Disclaimer: I don't own Evangelion, Gainax, and your life, Anno. Also, you should've stop trying to make Gendo as magnificent bastard as possible. I already cringed at the whole stupidity displayed by the whole cast in 3.33/Q just to make him looks so smart in comparison.
This fanfiction's inspired by The Happy Red Planet by Literary Eagle. Only change the sweet ingredient with testosterone and explosions.
Also, if you want to know some things about what will i do in this fic, and how many will be changed, some of these points will outline the main changes:
1. Rei will become the most badass fighter in the fic. I just read that Anno thought that she's extremely popular in Japan because she's very submissive. Well, what will happen if i did the otherwise? That she's on par with Rambo, John Matrix and the others in term of badassness?
2. Gendo and SEELE will become laughably crazy. Both of them were projecting Anno a bit, and behind their majestic bastardness aura...they're actually much more pathetic than Shinji and Asuka combined. They want to make the Third Impact because...Keel is sick? Gendo loves Yui too much? Pathetic reasons to cause the end of humanity. Simply pathetic. So i made it that if something completely unpredictable happened on the scenario, they will go out of their mind. Which way? I don't know.
3. Biblical God and Angels will be more relaxed than their real counterpart as well as less...divine. If you ask why i did this, first, i'm a religious man, so i didn't do it out of spite. I just thought "What if human's emotion also found in God and Angels?". In Bible and Qur'an, Angels don't have complete free will, and God's a very kind being that also capable and will bring a very harsh punishment for the man that disobeyed him for too long after given so many chance to repent, or did a mistake that he didn't repent for it. In short, he's an embodiment of Black and White morality, only he will give lots of patience for humans to fix their morality problems. Here, i just made them more human and not giving harsh punishments in comparison, but still just as strong. So strong, that they cannot interfere with the world directly. There. No chance for Mary Sue to appear.
4. There will be two kind of cut in this fic. First, is the normal cut. The ingredients are 10% crack, 40% actions, 30% drama, and 20% comedy. Second, is the Literal Divine Comedy version. Just add 75% of more cracks and there you go. What's the difference? Well, let's just say that in the divine comedy version, the whole thing's caused by Lucifer and Michael had a race of the seed of life to the solar system...So, if you don't want any super zanyness, then the normal cut is for you. The zany chapter titles will have "plus 05" in the description.
5. Godzilla will appear in this fic. No. I don't know when.
So...there you go. You can go back now, Fourth Wall.
Pyuh. That's better. Thanks, man.
No problem, fourth.
Oh , yeah. Here's some handcuffs for your hand *click* it will give us more time to prepare for your awful fanfiction.
You're a funny guy, fourth wall. I like you. *Crack* That's why I'm gonna kill you last…
" Well, at least explains to me the whole ordeal!"
"Okay, fine. I'll summon Gabriel to explain the whole thing to you. But i warned you, that this's not going to be a pleasant experience at all. But if you insist, then i'll give it to you." God then moved his arm, created a metatron to materialize the Archangel Gabriel, God's personal messenger to Kaji.
"Kaji. I'm Gabriel. Now, you'll learn the truth about the real events behind Second and Third Impact. Please, prepare yourself." Said Gabriel.
Ryoji Kaji. 24 years old. A parental figure for Asuka. An archeologist.
He also the only man with the knowledge about the time loop problem in the world.
The third impact wasn't supposed to happen. And he needs to stop it now. Now, God has pointed him as the new Messiah for the world, and he's going to explain it now.
Of course, he needed some explanations. Some things are just plain not made sense after all. Why did he also became a prophet in the previous loops only to barely changed anything? Why did God and Angels couldn't fix it by themselves? Why did they only gave him invisibility and seed of wisdom and seed of truth when they could've done much more? Why he somehow had memories regarding Godzilla? All of it didn't make sense!
And after he finished his train of thought, the bonding began.
