PLAYTIME
A young Alma is shown sitting by a tree holding a moldy doll, she hums a song but her respite is interrupted by a noise produced behind her; she then jumps on her feet and run screaming; «GARGH! No I don't want to eat the damn gross pudding again! »
Paxton Fettel is then heard doing some voice over as he shows pictures with a projector.
«We were brothers…. in fact we still are. We were made by ArmaScam, built to be prototype commanders. I was the favorite; obviously, I gave them what they wanted; blood, bones, flesh; that kind of thing. They say the synchronicity with my mother made me homicidal but that's putting it lightly. When my brother found me, I shoved a plank in his face thus making my psychic link with mother even stronger. Now I'm here again to make sure he doesn't ruin everything, like last time. If he does I kill him. »
Suddenly the picture of a puppy is shown on the screen. «...I don't know how that got there.», a red line violently blew the projector to pieces. A sharp portion of it also definitely killed the guard that had been dying on the floor a minute ago.
Fettel's brother is still called Pointman because they apparently can't give him a goddamn name. If they did then there wouldn't be so many 'PM's in every story he's involved in. So now we have a view on how PM looks like, and it seems that the producers thought to make him grow a beard so male players would identify more easily to him and think he's more bad ass because of it. A matter of perspective and just an opinion but it still worked since many bitched about how Paxton was "too thin", so not bad ass or "manly" enough; mostly stereotyped opinions again. So let's sweep that shit aside of one arm.
We're shown Pointman who's in a cell being interrogated by two Ass To Command soldiers, they're trying to make him reveal the location of Alma with ruthless methods. One of them twisted his nipples next, but PM hold like a bad ass under the harsh treatment: probably because of his beard.
He used to do inflict similar torture to his cell mate as kids, the one they called second prototype. Pointman had always been physically stronger back then, but he stopped doing it the day the other kid became powerful mentally and held PM down trying to blow his head off; never done it ever since he pissed his jumpsuit that day.
The ATC soldier kept interrogating, «We know you're a prototype! »
His team member held PM's arm up and tried to tickle the man, to no avail. «You're tough, I'll give you that. »
In the corridor, Fettel was just standing there waiting for the camera to pan in on his face; then opening his eyes the world stopped turning and people all around the globe had heart attacks from all the coolness. While his stupid brother was being relentlessly interrogated, the psychic commander slowly made his way to the cell, not bothering to wipe the filet of blood from his face since it just looked great there. Therefore it kept dripping on the floor; damn the janitor would be pissed, he wasn't being paid enough for this shit.
Next the soldier forced PM to listen to rap music; still the first prototype didn't flinch.
«Tough son of a…! »
Fettel then addressed him through his mind; «Kill them, brother…. »
It echoed in Pointman's head and annoyed him, almost just as much as when that dick of a Lieutenant Betters kept calling him buddy. Unfortunately Paxton would keep saying it; no one's perfect. The dead commander finally reached the holding cell and possessed the soldier that was standing near the door; the one in front of PM was holding a feather to the man's throat.
«Once we find her, she'll bleed…. alright more likely she's going to annihilate us and WE'LL bleed, but saying this actually makes me want to kneel at a corner crying while balancing back and forth sucking on my…..thumb. »
A whiff of shit made the ATC soldier look back only to have his neck broken by his now glowing-red teammate, whom had shat his pants from unspeakable terror when an evil ghost had filled him in earlier. Fettel then just stood there staring at Pointman who tried to break his restraints. Bearded dude had used his slow mo-power in order to grab the soldier's knife but there was a tiny problem…
«…..Any time now, brother… »
At the word though it worked, Pointman broke free and finally grabbed the knife before cutting the soldier's throat killing him, but his annoying bro couldn't die a second time. So the commander just stood there smiling really enjoying himself. I'm sure Pointman would have stabbed him in the face, if not for knowing that Fettel could possess him and slit his own throat right after.
