December 11th, 2004
"Distance"A/N: Okay peoples, this is in it's planning stages. I normally wouldn't have posted this without revisions and a whole lot more work, but I REALLY wanted to write/post something for you guys. However, concentration on anything at the moment is hard. Just note that at one point I plan on revising this to make it heck of a lot better (hopefully), encouragement through reviews will be most helpful.
We all like to be in control of our surroundings. We like to have the ability to maneuver around and manipulate any situation. We like to have control because we are too afraid to leave things to chance. We are afraid of what will happen if we let things progress by themselves.
This thinking is both from the conscious and instinct. Whether we know it or not, we always revert back to the distance theory. Distance between two or more people forms over time. It can't start right away because we don't know the other well enough. The distance between strangers is what protects them so they don't have to worry about the space between them. After they start to become friends, in some cases, more then friends, we start to feel the lack of distance and panic will start to settle in.
Can we really let this person see us for all that we are? Sure we can share our secrets, our worries, our woes, our joys, but can we really let this person KNOW who we are? Things like these doubts are what drives a separation between friends. There are some things that people don't want others to know…and in our own minds we are right. In reality…who knows? Everything in reality is a contradiction in itself, nothing makes sense there and makes sense at the same time. A complicated place that makes distance all the more easier.
Few are even willing to displace all the distance subconsciously created, I'm not sure if any have even succeeded in eliminating the distance. Many don't even know the distance they put between themselves and others.
I know of this distance because I, to a level, create it. And the reason was stated before: I am afraid. Afraid of what others will see me as. More afraid of what I will see myself as, in all my qualities and personalities. Even thinking of having nothing stand between me and the truth of myself is frightening. I'm sure most of you will agree with me. Those who don't, well, give it some thought and you may find yourself to be in denial.
I create distance between those who care for me, those who want to know me, and those who I have yet to meet. I do this because I don't want to hurt them more then necessary, and yes, I do realize that they might be hurt for the seclusion, but you must understand how hurt and horrified they would be of what I REALLY am, was, and will be. I also distance myself because I am afraid. Afraid for the reasons mentioned earlier, but also afraid in the changes contact with them will bring.
A/N: well there you have it. I think this can pretty much can go into any of the character's musings. However, to be honest, I pretty much pictured Kurama doing this musing. If you think about it, he is close to everyone but keeps enough distance between himself and everyone at the same time…why? Well, everyone has their own reasons; those might be his.
Please review for me onegai (:n.n:)
A/N: (2/7/05) Okay then, as you can see, this was a kinda forgotten about idea for a fic. As stated at the top, it definitely was in the beginning stages, perhaps one day I will elaborate...(x.X) If you wish me to...one day...tell me so in a review! Though...I'd like you to review anyway...(:n.n:)