Girl Talk
Special Agent Dana Scully sat in front of her computer screen, telephone in hand, preparing to make yet another "routine background check," on some poor innocent sucker applying for a government job, Mr. Wilbur McClure.
.
"Oh, Wilbur, Wilbur, what were you thinking?" Scully thought ruefully as she looked at the pile of files awaiting her, * Run like hell, before you end up like Me! *
She sighed and checked her watch, for at least the hundredth time since she had come in this morning. 11:30. Nearly time for lunch, and where the hell was Mulder?! True, their present assignment was way too much like telemarketing and light-years away from the X-files that were his life (Their lives), but still, Mulder could at least show up! After all, she was here, gamely doing her "detention", showing her new "Principal", Kersh, that she was a team player, but Mulder? Where was he? No answer on the ol' cell phone, and nothing but answering machine at his apartment.
"He wouldn't have gone on another one of his clandestine X-files without telling me...would he?"
The last time Mulder had gone AWOL, to investigate a case of "demon fetal harvesting," he'd left her here to cover his ass. But at least he had confided in her, and she had helped him. And, of course, last month, she, herself, had had her own little X-file; a run-in with the photographer Fenning, which had put her in the hospital with a near-fatal gunshot wound. In fact, she could have been home, should have been home, but honestly, she felt fine and had no desire to hang around her apartment, brooding about her "umpteenth" close call. Nope. A little mindless background checking, maybe lunch with Mulder, an afternoon of secretly watching Mulder try to stay awake at his desk, followed by a solitary evening of take-out and rental…why that was just what the Doctor (Scully, M.D.) ordered. But where was Mulder?
*This is silly. He probably took a personal day, and Kersh didn't bother to tell me. He's probably paying his parking tickets, and picking up his dry cleaning and recycling his cans. Why would he tell me?.....But I miss him.*
Scully finished her check on Mr. McClure and turned off her computer. Lunch. Finally. She would give no more thought to Mulder's absence. Until he appeared bright eyed and bushy-tailed, or more likely, hung-over and grouchy tomorrow morning, she wouldn't think of him at all. *So there. * A woman's voice, low and sexy interrupted her reverie.
"Excuse me… Are you special Agent Dana Scully?"
Scully looked up, and up at a statuesque blonde who stood at her desk, looking like she just stepped off the stage of some Las Vegas showroom. Her expensive- looking suit, which on Scully would have looked professional, somehow molded to her body and looked voluptuous. Even her visitor's tag, hung provocatively to her breast and her golden hair framed a face that was reminiscent of Pamela Lee.
*God. She must be six foot two in those spike heels!*
Scully wasn't usually intimidated by tall women, or men either for that matter. She was comfortable with her size, or lack thereof, and in fact, often used it to her advantage, as her opponents tended to underestimate her strength and ferocity. But there was something about this woman, in spite of her large blue eyes and innocent expression, which was clearly meant to intimidate, making Scully feel as though she had been caught with her hair in curlers and a mud-pack on her face. She sat up as straight and tall as possible, regretting her hasty choice of a brown tailored pant suit and flat shoes this morning. Not that she would ever wear a suit that color red!
"Is there something I can do for you?"
"Well, actually, I'm looking for Fox Mulder. Several people told me that you were the one to ask."
*Mulder! Now what?! This woman looks like she wandered in from one of your videos! Ha...that's what you get for not showing up!*
"Well, are you? The one to ask, I mean."
"Special Agent Mulder is my partner, if that's what you mean," Scully replied, coolly, responding to the sneer in the blonde's tone.
"Well, where is he?" *Good question.*
"Agent Mulder isn't in today, but I will be more than happy to give him a message. May I have your name?"
The blond laughed, a tinkly tone that set Scully's teeth on edge, "Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm Sharon Lefferts."
She seemed to expect some reaction from Scully, but Scully merely wrote the name on a message pad, along with the time and date. She looked up.
"I'm sorry. Does he know you? He didn't leave me your name or any indication that he was expecting a visitor." *Thanks a lot, Mulder*
Sharon laughed again. "Oh Fox wasn't expecting me, but he does know me...in fact we used to be married."
Scully was literally speechless. Mulder married? To her? And he never said one word about it. How could this be? I thought I knew him.* Scully tried to repress the wave of hurt that washed over her. *I can not let this bitch know she's shocked me. Be cool Scully!*
"Oh, Mulder's ex-wife! Of course. I didn't recognize the last name."
