My entry for the Age of Edward Contest 2017. Judge, author-self-insert's personal pick!
Standard Disclaimer: The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.
Laid to Rest
Forks Prairie, WA, 1893
Goddamn it, I'm gonna be late again!
Four months in this town and I ain't been on time but twice.
Runnin' across the street, I'm kickin' up the dust as I head toward the church. The first notes of Mrs. Cope on the old piano are playin' as I step through the doors; slippin' into my seat at the last second; much to the dismay of my dear Aunt Esme.
"You're late," she whispers into my ear.
"Sorry."
"You're a mess, too. Forget how to button your shirt?"
Lookin' down, I see I am a right mess, buttons all mixed up and in the wrong holes. I'm quick to fix 'em and then I turn my attention back to the music. When it's time to stand and sing, I catch a glimpse of pretty little Bella Swan. She's been looking my way too, 'cause she looks away right quick.
And that's fine. Gives me a chance to look her over. She ain't done up like most other girls her age. Her dress is simple, if not a little old-fashioned. The collar looks a little stiff, the lace probably itchy. But, she seems to wear it with pride. Her hair ain't fixed up like the Stanley girls' either. It's all loose and wavy, not twisted on top of her head. I don't think she cares much for these Stanley girls either. I think I heard her a few weeks call them ribbon-headed ninnies.
Her and her Pa are arguin' with each other; Bella gettin' an elbow to the side. She straightens up right quick then. Her and her Pa sing along, Charlie stoppin' every now and then to cough into his handkerchief. I'm gettin' the evil eye from Aunt Es, so I know I'm next to get an elbow to the side if I don't start payin' attention too, even if I am twenty years old. She told me when I got to town that if I was gonna act like a kid, she'd treat me like one.
Reverend Cheney ain't the most lively speaker, so it's hard to pay much attention without fallin' asleep. And Lord, does he like to talk. Must ramble on for an hour about the virtues we need to have to get into heaven, all the while I'm spyin' Miss Bella thinkin' that we just might have a little bit of heaven right here on earth.
When the service is finally over, the congregation spills out into the bright afternoon sun. Polite chitchat and what Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme call 'small talk' is made, fake smiles all around. I've been dragged into a discussion about the upcoming plantin' season and what crops might do well this year, and all I can do is watch as the Stanley sisters, Jessica and Lauren, make their way toward Bella. I know they won't be nothin' but trouble, judgin' by the looks on their faces.
Watchin' the exchange, I know the moment they've done somethin' to break Bella's spirit, her face fallin' and her shoulders slumipin'. It makes me want to run over and tell her a silly joke just to see her smile again. The few times her and her Pa have eaten a meal with our family I've had the pleasure of makin' her laugh, and nothin's better than seein' that smile.
When I see Aunt Esme hoverin' nearby, it makes me feel a little better, knowin' she'll more than likely try to put those two trouble makers in their place. When she swoops in, Miss Bella's face lights right up.
"So, you'll be plantin' hay this year, Mr. Swan?" Mr. Newton asks Charlie.
"Oh, well that's the plan," he answers noncommittally.
"I think I'm gonna plant..."
"Edward, dear, won't you join us?" My attention is drawn away by Aunt Esme callin' me over.
"Excuse me, gentlemen," I say with a tip of my hat. As I walk over to the group of ladies, Miss Bella is starin' damn near through me. I stand a little straighter, and smirk just a little, too. Even from where I am, Aunt Esme's tryin' to get her attention. As I get closer, I can hear her flustered reply.
"I'm sorry, what was that?" she asks, her cheeks tinged pink in embarrassment.
Esme just looks amused. "Oh, I was just asking if there were plans for you to go away to school, or to see the big city?"
"No, ma'am. Daddy needs me here. It's a big job gettin' the fields planted and harvested. Even when he's hired a couple hands over the last few years, I need to stay and keep the house in order for him." Even if she says she doesn't have plans to go away, there's a wistful look on her face.
As I step closer to them, I tip my hat in greeting. "Ladies." Turning my attention away from the beautiful, doe-eyed girl standin' too damn close, I look to the one that called me over. "What can I do for you, Aunt Esme?"
"The Stanley girls were just telling me that they were leaving for Chicago this summer. I thought you could talk, seein' how you lived near there most of your life." I wouldn't say that her request is a bother, but the thought of talkin' with the Stanley girls is just about the last thing I wanna do.
"Well, I lived just outside the city, but we did get to visit every now and again. I'll answer what I can. What would you like to know?" Lookin' at them, I'd say Miss Bella's given them an apt nickname. The ribbon-headed ninnies look like they've got stars in their eyes, starin' at me like they are; standin' tall and battin' their eyelashes.
"Well, just anything, Mr. Cullen. We'll be ever so thankful for any insight you have on Chicago," Lauren rushes out, those eyelashes flutterin' so fast they could lift her right off the ground.
"And if you think you'll be returning there, Mr. Cullen," Jessica adds, speaking over her sister.
"Well now, Miss Jessica, I know for a fact that I won't be returnin'. There isn't anythin' for me to return to." My thoughts drift to memories of Chicago; standing at my parents' graves, with my hat in hand, and a heavy heart in my chest; the almost two years I spent alone before I decided to try my luck out this way, with my aunt and uncle. My memories are interrupted by Charlie Swan calling out for his daughter, and she wastes no time in sayin' her goodbyes.
