She guided him to the chair, forced him to sit down. She moved to his side and sat down. His right knee bounced and danced as his right hand found its way to his neck and he began to rub the spot incessantly.
She tried to calm him, took his hand in her own as she made soothing noises. But to Craig it was just white noise. His entire body, his entire being was focused on the door in front of him.
His mind kept jumping to the reason he was sitting there; laughter and kisses, John Paul's hand on his knee as Craig drove the car. And then the loud screech, the scrapping of metal against asphalt and more metal, the view of the world from upside down, the smell of burning rubber, the shocked silence. And then the screaming.
The rattle of the door before him shook him from his stance and he quickly focused on who was exiting. But it wasn't the right person, it wasn't the right doctor.
"Craig, are you okay? Do you need to be checked out?" she asked, her hand on his back, rubbing in circle formation, trying to still his rapid heartbeat somehow.
"No…no I'm fine, his side took the brunt of the smash."
The door opened once more and again it wasn't who Craig wanted it to be.
Her hand came in contact with his head, and he winced at the pain that flew through his system.
"Craig, that's a deep cut, ya need to get it checked out!" She implored him to listen, but he, once again, was locked in his gaze of the door before him.
"Craig!" She shouted, squeezing his shoulder.
His head turned to face her, and the look upon made her heart slow. His eyes were cloudy with tears, his forehead awash with dried blood (she didn't ask whose) and his nose seemed to be curved towards more so than it was the last time she saw him.
"Steph, I can't leave until the doctor tells me the news. I need to wait here, wait and get news, because I can't just leave him Steph, I can't. He shouldn't be in here; we shouldn't have been coming back today – it's my fault, I wanted to come home early, avoid the traffic for the holidays. But no, i had to go and… and persuade him to pack a bag and jump in the car with me at half eight in the morning just so we could catch get here early enough, and then this happened…" his voice cracked, and roughly rubbed the back of his across his face, brushing the tears away. He laughed dejectedly, casting his eyes to the ceiling as he felt his sister move ever closer to him.
"We were finally getting back on track Steph, gotten over both of our pathetic problems and we're coming out the otherside and then this happens! It's like our lives are a soap or somethin' Steph! I mean, there was Max, everything with Niall, Jack and Darren's arrest, Jake… It just seems to me that us Deans are doomed to have drama in every waking moment of our lives."
"Craig! You can't say that, you can't believe that! The driver of the other car ran a red light without checking to see if there was anyone coming in the opposite direction, she admitted it to the police. John Paul will be fine, alright? He'll be out of here before you know it, and we all will be having our turkey dinner with Mum playing the perfect hostess and Darren cracking terrible jokes and Newt ignoring us all, with Charlie playing with his presents and Tom wanting to run off to meet his mates for some underage drinking. We will get through this holiday, alright? We will." Steph finished speaking, her eyes, once filled with conviction, now softening as Craig rested his head against her shoulder.
"So please, go and have doctor or someone check you out, cause you want to be fit and able once John Paul is released to take care of him, alright? Please? I'll wait here for the doctor if he comes with any news, okay?"
Smiling, Craig got to his feet and headed off to the nurses station for a check up.
--
Myra McQueen had experienced more pain than she had thought was humanly possible. Giving up her first child at the age of fourteen, his father then being sent down, another kid a year later, and 5 more after. Always falling for the bad sort of man, she had come to expect little from the men she fell for.
Her abandoned son had shattered all her beliefs of the level of pain she could feel and her expectations fell fast. And then with Tina's death, and her only grandson left motherless after only three months of life had caused her strife.
Her mother's death a year later had rocked her level of faith once more, which she had to fight to keep. And now this.
She had been in the middle of making her traditional cocktail when the call had come. Steph's rushed voice as she tried to explain what had happened in the space of 30 seconds hand knocked her for six. Only when Michaela had asked her what was wrong had she come to her senses. Steph had long since ended the call, so Myra quickly passed the phone to her youngest, telling her to call her sisters and tell them that their brother had an accident and that she was heading to the hospital now. Michaela had wanted to come with Myra, but didn't want to push her mother's worry.
--
The brood had arrived only ten short minutes after she had, Jacqui keeping a firm grip on her five year old as he kept sniffling. Even someone so young could tell that the atmosphere at that moment was tense at best, Myra thought.
