Title: In Death, Release

Author: PyroChilde

Summary: Two years ago, Buffy lost everything. What will happen when the only thing she has left to live for is suddenly taken from her? Song-fic.

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine, the lyrics aren't mine, but I still like to play.

In Death, Release

By: PyroChilde

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK

There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

Two years ago, Buffy lost everything. When the hellmouth collapsed, it took the man she loved with it. Her home was left buried under the rubble along with all her possessions. Her mother's grave was lost to her forever. From the moment she had looked out over the crater, it seemed, she had been struggling to put the pieces of her shattered world back together.

The scoobies had moved on with their lives. Giles had gone back to England to reform the Council of Watchers and while he was there, he'd hooked back up with Olivia. The man that had been like a father to her for so many years had his own family now. He and Olivia had a one year old little girl named Corrie. Xander had been broken up over Anya's death, but even he had moved on. He was living Tampa with his girlfriend of six months. Willow and Kennedy were still going strong, as were Robin and Faith. Dawn was in college and everything was going great for the youngest in the group. Buffy on the other hand was left in a downward spiral that she just couldn't break out of.

There had been so many times over the past two years when she just wanted to end it all. She longed to be released from her torturous existence, but every time she came close, she would think about her sister. Dawn had lost just as much as the slayer, and Buffy wasn't going to intentionally take away the only family the girl had left. That was why, when the call came, it shattered the last shreds of her will to live.

Dawn was on her way home for the weekend with her boyfriend Jared. They were driving along the highway when a drunk driver veered into their lane and when they tried to swerve to avoid a collision, they were sent spinning out of control. Jared was thrown from the vehicle and died instantly of a broken neck. Dawn was trapped in the car as it went careening though the guard rail to roll several times down an embankment. She bled to death, pinned underneath the wreck alone and in pain. Buffy could barely wrap her mind around the idea of it.

I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Her sister had fought atop the mouth of hell and survived. She had been sought after by a hell god and come out of it alive. Memories of how brave her little sister had been in those fights brought tears to the slayer's eyes. How could someone so strong, so vibrant and full of life, end up dead because of something as ordinary and pointless as a drunk driver? Buffy had learned to deal with losing people in battle. With the way her life worked, you had to expect to lose loved ones and you had to be able to keeping going through the grief.

When Angel went bad, she had to put her emotions aside and kill her lover to save the world. When her mother died, she had to harden her heart against the pain to deal with Glory. When she was ripped out of Heaven, she had to move forward, despite the numbing cold that had taken up residence in her heart. As the young woman lost more and more people, she barely managed to deal with it, but the fact that there was some reason in most cases allowed her to get through it. There was no reason for her sister to be dead and buried. There was no reason she should be shacked up in a dingy hotel room crying her eyes out after watching her baby sister's coffin lowered into the cold, unforgiving earth.

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here


Buffy sat on the bed, the only picture she had left from her life before everything went to hell. It was a Polaroid taken at the party that didn't want to end. It was the one item that Buffy had cherished since the collapse of Sunnydale. Closing her eyes tightly, the she looked up to the heavens and whispered a barely audible 'thank you' to Tara for taking the picture. It was a picture of her, Dawn, Spike, and Clem playing poker in her living room. She'd been more than a little tipsy, otherwise there was no way she would have allowed Dawn to be gambling with them or that she would have allowed her friends to see the easy interaction between herself and Spike. Dawn had a huge smile on her face and her vampire's eyes were shining with mirth. Clem was grinning broadly and her tears running down her face from laughing so hard. Buffy couldn't remember what Spike had said to set them all off, she alcohol muddled brain working wonders on making her forget most of the night.

Looking at the picture brought back a flood of memories and brought the tears even faster. Her friends had their own lives now. Her sister was dead and buried. Her house wasn't a home. That had been destroyed along with the rest of Sunnydale. The one man that she had loved, she lost before she ever had the chance to have a real relationship. There was nothing left for the devastated blonde. Turning a black, jeweled athame over in her hand, she got up and walked into the dirty bathroom. She didn't want to stain the carpets; the place had enough working against it as it was.

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

The bathtub was across from the sink so that she could see herself in the mirror from her position on the edge of the tub. She took the little snapshot and carefully secured it to the mirror so that she wouldn't ruin it. That was one moment, forever frozen in time that she had been happy. She took her seat on the cold porcelain ledge and held the ceremonial blade up so that the harsh florescent light caught it in just the right way. A ghost of a smile crossed her face as she thought about the relief of not having to endure the pain any longer. She would finally be free, she could go home.

Buffy leaned back against the wall, one bare foot on the icy title floor while the other was on the tub ledge, knee pulled up to her chest. Buffy held her right wrist over the bathtub and laid the blade against her skin. Instead of slicing her wrist parallel to the palm of her hand as most people mistakenly did when attempting suicide, Buffy pressed down with enough pressure to send the tip of the blade a good inch into her wrist. Then, with one quick motion she sliced along the length of her arm, making a five inch gash that immediately began to gush blood. The slayer never even winced as she inflicted the wound.

It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

With the severity of the injury, the blood loss took its toll rather quickly. The slayer's heart struggled to pump blood through her damaged body. A crimson river ran towards the drain of the bathtub and the precious life blood swirled down and away to be lost forever. Her breathing became more and more shallow and black spots danced before her eyes before she closed them for the last time.

Her heart gave a last effort, then beat for the last time. No more breath filled her lungs. As the blood continued to drain from her lifeless form, her soul soared far away from that dreadful place. There would be no more dingy hotel rooms. There would be no more fighting, no more mission, not more pain. In the room next to hers, a happy couple laughed and went about their afternoon, but Buffy was not there to hear it. She would never again feel her heart wrench at seeing those around her enjoying what she had lost. She wouldn't be alone ever again.

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

There was nothing but warmth and peace as the Powers That Be's chosen champion surrendered at last. Opening her eyes in a new place, Buffy's eyes filled with tears of joy. Her family was waiting for her as she knew they would be. Her vampire opened his arms and the tiny blonde found herself wrapped up in his embrace for the first time in far too long. She was home, and finally, Buffy could rest.

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

The End

Author's Note: The song is Angel by Sarah McLachlan. Please read and review, I'd love to know what you think!