THE HANGOVER

A Final Fantasy VII Fanfic based on the movie "The Hangover."

Hi . Its your old pal ValisFan again writing up a new story. I just finished watching "The Hangover 2" and I rewatched the original Hangover movie. And I thought to myself. "What if I put this into the Final Fantasy VII world?" And here we go! I haven't been writing much Fanfics lately, I've been doing a lot of drawing, in fact, I have a new comic series. "Salty Kiss" Read it on Smackjeeves by searching "Salty Kiss" in the search bar.

Chapter 1

Ring... Ring... The hand of a blonde girl in a wedding dress reached to pick up the phone.

"Hello"

"Elena, its Reno."

"Where the hell are you guys?"

"Uh.. we fucked up..."

"What are you talking about?"

"The bachelor party, the whole night. Things got out of control and... we lost Vincent."

"What? What do you mean you lost Vincent."

"We can't find Vincent."

"What are you saying, Reno, we're supposed to get married today."

"Yeah... that's not gonna happen..."

A FEW DAYS BEFORE

It was a cool evening in Midgar, Vincent Valentine, a calm, mysterious man with long, black hair was sitting at the bar in Seventh Heaven, a run down old tavern in the slums of Midgar.

"Pour me another one, Tifa."

"Whats wrong Vincent? You look a bit nervous" replied Tifa, the busty raven haired bartender.

"Yeah... I'm getting married in a few days to Elena."

"Vince? Your getting married? Why the hell didn't you tell me?" Said Cloud Strife, Tifa's boyfriend and the dishwasher at Seventh Heaven. "We've got to have a bachelor party for you old buddy."

"Did someone say bachelor party?" Said Reno, a friend and former Turk associate of Vincent's. "You didn't tell me you were shacking up with Elena. Dude, come on man, it'll be your last night of freedom before tying the noose and waking up to her blonde face every morning."

"We're here for you man" Replied Cloud.

"Thanks for the offer guys, but I was thinking of having my bachelor party right here in Seventh Heaven."

"What? Fuck that" said Cloud, "We are not having your bachelor party in this dump."

"Hey!" Tifa bitched.

"Yeah, live it up for one night." Said Reno. "We've got to go to Gold Saucer man, live a little dude."

"Grrrr... no..."

"Come on," Cloud and Reno would not give up. "Come on, what happens in Gold Saucer stays in Gold Saucer."

Vincent was annoyed, but the little tinge of bad boy in him wanted one last adventure, one last wild, booze filled party. "Alright... we'll go to Gold Saucer."

"FUCK YEAH!" Yelled Cloud and Reno.

"Great, I'll call Barret." Smiled Tifa.

"No, not him Tifa." Said Cloud.

"Oh hush, he's your friend." Tifa called Barret on the phone and told him everything.

"Fuck..." thought Reno and Cloud. Although Barret was a close friend of Cloud and Reno, he could be a bit "off" at times, often saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Just then the doors of Tifa's bar swung open, and the shadow of a large bulky black man loomed over Vincent's shoulder. "Did you know, that Seventh Heaven is also the name of a TV drama series?"

"Yes Barret, we know." Said Cloud.

"Thanks for inviting me to Gold Saucer guys, your the best. I used to think Gold Saucer was like a flying saucer, but I didn't see any aliens there."

"Er... great man." Said Reno, a bit put off by Barret's eccentric behavior.

"Let's hop into my car." Cloud suggested, pointing to his three wheeled delivery truck.

"Nah, we're going in style" Said Reno. "Trust me."

"Have fun in Gold Saucer guys." Smiled Tifa. "And Cloud dear..." Tifa shot him an icy cold stare. "If you even TOUCH a stripper... I'll crush your nuts and make you watch" she said slowly squeezing Cloud's balls.

"'Gulp' uh... yes ma'am."

"Yaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"

The four friends were driving down the highway out of Midgar in a snazzy white convertible."

"Where did you get a ride like this on a Turk's paycheck?" Questioned Vincent.

"No problem, I 'borrowed' it from bossman Rufus."

"Nice!" Cloud gave Reno a high five.

Barret was busy reading a tour guide. "Look at what they have in Gold Saucer, Chocobo racing, an arcade, a gondola ride. It'll be just like our last trip to Gold Saucer, right guys?"

"Er... yeah" Cloud and Vincent remembered it well. Barret blasted an arcade machine for stealing his coin, he begged Cloud to take him to see the play and go on the gondola ride with him, and he got his finger bitten by a chocobo.

"Yeah... that was a blast Barry." Said Vincent sarcastically.

The four friends skid the "borrowed" convertible in front of the Ghost Square, the haunted house themed hotel.

"Gulp, the last time I was here I saw a ghost and wet my bed." Said Barret.

"Relax, there are no ghosts here." Replied Vincent.

The four got an expensive suite using Cloud's credit card. "Damn, Tifa's going to kill me for spending this much."

The four were dressing up for a wild night on the town, except for Barret who didn't really know how to dress well. "Uh, Vincent." he interrupted "Do you masturbate with your regular hand or your metal one?"

"Fuck jacking off" Said Reno, "We're getting you laid tonight Barry."

"Oh no, no hookers, Tifa will kill me." Worried Cloud.

"Come on, I got something to show you guys." Reno led the four to the roof of Ghost Square's hotel.

"Wow, look at the view." The four marveled at the lights and wonders of Gold Square, surrounded by the vast desert and open wilderness of Terra, a world which they have saved from the destruction of Sephiroth.

Barret pulled out a shiny green bottle of liquor from his pocket. "Jaegermeister anyone?" Sharing it among his three friends.

"Damn, this is the stuff, it takes me back to the parties we used to have on the road." Reminisced Vincent.

"Here's to a night we'll never forget." Reno clinked his glass with the other three, gulping down the sweet green liquor.

Barret then pulled out a folded piece of paper "Ahem... gentlemen, I'd like to say something. Hello, You may not know this, but I used to be a bit of a loner, I thought of myself as a one man wolfpack, only one hand to jack off with. Until Cloud, you met me and my wolfpack grew by one, so there were two of us in the wolfpack, I was alone at first in the wolfpack and then Cloud joined in later. Then I met Vincent in a coffin and we were being chased around Terra by Reno. So I added two more to my wolfpack. And now my wolfpack is complete. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Gold Saucer, looking for strippers and cocaine."

"So tonight, I'll make a toast"

BLAM!

"Ahhhh!" Barret shot himself in the foot with his gun.

The other three were shocked. "What the fuck?" "Why'd you do that?" "What are you doing?" "Stop it."

Eventually, Barret stopped shooting himself in the foot.

The four man wolfpack shot down another round of liquor and headed out to Gold Saucer for the night of a lifetime.

So there we have it. I made this story to be a lot like the plot of the first movie and am using a lot of the same scenes. I wanted to make the Final Fantasy characters a lot like the movie characters, so I made Barret like Alan, Reno like Phil, Vincent like Doug, and Cloud kinda like Stu. Tifa is in here as "kinda" like Melissa, Stu's bitchy girlfriend. But I can't really make Tifa into a bitch because she's actually a sweet girl. More characters later on! Next chapter is the real meat of the Hangover, the wolfpack wakes up to their wrecked room and can't find Vincent anywhere!