There have been so many moments that I knew Santana loved me. That she cared about me they way she never had cared about anyone else before. I have a thing for those moments. It's like I can have them replay in my head whenever I get sad or angry. There's a list in my mind. The order they play in. From the first moment to the moments still happening today. These moments make everything better.
The first time I really knew was during Landslide. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I was studying her like a book, searching for all the answers. She never talked about feelings and I hated that, but in this moment she was finally willing to and I couldn't miss anything. I didn't understand why in this moment she was making me feel like…whatever feeling this was. Now I know what that feeling is. It was love of course. I just didn't know then, because I was with Artie. I thought I loved him. I didn't understand why she was making my heart melt. I noticed everything during that performance. I was never really the observant type, but in that moment I was. There was fear in her eyes. I never understood what she was so afraid of until she told me a few days later about "the talks" and "the looks". She looked so vulnerable and I think it scared her that the whole glee club was there too. I also noticed the tears forming in her eyes. It's like they had wanted to for so long, but she must have trapped them inside refusing to let them escape until now. I noticed how she couldn't look at me for too long until having to look away. I noticed the way she sang so beautifully…so truthfully, like for once her walls were down. Not completely, just slightly down. She looked like she had just finished fighting a war. She looked so relieved, like she had escaped from herself. She finally let her heart take control of herself, instead of her fearful mind. That, was moment number one.