pushing him forward. "There's only one force on Earth that can short circuit a man's better instincts, put fire in his veins and make him dive head-long into danger without regard for his well being. Vengeance. I'm here to kill you" He meant it when he said it to Salim, he just never figured on getting her back in the process. This was shit.
I could see the headlights swerve
So I cut the wheel to the right
Last thing I saw was the bottle turned up
As he crossed that center line
I see tiny hands, brown eyes
Falling asleep to that lullaby
And you slide over next to me as I turned out the lights
Somewhere there was a part of him that thought there was still enough time to tell her, to have her fall in love with him. Somewhere deep inside of him there lived a fantasy, that white picket fence and a family. "You ever, um, regret not having a wife and kids, especially during this time of year? Hanukah is all about family. Is it not the same with Christmas?" He had to get out of the car when she asked that, not because he was thinking of Jeanne, it was never about Jeanne, even when he was with her, even when everyone thought he was in love with her, it was all an act, all of his feelings for one woman transferred, placed in Jeanne, because it was easier. Easier to pretend to be in love with one woman then admit he was in love with another.
I can hear the sirens coming
Smell the gasoline and smoke
I'm pinned against this steering wheel
Pretty sure my arm is broke
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes
I hope they get to me in time
This was definitely shit. Ironic shit at that, he always knew, before and after the drinking that he would die in a fiery crash, he just always figured she would be behind the wheel. "I'll drive, Tony." "No, no, no! Not gonna make that mistake again." "Did you really think my driving was that terrible? Aside from the high speed and near misses?" "Let's just say it's an acquired taste. Like regurgitated lunch."
Please Lord I'm Begging you
Don't let me go like this
There's so much left I wanna do
So much I don't wanna miss
"If I make it out alive, I'll tell her. I promise. Things will be different. I will tell her that I have been in love with her since the day she walked into the squad room. That there hasn't been a day gone by that I haven't thought about her. That yes I regret not having a family around the holidays, but not just any family; I want that family with her. Lord if I make it out of this I will tell her everything, and everything will be different."
I can see the flames and my life
Flashing right before my eyes
I hope they get to me in time