Jin then interrupted the staring contest, or so Pointman always wrongly figured people were trying to have one with him. «You need to escape that prison, I need your help…!... Again…. and please grab a carton of milk on your way. »
Jin, who was cool and appeared clever in the first game now is fucking useless and has a script of some fucking annoying damsel in distress. Paxton pinched the bridge of his noise in disbelief, «I agree we must escape, but for her? I know you've always had a thing for that Asian woman but family matter must prevail. »
Pointman frowned so his bro made the ATC soldier burst into chunks of flesh which exploded all over him; PM didn't even flinch, hell he wasn't even breathing, like usual. Paxton crossed arms, «I read minds, remember…? Back there on your mission I could hear everything; it was quite awkward and unpleasant. Frankly I almost vomited a couple of times; plus what's with you and hot-dogs? »
Bearded ape left the cell in a hurry, too preoccupied by that intimate revelation of his perverse mind and wanting to get away from his appalling sibling anyway; his glowing aura, creepy eyes and smile made him want to shoot him in the face. PM always had a thing for shooting people in the face. Paxton followed him outside as they encountered cheap paranormal activities and obliterated the remaining soldiers in many cool ways. He was always creepily smiling and laughing here and there; most of the time Pointman would turn around only to shoot him by mistake because of how ghostly and evil he looked. The bullets would just fly through and only made Fettel smile wider, which annoyed Pointman even more. So PM unloaded his frustrations into other targets.
«Ahahahah, how it all quickly returns to you; hopefully else you would die of a horrible death. I'd also like to underline that I wouldn't care; not after you fucking shot me. », and underlined his phrase by targeting a canister which blew two soldiers and almost severed PM's legs. The only man alive didn't notice though, most of the time things flew right over his head; more so now that his killer bro was with him... naturally by that I mean lots of body parts, a shitload. Imagine how the soldiers were freaked seeing their teammates explode so unnaturally, created by some mad invisible force; that has got to fill someone's underwear with piss and shit, probably both.
Now visualize Fettel seeping in their body, not so cool anymore. But hey, still bad ass. Just got to ignore the smell and urine flowing down his new legs.
Thus they kept killing plenty of soldiers by using their favorite methods; PM having to make sure not to die while using physical ways, but the psychic master just doing whatever he pleased plus not even breaking a sweat. Fucking child's play. Paxton was evidently delighted with all this blood fest so damn much; it'd give him an erection only if he still could have one.
It was all fun and games, literally; until Pointman had a staggering headache and dropped on his ass.
Fettel didn't give a damn looking at him from above, «Are you starving, not enough of vitamin in your diet? I assure you, mine has considerably enough but you wouldn't be one to try it I am sure. »
The ground gave way and his laughter followed Pointman's descend into the center of the place, Metallica's music started playing for some reason, and then he got his ass wet until he was shoved down a chute. He could have drowned there, pulled by the strong current all the way down to who knows where. But Fettel grabbed him, wondered if it was a good idea for some seconds before pulling him to safety. Paxton could have abandoned him, just like every time Fettel could have taken possession of PM's body but did none of it and yet later Pointman would betray that trust and give none back still.
Sucks being ArmaScum's lap dog or worse yet actually wanting to work for them plus willingly being loyal to them. Then that fucking prick Hurlin' Wide started blabbering some unimportant shit but no one gives a damn about that asshole.
So things might actually be good… unfortunately we soon discover that this game isn't the best considering they only used the previously-cool badass Alma solely to now just shortly pop images of her sometimes in order to fill in some plot holes; uselessly showing her being always vulnerable and scared of the "big bad" Hurlin' all the damn time. Just like they fucked up with Pyramid Head in new Silent Hill games, just popping his sexy ass completely at random just to fill in blanks and satisfy some new-found "fans" that don't even understand PH's real purpose else they'd also be pissed.
But hey, got to make money huh and satisfy the ignorant masses; for the rest of us we can only sigh and hit our heads on walls. Back to Fettel's tight ass and this parody now…
So tossing aside every annoying instances where the monster Hurlin' Wide, now actually showing his real visage, was show on screen plus every other times where Alma's reputation was so easily destroyed while only being a baby factory machine and always screaming so fucking annoyingly; we're left with the following:
Their business done here, Pointman ran and tried to get a hold of the enemy's chopper, after almost missing; now spending an awfully long time staring at the far away ground below for some reason, he finally decided it wasn't a good idea and lifted his smelly ass on board. The arrogant commander, who only had to project himself wherever he wanted; was already there still smiling. PM, who might have soaked his underwear just a second ago, didn't particularly feel like winning this staring contest thus walked to the front of the helicopter. Also because it wasn't really the time to stupidly stare at the cockpit wall while enemy soldiers were around...
Since he couldn't get his revenge on his dead brother he again unloaded his pint up emotions on the poor pilots and even tossed one out. Poor dude never saw it coming; on the other hand he had plenty of time to see that the contact with the ground was imminent. And shat his pants; but that was the least of his worry.
The engine started to drop so Pointman rushed towards the controls. Fettel thought that the anxiety felt by his brother, who was going through another near-death experience, was a good time as any to get on his nerves. After all, he wasn't the one who was going to die if this thing were to crash.
