Author's Notes: This was inspired mostly by the sass Regina has been spitting out so far this season and my muse, well, she kind of twisted things and this came out of it. A two-parter. Second part to follow shortly! Shout out to my bestie, Caryn, because she was my very first SQ supporter and also the reason I'm writing and loving/living this ship right now. I love you, bitch! ;)
Regina stood in front of the tall mirror in her bedroom, holding a generic-looking witch costume in one hand—tacky hat included—and one of her outfits from the Enchanted Forest from her time as the Evil Queen. One was a safe choice, one that would more than likely produce a few laughs and the other would likely instil fear into the people who still didn't trust her.
The fifth annual Halloween Ball was just in about to start within the hour, and her decision on her costume was still debatable. The ball itself had been Snow White's decision and as the Mayor of Storybrooke, she had done everything in her power to make that happen after she'd been in office for a year. It had been a hit every year with every single resident in town.
Regina Mills had been playing it safe for far too many years. This year was different. Henry was seventeen now and would be attending the annual Halloween Ball dressed as a pirate—he wanted to make fun of the brief time his mother had dated Killian Jones and even had a plastic hook to wear—and for the first time, he had a date for the ball that wasn't one of his mothers.
It was also just a handful of months ago had she realized her deep attraction to his birth mother. It wasn't like anything she'd ever felt before, not even for Daniel. This was more, this was rooted in deep, but they were friends, her and Emma, finally friends and as close as they'd ever been in all the years they've known one another.
No, it was time to stop playing it safe this year. It was also time to put her plan in action, Operation Swan Queen, Henry had named it. Fairly obvious and straight to the point. She had put it off for months since she came to the realization that her affection for Emma was far more than just because they were friends. The dreams she had on a regular basis had made it hard to look at Emma without mentally undressing her with her eyes. All she could think about was Emma Swan and it was time to make it known to the blonde woman herself that Regina wanted her in every single way.
Tossing the generic-looking costume to the side, she held up the outfit, the smell of leather making its way to her nose. It wasn't over the top, but it would have the desired effect, that much Regina knew was certain. The outfit itself was fairly simple, the black jacket had been one of her favourites, the deep red corset with the plunging neckline almost too revealing and the black leather pants she hoped to hell would still fit. It was so very similar to what she had worn when she threatened the curse at Snow White and Prince Charming's wedding, minus the headpiece and the high ponytail of course.
"Mom, are you ready yet?" Henry yelled out as he entered the house. He had been staying with Emma for the last couple of days and he would be there that weekend with her. "Mom?"
"Just a minute, Henry!"
Regina closed her eyes and with the snap of her fingers she was dressed, her shoulder-length hair slicked back under her hat. Her knee high leather boots, one with a five inch heel topped off the outfit and she grinned at herself in the mirror, the very image of her former self grinning right back at her, and everything fit like a glove, just as if no time at all had passed.
"Are you decent?" Henry asked as he knocked on the partially open bedroom door.
"Come in, Henry."
"Oh wow," he said, startled as Regina turned around with a smile. "Are you really wearing that to the Halloween Ball?"
"I am. Is it okay?"
"I—there's just—I mean—" He stammered as he pointed to his own chest, his face beat red as he looked up towards the ceiling. "It's kind of—"
"Too revealing?" Regina asked quietly. "I could change, find something else and—"
"No, don't!" He said in a rush. "You look great and if Ma doesn't think so, then she's clearly crazy! Operation Swan Queen is a go!"
Regina chuckled as she walked up to him and took in his outfit, one that looked as if it had been taken from Captain Hook's wardrobe. The only thing that was off was the fact that Henry was a tall and lanky boy, not quite filling out the leather trench coat he wore and the plastic hook on his left hand looked completely off with the rest of the outfit.
"You look great as well, dear," Regina said as she smoothed out the lapels on his jacket.
"Yeah?" Henry grinned. "So, are you ready to go now?"
Regina held up a finger before turning to walk to her dresser. After placing a silver pendant around her neck and pulling on a few rings, she was ready. Taking her teenaged son's offered arm, he led her down the stairs and out the door and to the waiting black truck, his seventeenth birthday gift from his grandparents, and climbed inside the passenger seat.
The ride to the middle school where the Halloween Ball had been held in the gym for the last five years, was quick and the parking lot was packed which meant majority of the town was already there. Henry parked the truck and they walked into the school together, parting when Henry spotted his date waiting for him by the office.
"Remember, you have to make her notice you tonight," Henry whispered, giving her a half hug. "Which I really don't think is going to be very hard when you're wearing that."
"And then what?"
"That," Henry chuckled as Ava tugged on his hand and motioned towards the gym, "is something I believe you are going to have to figure out on your own, Mom. Good luck!"
Regina frowned, watching her son and his date disappear into the dimly lit and fully decorated gym. Regina smoothed out her jacket and took a deep breath, not failing to notice a few people staring at her with wide eyes. She could do this, she knew she could, she'd done it hundreds of times before and that felt like a lifetime ago. She entered the gym with her head held high, her confidence on point and a little swagger in her step. When she grinned, the crowd parted for her, jaws started to drop, eyes staring on her in shock—and some in fear—as she walked through the crowd.
The bar was set up near the stage and she quickly made her way over there, finding herself in need for a strong drink. After she was served a glass of red wine in a cheap plastic skull wine glass, she turned to face the crowd, scanning over the people dressed in their Halloween best, trying to find a certain blonde amongst the dancing bodies.
"Wow, Regina you look…great," Kathryn said as she suddenly appeared in front of her. Wrong blonde woman. "Regina?"
"Hmm?" She hummed as she looked at her friend, dressed as a black cat from what she could tell. "Oh, thank you," she smiled when Kathryn just acknowledged her outfit again, her eyes widening at the amount of cleavage she had on display. "You look darling. A cat, dear?"
"Panther," she chuckled. "Everyone is already talking about you, some are even whispering that they think you've gone all Evil Queen, like, literally."
"Of course they do," Regina said with a roll of her eyes. "Have you seen Swan tonight?"
