Disclaimer: I don't own RK, and the following story is purely the creation of my SM-loving muse. I also do not own ZONE's song, "Boku no Tegami".
A/N: Yet another attempt at a one shot inspired by ZONE's "Boku no Tegami", which translates into "My Letter". Thank you for all the reviews for "Sotsugyo", you guys really gave me the confidence to write another one!
Read, enjoy and review! Don't forget to read the lyrics as well; they go with the story!
Title: Letters
"kimi ga suki desu" to sunao ni iezu
Yozora no hoshi wo nagamete
Tabun watasu koto wa dekinai kedo
Ima kimi ni tegami kakimasu
(I look up into the stars in the sky,
unable to say "I like you" frankly.
Even though I'll probably be unable to pass it to you,
I'll write you a letter now.)
Megumi looked away from the twinkling stars adorning the inky darkness of the night sky from the table by the window, before picking up the candle set down by her side. Pushing the chair back, she stood up, making her way across the room to retrieve paper and the beautiful fountain pen that recently made its appearance in Japan. Holding a sheet of the thin Japanese calligraphy paper and the pen in one hand, Megumi returned to her original spot by the window, her feet making soft shuffling sounds on the slightly worn-out wooden floor of Oguni Clinic.
Filling the pen with ink from the ink pot on the table, she raised and placed the tip of the pen at the top right hand corner of the paper, taking a breath before she applied pressure, and watching the ink seep slowly into the slightly yellowish surface of the paper. Her gentle, elegant strokes danced across the surface, only to leave the words "Haiken: Sagara Sanosuke". Megumi lifted her hand to move on to the space directly beside his name, before her pen started leaving its mark on the paper again.
She wrote, and paused. There was so much she wanted to tell him, but she did not know where to start from.
"Genki desu ka? Boku wa genki desu" to
Arifureta kotoba no ato ni
Furueta PEN no saki nijimu namida
Taiyou ga shizukani noboru
("How are you? I am fine."
After these common greetings, a tear drop
seeps into the paper, right before my trembling pen.
The sun is now quietly rising.)
Countless nights were spent like this, sitting in front of an almost spotless paper and staring at the two lines she had written. Staring through watery eyes in the flickering light of the candle, until the sun's warm rays began to flood the interior of the room.
He had left without a goodbye.
All she had left were the memories.
Kaeri michi futari kiri
Nani kara hanaseba ii ka wakarazu
"Fushigi da ne, tsuki ga hora
Kyou wa sukoshi ookiku mieru yo."
(On the way back together, we didn't know
where to start a conversation from.
"It's unbelievable, the moon seems
slightly bigger today.")
Miageteta yokogao ni
Hontou wa tsutaetai koto ga aru yo
Me ga atta, shunkan ni
Jibun ni jishin motenai boku ga iru yo
(I looked up at your profile
Actually, there were things I wished to tell you.
Our eyes met for a split second, and after that
It was simply me who was lacking in self-confidence)
Sometimes she thought to herself, how great it would be if she could turn back time. There were so many things she wished to tell him, so many feelings and actions to clarify. But it was too late, and no amount of agonizing regret could bring things back to what they once were. Why did she waste all the opportunities Fate gave her? Perhaps Fate was angry and tired of waiting for her, and had hence taken everything she wanted away from her overnight.
Watching the dried up tear stain on the paper, she felt as if she could only resign to Fate.
Dakedo kore dake
Ieru koto ga aru yo
Sekai no dare yori mo
Kimi ga suki na koto wo
(However, there is something
I can safely say
And that is none other than me being
the one who loves you more than anyone else in this world)
She loved him so much, it hurts.
She loved him so much, she feared.
But her feelings were true, and now that he was gone, that was all she held on tightly to.
Bukiyou de Okubyou na boku dakedo
Hitotsu dake yume ga aru yo
Hito wa kudaranai to warau keredo
Kono michi wo shinjiteiru yo
(I have a dream, just one dream, despite
being the cowardly and useless me.
I laugh at how ridiculous humans are, but
I believe in this path.)
Burying herself under armors of cynicism, sarcasm and callousness, simply just to protect herself and live for what she believed so strongly in. Sometimes she wondered, if she hadn't been so cowardly and so proud, could she have been a lot happier?
He had always been there for her like a guiding light in the stormiest seas. He teased her occasionally, but even though he didn't know much about medicine, he was always silently supporting her work as a doctor.
Maybe he loved her as she loved him.
Maybe it was because they were both lonely.
Mou sukoshi boku ni yuuki ga
Areba kawareru noni
Ato sukoshi boku ga kakko yoku
Narereba ii no ni
(Things could have been different if
I had a little more courage
Things could have been better if
I could carry myself better)
Demo kimi wa sonna boku ni
Itsumo yasahiku hohoende
Tatta hitori dake boku no yume wo
Shinjite kureta yone
(But you were always smiling gently at
The weak person that was me
You were the only one who believed in
me and my dreams)
'He wouldn't wish to see you in such a state!' Kenshin and Kaoru had pointed out when they found her weeping over the loss of Sanosuke, wallowing in angst and self-pity.
Maybe they were right; Sanosuke hated it whenever she cried. He would always get fiercely protective, demanding to know what or who had been the cause of her misery.
But if he truly cared so much, why did he leave her?
She couldn't understand him. Not in the past, not now, not ever.
But she will wait.
Kimi to wa futsuriai kamoshirenai
Boku wa kasukani mieru hoshi
Dakedo kanarazu kagayaite miseru
Sono toki ni kimi ni ieru yo
(We might not be compatible
I am just a weakly shining star
But I will definitely show you the glorious side to me
And at that time, I'll tell you.)
Megumi shielded her eyes from the piercing rays of the morning sun, before picking up the letter, blank except for two lines, and folding it neatly.
Retrieving an envelope, she slipped the folded letter in and wrote the words "Haiken: Sagara Sanosuke" on it, before pulling open the drawer at the side.
And placing the letter on top of this growing stack of envelopes which all read the same words.
One day, she will be able to write "Megumi yori" on the letter.
Owari
A/N: How was that? I love ZONE's songs too much, and the mere fact that it fits the story resulted in the birth of this sad little oneshot. Please review!
Haiken: Sagara Sanosuke – To: Sagara Sanosuke (polite form in Japanese)
Megumi yori – From Megumi