TITLE: The News
AUTHOR: Wing
DISCLAIMER: The X-Files and all its characters belong to Fox Network and 1013.
CATEGORY: Vignette, MSR
RATING: PG
SPOILERS: Requiem through William
SUMMARY: Scully breaks the news to Mulder.
x x x
Behind those green orbs bubbled a happiness, albeit tempered by uncertainty, which was beautiful and unmistakable.
"Out of sight, out of mind," he said, and for the first time since his return he allowed a smile. "Or is it absence makes the heart grow fonder?" His eyes bored into hers and he studied them, intently yet tenderly. "Definitely the latter." His smile faded and he looked at some common object, somewhere in the distance past her right shoulder, avoiding for a moment her uncommon eyes. "At least for me, anyway."
She said nothing. Cogent thoughts and words were arrested by warring emotions within her. Love, joy, and ecstasy against fear, sorrow and shame.
Mulder wasn't stupid. Something was amiss with her, he just didn't know what. Against his will, his eyes misted. How he dreaded facing more disappointment. "So -"
"We need to talk." She said, trying to remain unemotional.
He sighed and unconsciously his head moved slowly, almost imperceptibly from left to right - his body and soul saying "no" without his voice's assistance. A heavy stone was in his stomach and his feet did not want to move.
It seemed to take hours for them to walk back to the car and settle themselves within it. The vinyl seats creaked and the new-car smell filled their nostrils. Scully stared at the dashboard before her, busily fiddling with a uneven fingernail on her left hand.
Mulder was feeling the beginnings of anger now. He'd already constructed several possible explanations - and he hated every one of them. "You've got something to tell me," he said, trying to sound unrattled. "So tell me."
She sighed and told herself everything would be all right. After a few moments of silence she began. "When William and I were all alone - you'll never know how horrible it was. And I was beginning to doubt that you'd ever come back to us." She paused, lowered her head and stared at the fingernail.
What is this? Mulder wondered. Over the past months he'd fought to keep his mind from entertaining the notion she'd find a lover. Visions of her with someone else attempted to creep into his conciousness during several sleepless nights, and at least once successfully invaded his dreams. "Go on," he said, anger threatening to color his tone.
"I've done something. At - at the time it seemed like it was the right thing to do - the only thing to do - for William." She stopped and sighed.
Mulder was convinced of it now. The muscles in his arms and chest grew taut, and the fingers of his right hand began to curl up. He pushed back questions about who he was and when it had started and said, "Just say it, Scully."
"I sent William - to a new home."
Mulder felt as if the wind had been knocked out of him. "What?"
"His life was in danger and I couldn't take - couldn't take knowing that I couldn't protect him - and scared all the time."
"Where is he?" Although her imagined lover had evaporated, Mulder found he was still very angry.
"The agency wouldn't tell me - except that it's a very good home in the northwest."
Mulder's fist tightened. "You gave our son - my son - up for adoption?" His chest heaved. "What'd you say? That 'the father' was dead?" In that second all he wanted to do was get away from her. He put his hand on the door handle.
"No!" She yelled and grabbed his arm. "Please!" She held her firm grip until he let go of the handle. "I didn't give him up for adoption - it's a foster home." His expression softened a bit, but now it was Scully's turn to be angry. "What did you expect me to do, Mulder? You weren't here. You don't know what it was like!" Her mind flashed back through her mad race to Canada to find William among burning wreckage; of the blood on his sheet and his screams of pain when Jeffrey injected him. Involuntarily she uttered, "Oh God!"
The look of horror on her face and the sick sound of her voice convinced him she had been through hell. "Scully," Mulder said more gently. "I'm sure you're right -
I don't know what you went through."
Tears were rolling down her cheeks. "It was so hard - and I miss him so much." She put her face in her hands and sobbed.
Mulder folded his arms across the steering wheel and laid his head against it. He had been picturing William's little face in his mind all these months, trying to imagine what the baby looked like as he grew. Knowing that he would be able to see him again was one thing that kept him going. Knowing he would see William in just a few days had been a source of great joy for him - and now that was gone. William was not with Scully's mother as he'd imagined - he wasn't even in this part of the country. He was with strangers, not even knowing who his real daddy was. Pain stabbed his chest and tears stung his eyes.
For a few minutes they each cried alone, then she reached out to touch his arm and he turned and clung to her. They buried their faces into each other's shoulders and cried together.
After several moments he lifted his head and touched her cheek, wiping some of the tears away.
"It's all right." He said. She hiccupped a sob. "You did what you had to do." He caressed her hair. "We will get this straightened out, and we'll bring him home."
Scully smiled. This was her Mulder, and she had not lost him. "Yes." She said. "I know we will."
END