Kathryn shook her head no, yet Regina knew that Emma was there, she had spotted her ridiculous yellow car in the parking lot. The two stood there together for a short while, Kathryn mostly nitpicking at other people's costumes while Regina half-listened, half scanned the crowd over and over for the woman who had absolutely no idea that Regina had unexpectedly fallen in love with her.
Operation Swan Queen was about letting her know how she felt, maybe not full on tell her that she was in love with her because she remembered how Emma had literally ran when Hook had said those three words to her years ago. Despite that, Regina couldn't go another day, driving herself insane with the torture of not letting Emma know exactly how she felt about her and doing something about it if the feelings were reciprocated.
There was only one problem, one that had halted her from telling her just days ago how she felt about her. Emma had been casually seeing—sleeping with from what Regina knew for certain—a woman for the last couple of months. While Emma insisted before that the relationship was casual, they had become a little more public as of late. This woman, Alana, was not shy in showing her affections for Emma, neither had she in returning them.
Regina hadn't been the only one who noticed how similar the woman looked compared to her, Henry had most definitely noticed as well and he'd been the one who had pointed it out to her at first. And Regina had definitely noticed the woman more because Emma never seemed to be without her lately.
Her heart deflated when she finally spotted Emma, and just as it had been every time she'd seen her over the last week, Alana was practically wrapped around her, the pair of them slow dancing to the music that blared from the DJ booth. Regina scowled before downing her wine and motioning to the bartender for a refill.
"Hey, you okay?" Kathryn asked gently. "Regina?"
"What?" She snapped at her friend and rubbed over her forehead just under the brim of her hat. "I'm sorry, I—"
"Who are you looking at that's making you all, well, looking like you're about to snap and kill someone with the flick of your wrist," Kathryn asked, her voice curious, her eyes moving out over the crowd and trying to garner where Regina had been looking before.
"No one," she said through gritted teeth.
"It's not Robin is it? I know he burned you when Emma brought his wife back from the past, but you got over that, didn't you?"
"It's not Robin."
"Who is it then, because—oh. Oh!" Kathryn said as she turned to look at Regina with surprised eyes. "No!"
"What?"
"No way," she laughed. "You are totally jealous that Emma Swan is here with that woman!"
"Kathryn—"
"I knew it!" She laughed again. "I knew there was something going on with you lately, but I never could have imagined this."
"What on earth are you babbling about?" Regina asked, clearly agitated and fighting the urge to disappear right then and there. "Kathryn?"
"You're in love with her!" She practically squealed, an arm going around Regina as Kathryn awkwardly hugged her. "Does she know?"
"No. Absolutely not!"
"Aren't you going to tell her?"
"I was, but I'm thinking it is a terrible idea. It's clear that she and that woman are past the point of casual now."
Regina looked back over at the two woman as they practically humped each other on the dance floor once the song changed and the tempo was more upbeat. Although Emma had been trying to keep things respectful due to the whole town being there, that woman's hands were all over Emma and Regina's blood burned hot as she stared on in angered jealousy.
"What on earth are they supposed to be?" Regina asked Kathryn, her gaze not wavering from Emma and her date.
"I asked them when they arrived earlier," Kathryn said and she started giggling. "Mustard and ketchup."
"That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen."
Emma was wearing the tightest red t-shirt and the word "ketchup" was written in bright yellow letters directly over her breasts and she wore the tightest red leather pants that Regina had noticed her ass looked simply divine in. Her date wore a bright yellow dress that was almost too short to be legal and despite her jealousy, Regina knew how attractive the other brunette was.
It made white hot anger flash through her body and she turned to look at Kathryn, catching her staring curiously at her, an amused smile curling over her lips.
"What are you staring at me for?" Regina snapped.
"You're totally jealous!"
"Yes, dear. We've established that already."
"You know what's surprising?" Kathryn asked and upon Regina's dramatic eye roll, she continued. "I thought you would deny your obvious attraction to our Sheriff."
"Obvious?"
"I know you two are close now, but I've seen the way you look at her sometimes."
"And how is that exactly?"
"Like you want to fu—hello, Snow," Kathryn said, quickly steering the conversation around as Snow White approached them wearing what looked like a salt shaker costume completely with an appalling hat. "The ball is wonderful as always."
"Thank you, Kathryn," she smiled brightly and turned to look at Regina. "Hello, Regina."
"What is with you Charming's dressed as condiments?" Regina asked, a bite to her voice as David joined them. "It's appalling and completely ridiculous!"
"They're couples costumes, Regina. It's what couples do sometimes," Snow supplied. "It's not appalling and ridiculous, it's adorable. Emma even managed to talk Alana into dressing up like that tonight so they'd match."
Regina had lost count of the amount of times she had rolled her eyes in the last hour, but that didn't stop her from doing it yet again. The very fact that Snow had addressed Emma's date as more than just a date hadn't gone unnoticed by her either. She needed something far stronger than wine to drink and a lot of it.
"That's something I never thought I'd see again," David said as he stared at Regina, doing a once over of her outfit. "It's rather daring."
"Of course," Regina sneered. "That was entirely the point of me digging this out of my vault and wearing it here tonight."
"Regina, are you okay?" Snow asked, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder that was immediately shrugged away. "Regina?"
"Excuse me," she said evenly, weaving her way past Snow and David and back over to the bar. "Give me something stronger," she said to the bartender, downing the rest of her wine and she thrust the glass at him. "Something much stronger, anything but rum, and keep it coming."
"Yes, ma'am."
Even though she was on fairly neutral grounds with Snow, she wasn't about to confide in her, especially not about being in love with her daughter. Her couples comment had felt like a dagger in her heart, one that kept twisting deep inside her.
When a glass of god knows what was handed to her, she could taste a variety of different liquors mixed in club soda, she drank it quickly, snapping her fingers at the young bartender for another. By her third drink, Kathryn had managed to free herself from what looked like a polite yet uncomfortable conversation with Snow and David.
"What on earth are you drinking, Regina?" Kathryn asked, watching as Regina downed the concoction with ease, the liquor no longer burning as she swallowed and that delightful hum flooding warmly through her buzzed body. "God, are you drunk?"
"That is exactly what I am aiming for, dear."