"John Paul McDean, where is he?" Myra requested, her fingers beating out a constant rhythm on the reception desk.
"Are you family?" The receptionist inquired, looking over the rim of her glasses at Myra.
"I'm his mother! Quickly!"
The receptionists well-manicured nails repeated tap-tap on the keyboard sped up and a moment later the women was informing Myra that her son was still in surgery but that his husband was no having a check up in exam room 3.
Myra informed her daughter's before heading in the direction where son-in-law was currently being patched up.
--
Craig winced as the nurse prodded his swollen nose and, when instructed, leaned his head back and groaned as she cauterised his nose bleed. He sighed and accepted the painkillers and washed them down with water.
The curtain was thrown backwards with such force that it knocked over the tray with the nurses utensils.
"Oh Craig luv, are you alright?" Myra questioned, rushing to him and hugged him tight for a few seconds and letting him ago, holding him at arms length to investigate his wounds.
"I'll be alright, just a swollen nose and a few cuts and scraps, nothing a bit of rest and relaxation can't help," Craig joked, standing up and stretching.
"Any word on John Paul?" Craig asked, sliding his jacket back on.
"He's still in surgery. Are you sure you're okay?"
"Myra, I'm fine… John Paul's … John Paul's side took the brunt of the crash."
Myra's hand shot to her mouth, failing to cover her gasp of worry. Craig gulped down his tears and started walking.
"I'm going to go back to the waiting area. Steph is still there, waiting for the doctor."
"I'm coming with ya luv."
Smiling tersely, Craig waited for her to catch up with him. Once she had, the pair moved through the reception area, passing the rest of his husband's clan. A tense Jacqui had handed her son to his aunty Michaela and rushed to his side.
Ever since their problems of spring gone by had ended, Craig had been aware that John Paul had informed his eldest sister of his actions. He'd been reluctant to face her whenever they returned home for some family do and had spent most of those nights clinging to John Paul's side or drinking himself into oblivion.
Now that she was here, he could feel her protective stance flowing strong.
"How'd he look?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"He, erm…," He rubbed his neck once; twice, swallowed hard, "Not good. I'm just going to go back to the waiting room now, to see if the doctor has any news."
--
Steph passed the Styrofoam cup to her younger brother, another to his mother-in-law, before joining their side. The rattle of Myra's rosary beads against her cup echoed down the corridor.
Steph blew on her coffee, trying to reduce its heat before taking a sip. Observing the rest of the McQueen clan, she felt her heart clench. All of the talk about the McQueen's being brash and loud, however true those statements were, were nothing compared to how close as a family they all were.
Michaela was leaning onto Mercedes for support, the elder stroking her younger sister's hair as Jacqui focused on her son, trying to keep his spirits up.
Anyone passing by could feel the strength of this family as they got through this troubled time together.
Her brother and Myra were recounting tales of happier times with John Paul, recalling moments when he was messing about on his decks or making fun of his sisters, of playing the doting uncle with little Max.
She heard Craig sniffle and silence a sob and threw her arm around his shoulder, giving him a loving squeeze of reassurance.
"Why hasn't there been any news Steph? Something bad must've happened," Craig whispered into her shoulder, closing his eyes for a moment.
"I'd be more worried if the doctor had already been out Craig. This way means that they are doing everything they can do to help him, instead of the alternative, alright?"
"Yer sister's right son. If the doctor had been out already, it would mean that there was nothing they could, okay? So we're just going to sit here and wait it out, and then we'll be able to go see our John Paul okay?"
--
Craig was leaving the bathroom, about to return to the waiting room, but was ambushed outside the loos. Jacqui was standing there, arms crossed, her heel playing a beat, tapping it out repeatedly on the tiled floor.
"Wanna tell me what happened this morning, Craig?"
"What do you mean? I've already told ya what happened."
Jacqui sighed and took a step forward.
"I know what happened, alright? John Paul told me."
Craig slumped down into a chair outside the jacks and held his head in his hands.
"I know I shouldn't've, but I was drunk and depressed and upset, not that that makes it alright – I slept with someone else, and it's my own entire fault. But we were getting back on track, were spending every waking moment together again."
