A/N This is meant to go along with the song The Silence by Mayday Parade but I cannot do that because of copyright. But when you get to the part of the story where the title is written go look up the lyrics and read them. Even if you already know the song the it makes the story much better if you read the lyrics alongside it.
The scream tears its way out of me. It is piercing and primal. I shove my fist in my mouth, trying to cut it off. A gurgling choking sound persists and I can't calm myself down. I'm trembling, my breathing shallow and ragged, face wet with tears. There is no way to escape them. The nightmares follow me wherever I go, whatever I do. Jolting me awake, sweating and terrified. Hours can pass before I am able to think rationally again. Usually I can be comforted by Peeta. He wraps his strong arms around me, kissing my hair, whispering to me. That is the only time I really feel safe.
But tonight he is not here. Late in the evening today there was a fire in one of the old buildings in town. He was one of the people who had gone to help. I had wanted to come too but he had assured me that it would be put out quickly. He would be home before I knew it and I should stay and try to get some sleep. It was taking longer than expected. I needed him right now. I can't be alone with the ghosts.
Everyone who has died. Their faces forever burned into my memory. Fingers clawing at my hair and clothes and hands. Why should I still be alive when they can't? Shrieks and whispers. Cold clammy hands on the back of my neck. Deaths replayed countless times in front of me whole I am paralyzed with fear unable to move to save them. Why didn't I save them? Why aren't they here anymore? I have become hysterical. Short gasping bursts of air. Sobs that shake me so violently I cannot catch my breath. Noises are coming from me that I didn't even know I was capable of. My hands tear at my hair, my face, creating bloody trenches in my cheeks. I can't take it. I can't live like this. I can't. I can't. I can't. I break down entirely, crumpling to the floor, my screams blending together in an unbroken cry of terror and unimaginable pain.
The Silence
All of a sudden it all disappears. I feel so warm and protected. It's Peeta. I didn't even see him come in. But now that I am wrapped in his arms everything feels right. He is stroking my hair, using his thumb to gently wipe the tears away. The tremors aren't so powerful now. Peeta takes my hand, kissing each of the fingertips, whispering to me between every one. I don' hear a word. I am too mesmerized by his eyes. The quiet but intense power, the deep unconditional love, the pure indescribable goodness. I have lost more in my life than I can even imagine. But I have gained Peeta. Even though I will never forget the sacrifice of those who died, I decide now to never look back. To honor them in everything I do, but not let them control my life. I will always love them but I know now that the love will never compare to what I feel for Peeta. I will release my past and never let go of the boy with the bread.