"Are you sure that is a good idea?" Kathryn asked, narrowing her eyes at her. "Do you not remember what happened last year when you had one too many to drink and we found you passed out on the bathroom floor?"
"I'll eat this time," Regina said with a bitter stab to each word. "Join me?"
"Fred won't be happy if I—"
"Oh come on, Kathryn, surely you can let loose and live a little for once."
Kathryn sighed and turned to the bartender. "I'll have what she's having, please."
Once she had a drink in her hand, Regina clinked the utterly ridiculous and cheap plastic skull glass and smiled wide. Tonight was going to be fun now that she had a little buzz going. Tonight she would try in vain to forget her undeniable attraction and affection for one Emma Swan.
Two hours later, Regina and Kathryn were seated at one of the dozen tables that had been set up, laughing and cackling as the drinks kept on coming. Regina had, after a few drinks with Kathryn, felt that jealous streak of hers all but disappear. Not once had she looked at Swan and her date and she had completely forgotten all about Operation Swan Queen until Henry plopped himself down in the seat next to her, frowning.
"Mom, are you drunk?"
"Yes, dear."
"How drunk?"
"You already asked me that," Regina said before bursting into a fit of giggles as she leaned into Kathryn next to her. "Are you having fun?"
"Mom," Henry said, his tone serious. "What are you doing? Did you forget all about Operation—"
"Swan Queen?" Kathryn cut him off and he looked at her in surprise. "Oh, don't be so surprised. Your mother told me all about your little plan."
"You told her about Emma and our operation?"
Regina, in her drunken state, blinked and looked at her son in confusion. Yet at the sound of the blonde's voice as it got near made something click inside of her and she pushed at Henry with wide eyes.
"Go, distract her!" She said quickly. "Don't let her sit here!"
"Mom?"
"Now!"
Henry rolled his eyes and stood up from the chair, moving to quickly intersect his birth mother before she could approach the table. Regina didn't dare turn around to look at her, but Kathryn did and she grabbed at Regina's shoulder tightly.
"She's alone," she whispered. "And her date is nowhere to be seen. Now's your chance, Regina!"
"No."
"Come on," Kathryn urged. "You need to tell her."
"Tell her what?"
"How you feel about her, remember?"
"I will do no such thing," she said stubbornly and she reached for her glass, frowning in confusion when she found it empty. "Are you drinking my drink?"
"No," Kathryn chuckled. "Now go talk to her!"
Regina rose from her chair in a huff, finding the room spinning as she turned on her heels to face one Emma Swan, dressed in red and her black leather jacket, directly in front of her and an apologetic Henry stood behind her and mouthed "sorry" before he turned and walked away.
"Regina," Emma said as she looked at her, her face void of emotion. "You're drunk."
"Clearly."
"What are you doing?" Emma asked, taking her by the arm and pulling her away from the table. "Seriously, Regina, what the hell are you doing? Don't you remember last—"
"Unhand me at once," Regina said as she jerked her arm out of Emma's grip. "And what on earth are you wearing?" She said with a slight slur to her voice. "It's completely, utterly, unfathomably ridiculous! Ketchup? Really, Swan?"
Emma crossed her arms over her chest and sighed. "Alana is mustard, two and two go together, right? We wanted to do something, I don't know, cute together. By the way, is this one of those outfits you had in your vault, because I have to say—"
"If the next word out of your mouth is anything other than a compliment—"
"You look great, Regina," Emma smiled sincerely at her and if Regina hadn't been as drunk as she was, she wouldn't have missed the way the smile reached her eyes, a rare sight indeed. "And as great as you look and as much fun as you're having, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut you off."
"You will do no such thing, Swan!"
"Come on, Regina. Why are you acting like this?"
"She's drunk," Kathryn supplied and Regina smirked at Emma. "Really, really drunk."
Emma shook her head and grabbed Regina by the arm, a move she hadn't expect and she stumbled forward and directly into Emma's arms that caught her before she could stumble to the floor. She caught whiff of the perfume Emma was wearing, something that was a mix of vanilla and something she couldn't quite put her finger on.
"Come on, I'll help you out to Henry's truck, he's going to take you home," Emma said as she kept a hold on Regina. "Or can you walk on your own?"
Regina felt like her brain had just short-circuited on her, being so close to Emma, feeling her arms around her, her scent coming off of her in waves. Before she could realize what was happening, the room was spinning again and she could feel her feet walking, stumbling as Emma had an arm around her, guiding her towards the entrance.
"This isn't like you, Regina," Emma said once they had exited the school. "What are you even thinking drinking like that again?"
"To forget."
"You're making zero sense right now."
"I wanted to forget," she clarified, feeling the alcohol more now in the slight chill of the night air. "It had been working. Just for a little while."
"Forget what?"
Regina swallowed thickly, her mouth suddenly dry and they were alone in the parking lot, barely moving as they approached Henry's truck. Even as drunk as she was, she couldn't say it, couldn't get those rehearsed words out, a speech she'd spent majority of the day coming up with for when she told Emma how she felt about her. Instead what did come out of her mouth was something she hadn't expected.
"You, you idiot."
"What?" Emma blinked, coming to a stop and moving to stand in front of her. "Me?"
"I just implied that, did I not?"
"Regina—"
"No."
She tried to take a step backwards and she wobbled on her heels. Emma instantly reached out for her to try and steady her and what happened next was something that wasn't supposed to happen. At least not until after she'd told her how she felt about her.
She kissed her.
She kissed Emma Swan.
She kissed the woman she'd unexpectedly fallen in love with, in the middle of the dark, quiet parking lot.
Regina jerked back away from Emma, feeling as if she had instantly sobered up and had come crashing down to her senses. Everything except her lips felt numb and her lips felt as if they were on fire, burning in the most delicious way. It was Emma's look on her face, one of pure surprise, that had Regina shaking her head and moving away from her quickly.
"Oh I—Emma—that wasn't—I'm sorry I shouldn't have—oh hell," Regina stammered, each word said with another instead step backwards.
"Regina—"
Regina shook her head, turned on her heels and unsteadily managed to practically run away from Emma, her heeled boots hitting the pavement in the parking lot, every step bringing her closer to the road and further away from the stunned blonde she'd left behind, gaping at what had just occurred, no doubt.