«I hope you remember your flight training, brother. Because piloting a fake helicopter in a shitty game when you were twelve has got to count; hopefully for you. »
When he did bring back the chopper to a normal position, he glared at the prick who kept teasing him. «I never doubted you for a second, but you did; what was it you thought just a second ago? "Holy sausage, I hope no one ever discovers the hot-dog porn I've stored in my computer." ? »
Pointman only glared, the subject though was disturbing so Paxton summoned the betrayal he felt instead. «So, how did it feel to shoot your own goddamn brother? Can't say I enjoyed it very much, being on the receiving end would you ever benefit from that? Now I'm stuck with this scar on my forehead that only looks like I grew another asshole. »
PM might have smiled from that, if only he wasn't so retarded, so he kept glaring. «But of course you'd know all about assholes, don't you. »
And since his sibling was stuck in the sky with him, Paxton greatly relished in it. «You didn't even bother to question your orders did you? You just did as you were told. If Jin told you to shove a hot-dog in your ass you'd do it I suppose? Wait, of course you would, bad example.»
Talks about hot-dogs must have gotten the co-pilot in the adjacent seat hungry since he regained consciousness, however before he could even say a word Pointman hit him in the face, ten times; there. Seeing that Paxton was sitting on the console, his ass must have triggered the wrong buttons given that problems started to occur, bearded tried to regain control but a crash would really happen this time.
It didn't prevent Paxton from serenely admiring his nails as if he'd never seen fingers before though.
The chopper had crashed in a convenience store and it must have been one hell of a collision too because it fucked the whole store up, bad. The kind that makes you wonder if you're in Deranged Land, but still it was a nice touch from the unexciting ordinary. When Pointman woke up he found Fettel crouched and staring at him, with the very definition of being displeased deforming his mouth adding to a vein pulsing at his temple. «No, please, don't get up; I've only been waiting here seven hours for you to finally come to…. I even fetched one of those candles and poured burning wax on your face in the hopes that it would prove sufficient. »
Pointman looked at his face in one of the glass doors, the word 'ass' had been expertly written on his forehead which he angrily removed and ran off. Fortunately for him his dear brother was following him close else bearded-man might have died. PM was too busy staring at the corpses hung from the ceilings to notice freaks with knives running his way; like 200 of them and exceptionally determined to get themselves killed. While staring at the dead bodies up there himself, Fettel just leveled his right arm and exploded the attacker's heads swiftly in a series of gruesome hits worthy of a nice show. Now soaked with many substances, Pointman glared at him; mainly because that is just his face anyway, but Paxton just offered him a smug grin still. Damn PM wanted to obliterate his face but it wasn't an option so he just shot at the cadavers instead. One leg got severed and spun in the air before hitting the floor at the end of the room. We can never get enough of that. Fettel just kept his eyes locked unto him as his fuming brother exited the Room of Cold Trophies.
The second prototype approached some doodle on the wall, birthday cakes and happy bears all drawn with colorful pastels; highly disturbing.
«These aren't just the scribbles of mad men…. they're severely highly fucked up alright. »
Paxton's eyes then moved to his right and saw further drawing, this time painted with blood which was more to his liking. For him, it all portrayed his own mother showing her powers and farther ahead pictured him being as great, like some prophecy being foretold. For Pointman however they were just dumb red marks on walls, can't all have the view of an artist… so he just kept tampering with the crazy adolescent he held at arm's length, until the fanatic sniffled and spat his gooey gift in the soldier's face.
Paxton saw that and smiled, «Although having disturbing tastes, I must say I admire them for their—»
The teen then unzipped his pants and pied on PM who shot him in the face several times.
«….Forget what I just said, that went too far. »
What they found out later in the houses was much worse, considerable amount of trash tossed in corners, corpses, candles and bears absolutely everywhere and graffiti drawn on every surface. It looked as if some kid had taken huge dosage of inappropriate drugs and did a pajama party unsupervised since they had murdered their parents prior then dipped their limbs in that warm blood in order to draw useless shit all over the walls and floors, followed by eating everything they could find in the fridge and once they ran out of supplies the mad fucks started to eat each other until the last survivor drew some pentagrams on the floor then placed himself in its middle and committed suicide offering himself to some non existing fucked up deity.
Even Fettel found it was disturbing and voiced his concern to get out as soon as possible, teddy bears acting all cute and soft made him sick to his stomach; personally he would have set fire to the lot of them and stood there watching as they melted but time was short so they moved on quickly.