"I went back to my maiden name after the divorce. Well, is Fox at home? I don't have his address. Maybe you could give it to me and I won't bother your further."
*Wait a minute here, folks. How do I know she's telling the truth? She calls him Fox, and nobody does that. I mean, first Mulder disappears, and then she shows up. It could be a trap*
"I'm sorry but that is confidential information. Do you have any proof that you are Mulder's ex-wife?"
Sharon smirked, "Proof? Well, I could tell you what he's like in bed. Would that help?'
*Unfortunately no.*
"I don't think that would be very helpful."
"Oh too bad. And you're so pretty too."
Scully refused to let the woman get to her. "What I meant was, it might prove you were lovers, but not that you were married."
Sharon laughed, "Touché. Smart as well as pretty. Well, I'm sorry but I don't carry my wedding pictures around with me. After all, We've been divorced for almost seven years."
*And I've know him for six!*
"Listen, I've been standing in these heels all morning. Why don't I buy you some lunch and we can talk."
*Sure. Why the hell not. I'm obviously not going to get any details from Mulder.*
"Sure, why not? There's a place a few blocks from here. We can walk."
Scully stood up. * Great! Of all the days to wear flats! We look like Mutt and Jeff! *
Scully looked at Sharon. "You must be wearing that suit to impress Mulder. Red is his favorite color. I can't wear it myself."
The tall blonde laughed. "Nice try, Agent Scully. I'm wearing this suit because it looks great on me, and makes me feel good. I know Fox can't see the color red."
Scully was aware of several sets of eyes watching her and Sharon as they left the room and made their way out of the FBI Building. Thank goodness she was used to walking with Mulder. The blonde set a fast pace and Scully had to hustle to keep up. Obviously those spike heels weren't cramping her style all that much. Once at the restaurant, they checked their coats and sat down. Scully was dismayed to find that she was out of breath, after only three blocks! *Take a few deep breaths and hang tough Scully! You just got out of the hospital, for God's sake! Don't let her see your weakness. *
"So, Dana, what's good here? You don't mind me calling you Dana, do you?"
"Be my guest. I'm sure Mulder didn't mind you calling him Fox."
Sharon laughed again. "Fox hated me calling him that!
Scully's eyes flashed "So why did you?"
Sharon shrugged, "Who knows why any of us do anything? To bug him, I guess. I certainly wasn't going to go around calling my own husband, 'Mulder', the way those creepy friends of his did!"
*So the Lone Gunmen knew about this marriage! Of course they did! Probably sworn to secrecy in some midnight oath! I've got to have a word with those boys! *
The two women ordered salads and white wine. "So tell me,
Sharon, how did you and Mulder meet?"
"We met at the bureau. I had just become an agent."
"You were an FBI Agent?" *Heaven help us all! *
" I craved adventure. I wanted to be Clarise Starling in Silence of the Lambs! I thought that it would be exciting!"
"And it wasn't?"
"Well, there were moments. But mostly it was tiresome paperwork. Routine background checks! I had graduated at the top of my class, dammit. I wanted more.... Fox could have had more. He could have been a Goddamned AD by now! But he blew it all away chasing aliens!"
"Well, there was his sister."
"His sister? Precious Samantha? The Alien Abduction poster child? Please. Don't tell me about fucking Samantha!"
She paused. "You know, last year during the big Titanic craze, I saw a tee shirt that reminded me of Fox. There was the photo of the Titanic in all it's glory and underneath a caption said, 'It sank. Get over it.' I was tempted to send it to him. Anonymously."
*Well, so much for compassion and understanding. Obviously a match made in heaven.*
"Pardon me for asking, but why on earth did you marry him?"
"Well, I know why I slept with him! He was so fucking handsome! Not in a conventional way, but in a Revenge of the Nerds kind of way, if you get my drift. And he was so brilliant! He had potential. He was profiling in those days, and he was amazing. Actually I didn't want to get married at all. That was all Fox's idea."
*Incredible! *
"That doesn't sound like Mulder, somehow."
"He had this crazy fantasy about a home life out of a fifties sitcom, Leave it to Beaver, or some such shit. I guess his own parents weren't exactly Ward and what's her name."
"June. And no, I guess they weren't."