She slowed as she stepped out onto the sidewalk and a bitter laugh escaped past her lips. She came to a wobbly stop, that previous feeling of sobering gone as her stomach lurched, the amount of alcohol she drank hitting her all over again. She focused just long enough to disappear in a cloud of purple smoke, appearing in her study instead of her bedroom.
Close enough, she thought to herself and she unsteadily made her way up to her bedroom, barely able to remove her clothes without the room spinning and the floor feeling as if it would fall out from under her feet at any moment.
After the struggle with her clothes, she just barely managed to change into her pajama's and crawl into bed before she succumbed to the vast amounts of alcohol she'd consumed throughout the night, the last thing on her mind was the fact that she had kissed Emma Swan…
Emma's brow scrunched in confusion when she saw Regina disappear, minuscule traces of purple smoke fading quickly in the night air. She was stunned into shock when Regina had kissed her out of nowhere it seemed, but now that the shock had worn off, she blamed that kiss on the fact that Regina was drunk, really drunk, and there was no way in hell that Regina Mills, former Evil Queen, would actually want to kiss her.
"Hey, Ma?" Henry called out as he jogged towards where she was standing. "Where's my mom?"
"Uh…" Emma trailed off and she turned to face her teenage son with a mask of confusion on her face. "She decided to uh, go home, her uh…way, you know?"
"But she's been drinking, isn't that dangerous?"
"Yeah, it is, kid."
"What if she isn't even at home?" Henry asked, worried about his other mother to no end. "We should go and look for her."
"Call me if you find her and vice versa," Emma said with a nod and despite the fact that she'd been drinking a little that night as well, she was off in search of Regina on foot, Henry taking his truck. When she made it to the street, her cell went off. "Shit," she muttered under her breath, pulling it out of her black leather jacket and answered it quickly. "Hey, Allie."
"Where are you, babe?"
"Little crisis happened and I'm dealing with it right now."
"That means you're not coming back to the ball, are you?"
"We'll see."
She heard Alana sigh before hanging up on her. Emma took a deep breath, pocketed her phone and started walking down the street in the direction of Mifflin Street. She just had a feeling and she was going with it because if anything, Regina would've tried to get herself home and likely into bed straight away.
She couldn't remember when it had happened exactly, but Regina had given her a key to her house. She did remember Regina's excuse, something about if Henry misplaced his own key that at least he'd still be able to come home even if she wasn't there at the time. Emma had taken that excuse, hadn't questioned it and she still didn't. She was just grateful that she had it still to this very day.
It wasn't long before she was walking up the front walkway and using the key to let herself in. She shut the door and locked it quietly behind her, blindly reaching out to turn on the front foyer lights.
"Regina?" Emma called out as she walked up the two steps and looked into the study and then to the den and then the dining room. All the rooms were dark and she couldn't even see the light coming from the kitchen either.
Emma just knew that Regina was home, she could just faintly feel her magic in the air, just lingering and yet recent. It was a feeling she'd gotten used to over the years and even though there was hardly any need for magic lately, it was a feeling she just would never be able to forget easily.
"Regina, are you here?" Emma called out as she climbed the stairs slowly, one hand on the banister and the other clenched into a loose fist. She approached the master bedroom, only ever having been in there twice in all the times she'd been in the Mills' house.
The first time was just that very last year when she and Henry had carried Regina up the stairs and put her to bed, the second the next morning when she went to check on her to make sure she hadn't like vomited and choked to death in her sleep.
"Regina?" Emma said as she knocked on the bedroom door. "I know you're in there. Are you decent because I'm coming in, okay?"
Silence. Nothing but silence. Emma sucked in a deep breath and opened the door, peering into the dimly lit room wearily. She first noticed the clothes strewn haphazardly along the floor and then she noticed the lump under the covers and the top of Regina's head, her hair already a mess after having worn that ridiculous hat all night. She was weary as she walked over the threshold into Regina's bedroom and she came to a sudden stop when Regina turned around and struggled to open her eyes.
"Regina, are you okay?"
"What are you doing in here?" She mumbled, her eyes sliding shut. "Go away."
"I'm here because you just—poofed away. You've been drinking and Henry's worried about you and—"
"Clearly I'm fine, Swan."
"I wanted to make sure for myself that you are."
"Satisfied now?" Regina asked, sounding thoroughly annoyed. "If you would kindly see yourself out, I'd like to go back to sleep now."
"Sorry, I just…I'll go. I'll call Henry and let him know you're home, safe and sound and tucked into bed."
"You do that. Shut the door on your way out."
Emma frowned, moving to turn off the bedside lamp before she left Regina alone to sleep it off. She shut the door behind her gently and pulled her phone out of her pocket, quickly dialling Henry's cell.
"Did you find her?" Henry asked the instant he picked up the phone on the first ring.
"I did. She's at home and in bed and sounding like she's pretty pissed that I came to check on her," Emma replied quietly, her eyes glancing over at Regina's bedroom door. "I think you oughta go back to the apartment. I'm going to stay here tonight."
"Ma, why would you—"
"She's going to be in a mood tomorrow and I don't want you to be around for that, okay, kid?" Emma sighed and she pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just go home, okay? I'll see you tomorrow."
"Ma—"
Emma hung up on him before he could protest even more. Even knowing better, she headed down the hallway to one of the guest bedrooms and opened the door. She walked in, leaving the door open as she sat down heavily on the double bed, the smell of freshly washed linen hitting her senses.
After a phone call to Alana, who was agitated and angry with her for deciding to stay at Regina's house to keep an eye on her, Emma not telling her she wanted to talk to Regina first thing in the morning about that kiss that had came out of nowhere.
She pulled off her boots and laid back on the bed, her tired mind racing with a hundred and one different thoughts, all of them coming right back down to that kiss. Over and over she tried to convince herself that Regina was drunk enough that she probably had no idea what she had been doing when she kissed her like that. It had certainly seemed that way when she had backed away from Emma, stammering before storming away from her, her steps wobbly yet determined to get away from her as fast as possible.