They decimated some more armed forces and bipedal units; enjoying the party though obviously for different reasons. Pointman because he wanted to save Jin and his own ass, and Fettel because he was just simply enjoying the bloodbath while laughing low like a psycho. When every single enemy had died, they realized that a pair of severed legs was stuck in a wall boots first, cut right under the knees and revolving on themselves vertically. They both stood facing the limbs and stared as the legs kept moving endlessly; it was perhaps the only brotherly time they shared together. It was when Pointman realized it made him hungry that he glared at Fettel.
«Spare me that angry look of yours that wouldn't even make me wet myself even if I was seven years old. I'm not the one instigating such hunger in you, plus I wouldn't feed on them as for there would be no data collectible from these. Besides I don't need the information to realize that they belong to that guy over there. »
Sobs are heard as they both turns to a lone soldier who's still alive, holding his stumps with bloodied hands. He balances back and forth in the most distressed manner possible for someone who has such bad luck and is losing all of his hemoglobin fast. Pointman glared back at Paxton, who took and indignant expression, «What? You thought I was eating those morons because I like the taste rather than for the data they provide? » They stared, «…You're half right, some of them did taste delicious, but only with the appropriate sauce though. »
The soldier whined louder and started shaking; the tight cold grip of Death upon him, the two men simply stared again. ATC tried a vain attempt at grabbing a gun that lay nearby, Fettel clicked his tongue nonchalantly, then the dying man lunged himself on his torso trying to drag what was left of him to it. It was a poignant scene indeed, but clearly not enough for either observer to act.
The man moaned before shouting to the sky with a high pitched voice «WHY!? Oh god why!? », convulsing towards his sole mean of deliverance from the cruel incessant torture of pain. He eventually got close enough that his fingers touched the barrel, his eyes lit up with the sweet promise of release… when the gun got swiftly tossed aside by an invisible force. The crushed look on the soldier's face then was indescribable, after the shock he then started crying agonizingly loud. Paxton lowered his hand and glanced his brother's way, which finally exhaled harshly and shot the soldier in the head.
A low laughter rumbled from Fettel's throat, «Aren't you merciful… took you long enough; were you getting a hard on or something? Want me to leave you two alone for a couple of minutes, or seconds in your case…? » Pointman kept his eyes locked unto Paxton as he pulled the trigger a couple of times which made the now-dead soldier jolt under the consecutive blows. The commander crossed arms before simply lowering his chin a bit, smirking. Goddamn Pointman hated when he did that and so he abruptly stopped shooting and left with heavy steps. In his back, Fettel's lips returned to a flat line adding to murderous eyes.
Just some brotherly conflict, is all, normalcy really. Mother would be proud…. if only she wasn't worthlessly busy producing earthquakes exceedingly overqualified for the Richter's scale and imploding everyone's eardrums.
We are introduced to this new scene by the camera showing the sky revolving in circle. Actually it was just Pointman who felt like taking a ride on the marry-go round while gazing at the sky, when he straightened we saw Fettel with arms across his chest and staring disapprovingly. Pointman groaned and got up under the derisive eyes of his brother who wondered if being mute was his only problem.
«Although I'm positive what I'm about to say will fly right over your head; when I was a kid mother reached out to me, we joined minds. She would always win at tic-tac-toe. I'm certain her thoughts now reached them fanatics as well, unfortunately they aren't much use since all they do is pray to teddy bears and set things on fire because they can't handle candles properly, but…..»
A drop of saliva had started to form at the retarded sibling's mouth; Fettel cleared his throat and looked elsewhere as if he was now trying to dig craters in the ground with his eyes. Then Paxton's shoulders tensed before making allusion to something that PM didn't understand, like usual anyway, «Oh no not her again, how come she hasn't got herself killed yet? »
Pointman frowned right before he received a call from Jin. «Where are you? ArmaScam twits are swarming in here, you've got to rescue me else they'll catch me, if, you don't rescue me; I guess…. So stop whatever you're doing and come to me. Use the sewers, of course you could easily use the streets but I just randomly thought right now that sewers are actually great. »
Clearly wanting to save the useless woman, PM went to look at a map of the area at his left, which made Paxton frown and stare, «...What are you doing? »
Bearded glared at psycho severely as if it was the most obvious shit in the world.
«What do you possibly hope to get from analyzing a child's drawing of a deformed bunny? »
The soldier looked back at the poorly sketched animal, then at Fettel whose eyes just wouldn't blink; then PM left, undignified.
Author Note: usually I finish a parody/story fully before uploading it but I don't think I'll ever finish this one. At best I might get new ideas to add here and there as time passes, just as new jokes pops in sometimes from parodies I've finished; that means I'm always more or less adding new stuff whenever they come to mind. Might also be the case of this parody here. Time will tell. Hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.