Disclaimer: I do not own SVU or its characters. They are the property of Dick Wolf.
Chapter 1 - Fair
His life was perfect.
It wasn't fair.
Winter had a merciless grip on Manhattan as Seth sat quietly, pondering fate's cruelty. The warmth emanating from his Styrofoam coffee cup seeped through the thin material of his gloves, causing his fingers to tingle pleasantly. He was reluctant to drink the coffee now, because the heat in his fingers was a welcome contrast to the rest of his body, which was bitter cold. The iron rails of the bench on which he sat were like icy fingers pressing stiffly into his back as the frigid wind seared his ears and numbed the tip of his nose. His worn winter jacket was a poor defense against Mother Nature, deflecting some of the harsh wind but still permitting glacial air to settle in his bones and make him shiver.
Pushing his wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of his nose and sniffling absently, Seth gazed out over the outdoor ice rink that sat ten feet away, inhabiting a corner of the block. In the early evening, the rink was a kaleidoscope of colors and patterns, formed by the eclectic array of coats and parkas that dotted the ice surface. The bundled up owners of the winter gear demonstrated varying degrees of prowess on the ice. Some whizzed effortlessly around the surface, their glistening blades leaving harsh gouges in their wake. Others moved tentatively, wobbling precariously in the sallow light cast by the giant iron streetlights standing guard on all four corners of the rink.
There was no shortage of things to watch, but Seth's gray eyes were focused intently on one particular couple. They skated smoothly across the ice, matching strides, not hurried like some, but not unsteady either. The man wore a puffy black winter jacket, its collar turned up to fend off the icy breeze, and a grey tuque, pulled down firmly over his ears. The woman was also in black, clad in a pea coat buttoned up tightly under her chin. A green knit scarf peeked out at her neck, a perfect complement to the green cap and mittens that protected her extremities. Her dark hair spilled out from underneath the rim of the cap and her cheeks were rosy with cold. The man and woman weren't touching as they skated, save for the occasional brush of their shoulders. As far as Seth could tell they didn't seem to be talking either, but their silence didn't appear awkward. Both looked content just . . . being.
It wasn't fair.
At one point the man lost his balance, flailed, and went tumbling hard to the ice. The woman, startled, made a futile move to grab him. The motion threw her off balance as well, but she managed to stay on her feet. Instinctively Seth leapt up, a protective streak of adrenaline flooding his bloodstream. Hot coffee sloshed all over the arm of his jacket but he barely noticed. He had taken two steps forward, closing the distance between himself and the rink, when he noticed the man laughing and felt relief wash over him. Slowly, Seth lowered himself back onto the bench, swiping absently at the splash of spilled coffee. When he returned his gaze to the rink, he saw the woman offer the man her hands, grinning down at him. He took her up on the offer, hauling himself to his feet with her support. They slipped a little on the slick surface, but the man steadied them both this time, wrapping his arms around her. They were laughing now, their expelled breath forming white clouds in the dark evening air, and Seth couldn't help but smile as well.
The other skaters slid past the couple, paying no attention, but Seth absorbed every move, committing the moment to memory. He felt his breath hitch as the woman reached up and kissed the man softly, as if they were all alone on the rink. As their eyes fluttered closed, Seth ran his index finger over his lips, closing his own eyes and trying his damndest to imagine what it must feel like. Seth had watched them kiss a million times, and was amazed at how they seemed to treat each time as if it were their first time. To be kissed with that kind of passion . . . .
It wasn't fair.
After a moment they separated, the woman stepping back with a smile and offering her green gloved hand to the man. He wrapped it carefully in his and they resumed skating, once again lapsing into silence. As they slid past the corner of the rink where Seth sat, patiently watching, the man glanced in his direction. Instantly Seth's heart started to pound excitedly and his mouth went dry. He knew deep down that the man wasn't seeing him, not really. It was more of an absent glance, a survey of the scenery, but it was still enough to make Seth feel giddy.
His idol. Mere feet away.
Such close proximity wasn't a rare occurrence by any means. Still, every time without fail, Seth felt his heart thump and his stomach bottom out with even the most fleeting look. If the man were to ever speak to him, Seth feared he would pass out and embarrass the hell out of himself.
As quick as the moment happened, it passed. The couple continued their lap around the rink and Seth blew out the breath he had been holding, taking a shaky sip from his cup. The coffee was starting to lose its battle with the cold, and he wondered how much longer they would be. He ached to get back to the stale warmth of his rented apartment.
Really, Seth should hate the man. He was the embodiment of every high school jock that had made Seth's life a living hell. He was good-looking, strong, fit, well-liked, intelligent, and confident - the complete opposite of what Seth had been then; hell, of what he was even now. The man had a respectable job, a gorgeous girlfriend, healthy kids, a nice apartment, a nice car, and loyal friends. Seth would kill for even half of that.
It wasn't fair.
The man's life truly was perfect. If it were anyone else but Elliot Stabler, Seth would have hated him.
But Seth simply couldn't hate Elliot Stabler.
Seth's mind snapped back to the present just in time to see the couple clamber off the rink, Elliot holding out his hand to steady Olivia as she stepped from the slippery ice to the sticky surface of the rubber mats surrounding the rink. Together they lumbered over to the wooden bench that quietly kept vigil beside the ice and began removing their skates.
Seth leaned over and tossed his near-empty coffee cup into the trash bin beside him before hunkering down into his coat. He watched them unobtrusively out of the corner of his eye as they stood up, Elliot slinging both pairs of skates over his shoulder. Hand in hand, they headed back toward the road. Seth's breathing accelerated as they strolled past him, no more than three feet away, talking quietly. He pretended to be focused on the activity on the rink, even waving at an imaginary person, but in reality all he was aware of was their closeness.
Once they disappeared around the corner of the block, Seth stood up, stretched, and followed behind them at a leisurely pace. There was no need to rush. He knew where they were going. Back to Elliot's perfect apartment. Where they would eat perfect food, watch his perfect big screen TV, and make perfect love. Perfect. Just perfect.
It wasn't fair.
Seth meandered slowly behind the couple, careful to cut down side streets and walk on the opposite side of the street on occasion. He dodged patches of ice as he walked, keeping his distance but not letting them out of his sight. He watched Olivia link her arm through Elliot's, leaning into him as they walked, as if trying to absorb his warmth. The gazes they exchanged were full of affection, and Seth felt a stab of envy.
Oh, to have someone look at him that way.
Seth disappeared silently into a nearby alley when the couple arrived at Elliot's apartment building. He shifted his weight from side to side to keep his blood flowing as he watched them enter through the glass doors at the front of the building. As the evening progressed, the temperature was dropping rapidly. He was itching for a cigarette. Just a puff, not even a whole one, but he didn't have any. He had given up smoking.
Elliot didn't smoke.
The street in front of Elliot's building was quiet – most of the city's residents were undoubtedly tucked inside their homes, hiding from the cold. After several minutes, lights went on in the corner apartment on the fifth floor and Seth saw movement behind the filmy curtains that covered the kitchen window. Knowing they likely wouldn't be going anywhere else that night as they had to work in the morning, Seth slid out of the alley and trudged home to his apartment a few blocks away.
It really wasn't fair.
If anyone deserved a perfect life, Elliot Stabler did. But so did Seth. The difference was that Seth didn't have one.
But that was going to change.
Seth wanted a perfect life. He wanted Elliot Stabler's perfect life.
And he would have it.
Soon.