If Emma was honest with herself, she had enjoyed that kiss in those few seconds it had lasted. She had longed to know what it'd be like to kiss Regina and she had felt that longing for years, even before they had pushed aside their differences and became friends, a feat in itself of course considering their history together. Emma wasn't even sure when she realized that she had fallen in love with Regina, but when she first let that thought linger and stick, the feeling tethering that thought in her mind at all times, she knew there was no way in hell she could ever tell Regina how she felt about her.
For one thing, as far as Emma knew, the former Queen did not reciprocate those feelings and that for as long as Emma had known her, she had only been with men. The very fact that when Emma had let it slip she was attracted to women as well, the look on Regina's face was completely unreadable and the topic quickly changed. Even knowing how she felt about the intoxicating brunette, who never failed to keep her on her toes, she had tried her hardest not to let it come between them and their hard-earned friendship and their co-parenting when it came to Henry.
Emma had sworn to herself that nobody would ever find out just how she felt about Regina Mills, for a multitude of reasons she didn't want to think of in that very moment.
Sighing heavily, she closed her eyes and willed herself to sleep, to let the night and that kiss clear and float away from her mind, the exhaustion of spending hours dancing with Alana and drinking and having fun catching up to her rather suddenly. And as her mind drifted from Regina to Alana, she knew that sleep was far from happening.
What she had with Alana was something strictly casual, more about the sex than anything on an emotional level. While she cared about her and found her very attractive—pushing aside the fact that she and Regina we're so very similar, looks-wise with polar opposite personalities—she wasn't and never could love that woman, not when she was already in love with someone else that Allie had become a suitable replacement for since she couldn't have the real thing.
While they had been casually seeing each other for a few months and having sex on a regular basis, it wasn't what she wanted, not really. While she was happy with what she and Allie did have together, there was no commitment, no pressure, no strings attached. She did realize things were changing, that they were together more often than not and that they hadn't been holding back on their public displays of affection much at all anymore either. She had also noticed the way Regina, when she was around, had looked at her and Allie, the look on her face completely unreadable and the coldness in her voice when they spoke lately made her wonder just what she thought about her current relationship with the similar looking brunette.
Emma ran her hands over her shirt and sighed loudly into the quiet of the room. Regina had been right, she looked completely ridiculous dressed all in red, the words "ketchup" written across her chest. If her mother hadn't talked her into doing a couple-y thing with Allie, she wouldn't have felt compelled to do it. But Allie, having been present for that conversation, had squealed at the idea, telling Emma how adorably cute it'd be if they did just that, and Emma, not wanting to disappoint, had willingly given in at the very last moment. It hadn't left much time for her to throw an outfit together, one she thought at the time was good, but now as she laid in Regina's guest bed, she felt her stomach twist into knots.
It had definitely not been a good idea. This wasn't the message she wanted to put across, not to Regina and certainly not to her friends, her family, and the rest of the town. She was only casually seeing the other brunette, having regular sex to sate her raging and highly intense libido.
It wasn't like she was in love with her or had planned on this façade of a relationship to go on as long as it had either. But she knew what she was doing was incredibly selfish too. She was holding on to what she had with the other brunette because, for the first time in years, she didn't feel as lonely and that ache between her legs was salved away nearly every single day and night by the insatiable woman who had only just come to Storybrooke earlier that year.
Emma sighed again, draping an arm over her eyes, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep and forget about the events that had unfolded and the endless stream of thoughts the drummed inside her now throbbing head.
Regina woke late the next morning, her head pounding and her whole body aching something fierce. It took her a few moments to wake up, to blink away the blurriness in her eyes, to take a few deep breaths, to adjust to the warm morning sunlight that streamed through the parted curtains over the window. She licked over her lips, vaguely tasting the alcohol that had been consumed the night before and something else, a taste she wasn't familiar with.
Emma.
Lips of Emma.
She sat up straight in an instant, eyes wide in shock and horror as her trembling fingers touched over her lips, the ghosting feeling of Emma's lips against her own lingering on her lips now as the events of the night before came crashing back to her, albeit hazy, all at once.
Panic gripped at her suddenly. She had kissed Emma Swan in all her drunken glory. She had kissed Emma Swan in the middle of the parking lot out of nowhere. No, she decided as she slumped back down against her pillow, no she most certainly did not kiss the woman she had unexpectedly and most definitely had fallen in love with. She would deny it, she would blame it on the vast amount of alcohol she drank that night. It didn't happen. Most certainly it did not.
But it had and as her mind woke up more and cleared despite the throttling pounding rattling around in her head, she could just faintly feel the ghosting of Emma's lips on her own, how just for one split second Emma had kissed her back, how soft her lips had felt against her own, how just before she had wretched herself away from her that she had nearly thrust her tongue down Emma's throat, how her only last shred of soberness hidden away under all that alcohol had suddenly made her come to her senses.
Just as she did in that moment, sitting back up quickly with wide eyes. Emma had come looking for her after she'd arrived at home and put herself to bed. Emma had come to check on her, to make sure she was all right. Emma had been the last thought on her mind before she'd all but passed out.
The smell of coffee just faintly hit her nose and she rose from the bed, nearly tripping over her clothes that were strewn on the floor. Grumbling in distaste, she plucked each article of clothing and wrinkled her nose at the smell of various liquors that had soaked into the fabric of her corset and jacket. She tossed the outfit onto the chaise lounge, making a mental note to take care of that later.
Slipping on her worn grey robe she'd had since the very beginning of the first curse, she headed downstairs to the kitchen, her nose following the intoxicating aroma of coffee. With a forced smile on her face, she breezed into the kitchen.
"Henry, how thoughtful of you to—" Regina came to a sudden halt when she spotted Emma standing at the counter, sipping on a cup of coffee and still wearing that ridiculous outfit from the night before. "Swan, what the hell are you doing in my kitchen at…"
"Ten in the morning?" Emma finished for her, her lips quirking into a half-smile. "Well, I made coffee. Figured you'd need it this morning."
"Swan…" Regina sighed, trailing off as Emma pointed to a cup near her on the counter, her coffee already made for her. "Uh, thank you."
"You're welcome, Regina."