Kaji was awed by the majestic being, the archangel Gabriel himself. The sight of Gabriel alone is more than enough to make him shiver right to the bone. It was majestic. It was beautiful.
It was frightening. It was inhuman. It was going to tear apart his soul. Now, he's understand for why the heaven itself couldn't help humanity directly: They're too powerful for this sinful earth.
His body can only barely held the sensation. His mind's about to lose itself to the out worldly sensation.
I...I can't do it. It's too out worldly to be handled by human being. Please, stop this. Gabriel, I can't do it. I'm weak. I'm too weak. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry, my lord. I'm sorry Misato. I'm sorry Asuka I'm sorry…
Shinji?
Suddenly, Kaji saw the vision of Shinji's suffering. From the beginning of his life to the death of Asuka, and then his transcend into madness as he and EVA-01 become one with Lilith. It was horrifying. It was more traumatizing than anything he ever experienced. And then, Kaji was reminded about the fact that he's the chosen one, and he's the one that will stop all those suffering.
No. I can. I must do it. I must do it for everyone. For Misato. For Ritsuko. For Rei. For Asuka. For Shinji…
Fine. Take me to your place, Gabriel.
TRIIIIIIIIIING
After he conditioned himself to receive any prophecy that's about to be printed on his mind by Gabriel, Kaji found that the majestic feeling from Gabriel has been turned into peaceful aura, and his fear is turned into soothing breeze.
"Good work, Kaji. You managed to become one with my physical being. Don't worry. Your next experience with me and other angels will be much easier than this. Now, are you ready, Kaji?"
"Yes. I'm ready."
"In the year of 2001, after the second impact, Lucifer, or now known as Satan, decided that it's the perfect time to wage the war against heaven. World just lost their hope. It was the time when angels and God were at their weakest by the loss of hope from humanity. God got so weak that he can barely do anything to stop them."
"So that's why God's earlier help is so useless-woah!"
The scenery, which were blank aside from Gabriel and Kaji, now changed into the scenery of the war between hell and heaven.
"Yes, Kaji. Your previous experience as the chosen prophet, were nothing but desperate attempt from the weak, blinded god. And then, the war against the heaven, began. It was a vicious war. None were taken as a prisoner. None that got injured were spared from death. The order from both side was ruthless, but clear: Kill, or be killed."
"The battle could be called as stalemate. Neither side were stronger or weaker than the other. But Hell has a secret weapon that will helped them. They just need to wait."
"The dead sea scrolls." Kaji mumbled.
"Correct, Kaji. The premonition from the dead sea scrolls, which told about the arrival of the angels, are actually prophecies for the release of the fifteen fallen angels, cursed away from their angelic form for the grave sins that they committed. As Lucifer released them, they begun to attack the earth, just like what the premonition said. Slowly, the scarcest form of hope that still exist from the earth…gone, replaced by despair, empowered hell while weakened heaven on the same time."
"The heaven began to lose under pressure and lacks of faith, losing in the war, over and over again. At the end, it was only Gabriel, me, that's left to fight the rest of the hell's force. I managed to killed lots of them, but in the end, they're too much for me." Said Gabriel, as a scene where Lucifer stabbed his heart played. Lucifer's sadistic look when he twisted the blade didn't help to make the look of the situation better at all.
"The victory, however, was still not on their hand, as Michael, the commander of all Angels, was still not there, punished for his lacks of proper judgment toward one angel: Tabris."
"Tabris? You mean, Kaworu? "
"Yes. Kaworu. He was wrongly accused by Michael as a traitor of heaven in an attempt to usurp the throne, punished to spend eternity in human form, together with the other fallen angels. God, who later found the real traitor, punished Michael for his impatience and lacks of proper judgment by locked him into Purgatory, the first ring of hell, stripped off his power until Tabris forgiven him. But the experience from the coldness of Michael, the strongest angel in heaven, has left Tabris incapable of feeling love toward living souls, making him unable to forgive Michael from his mistake, since he didn't understand why he hated him to begin with. Until Shinji came to his life."
