Title: The Pearly Gates (1/3?)
Fandom: DC
Character(s): Ted Kord (The Blue Beetle II)
Rating: G
Summary: The after life isn't all it's cut out to be.
Author's Note: I was thinking on the revolving-door policy for heroic life and death, and then I started thinking on Ted. This was the result.
He hadn't expected this. People tend to imply that the door to the afterlife is a great big gateway sitting in a field of clouds, so the reality of death was somewhat bewildering. After all, no one dies expecting to find themselves standing in a cozy sort of waiting room filled with people hunched over clipboards and scribbling frantically.
After blinking for a few seconds, Ted Kord, the late Blue Beetle, approached the desk in front of him which, coincidentally enough, had a sign stating 'Receptionist' in large cheery letters.
"Uhm..."
The kindly lady sitting at the desk looked up at him over her silver half-moon glasses.
"Ah, Theodore Kord, correct? We've been expecting you for a while now. Granted, you super-heroes always do tend to finagle your way around death through the strangest loop holes, don't you?" She smiled at his glazed-over stare and patted his hand comfortingly. "There, there, dear. Just take a seat and fill out the forms. If you finish them, you can bring them back to me and we'll see about getting you where you're going." The lady pulled a brightly coloured clipboard from under her desk and firmly placed it and a pen into Ted's hands.
Dazed, Ted took the offered clip-board and wandered off to take a seat in one of the strangely comfortable plastic chairs which lined the walls of the room. It was only after he had finished filling out the first few lines of information (Last name: Kord, First name: Theodore, and so on) that he realized something.
"Hey, why did she say 'if', not 'when?"
The blonde seated beside him chuckled under her breath.
"It's because hardly anybody ever finished their forms before they get called back to life, silly."
Ted's mind tried to process this and failed, so it clicked onto auto-listen, a skill well-honed by years of association with Booster, Max, Fire and other "preachy people". Oblivious to this, the girl chatted on.
"Goodness knows people try, but I've never seen anyone get through all of their papers. Donna Troy's been through more than 6 different series of forms, and she's gotten to the point where she fills out spares for other people to keep for her for when she gets back! Actually, I think the person who's gotten closest to the end was that Jason Todd boy. He almost made it, but then he got pulled back into the fray just before he finished the 45-Z-3H."
Later, Ted would reflect on the fact that he was about to say something intelligent, but at that moment the girl smiled a startlingly familiar million-watt grin and held out her hand.
"By the way, I'm Michelle Carter. I don't suppose you've got any news about Booster Gold?" After a pause, she added a wistful, "Or maybe even a guy called Michael Carter?"
At that point, the only thing Ted could possibly say was "Bwuh?"