Despite the mood she was in and the way she felt after drinking far too much, she couldn't fight back her own smile as she picked up the mug and wrapped her hands around it. She inhaled the scent of coffee, lifting it to her lips and taking a small sip. It was made exactly the way she liked it and just for a moment she was fine with Emma's intrusion the night before and that morning.
"You only call me Swan when you're pissed at me for one reason or another," Emma said quietly. "What did I do this time?"
"Nothing," Regina sighed loudly.
"Seriously, what did I do or say to you, Regina? I've obviously pissed you off and I—"
"You're infuriating," Regina muttered before taking another sip of her coffee. "Did you stay here last night?"
"I did, but you're avoiding the question."
Regina rolled her eyes, moving away from the counter and carried her mug over to the small table by the window. Emma stayed rooted to the spot and Regina could just feel her eyes on her as she kept her back turned. It took everything she had to take a few calming breaths before she moved to sit down at the table and looked over at Emma once again.
"Regina?"
"What now, Swan?"
"You know what? Forget it. Obviously whatever it is I did or said to you is something you don't want to talk about. What next, are you going to deny that you kissed me last night? That you forgot that you did?" Emma asked, Regina's mood obviously now affecting her as well. "Where the hell did that come from?"
"What are you talking about?"
"You kissed me!"
"I most certainly did not!" Regina snapped, the reply instant, the denial all too easy to slip into and she felt her cheeks flush, not just in anger but in sheer embarrassment that Emma had called her on it. "It wasn't on purpose!"
"It wasn't—you've got to be kidding me," Emma chuckled ruefully. "So, you just what? Tripped and drunkenly stumbled and happened to land on my lips?"
Regina opened and closed her mouth, gaping at Emma as she sat stiffly in the chair. Emma finished what was left in her mug, placing it in the sink before strolling over towards her, a rather salacious grin dancing over her lips.
"You can deny it all you want, Regina, but I know for a fact that you kissed me last night and that it was not an accident. I don't know why or what brought it on, but I'm telling you right now that I really didn't mind," Emma said, stopping just a foot short in front of her. "That you kissed me I mean."
Regina clenched her jaw, trying to get a read on Emma in that moment and finding it impossible because now all she could think about was how much she wanted to kiss her again.
But that would not be happening. Not now, not later, not ever again.
"So, just so you know, it doesn't change things between us and for whatever reason your mad at me for, that's okay too. We're still friends, Regina. There's no reason to let things get weird between us just because you kissed me, okay? I'll let you nurse your hangover in peace and quiet. I'll see you later."
Regina said nothing and Emma only offered her a smile that warmed her from the inside out. With a sigh, Emma turned on her heels and walked out of the kitchen and just moments later, she heard the front door open and close.
It wasn't until then that Regina let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.
If she read between the lines of what Emma had just said to her, Emma was almost saying—daring—her to kiss her again. On purpose.
No, that would most definitely not be happening ever again.
Denial was always the first step, next was avoidance, and for the next three days, Regina did all that she could to avoid crossing paths with one Emma Swan, which turned out to be a lot harder than it should've been.
The first time was later that same day when Emma had knocked on her front door, sheepishly asking if she could check the guest bedroom since she'd misplaced her cell phone. Regina had stood at the door with her arms crossed while Emma ran up the stairs and returned a few minutes later, the same look on her face as she slipped past her and was out the door without another word.
The second time was the next day when Regina had been out on a walk, the air still warm for the second day of November, the sun bright and not a cloud in the sky. What had compelled her to take a walk down to the park, she didn't know, but she most definitely didn't expect to nearly being run over by the blonde Sheriff jogging down the path, literally not watching where she was going. It had been even more awkward that the previous day and without a word, Regina turned and stormed off, muttering under her breath about how it was impossible to stay away from such an infuriating woman.
The third time was happening in that very moment. Regina had met up with Henry for their usual Monday morning breakfast before he headed to school. They had been sitting in their usual spot at the counter and had only just ordered when the door opened and the sound of laughter flowed over her in a way only one person could. Emma Swan.
And that woman she was oh so casually seeing was with her, clinging on to her arm as Emma led them over to a table not too far from where she and Henry were sitting.
Her bright and happy mood instantly became foul and she grimaced as she tore at the paper napkin in front of her. Henry, of course, picked up on the instant change in her mood and after a few minutes, he turned to her with an eyebrow raised.
"What?"
"What's wrong with you, Mom?"
"Nothing," she snapped and she closed her eyes, breathing deeply as she tried to calm herself. "Nothing, Henry."
"She doesn't know, does she?" He asked quietly, stealing a look over at the table his other mother was sitting at. "Why haven't you told her yet, Mom?"
Henry perked up, smiling over at Emma and when Regina turned to look back at her, Emma was waving them over, silently inviting them to join her and her sex toy for breakfast. Regina shook her head no, mostly at Henry as she placed a hand on his shoulder to keep him seated there at the counter with her.
"Why not, Mom?"
"Because we are having breakfast together this morning, Henry, just you and me."
Henry rolled his eyes, but didn't say another word. He was stewing in his own tiff of anger, but Regina figured he could have breakfast with his other mother and that tramp any other day and he'd get over it soon enough.
The diner wasn't busy at all that morning and Regina had wished that Emma had decided to sit further away than they actually were. This meant two things, she couldn't shake her mood and she could clearly overhear their entire conversation, one she could've gone without hearing at all and was making her quickly lose her appetite.
"Em, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about, but I'm not sure—"
"You know you can talk about anything with me," Emma said and Regina rolled her eyes, wrapping her hands around her mug of coffee. "What's up, Allie?"
"We've been seeing each other for a while now," the floozy trollop said. "It's been great and I really, really enjoy spending time with you. I just feel like we're headed in different directions lately, Em."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I want more with you. Something deeper and on a more emotional level."
Regina really did not like that harlot that had captured every bit of Emma's attention and she really did not want to sit here and overhear that conversation about their relationship either.
"I'm not sure what you—I mean, I really enjoy spending time with you too, but I—"
"I'm falling in love with you."