"Shinji? You mean, Shinji indirectly saved Michael? "
"Yes. Shinji reminded Tabris, or Kaworu about how it is to not only capable of loving natural beauty and human's culture, but also how to love an individual. He finally realized that the reason for why he loves humanity is not because of their culture, but because he loves everything about them. When he sacrificed himself to save humanity, Tabris wasn't just forgave Shinji. He also forgave Michael from his mistake before."
Kaji's now mesmerized by Gabriel's tale. It was an epic story. It was a tragic one, too, to see God, the creator of everything, powerless to stop all the chaos that his creation created. It was also beautifully presented by the power of Gabriel. Hell's gonna break loose once he knew that it was all a big lie.
"As soon as the hell army went to search for Michael in the Purgatory, Michael gave everything he can to pay for his mistake before, killing as much as he can. At the end of the battle, Michael already lost all of his wing, losing one of his arm, and bled out profusely. But he only needs to kill one more man to stop all of this. It was his arch enemy."
"Lucifer."
"Yes. Lucifer."
"Lucifer and Michael now stand one against one. It was only between both of them, the strongest from respective side, sworn enemies since Michael kicked out Lucifer from heaven. For the glory of light and hope, or for the glory of darkness and despair, that they stand for. Then, they began to run, lunging against each other. It's now or never. Just before they managed to strike their opponent… time stopped. The instrumentality, has just begun."
"My god! Third Impact isn't just caused the instrumentality. It's also the judgment day for everyone."
"No, Kaji. It was worse. With instrumentality, there's no absolution. There's no absolver. There's no one that can be absolved. There's no judgment. There's no judge. There's no one that can be judged. There's no god. Time, outside of LCL, become a moot point."
"…How?"
"With humanity gone, and a new godlike being born, there's no use for the angel. And there's no use for the old god, for that there's no more of his servant, no more of his follower, no more of his creation. They were going to be left just like that, frozen for eternity. Angels were extinct. God, was dead. The only thing that deserves to live now, is the aimless LCL that served to disillusion the whole humanity. Until…"
"Shinji rejected the instrumentality."
"Yes. Shinji rejected the instrumentality, the third impact. With Shinji rejected the instrumentality, hope that was banished entirely, now exists again. The dead God, returned back to live. But he saw that Shinji's still suffering after instrumentality. His heart, was still broken. Everyone who chose to be revived, now wandering aimlessly all over the world, didn't know what to do, and slowly going insane. And then, not wanting humanity to be left in such cruel condition, with the only power that left in his body, God sacrificed himself, rewind time into the date when Second Impact was just happened, and the memory of the pointless war, is now left intact into the mind of Michael and Lucifer, and his order to make you the prophet, was given to me. But unfortunately, God, our lord, was still too weak. It took fifty loops before both Lucifer and Michael fully realized the meaning behind their scattered memory from the previous loop. And as the god now sacrificed himself, and frozen in time, no one really know what's actually going on at that time. All they know, is God's dead, and someone's responsible for it."
"Did something ever changed because of it?"
"Perhaps. But we never know. But the events in order, somehow stayed the same. Perhaps because we're foolish. Perhaps because we're refused to change."
"And after they realized the meaning behind it…"
"Lucifer called for a truce, joining force to support God, concentrated himself and fellow angels to give him the power that was needed to do more than before. And now, you're here, Ryoji Kaji. You'll going to help the humanity to survive from this situation. You're the salvation for this world. You're the new hope for this world. And you must succeed, at all cost."
Now, Kaji wasn't just ready to stop the destruction of the world. He's determined to do it. Gabriel's words, and the events that he just showed, just gave him the performance boost that was needed.
"So…you're departing, now?"
"Yes. But our lord is still need to speak with you."
"Ah, I see. Thanks for the explanation. Gabriel."
"Anytime, Kaji. Anytime."
"Ah, wait!"
"What is it?" Said Gabriel, just before all of his body vanished.