Jacqui sat across from him, leaning forward in her seat to watch him.
"Did he ever tell you what made us go on a break?" Craig whispered, watching as his fingers entwined and separated numerous times.
Sitting up, Jacqui crossed her legs.
"No, but that doesn't really matter, you're the one that cheated."
"I wanted to have a kid! I wanted to start having a family! John Paul said we weren't ready, that we should leave it a couple of years. We argued about so much after that first row, that I just couldn't stand to be around him! I love him too much to stop wanting a family, Jacq! And I just can't give up on my dreams, and we were getting back on track and everything was going brilliantly and now this has happened… I can't lose him Jacqui, I just… he's my life!"
She shot from her seat, kneeling before him. Taking his hands in her own, she attempted to make a soothing noise.
"Craig, he never told me that… he never said you were talking about starting a family. He only said that you two had separated and that you'd had an affair. He never wanted to talk about it… I never knew that you were even contemplating kids."
"What's with him Jacqui… He's not the same guy any more… when we were in school, he always talked about having kids at some point, but once we got back together and got married he just seemed to change. I thought we were sorting it out, getting back on the road for our happy family, but maybe I was just kidding myself."
"Craig, he's had a rough couple of years… and ever since everything with Niall and Tina, he's been quieter."
"I know, Jacqui. When he came back to Dublin after Niall had taken you all, he was more restrained. He wasn't himself. He was more withdrawn. The day he came back, I promised to never let him go, never be away from him. I thought starting a family will just bring us closer together as a family, but it pushed us apart."
"After everything that Niall that put us through, I haven't spoken to Tony except to tell him news about Max. Even at John Paul's stag do, we stayed out of each other's way, but kept from a shouting match so as not to ruin his night. You two have this love story that… I think all of us have been waiting for own one, Craig. You and John Paul, you have it. So don't let go of it… Now c'mon, we have to get back to him."
Jacqui stood up and offered her hand. Pulling him to his feet, Jacqui began to make stupid jokes, trying to get him to smile. But it wasn't working. He was down in the dumps.
--
The sound of voices roused the family. The swinging door opened, and the doctor who had been working on John Paul was coming towards them.
To Craig, the skies had suddenly turned dark and the temperature had fallen. It was now or never.
Standing up, Craig's legs felt as if they had turned to jelly as his heartbeat sped up to monumental speeds.
Myra was at his side in an instance, arm wrapped around his waist to keep him level as she aided him towards the doctor.
He opened his mouth to ask the most important of questions but words failed him. He snapped his mouth shut and looked up, trying to hide the tears that rushed to his eyes.
Myra stepped in and asked instead.
"How is he doctor?"
"He had swelling in the brain, but we've relieved some of the pressure. We set his ribs and pumped his lung that was perforated, patching it up in the process. We'll have to leave him for the next 24 hours, but he should be alright in a few weeks time."
"Can he have visitors?" Myra asked.
The doctor eyed the brood that was behind them before replying, "Yes, but only two at a time please, and only for a short amount of time."
"Thank you doctor," Craig said, tightly smiling at the doctor.
"If you'd like to follow me, I'll show you to his room."
--
It had been four days since John Paul had gotten out surgery when the police arrived to give them the details of the accident. When they had requested that they have their lawyer contact them for insurance information.
When the officers had vacated the room, they left John Paul, Craig and Jacqui to muddle through the awkward tension that lived there now.
"I'm just going to… go get a coffee," Jacqui muttered, quickly getting to her feet and exiting the room.
John Paul moved his plastic cup to his mouth and drank some of the ice chips it held. He placed back on his bedside table and reclined back in his chair.
Craig tethered on the edge of his seat, releasing a breath that he had been holding. They'd never had this kind of tension, even when they'd been separated… or on a break… whatever they were calling it now. So Craig decided to take the first step and break the tension.
"Why didn't you tell Jacqui the reason we separated?"
John Paul made a noise, a sort of cross between a gulp and gasp, as he tried to figure out a response.
"Did you not think she needed to know the reason behind we weren't living together? For months now, I've been walking on egg shells, trying to not put a step wrong and send you flying off the handle."
"I didn't fly off the handle! You SLEPT with someone else!"