Regina was seething by now. She really did not like that woman. It had been bad enough she had allowed herself to sit through that conversation, but that was the very last straw. She slid off the stool and without even a word to Henry, she is out the door, slamming it behind her as she feels a meltdown brewing inside of her, one she just barely managed to contain until she was in the privacy of her own home.
Regina slammed the door behind her, her fists clenched at her side. Causal. That's the word that Emma had used when she told her quite a while back that she had been seeing that trollop. It was a casual relationship.
"Casual my ass!" Regina raged as she stormed into her study, suddenly feeling the need for a very strong drink.
She practically screamed as she stormed over to the table where the decanter and several glasses sat on top. She was shaking as she poured herself a glass of cider, bringing the glass quickly to her lips, needing that drink to quell her anger and jealousy.
Of course that whore who had come into town earlier that year had fallen into a casual relationship with Emma Swan and of course that woman had to just go and fall in love with her too! That was not supposed to happen and what happened if Emma fell in love with that hussy too? Regina would never get the chance to tell her, she would never get the chance to see if they could actually have something together that was more than friendship.
She would never be able to find her happy ending. Of course not. No matter what she did, how much good she did in her life now to make up for all the bad, all the evil she'd done in the past, there was always someone or something standing in her way of happiness. Always.
Now she knew that avoidance had been the wrong way to approach this situation. This was not what Operation Swan Queen was about and she just didn't have the guts to confront Emma, to tell her just how she felt about her and now it was too late! That floozy had her claws sunk into her woman far too deep.
It made the blood in Regina's veins run white hot in anger, a feeling she had not had in many years. If she wasn't careful, that trollop would find out first hand just who she used to be and the Evil Queen would be back in Storybrooke, about to exact revenge on the whore who had stolen away her happy ending!
If she had only told Emma the night of the Halloween Ball that she was in love with her then none of this would be happening, that much she was certain, especially now after Emma had told her that following morning after she'd drunkenly kissed her that she hadn't minded that she kissed her at all!
Why did she deny it? Why didn't she just tell her right then and there that the reason why she kissed her was because she was in love with her?
Regina growled and downed the rest of her cider, swallowing the amber liquid hard as she grabbed the decanter and poured herself another glass, half wanting to drink straight from the decanter itself and skip the glass completely.
By the third drink, she had half a mind to storm right back down to the diner and give that skank a piece of her mind, but even she wouldn't go as low as accusing her of stealing Emma from her. Technically Emma hadn't even been hers to begin with, but that didn't stop those thoughts of what she would do to that woman if she allowed herself to slip back into her former self and give her the Evil Queen treatment.
Complete with a fireball or two before she burned her at the stake. Yet for now all she could do was contemplate how she was going to tell Emma she was in love with her when the game had been changed and fantasize of all the different ways she could kill and torture Emma's current little sex toy.
"I'm falling in love with you."
Those words were echoing in her mind as she stared at Allie blankly. Did she just say what she thought she heard her say? Emma shook her head and nearly jumped as the door slammed shut and she looked over at the counter to find that Regina was no longer sitting beside Henry and she turned to look out the front window to see her storming off towards her car.
"Emma, did you just heard what I said?" Allie asked her quietly. "I just told you I'm falling in love with you."
"I heard you," Emma replied, pulling her attention away from wondering what had sparked Regina's abrupt departure. "I thought this was just casual, Allie?"
"I want more than casual with you. I'm falling in love with you!"
"I-I can't do this right now, not here," Emma stammered as she stood up from the chair, it nearly clattering backwards at how fast she'd moved. "There's something I need to do that I just remembered right now that—yeah. I'll see you later?"
"Emma, wait!"
Ignoring Alana, Emma certainly didn't ignore the look that Henry gave her as she grabbed her jacket off the coat rack and all but ran out the door and to her Bug that had been parked down the street a little ways. It wasn't until she was seated behind the wheel that she realized why she had that mini-meltdown in the diner and fled. She was in love with Regina and if she had stayed, she would have screamed it for everyone to hear, including Henry and that was the very last thing she needed to happen. It was bad enough that conversation happened while Regina was right there, no doubt hearing every single word that had been said.
She was in love with Regina and stupidly in a relationship with someone who clearly deserved so much better than her. Emma shook her head and drove off, her mind filled with a hundred different thoughts, none of which she could hold on to because it all came right back down to the fact that she was in love with someone she wasn't even with, someone who had been avoiding her for the last three days, and someone who had become her one really good friend despite the rocky start they'd had years ago.
She knew she was wrong when she told Regina that it didn't change things between them because it did, it changed everything for her. She couldn't even look at Alana ever since Regina had drunkenly kissed her, not without thinking about Regina. She couldn't even keep herself in the moment the other night when she'd been in Alana's bed without thinking about how much she wanted it to be Regina and not her.
"I am so royally fucked," Emma muttered to herself, the silence as deafening as her thoughts. She reached over for the radio and turned it on, blasting Led Zeppelin as she drove through Storybrooke.
After half an hour of driving around town, she came to the conclusion that despite putting the ball in Regina's court ever so subtly, she still had to do the right thing and put an end to her, what she thought was casual, relationship with Alana. As much as it sucked to be alone—and add to the fact that sex with Alana had been pretty amazing—she had to do the right thing, for herself and for the woman who had started to fall in love with her when that was never supposed to happen.
She thought about why Regina had stormed out in the middle of her conversation with Alana, but it was clear to her that she had definitely heard everything that had been said and that she was either mad or jealous or not in the mood to overhear a conversation of that nature and that if she was jealous, she definitely reciprocated Emma's feelings.
Even just a little.
She made her mind up an hour later as she drove to Alana's quaint little house just a few blocks from Mifflin Street. She sat in the car for ten minutes before she gathered what courage she could find and marched herself up to the front door. Her hand hovered over the red door, her heart racing as she made herself knock three times. She shoved her hands in the back pockets of her jeans, taking a step back as she waited.
"Hi," Emma smiled, albeit almost shyly when Alana opened the door a few minutes later.
"I should be so mad at you right now for running out like that," Alana said softly and Emma could see the redness in her eyes, how puffy they were, and she knew that she had been crying. "What was so important that you had to run out on me like that?"
"Can we talk?"
