I should be working on my other stories, but dangit, I was working on one when this idea came crashing in. So enjoy some Federico/Vieri twists on fairytales. And then I'll get back to Sea Hat. (Also, any criticism to put them more in character is welcomed.)
...
Prince Vieri was practicing his riding in the country side. Now, it was unfair to say that he had no interest in ruling, but rather, he had no interest in the Princes and Princesses that were to visit. His father, however, insisted that Vieri have a husband or wife to continue the line with.
Vieri double checked the treasury. Indeed, they were not in debt, the crops were fine, the aqua ducts were fine, and nothing serious had interrupted the travel lines.
So why was father forcing him into a marriage?
Frustrated, Vieri brought Fidelity to a stop and got off. When he threw a fit, he didn't like subjecting his horses to them.
He stormed a ways into the forest, snarling under his breath, and screaming a few times in frustration. Finally, he sat down on a stump.
Putting his head in his hands, Vieri inhaled deeply. "Okay, fit over. Now what?"
"What indeed."
Vieri yelped, falling over backwards.
"Who!"
A frog by the stump looked at him.
"Me. Your screaming was really annoying, it woke me up."
Vieri blinked at the frog.
"…Sorry. Just, trying to work something out."
"Need any help?"
Vieri looked at the frog as he untangled himself. "I'm afraid this matter is something of my personal life. I don't think you have advice I could use." He said shortly. "Excuse me. My bad mood and I are moving…somewhere else."
Vieri pushed himself to his feet. There wasn't anyone his father particularly hated, so he wasn't going to be starting any wars to post pone a marriage, he couldn't marry someone from his own kingdom, he already owned all the land and no one had a dowry big enough.
He could marry one of his friends- ugh, no, forget that. The sex would be horrible, and they would end up splitting, and the populace never take well to unruly-ness in the ruling families.
So who could he marry? Someone with enough coin for his father not to nag them, someone inviting enough for Vieri to want to do something other than talk about himself and horses, and someone with enough land for the populace to grow. Or trade. Or mingle.
Vieri pulled out three balls. A small gold one, a medium silver one, and brass one the size of an apple. He juggled them, freeing up his mind to focus on the problem as his hands were kept busy. It was just something he had, a quirk. If his body was active, he thought better.
Vieri walked around, weaving around trees and thinking about the problem. If anything, he could pass the throne to his sister and host a ball later on in his reign. No one paid attention to a quiet parting of ways if the spot light was on someone else.
His foot caught on something and the balls flew out of his hands, landing with a plop after a long silence.
Vieri crawled over, and stared down the abandoned well.
Oh, this sucked. His mother- his dead mother- was the one who gave him those balls after he followed and succeeded in juggling. A lesson and reward in applying himself until he got what he wanted.
And now all three were in the dark abyss down there.
Vieri started looking around. There had to be a way he could climb down there and get them back. A vine, or a rope, or something. Vieri scowled at his riding clothes. Of course he wore plain black pants, black leather boots and a simple white long sleeve shirt that tied at the second to top hole. He reached up and swept a hand through his hair.
A minor panic attack later, he recalled leaving his hat in his dresser, and settled back down.
"Still haven't solved your problem?"
Vieri glanced to the side. The frog from earlier.
"No. Now I have two problems. My dead mother's" he gestured to the well "three balls just fell in there because I was careless. Do you know of any vines around here I could use to climb down and get them?"
The frog hopped over and looked into the well.
"I can get them."
"You're a frog."
"I can get them."
"How? And how do I repay you for your kindness?"
"Let's discuss that after I get them."
And with that, the frog dove into the water. Vieri sat there, and then the brass ball and was brought up on the frogs back, and Vieri accepted it back.
"What do you want in return?"
"I'd like to meet your father. Take me with you when you go back."
Vieri felt his eyebrows rise up. "Are trying to humiliate me?"
"No. I just want to meet your father. You can tell him I helped you."
Vieri stared at the frog. "That you did. Alright, fine."
The frog dove back into the water.
When he resurfaced, the silver ball was kicked up with him, nearly hitting Vieri in the face if it wasn't for his quick reflexes. The frog landed and looked at him.
"What's your price for this retrieval?" Vieri asked.
"I'd like to have dinner with you after meeting your father."
"Can you eat-"
"A small amount, yes. Fetching the balls is making me hungry." The frog replied. "But you're certain you will do this?"
Vieri looked at the frog. "You've retrieved two of my departed mother's possessions. Repaying you is the least I can do. These mean a lot to me. A lot more than what they're worth in weight." Vieri smiled at the frog.
"When I miss her, I clink them together and they sound like the music she would play to put me to sleep." Vieri rolled the orbs around his hand, and the frog leapt back into the well.
He came out with the golden orb in his mouth. Vieri made a face, but shook it off. The orb was too small to be carried on the frogs back. He reached out a hand for the frog to spit the ball onto, but the frog instead dropped it to the ground and put his webbed hand over it.