"We were separated! We weren't even living together any more, John! How can you be holding that against me still? I thought we were working through this!"
"Oh, please don't bring this up again," John Paul replied, physically moving in his bed, now facing away from Craig, "I don't want to talk about that, Craig, yet you won't stop bringing it up!"
"John Paul, we're married, I just figured you'd want a family. I know that you've had a rough time the past few years, but we were getting through it together. Remember our wedding? You said that kids were on the cards for us! I figured it wouldn't be long afterwards. What changed so soon after that?"
"Craig, I told you I don't want to talk about this, so just drop it, okay?" John Paul whimpered, bandage-wrapped hand moving to his face to wipe away the tears that had suddenly begun to fall.
Craig stood quickly, moving to the door.
"When you do want to talk about it, you know where I am, alright? I love you John… I'm not going to keep letting it go… I know you've wanted a family, even more so than I have… I just want to know what's changed. When you're ready to talk, just let me know."
Craig watched as John Paul nodded his head in recognition before sighing to himself. He closed the door behind him gently before making his way back to the waiting room.
--
John Paul flicked through the channels on his tiny television that was hung on the wall across from him.
"I swear, if you change that flipping channel once more I'm going to scream bloody murder," Jacqui dead panned, filing her nails with a board.
"Sorry, m'just bored," he tossed the remote onto the bottom of his bed. He scratched his chin with his uninjured hand, "Did Craig say when he was coming back?"
"Said he'd be back after getting some dinner. I told him to have a shower too, but he flipped me off," Jacq joked, putting the board back into her purse.
"Are you sure he said that?" John Paul asked, checking teletext for the time.
"Yeah, positive. Why? Can't you wait any longer to snog the face of 'im?"
Sheepishly smiling at his sister, John Paul reached for the remote and turned the telly off.
"So, do want to tell me why you don't to have a kid?" She pushed, tossing her bag on the end of John Paul's bed.
"What'cha mean, Jacq?" he nervously replied. He gripped his bed clothes so tight that his knuckles began to turn a pale white.
"Oh, pull the other one John Paul! You're wore liar now than you were at seventeen!" She remarked, taking his hand in her own. "Now, tell me the truth… why don't you want to have a kid."
He released of sigh as he gave up on hiding the truth.
"I… When we got married, we talked about kids and all that, and I was over the moon that it was him who brought it up, that I had nothing to do with wanting kids. But he said that we should wait a few years. So we did. But it the thought was niggling there, at the back of me head, whispering at me. And then, on New Year's, he brings it up. And all I feel is terrified."
Jacqui's failed to hid the confusion that she now carried and tried to put into words what she wanted to say. But there was no need, as John Paul continued to speak.
"I was terrified because I feared what the kid we had would be like… after everything both of our families have gone through with… with Matthew, I was terrified to think that we'd somehow end up with a kid who was ill… you know, someone who was crazy."
"John Paul, what-what happened with Niall was completely random… I mean, who knew that our older half brother would be so twisted. He'd been shunted from foster home to boys homes for most of his childhood. He'd never felt the love of a family around him. You and Craig would have make such great parents, any kid would be lucky to get ye!" She stated, her voice strong, confident. But John Paul heard none of it.
"So then I thought: surrogacy. But then comes the whole thing of, is it in my DNA? The psycho gene? Would our kid get it? I couldn't tempt fate, so I told Craig no, told him that I didn't want kids. I could see it was killing him, I could, but I just didn't want to tell him why. I mean, how could I? Even now, it sounds insane, Jacqui! I mean, what happened with Nia-Matthew was just something no one could've seen happening."
"So does this mean you've changed your mind?"
"How can I get back to wanting kids with him Jacqui? When things got tough, he went out, got drunk and shagged some stranger who gave him a smile. I'd overcome my whole fear of it, I was getting back on track with trusting him again, but I just don't know if he'll listen to me… I mean, over the past few months I've had him under the thumb, not given him any hint that I trust him again… he's told me all his hopes and dreams Jacqui, so many times has he told me them, yet I can't even be enough of a grown up to tell him my nightmares."
The door opened slowly, squeaking on its rusty hinges. Craig McDean stood tall and proud, with an air of sadness about him.