"If you were the one who revived me, then why don't you summoned me on Tokyo-3 or anywhere else?"
"Um, because, I, uh…weak! Yes, the darkness and injuries must be took a toll on me at that time."
"Ah, I see. Still, I want to know about the whole Godzilla thing. Who summoned him on Geofront and all? I want to thank him a lot for it. Now I'm sure about it, I want to say that the sight of Gendo rubbing Godzilla's…manure to EVA 01 to get a part of the S2 organ is very amusing. If Asuka was here and remembered about it, she'd laugh, too. So, can you tell me about it?"
Gabriel suddenly leaved Kaji, and soon, the voice of the god, returned. At that time, Kaji's still wondering at the sudden loss of Gabriel's grace.
"Kaji. There's a gift from Lucifer."
"A gift? From Lucifer?"
"Yes. Something that will help you on your way. Let's take a look at it. Don't worry. I think we can trust him…for now. Huh...but he still wants to get more power. I guess some don't want to change, after all."
"Huh. He still wanted to take over heaven, right?"
"Yes, he does. When we talk about this thing, he said that he actually learned something else. He said that he now will take it over without, and he now knows how to do it."
"The gift."
"Yes. I don't know what he wants, or what he wants to offer, so…so, embrace yourself."
"Can't you do your omnipotence thing for a while?"
"Can't. I already promised to him that it will be private."
"Huh…You're so obedience, God."
"I'm just keeping my promise."
"Fine."
" You're going to meet the lord of darkness himself now, Kaji. Prepare yourself.
Kaji's now on his way to meet Lucifer. The experience's the same as before, only now he's more prepared as well as had experienced the whole thing.
Only it was much more…dark. As expected from the ruler of hell, after all.
"Welcome…human."
Human. Not calling by name. Heh. This kind of hospitality has been expected from something like Prince of Darkness himself.
"So, you're the devil himself."
"Yes. And I have several gift…and an offer for you, mortal."
"Let me guess. The offer is something that will give me something, in exchange for a change of power in heaven, right?"
"That is correct."
"Would you be upset, if I told the lord himself about it, so he can do something about you, hmm? Because I don't have any intention to turn my back against Him. Not after what he showed and told me about it."
"I don't think so, mortal. Hehe. We, God and I, already made a deal after all. And why do you think that by having a good faith to God himself will make you rejected my offer immediately? I know an offer that you cannot refuse."
"An offer that I can't refuse?"
"Indeed. But um... let's talk about your gifts, first. I don't want to start our conversation with a distrust, after all, mortal."
A gift. Maybe a two or three. But what is it?
"Embrace yourself."
The scenery, which was nothingness at first, is now changed into a scene where Rei and Shinji has a nice philosophy talk in a train.
Of course, by Evangelion standard, nice philosophy is something that will be far from nice in normal reality. In short, that talk is depressing… and confusing.
Shinji? Rei?
"Why don't you try to understand him?"
"I SAID I DID!" Scream Shinji, clutched his hands to the side of his head in a futile attempt to stop himself from hearing Rei's scratching words.
"So, you're running away from the truth, from the unpleasantness?"
"Why not? What's wrong with running away from the unpleasantness? What's wrong with running away from the truth if it SUCKS?!"
Kaji, standing between both of them. He tried to speak with them, but his attempts were futile. After he took a glance at the window, he realized that there's no reflection from him. Needless to say, he was, well…confused.
"This is Shinji's mind. You're not supposed to be here."
Who…who's there?
"It hurts…it really hurts…"
Kaji changed his focus into Shinji. His arms were covered by fungus-like which resemble Rei's face. He then turned his head back into where Rei was. Now, she was covered with veins.
"Ryoji Kaji…you're not supposed to be here."
SHOW YOURSELF!
"Ka…kaji?"
He can see me now? But how-
Kaji then glanced at the window. There was his reflection.
There was Rei. Standing up against him.
"You're not supposed to be here, Mr. Kaji."
The voice. It came from the right side of me.