"I want to sleep in your bed after dinner."
"I'm sorry?" Vieri surely had not heard the frog right.
"I want to sleep in your bed."
"Where am I supposed to sleep then?" Vieri yelped. He eyed the small golden ball under the frogs' front hand.
"Sleep with me?"
"WHAT!" Vieri shrieked. "I agree to you meeting my father, I agree to dinner, but I draw the line at- Er, wait. You're a frog." Vieri stared at him. Then he stood up, and walked away. "Keep the gold one and your favors. I'm out of here." He called back.
"Wait, come back! It'll take me forever to reach the castle." The frog yelled after him.
Vieri threw a look over his shoulder. "You'd never reach it." Then he whistled for Fidelity and galloped back home.
The frog's echoing yell of 'You made a promise!' faded behind him.
….
Vieri removed the tack, curried Fidelity, and led the stallion to the stable and checked the clean water and oats before leaving to clean the tack.
His father was waiting for him.
"Vieri, welcome back. Have you calmed down?"
"I made three promises to a frog, but he asked something I just don't feel comfortable giving him, and I walked away." Vieri blurted out. His father gave him a surprised look.
"Vieri…I raised you better."
"He wanted a spot on my bed! I freaked out!"
"Vieri, it's a frog. It isn't any dirtier than the time you slept in the stables waiting for Fidelity to be born. Now go back out and bring the frog in. Get, boy." Francesco shoo'd Vieri out.
"Yes, father." Vieri replied, and walked back out to the forest.
-A Long Walk Later-
"You…really are going to hop all the way to the castle, aren't you?" Vieri asked, looking down at the frog.
"Well, gold isn't worth a lot to me, and this orb is worth a lot to you. It would be rude of me not to return your treasure, at least."
Vieri reached out a hand. "Hop on. Father's expecting you. And he's expecting me to follow through on my promises." Vieri grimaced, but held his palm steady as the frog climbed on.
Vieri turned around and walked back to the castle, the frog resting on his hand.
"Do you have a name for when I introduce you to my father?" Vieri questioned the frog.
"I am a frog." The frog replied. Vieri scowled.
"If you're trying to be funny, it's not working. How about just 'the frog that helped me'?"
The frog swelled out his neck and ribbit. Vieri sighed and continued walking.
-A Long Walk Back-
Francesco had the servants greet Vieri at the gate with a pillow and bring the frog to the dinner table while Vieri bathed after sweating in the sun.
Vieri hurried through the bath and arrived at the table with his hair still damp. "I hope no one was too hungry waiting on me." He gasped out, settling in his seat. The frog turned to him.
"It's alright. Your father was showing me the miniature portraits he has of you."
"Father!"
"What? You were cute as a child." Francesco replied. He raised his hand, cutting off Vieri's reply, and the hall settled. After giving his blessing, the court ate and gossiped about the talking frog. Or about Vieri's upcoming suitor's.
Viola watched the frog and Vieri from across the table. Vieri glanced at his sister, who shook her head. She returned to her soup, and quietly discussed with her hand maidens something Vieri couldn't make out in her sotto voche.
Vieri fed the frog bits from his own plate, and talked with his father about the housing for the suitors.
"But I don't have to cycle through all of them, right? Once I find someone who meets at least two out of three criteria, I can stop?"
"Vieri, it's your life. If you want to settle for the first person that meets your criteria, go ahead. But I don't want you fretting yourself away with 'what if's' and wondering about holding out for that special someone."
Vieri sent his father a predatory smile.
"Given what my criteria are, I think I have no fear of that. Anyone who meets it in the first place would win."
Francesco smiled benignly. "Always with the competitions with you, Vieri."
"I'm sorry, but what criteria?" the frog asked from his seat on the cushion.
"Well, my son wants someone who knows how to have sex and show him how to have great sex," Vieri choked on his mouthful of wine, nearly slamming the goblet back down. He glared at his father as Francesco ignored him and ticked off his fingers. "someone who has land so the populace may expand and sustain, someone with their own dowry or a job that would suffice as a dowry, since Vieri teaches swordsmanship and horseback riding instead of just living off the taxes, and someone 'interesting'. Someone who he wants to talk to and wants to know and even if he were to know everything about them, would love them. Otherwise, when Vieri is talking with dullards, he tends to ramble on about himself. And interesting things that happen to him. One time, he started crying because he was so bored."
"Father." Vieri blushed, and picked at his meat. Francesco smiled and sipped his drink.
The minstrels came out to play, and then left as the servants began clearing the area. That's two of the promises, Vieri reminded himself. Picking up the cushion, he went to his bedroom in the east wing, locking the door behind him. He used the waste bucket that had a spell to remove the waste to a location outside the castle, and wondered again where his family would be without magic.
"Are you a practitioner?"
"What? No. Grandfather had that spell set up for inside the castle. It needs upkeep, but otherwise it works. You need to use it?"