"Of course you can tell me John Paul… don't you think I have nightmares like that? I mean, my family isn't the best example of sanity – look at Jake, locked away in an institute! Or my own dad, who up and left us all to start a new family with a girl half his age. We both have reason's not to have kids, John Paul. But our love can is so strong… so bright, that it can make any situation better."
John Paul laughed back his tears as Jacqui quickly exited the room.
"Soppy git," He joked, patting the space beside him on his bed as he scooted further to the left.
Resting himself on the bed, Craig grinned as John Paul lay his head on his chest. Craig leaned forward and kissed the top of his husband's head.
"Yeah, but I'm your soppy git… no one elses."
--
It had been two weeks since the accident when John Paul McDean was finally allowed to go home. He was on edge with excitement of getting to leave the small, stuffy and, quite frankly, horrid-smelling hospital room he had occupied. His bags were packed, his crutches were leaning against the bed to his side so that he could walk by himself and he was waiting on his husband to finish handing back his discharge forms.
He was playing with his fingernails when his mother and husband arrived through the doorway. He jumped to his feet without thinking and quickly fell back onto his former bed.
"Whoa, mate, no sudden movements, remember?" Craig reminded, quickly aiding his fall. He passed over the walking-aides and grabbed JP's bag.
"Ready for the off, son?" Myra asked, her smile as wide as bright summer sun, "And just in time for New Year's and everything!"
"Not like I can drink or anything, what with all the meds the doctors have me on," he whined passing his mother who held the door open for him.
"All to make you better," Craig whispered, ignoring the sniggers from his husband, and the poorly-hidden comment of 'careful Lionel'.
"Still can't believe you lot got kicked out here on Christmas Day," Craig said, changing the topic efficiently, looking over his shoulder at his mother-in-law.
"I can't believe YOU were allowed to stay, the state of you and that eggnog!"
"Hey, it was to ease my hurting for not getting any lovin' from you in a few days!"
"Eh, not what I want to be hearing about my baby boy, lads!" Myra warned, shivering at the thoughts and images that forced themselves in her head.
Burning red with embarrassment, John Paul and Craig picked up the pace, or picked up as much as possibly, thanks to JP's crutches. They had just arrived at reception when the deep husky voice of one Mercedes Fisher was heard echoing down a corridor, as her high heels scrapped of the marble floor.
"Mal, if you don't move you're fat, drunken arse, I'll leave you for dust!"
"Ah, put a stop in it, woman! I've had it up to hear with ya! What's the rush anyway, it's not like he's a death's door anymore! He's probably already been discharged!" Mal exclaimed, his lilting Northern tones acting as a not-so-calming tool on his raging wife.
Mercy stopped in her tracks, almost twirling on the spot, her face a crash of anger and annoyance, "You did not just say that, you Paddy!"
"Ah, how original! Why did I agree to come with you today again?" Mal asked himself, looking to ceiling, as if asking the heavens themselves for guidance.
"The free booze that's on offer at the dog for the shindig that Frankie threw together for John Paul's release, remember?"
"Ah, now it's all coming back to me!"
"Oi, would you two pack it in or neither of ye will be getting into the Dog, alright?" Myra said, stopping herself from smacking the two of them around their heads.
"Sorry Mum," "Sorry Myra," The both mumbled.
"That's better. Now, c'mon and lead us to the car, we have to get back to the Dog to start celebrating the New Year properly."
--
The party was already becoming a night to remember just an hour after McQueen's arrived, but John Paul and Craig had finally found time to slink off for some private time.
"2 weeks, Johnny! 2 fucking weeks!" Craig moaned, his fingers delving beneath John Paul's waistband, stroking at the pale flesh of his husbands arse.
"It wasn't exactly 2 weeks, Craig, what about that blowjob I gave you on Boxing Day? Or when we jacked each other off the day after?" John Paul asked, sighing in contentment as his trackie bottoms and boxers fell to his feet. Sitting on the edge of the bed that Craig used when he came home for trips, John Paul forced his clothes past his feet, before grabbing at his hardness and starting to pleasure himself.