Emma had seen that look, that very look of dread many times before whenever she'd said those words. Those three words never ended well, usually in tears, sometimes with a slap to her face and threatening warnings never to call or see them again.
"I guess, yeah," Alana said, moving inside the doorway and allowing Emma to enter. "I just want to know one thing first, Emma."
"What's that?"
"What was so important that—"
"I had to…think," Emma replied, her reason true but lame. "I'm sorry, I just…don't do well with—"
"Love."
"Right."
Alana nodded slowly, motioning for Emma to follow her to the small, quaint kitchen. "Coffee?" She asked, motioning to the freshly brewed pot.
"I'm fine, thanks."
In all the time the two had known each other, this had been the first time Emma put quite a bit of distance between her and the brunette. While Alana busied herself with making herself a cup of coffee, Emma pulled at the edge of her red jacket, her hands feeling sweaty and her stomach turning in knots.
It was only ever supposed to be casual, she thought to herself. That is what we agreed on straight from the beginning. How could I have ever been so stupid to think that it wouldn't lead to more for her?
"When I told you that I'm falling in love with you, I didn't think you'd, you know, run," Alana said softly, her back still to her as she stirred her coffee, Emma only looking up from a rather uninteresting spot on the floor at the clatter of the spoon as it was dropped to the counter. "Emma, I know when we started seeing each other what we agreed that this was, but I can't help but—"
"Stop," Emma said quietly. "Can I just—there is something I need to tell you, Alana. Can I just—can you just let me talk to you right now?"
"You're breaking up with me," Alana said evenly. "Is it because of how I feel? Because I told you honestly that I am falling in love with you?"
"No, that's not it at all," Emma said in a rush and the hurt expression on Alana's face made her stomach drop. "I never meant for it to get to this point, for it to go this far. I like you, I do, and I enjoy spending time with you, but—"
"You're in love with her," Alana stated clearly, her face now almost completely expressionless. "You're in love with your son's adoptive mother."
"I—" Emma's mouth gaped open and shut like a fish in that very moment. "Yeah. I am."
"Does she know that you are?"
"No."
Alana let out an incredulous laugh then and she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears that went unshed. "Does she feel the same?"
"I-I have no idea."
"Of course not," Alana muttered before taking a few sips of her coffee and letting go of a breath sharply once she all but slammed the mug down on the counter beside her. "I know what you're doing."
"What's that?"
"You're trying to do what you think is right," Alana said, her voice breaking. "You're ending this because you don't want that baggage when you tell her that you're in love with her. You don't want that complication when she most likely tells you that she feels the same way as you do. You don't want to be the one who turns into a cheater—"
"It was only supposed to be casual!" Emma exclaimed. "This was never supposed to be anything more! That is exactly what we agreed on!"
"You agreed! You!" Alana yelled back and she shook her head and ran her fingers through her hair roughly. "Do you even think I planned on falling in love with you, Emma? Do you think I wanted to fall in love with someone who has undeniably been in love with someone else the entire time?"
"Stop trying to make me feel like the bad guy right now, Alana. I like you, I do, and the sex is great and what we had was good too!"
"What we had?" Another incredulous laugh made its way past her angry lips. "Get out."
"Alana—"
"Get the hell out of my house, Emma. And my life."
"Ala—"
"Now."
Emma backed up with her hands raised in front of her. If there was one thing that was remotely similar between Regina and Alana—save for their looks alone—was the fact that they were both incredibly scary when they were angry.
Emma left the house quickly, not even pausing for a moment to look back at Alana, not wanting to see that hurt look in her eyes, not wanting to second-guess her decision to ends things, not wanting to feel as if the whole thing should've unfolded far differently. It hadn't. Of course it hadn't. That woman had just confessed over an hour before that she was falling in love with her and there Emma was now, breaking her fucking heart to pieces.
Emma felt a heaviness overtake her as she walked out of Alana's house and back to her car. She climbed in and slid the key into the ignition, not turning it over just yet, her vision swaying as she stared blankly ahead at the road in front of her.
She wanted nothing more than to drive over to Regina's house, to knock on her door, to profess her love completely, but she couldn't do that. No. The ball was in Regina's court now. She knew her well enough to know that she couldn't be the one to make the first move.
And if that meant she would be waiting for a while, well then, at least there were droves of free porn on the internet to keep her somewhat satisfied for the time being…
Regina sighed, loudly, for the umpteenth time in the last hour and a half as she paced in front of the now roaring fire in her fireplace, her glass of cider firmly clutched in her right hand as her left threaded fingers through her hair. Over and over again.
How many had it been now? She'd given up on trying to keep count, but her wits were still about her as she took every controlled, irritated step in her pacing, every third click of her heels rewarded with a small sip from her glass until it was empty.
Rinse, dry, repeat.
Barely fifteen minutes prior, Regina had moved to look out the window. Despite the tall hedges, she'd seen Emma's ridiculous yellow car pull up in front of her house and come to a stop and she just knew it was still there. She could just ever so faintly hear the music blasting over the radio just under a hundred yards away.
It had turned into a game of four paces in front of the fireplace, a sip of cider, two in front of the window just to confirm that Emma was still vey much parked outside in front of her house.
Regina huffed as she moved from the window to pace back in front of the fireplace. She stared down into the glass she held in her hand and shook her head. She never drank like this, not as early as it was, not because of her emotions or because of the fact that she had felt such rage she hadn't felt in years. All the cider did was dull everything she felt while at the very same time it heightened everything she felt.
Acceptance was the very next step. Accepting the fact that yes, she kissed Emma the night of the Halloween Ball, accepting that yes she'd played her cards wrong completely, accepting that the way she had reacted the next day was the complete opposite of how she should've acted and if she just told Emma how she felt, maybe everything would be completely different now.
She was started at the sound of knocking on the front door. She moved to the window quickly, the angle making it hard to see, but the unmistakable sight of the blonde on her front door step was right there in front of her very eyes. She placed her glass down on the table as she strolled out of the study and headed for the front door. Emma knocked again just before she could pull the door open and when she did, she was greeted by the sight of a very flustered looking Emma Swan.
"Regina, we need to talk."