"No thanks." The frog replied, leaping off the pillow and landing on Vieri's bed.
The frog turned to look at Vieri and Vieri pointed a finger down and spun it. "What?" asked the frog.
Vieri blushed. "Could you turn around please? I need to change for bed." Indeed, he was wearing another outfit like he had one for riding, but this one was covered with a long, earthy brown over shirt that had three-quarter sleeves and a v-neck. A belt was tied through a ring and the excess hung down.
Vieri blushed as the frog turned around, his back legs kicking.
Vieri changed quickly, pulling a long pale blue night shift over his head. He picked up the clothes and hung them over the chair in the room. "You can turn around now." He called out.
He heard the soft thwump of the frog jumping again. Vieri turned around, and the frog was on the pillow next to the side he liked to sleep on. Pulling back the covers, Vieri slid into bed.
"Goodnight, Frog. Sleep well." Vieri told him.
"No good night kiss?"
Vieri whipped his head back around his hair fanned out. He stared at the frog incredulously. "And what are you going to give me in return for my first kiss?" He hissed.
The frog blinked at him.
"I didn't mean on the lips."
"I-sorry. It's just, my sister insists that I need to get laid. Apparently she did last month with some- some Ezio person from a kingdom or a few over, and I'm wondering how she got taken in by that sweet talking."
"She might mean the Auditore son."
"Ugh. That womanizer. Well, at least he treated my sister right. She wasn't complaining about it, at least." Vieri pulled a face, and then pecked the frog on nose.
"Good night!" Vieri called out, bringing the blankets over his head and burying his red face in his blanket.
The frog shifter around, and then something cold poked through the barrier.
"Hey. It's alright to be embarrassed." The frog told him kindly.
"Are you sure? I mean, I don't even…" Vieri bit his lip, trailing off.
"Really? No wonder you need someone." Vieri glanced at the frog. "Badly." The frog added in a playful tone.
"Augh! Stronzo! That was mean!"
"And true!" The frog teased back.
Vieri's hand raised up, and he froze. "I, oh, stronzo, sorry. I can't hit you. I'd kill you." Vieri curled up and laid down looking at the frog. "But it wasn't nice of you to tease me." He grumped.
The frog watched him back. "I don't know. I think I like teasing you. You're so much fun." Vieri sighed and rolled his eyes, falling asleep after a long and emotionally draining day.
A hand brushed his hair back behind his ear.
"Sleep well, Prince Vieri."
Vieri mumbled a 'you too, stronzo' under his breath and fell into unconsciousness.
….
Vieri was awoken to giggling, and then the door closing.
"What's going on?"
"Just your helpful sister dropping off some condoms in case you don't like cum dripping back out." A new voice drifted to his ears. Vieri sat up. There was a strange, nude man standing by his bed. Vieri looked first to where frog was supposed to be sleeping, but the pillow was empty.
"Where's-"
"I'm right here."
"But how-"
"A witch got mad at my brother for turning her down, I got hit by the spell protecting him."
"So why-"
"He was taking me back and we woke up to you screaming. So I went to help you and he's currently talking to your father about my 'courting' you. According to your sister, Francesco's saying that if I pass your criteria, I win his blessing for your hand."
Vieri opened his mouth and shut it, his eyes traveling over the man in front of him.
"Ah…." What was he supposed to say?
"My name is Vieri, from the Pazzi Kingdom. If you would be so kind as to introduce yourself, stronzo." Vieri informed him guardedly.
The man laughed. Vieri was distinctly reminded of the way the frog had started teasing him earlier, except this man was about as tall as he was, broader in the shoulder, a nice golden tan all around with no white marks, and fine black hair on his chest that traveled down to-
Vieri averted his gaze.
"Ah, ah, part of knowing how to have sex is to let your partner know you appreciate them." He was chided.
Vieri jerked his gaze back up to the stranger's eyes, and noticed they were sincere.
"My name is Federico de' Auditore, and I wish to court you, Vieri de' Pazzi." Vieri nodded.
"Federico…" It bumped over his tongue on the 'd' but Vieri loved how it rolled out of his mouth. The once enchanted talking frog leaned over him, and Vieri instinctively did not like him towering over him. Much less climbing over him to get in the bed.
"Hey!"
"Don't be scared. But I really am better at showing than telling you what we'll be doing…."
…..
Vieri laid back, gasping. Sweat dripped from his face, his hair was plastered, and even while his body cooled from being overheated, he wanted to snuggle back into Federico's arms.
He leaned up against Federico.
An arm curled around his chest, and Vieri turned on his side to roll closer. The blanket was pulled up to his waist.
"I take it that I meet your criteria?"
"Hmmm, yes. You're interesting." Vieri murmured, and fell back asleep.
….
The public were notified of their engagement the next week. Vieri and Federico moved out to the abandoned palace were the new kingdom borders ran, and lived ever after.
Happily.