"Eh, let me do that!" Craig insisted, falling to his knees. He quickly removed John Paul's hand, replacing it with his own. He slowly moved his hand up and down John Paul's dick, watching as the glistening head revealed and hid itself once, twice. Hearing John Paul's breath hitch, Craig leaned forward and ran his tongue over the slit, tasting his lovers flesh.
"Oh, Craig… feels so good…" John Paul groaned, his head falling back as he released a silent shout of pleasure.
It came as shock to the both of them when John Paul suddenly choked, took a breath and warned Craig.
"I'm gonna cum Craig, I can't stop it, you're mouth is so hot…" He moaned, his eyes rolling inside his head as his essence spilled onto his partner's tongue.
The bedroom door suddenly burst open, and the brogue vowels of Jack Osbourne surrounded them.
"C'mon lads, you're mums are wanting to start taking famil… Oh! Sorry son, didn't know… ahem… I'll just see you two downstairs…" Jack blanched. Closing the door behind himself, he quickly shut his mouth and rushed back downstairs.
"Why is it always Jack?" Craig grimaced, falling the few inches back onto the floor and shaking his head from embarrassment.
"Hey, at least you were covering up any of me important bits!" John Paul reasoned, fighting the laughter that was bubbling in his chest.
"Yeah, but that just means that it was more obvious what exactly we were at!"
John Paul snorted, "Like they think we've been at the holding hands and kissing stage since school… didn't you tell me you told 'em all that were sleeping together?"
"Yeah, but they never had physical proof – till now!" Craig once more groaned, his head falling forward from shock.
"Well, don't just mope there… if you want to take control of the situation, you're gonna have to help me set meself… or do want me to go downstairs to both our families with me dick hanging out?" John Paul asked, his cocked as he watching Craig's reaction.
It took him a moment to release that Craig had begun to laugh, and he too soon followed suit.
"Hey, I love you," Craig suddenly reminded, staring at his husband with love and wonder.
"Yeah? Well I love you more," John Paul replied, leaning forward, teasing a kiss from his lover. "Now, why don't you put myself right and then we can join the festivities of ringing in the New Year, eh?"
--
It had been 5 weeks since the accident when the couple returned home to their flat in Liverpool. Craig had only yesterday relented to his husbands whining when Myra walked in on the pair of them in the shower enjoying each others company in a way she had never wanted to witness.
She caught sight of them as they pleasured each other, leaning against each other as the steam rose from the shower rose around them.
After all of John Paul's whinging, saying that he was fine, that he was able to ramble around their apartment on his own for weeks, it took all of five seconds after Myra slamming the door shut for Craig to announce that they were going home in the morning.
"About bloody time we got home! I love my family and everything, but I need my space… Mum was driving me up the wall, asking if I was okay, if my leg hurt, if I wanted a cuppa." John Paul sighed, relaxing back onto the plush couch that Craig had purchased during the summer after getting a promotion with his firm.
Craig laughed as he passed through the living room, heading to the kitchen to make himself and John Paul some bacon butties.
"I think I've gone off tea, the amount that I've drank over the past few weeks! Honestly."
Craig, in mock shock, through his hand to his mouth, "But that's like having Dec leaving Ant, like night and day… the world will be in mourning if you decided to see other beverages!"
John Paul pouted as Craig finally burst out laughing.
"Hey, I'm the invalid here – shouldn't I be getting a cuppa soup and a blanket, not being made fun of?"
"You haven't got a cold, and the cast is coming off in a week, what else do you expect from me?"
Tilting his head, John Paul smiled a slow smile, licking his lips wantingly.
"How 'bout a kiss?" He asked, fluttering his eyelashes.
"Hey, that's my bit!" Craig gasped, which was quickly followed by a pout and a flutter of his own lashes.
"Okay, I give in, you win – you are the best eye lash flutter here, now move your arse and kiss me!"
--
The door opened, and the howl of the wind echoed through the quiet house. He tossed his keys onto the hall stand, shuck off his rain-drenched coat and hung it on stand. He crept through the hall and living room to kitchen, shivering at the lack of warmth in the house.
Filling the kettle with water, he switched on and waited for it to boil, after filling a mug with some coffee and two spoonfuls of sugar. Switching on the heating, he filled his mug with the now-heated water and stirred.
Retiring to the sofa, he grabbed the remote and switched the TV on to some music channel, just for background noise.