Gendo Ikari?
"Kaji…"
That voice. It came from the left side of me.
…Misato?
"You're not supposed to be here."
"You're not supposed to be here. This is Shinji's mind."
"Kaji…"
"Kaji, is that you?"
Four sentences. Played all over him like two pairs of stereo. The veins from Rei's body spread out and confused him. The fungus from Shinji's body also spread out, filled him with guilt. The words from the four individuals slowly filled the remaining emptiness on him, filled him with…
The will to find the truth? Why do I want to find the truth?
I want the truth.
"SHOW ME THE TRUTH!"
He felt that he just poked something. And the object that he poked, suddenly got stabbed. Violently. He can feel the blood, now stained him.
…Blood?
Kaji's right hand held a spear now. It went through Gendo's head.
…What?
He decided to take a glance at Shinji again. He decided to lock his head on his new position.
Shinji's face is now filled with smile. A demented smile. The fungus's faces are now a mixed of Misato's and Rei's faces.
"Kaji. I need you. We need you!"
Someone tapped him from behind. It was kid Asuka. Helding her doll. She was stuttering to get the words came out of her mouth. But at the end, she was no longer hesitated.
"I need you too!"
Kaji just returned back into his conversation with Satan. Nothing creepy happened to him again. Well, he's still in a train. Just without the previous figures talking about philosophies and other stuffs that creped him out of his mind.
"So…"
"I'll guess that you want to ask what the meaning of all of this, right is?"
"…..Yes."
"Well, to start first, let's ignore all those symbolism bullshit for now and cut it right to the point." Said Lucifer. He knew that Michael will love it. Meanwhile, Kaji's face looks like he's annoyed that he just wasted some time. "Well…. It's all to get you more morally invested in the whole conflicts. To more implanted your mind. And in short, you were just baptized by the sins of those five."
"Baptized by the sins of those five?"
"Indeed. What I want to tell to you, is you need to do this due to your lack of faith before in your life. You're not the believer. You're one of the worshipper of the sun. And not even a good one at that."
"…Are you trying to mock me?"
"Yes." Kaji just tasted his own bluntness. It wasn't nice.
"So, the only way to improve your worthiness of being the prophet, is to awaken the memories of those who were important in your life. And about the power itself, well…it's your ability to turn invincible."
Invincibility.
"….That's all? You mindfucked me with nonsensical philosophy and surreal horror, all so I could turn invisible?"
"It appears that you have a rather low patience, mortal. I must say that I am disappointed with you."
Somehow, Kaji's amused that he was referred by the devil himself as acting like Asuka. He was glad that Asuka's on the trip with her class so she wouldn't need to witness himself nearly torn apart by Gabriel's raw power and forced to saw the devil himself. She would be far more traumatized than she already was with this. Yeah. Somehow, the devil's spat made his heart felt an easiness.
"First of all, your invisibility is more than just turned yourself invisible. Take a look at your right hand."
Kaji did what Satan ordered.
Kaji gasped. His right hand's now held the Spear of Longinus.
"Spear of Longinus? I can summon a miniature of the Spear of Longinus"
"Well, actually, this's just one way to show your power, but basically, you can make an object disappears from everyone else's eyes but yours. Simply put, your own hand's now also functioned as your personal pocket dimension. This pocket dimension can store up to five medium sized weapons, such as sword, assault rifle, and yeah, even rocket launcher."
An invisibility power, and a personal pocket dimension. Hmm. Those ladies will be up to something…good with me. Maybe a surprise dinner, with 'magic' candles and caviar and all. Oh yeah, Misato's going to like it…
"Um…Kaji, I'm still here, and I don't approve the usage of God's gift for mundane utilities."
Kaji got startled. Did he just called me by name out of sudden? Why's he concerned about the abuse of the gift itself? And he also sensed the lacks of…arrogance from him for a while.
"So, um, mortal…" Lucifer realized his acting's a little bit off that time, prompted him to return to his arrogant role. "We'll get into what's actually going on in that train. That, my mortal, is a personification of the psyche of the childrens."