"Anyway, he wanted a white picket fence and 2.3 children, the whole deal. I told him I wasn't the picket fence type, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. He can be very persuasive."
- *Tell me about it. Though why Mulder would chose this bimbo as his June Cleaver… *
As if reading Scully's thoughts, Sharon continued. "Of course I didn't look like this then. My hair was darker and I wore glasses, and I didn't have these," indicating her breasts.
"Anyway, I guess I looked the part. But Dana, I had potential too, dammit. And it certainly wasn't being recognized where I was. I loathed being married. It was a mistake right from the start."
"So what happened?"
"Well, Fox can be very stubborn. I bitched and moaned, as you can imagine. But he wouldn't hear it. Around that time he was turning his Samantha obsession into something he called the X-files. He was seldom home anymore. I guess he was escaping from me, from us, into outer space or the paranormal, or whatever. God knows when he was home he hardly ever slept, and when he did he had horrible nightmares. Still, I don't think he would have ever ended our torture if it hadn't been for that pretty blonde in the accounting office."
*My God. That really doesn't sound like the Mulder I've come to know. And love. *
"Mulder left you for another woman?"
Sharon laughed. "Fox? No, you've misunderstood. The blonde wasn't Fox's lover, she was mine."
*My God. Poor Mulder! No wonder he never talked about this marriage! *
"So you're a.."
"Lesbian? No. I'm not that...discriminating. But the other men I'd been with just didn't seem to do the trick. Betsy worked. He left me soon after he found out about her."
"I see. And the 2.3 children?"
"Well, I got as far as the point 3. But no sense dwelling on that little episode. I was not cut out for the whole mothering bit."
*Was this woman human? No wonder Mulder could take creatures like the Flukeman in stride. He'd already encountered the monster under the bed. *
"Did Fox..uh Mulder know about the baby?" *Now the bitch has got Me doing it! *
"No. No point in opening that can of worms. That's just between us girls."
"Did you ever even love him?"
"Love is a very over-rated concept, except in romance novels. We all have needs. We fulfill those needs as best we can."
"I guess you feel about love, the way Mulder feels about the color red."
"Yes, very well put. If you've never experienced it, you never miss it do you?"
"I guess not."
*And Mulder never knew he could have been a father. I guess he'll never miss that either. Don't cry Scully, I command you!!! *
"You're in love with him, aren't you? I can see you sitting there being polite, when you really want to bash my head in."
"I'm an FBI agent. I deal with murderers and criminals all the time. *And aliens and liver-eating monsters, but never one I've wanted to kill more than you. * I can control myself. Mulder's my partner, and my best friend. It's nothing more than that."
"Well, it probably would be, if I hadn't traumatized him for life." Sharon laughed. "But I do bear him one piece of good news. Which is why I came to see him in the first place. He won't take my phone calls, for some reason."
*I can't imagine why * "Can you tell me? Or should I have him call you."
"Never mind. Just give him this." Sharon handed Scully a legal envelope. "I'm getting married again, so no more alimony."
"Mulder's been paying you alimony?"
"Well, of course. He left Me, and a girl's got to live, doesn't she?"
"What do you do, anyway? You left the bureau before I joined. That I know."
Sharon smiled. "I guess you wouldn't recognize me. But I am considered something of a superstar, in certain circles."
"And what circles would those be?" *As if I didn't know *
"I prefer to refer to them as adult videos. Porn is such an ugly word."
*Damn. I knew it! Mulder, you and I have got to Talk! *
"Well, Dana, I've got to be going. I'm glad to see that Fox is in such good hands. He deserves a little happiness. You give him that letter, okay?"
"Oh, I'll give it to him, don't worry."
At the restaurant door, Sharon hailed a cab, and Scully walked back to the FBI building. She walked to her desk and there was Mulder, sitting at his computer, munching sunflower seeds. Scully looked at the face she loved, oblivious of the encounter with Sharon, his secrets still secret.. A thought occurred to her. Did Mulder even recognize his ex-wife in those videos he rented? Wouldn't that be the ultimate irony?
"Mulder, where have you been all morning?"
"Oh Hi Scully. Didn't Kersh tell you? I took the morning off. Had to pay some parking tickets, pick up my dry-cleaning, recycle all of those cans, stuff like that, you know. How about you? What have You been up to?"
"Oh, you know, Mulder," she said handing him the envelope, "Just a little girl talk."