It had been a hectic day for Craig, having his boss calling in to inspect his work for a high end client, and all he wanted was for JP to be here to brighten his day. But John Paul had called that lunch time, telling him he would be late home from work, having to catch up on important files and meetings that had taken place in his absence.
So Craig sat, waiting. He switched over to GOLD and started watching Two Pints… maybe that'd pick him up.
He had reclined into the comfort of the couch and was just about to nod off when he heard the key turn in the lock and the screeching wind reverberate around the house.
"Bloody hell, what a storm." John Paul muttered, and Craig heard the depositing of keys and a jacket being hung and something (probably JP's gloves) being draped across the radiator and falling before being placed again.
"Craig, you home?"
He was shuffling into the kitchen, reaching to wall to find the light switch as he entered the living room. Finding the telly flickering in the dark room, he caught sight of the lump curled up on the sattee.
"Craig? Babe, are you alright?" He questioned, moving to his partner.
"Hard day… boss did an impromptu inspection today… was totally unorganised with all my teams work." He sighed, rubbing his neck out of reflex. John Paul smiled at his movement and joined Craig.
Taking him into his arms, John Paul kissed the top of his head. Feeling Craig relax against his chest, John Paul smiled to himself, if only Craig knew what he had really been up today, it would lift him up to the highest heavens.
"Hey, it's alright now… you're always top of the ladder when it comes to your groups work and he won't count against one off day you've had, alright? Barry has always been a nice bloke, remember? You'll be fine."
John Paul felt Craig smile into his chest and breathed a sigh of release, another strop averted. Craig leant back, keeping within John Paul's arms and kissed him chastely.
"You always know how to make me feel better, always know what to say," Craig smiled, his tired eyes drooping low as the stress of his busy day caught up with him.
"So do you, you plonker. Now, what do you want for dinner?"
"Let's get a pizza, don't want to bother cooking."
"Alright, pass us the phone. The usual?"
Craig nodded, passing the phone over before returning his head against John Paul's chest.
--
A few bottles of beer, one pizza and a couple of hours later and the couple were lying on their bed, watching some rubbish American soap on the satellite channel. Craig was finally relaxed, using John Paul's stomach as pillow.
"You never said, did you get caught up at work?" Craig asked, grabbing the last slice of meat-feast pizza from the box and taking a large bar.
John Paul's eyes widened. He'd made up the lie after arranging a meeting for that afternoon, and hadn't prepared anything to cover his tracks. So he decided to say what exactly he had been at that afternoon.
"Eh… Craig, there's something I need to tell you. I… there was nothing I needed to catch up on… I was…"
"What were you doing John?" Craig asked, sitting up, waiting for John Paul's answer.
"I was… I was at the adoption office… I got us some info on adopting. I even met up with one of the people that we would be dealing through during the process," John Paul finished, feelign the blush begin at his neck and rise up to his face.
The shock that had arrived on Craig's face, quickly shifted into one of unbridled joy.
"Does this mean… what I think it means?" Craig quietly asked, smiling at him shyly.
"It does. If you still want to, of course."
"Of course I still want! I want very much!" Craig cheered. He leaned down, placing his head beside John Paul's on the pillow. John Paul turned over, facing Craig's wondrous smile.
"I'm sorry for not talking before, about everything. I just felt… I just felt like everything that I had gone through with Niall was a sign that I shouldn't have a kid that, I might affect him or her and not be able to deal with it. And I know that Niall was just a mass of mind problems and abandonment issues… and the fact that he was a psycho, but I still thought I could create the same thing."
"Johnny, it's alright. I do understand. I feared the same thing… I mean, look at Jake… he's in a mental institute for the rest of his life, after trying to kill himself and baby Charlie! I had nightmares of what might've happened if my son or daughter turned out like that. But I knew that we could overcome that together if happened, which is just as low a possibility as you becoming a woman!" Craig joked, resting his forehead against his husbands.
"So, if you're sure you're ready, we can start looking into it all in the morning together, going over the forms, alright?" Craig asked, rubbing his nose against John Paul's.
"I'm more than ready. I want a family with you."
Smiling brightly, Craig rested his lips against John Pauls and began, what they later referred to, as the best kiss of their lives.