"The psyche of the childrens?"
"Yes. All guilts, despairs, and rage subdued inside them….the train of thought functioned as a catalyst of their emotions. You've been linked with their memories before. Now, you also gained the experiences from their sorrows as well."
"I see. The train of thought's function is to give me another link into their psyche. Since I was not a believer, I can't get a direct approval from the God himself. I need to get my power by who I want to protect, and what I want to get."
"You're a quick learner, Mortal. Let's get into the second gift….before our unrefusable deal that is."
The deal. I forgot about it. Kaji sighed. He knew that the Prince of Darkness has thought about it for so long, and it's not going to be…pretty.
Lucifer then pulled three souls. Three very tormented souls. Their aura were very bleak. If there were flowers on the other side of the fence, they would've rotten away immediately. They're pleading for help. Pleading to be free.
To say that Kaji's frightened by the souls themselves should be an understatement. Despite being lesser creatures than the archangel and Lord of Darkness himself, these souls were harming his psyche more considerably than both of them. It's because the souls themselves were pure of 'everything that's not nice'. Evilness. Greed. Lusts. Hunger for taste of blood. Delusions. Pain. Restlessness.
But what's made them so harmful is because of the strong sense of attachment from them that's growing into him. While Gabriel and Lucifer's presence were very powerful, they never asked anything from him but compliance. These souls, however, want everything from him. They wanted to drag him to join them in death. They wanted to make him suffer as they did. They wanted him…to set them free?
Luckily, Lucifer decided to not being a dick and immediately shoved the souls back into the place where they were belong before.
"What…what happened to them?"
"I forced them to return to where they belong: Nothingness."
"Nothingness?"
"Yes. As you can feel, these people not only committed big sins while they were alive? They clinged themselves into this world too far, they wanted to make themselves into the god so they cannot die. The scariest part about it? They actually come close to become it. And when the truth strike, when the real God make his move…they didn't take it well. Their own presence could torn apart the other souls due to combination of their sins and the power they amassed in their life. They cannot belong to anywhere in afterlife but their own space of nothingness."
"But… I also sensed the will to become free. Why they cannot enter the hell or heaven if they realized what they wanted?"
"Deep down, they want to become free. But their shells are still the same. The shell of a fallen physical god. Their sins are too strong to be penetrated by their own will. The will to become god…is the ultimate path to destruction."
Kaji shuddered at the last sentence. Brrrr. Is this what will happen to Gendo and Keel once they died?
"So, what I want you to do, is to give them their final rest. You'll carry their souls into the world, by your pocket dimension, and then used them and sacrificed them in place of the other's body."
"Which one?" Kaji asked. It's a rhetorical question, of course.
"That's depend on you. You can… use one to cover your own death. You can use one to cover Tabris's death. Or you can use all of them to cover for Shinji or Rei or anyone else to avoid suspicions when you've abducted them for your purpose."
"I see. There's so much possibility." Kaji began to understood
"Which's including the current loop too. I advise you to avoid all thing that will make suspicions arise. That means you need to take a careful approach in all thing that will make the current loop…different. You can't really make a benefit of knowing the exact events that will happen if you changed some of it, can you?"
Indeed, said Kaji in his mind. He cannot mess the events in fear of all things will become too different and become out of control. But this means, until the safe point where he can make his move…everything that made Asuka, Shinji, Misato and the other suffers, will happen to them, too. He really needs to plan everything in advance.
I'm sorry, everyone. But it looks like you all have to wait to realize that you still have a bright future…
"All right. I know what I have to do. The first soul, will replace Toji Suzuhara in EVA-03's rampage. The second, will save mine in my assassination. And the third soul will replace Tabris's death."
"Already made your decision? You know that you can still analyzed the situation first."
"I think it's clear by now that they're very important to avoid….especially if we want to make it as if Gendo and SEELE's scenario are still played just like what they planned."
"I can see for Kaworu and you, but what do you see in Toji? He wasn't an important character, and he didn't even die in the fight."
"Yes, but he's one of those major factor that caused Shinji to snap slowly, right? And if he didn't die like Toji, we can use his soul for different purpose, too."
"Ah, you're right. Well, now it's all settled down, let's talk about the…offer."
Kaji's time is suddenly stopped. Literally. He now see a scene where the rejection of the third impact has different consequences.
The first scene has the consequences he knew already. Earth's left with two child and a lake of LCL. The second scene, however, had the earth recovered from the impact, and had the damages caused by Second Impact erased as well, such as the seasons. Now, autumn has finally arrived to Japan, after 15 years of being denied by the catastrophe.
"Wha…what is this?"
"It's an alternate reality, where several key differences has allowed a different ending for the after-effect of Third Impact. In the alternate reality, Ayanami has gained more power than she had in the original timeline, and had more affection with Shinji. When Shinji rejected the Third Impact, she's also capable of fixed the earth by healing dusts that generated from the body of fully grown Lilith."
"Is it ever happened?"
"No. But you can make it true."
"…Are you always talking in cryptic?"
"Well, mortal, it's always at my amusement to see a lost, confused soul. And regarding the actual meaning of the scene, what I offer to you, is a second chance. A second chance to fix everything that's wrong. But when you take my offer, you also agreed to the clause."
"What clause?"
"That I would take over the authority of the afterlife itself."
"…Satan, I don't know for why you never learn from your mistake."
"No. No,nono. Ryoji Kaji, you mistaken me. I learn. I do. What I learn, is that bloody vengeance made of the act of killing and maiming, is stupid and unnecessary. What I learn, is I need to take the power without any conflict, and I see that now, I have the best chance to do it."
"I won't do it." Said Kaji pride fully and straight to the point.
"Oh… do you? I see the determination from your eyes to keep your promise, but as I said, my offer is something that you cannot refuse. If we talk logically, then you at least would not rejected it, right? Think about it, human. You have a very difficult job to do, and once you did something different in the loop, you'll have to find out what will happen next by yourself. No one can predict it. No one."
Kaji couldn't do nothing but agreed to what Satan said. Indeed. No one know what fate had in their path.
"I'll wait, Kaji." Said Satan. "I'll wait for when it's inevitable for you."
With those words, Satan's now leaves Kaji on his own.
"So, Kaji…"
"Oh. It's you, God."
Indeed. The god, once again appear in front of Kaji. Kaji then explained the offer from Satan.
"Yes. I know that Lucifer had those trick in his hand."
"Then why are you let him away with that?"
"Because, Kaji…it's not wise to picking up enemies at the time like this. We need allies from anywhere…including former enemies."
"But God-"
"Lucifer also wouldn't do anything 'suspicious' from now on. He wouldn't try to make another fight, let alone war in this situation. It's all in your hand now, to determine his success from now."
"…It is wise, in case that I used his offer?"
"It's selfish, Kaji, but it's not unreasonable. After all, Shinji did something similar before he rejected Instrumentality, right?"
"….Yeah, right."
"Of course, you will be the first prophet to betray your own god."
"Hey!"
"Hahaha. I got you there, ain't I? But seriously, Kaji, I might not bore hatred for you if you chose to accept his offer, but it's still a grave sin. And the other angels and prophets wouldn't say the same thing to you."
"…Huh. Of course, God. It's going to be complicated in case I am forced to face such a predicament." Kaji said those statements while sighed, knowing that his responsibility's growing bigger and bigger. If only Misato knew about it, she may saw him as matured already…
"All I have to say, Kaji, is that you need to choose the path by yourself. It's not my authority to force it on you, and it's not Lucifer either."
"Heh. You talk to me as if I'm still a kid."
"I always considered humans and angels as if they are my own. Now, Kaji…it's time for me to go."
With that, God leave Kaji to have some words with himself.
Kaji just decided to throw away all his problem temporarily. Now, all he wants to do, is using his imagination for his newfound power.
Hmm…pocket dimension, and an invisibility. Perhaps I can surprise Misato and Asuka on their birthday and scared Misato once or twice in the dark. Phehe. But wait! I know that new woman who just become my next neighbor, two room before me. Man, she's hot. Perhaps I can set a romantic dinner, with candle, and some surprise, and then…some raunchy night. With cream and feathers and tongue depressors...Wooho!
At this time, God decided to become a dick. He overheard Kaji's thought, and then delivered a lightning bolt for his dirty thoughts.
"Aw…can a man have a simply privacy?"
" I leave you for a minute, and you already have so many dirty thoughts like these? What're those cream and feathers for, anyway?"
"To get everything on the line. So…fuck off, God."
That line was meant for nothing but crosses the line joke, but it seems that God took itself too…literally. Or he has a very small line, that Kaji crossed it 5 times instead. As Kaji woke up from his attempt to sleep from his…lightning problem, God began to make a storm. .Storm. So large, the sky had to rip itself to give some room for the thing.
"….I'm fucked up, aren't I?"
"YES YOU ARE!"
"Gendo Ikari! This's not in the scenario!"
Indeed. The sight of the sky ripping itself, with lightning all over the ripped hole…it must be Ramiel.
And SEELE is not amused at this new finding.
"We haven't even fight the third and fourth Angel, Ikari. What do you have for explanation for this?"
"I don't see it as something that will changed our scenario, gentleman."
"Don't try to make a fool of yourself, Gendo Ikari! We know when an angel attack, and the blue pattern showed us this fact!" Said SEELE-03
"Are you sure? Because as far as I concern, this so-called blue pattern will only fit into blue pattern of our previous definition. I'm sorry for haven't delivered it to you all yet. It's just barely made three hours ago or so."
"…Previous definition? Do you mean-"
"Yes. There's another extraterrestrial beings out there that's similar, but not the same with the Angel, which has been uncovered by the Dead Sea Scrolls."
" Then what the hell is it doing in our solar system?"
" I don't know myself, Keele. But it seems to be pissed. Just pray that it's not here to have a wrath with us…for our plan to become God."
Rei Ayanami just learn one bit about human emotion. She was still a very innocent young girl, and her innocence would be something that caused her demise later.
It was fear. Fear that the sky will eat her soul for her role in the instrumentality.
"I…i hope i can remember."
"TIIIIICKLE-TICKLE-TICKLE!"
" Ahoho! That tickle! Stop, God! AHAHAHAH! Stop!"
"All right, now we finished the navel part, I'm going to do the cleansing of your underarms…"
"No! STOP! I order you! Stop! Please! AHAHAHAHA!"
"Oh, you dirty fella, aren't you?"
And so, once again God showed his kindness. The punishment that is called the lightning bolt of mass destruction, has been changed into ticklish storm arrow. Indeed, punishment can come in many different ways…
fafafafa
It was one hell of a day for Ryoji Kaji.
First, he found out that the world is on a time loop problem, and currently on its fifty oneth loops. Second, he also found out that he has become the messiah of the world, and he needs to use all of his money that secretly given by God in for his own plan that made with the help of God and his servants. And third, he found out that not only God did has a sense of humor, but also a rather playful and…kinky fella.
With all these facts. He then began to think about how he will save everyone around him. It's not going to be easy, but so does every prophets before him.
" Misato…Asuka…Shinji…Rei…Everyone. This time, I'll make you all happy!"
" Remember Fourth Wall, when I said to kill you last?"
" That's right, buddy. You did!"
" I lied…"
" ULALAAAA!"
Now, the guy's gone, i can say something. Umm...
That's all folks!
What. It's not good enough?
Oh, well.
Allright. Once again, if you want suspense, then you shouldn't try to read the Divine Comedy version ( *+0.5) until the fanfic is finished. It will melt your brain due to it's ultra wackiness.