"I'm sorry, but I need to go," she rushes out. "It was lovely to see you Mrs. Cullen, Jessica, Lauren...Edward," she says, addressing everyone before pausing to make eye contact with me, makin' my heart beat a little faster. Then, she spins on her heel and rushes away.
When she's by his side, Charlie bends just a little, whispering in her ear before she links her arm in his, leading him to their wagon. Surprising me, she climbs into the seat and takes the reins.
"Now, Edward, why don't you tell these lovely girls what they can look forward to when they get to Chicago," Aunt Esme says, interruptin' my gawkin'.
"Sure."
Sleeping in the spare room in my aunt and uncle's home has its advantages; being able to grab a midnight snack when the mood strikes me without havin' my hand slapped is one of them. But, havin' my sleep interrupted by the townsfolk bangin' on the front door in the middle of the night is not.
"Doc Cullen!" I hear someone hollerin' from outside. The pounding gets faster, more urgent; the yellin' continuing. "Doc!"
I'm half-asleep and disoriented, but I manage to stumble my way to the front door. "Hold your horses," I mumble. Grabbin' the doorknob, I'm completely unprepared for the sight before me.
"What the hell is goin...? Miss Bella?"
"I need Doc. Daddy needs him. He's terrible sick, and he's askin' for him. I'm so sorry for wakin' you all up in the middle of the night, but Daddy needs help," she pleads with me.
"No, no, don't worry about that. Come on inside, and I'll get Uncle Carlisle." That's the moment I look down and realize I stumbled my way to the door wearin' only my nightshirt. "I'm so sorry Miss Bell-"
"I don't care about that. Just please get your uncle."
"Okay, just... Just wait here." With that, I'm off and runnin' up the stairs, takin' two at a time.
Poundin' on their bedroom door, I realize this is the first time I've had to wake him in the middle of the night. "Carlisle!" I yell, hopin' he can hear me. Yellin' and poundin' eventually pays off, and the door swings open, my uncle standin' there in a nightshirt of his own.
"What's wrong, son?"
"Miss Swan's here; says Charlie's real sick and he's askin' for you."
"All right, then. If he's asking, then it must be serious. I'll get dressed and be down in a few minutes." He turns, then looks back at me. "Think you could come along? I might need some help."
"Yeah, I can do that. I just need a minute to get dressed."
Scurryin' back down the stairs, I duck into my room, and throw on the first set of clothes within my reach, which happen to be my brand new Levis; bought just last week for my job at the McCarty's farm. The trousers I brought from Chicago have seen better days.
When I finally make it back to the front parlor, Carlisle is there, too; doctor's bag in hand and ready to leave. I grab my coat and hat and join them.
"Well, let's not waste any time, then," Carlisle says. "And you're sure you don't want to stay here, Bella? You could wait with Esme?"
"No, sir. I'll be comin' along too."
When we arrive at the Swan's place, Carlisle asks me to wait outside with Bella, which I don't object to. She's been quiet, not sayin' much, and I know she's scared. Hell, I know the feelin'. All of this is bringin' back memories of watching my parents suffer through the pneumonia that took them back in '91. One quick trip into Chicago for supplies cost my parents their lives, gettin' the flu that was goin' around. The papers said that over four thousand died that year from bronchitis and pneumonia alone and another two thousand from typhoid fever; the city growing
too fast to keep the spread of disease under control.
"What's takin' them so long?" she asks, sounding irritated.
"I don't know, Miss. Bella. I'm sure Carlisle just wants to be thorough. Has he been sick long?"
She's quiet, thinkin' over her answer. "Probably longer than he's let on. I know things ain't been right for a while. He's been feelin' poorly for months; started back before the harvest last year, though he'd never tell me. Just watchin' him, I knew somethin' wasn't right."
"But he's just too stubborn to tell you?" I ask with a smile.
"You could say that. He's a proud man. Him and my momma came here over twenty years ago to stake their claim on this land. He's been tellin' me tales for years of how hard it was to build what we have. But, you should see the pride that shines in his eyes when he tells me about it. It's hard to miss. They took tree-covered land and cleared it, made way for the house he built, and the fields we farm. He turned it into the beautiful place it is today. The rolling hills, prairies, and woods that stretch across the land make it one of the most beautiful I've ever seen. It's no wonder the entire town seems dead set on tryin' to find a way to buy it out from under him."
"You worried about that? People tryin' to take your home, that is?"
"I don't really know what the future brings. This is my home; all I know. I can't imagine my life anywhere else. And for now, my daddy and I are doin' just fine on our own."
"So, it's just been the two of you out here all these years?"
"Um, yeah, just us. Momma and my baby brothers didn't make it through their delivery. Daddy said she had a terrible time, and her little body just wasn't strong enough."
"I'm real sorry about that, Miss Bella." Sittin' side by side on the front porch, our knees almost touchin', we're facing east toward the risin' sun. As I speak, my finger reaches just close enough to brush hers.
"Thanks. But, I don't really know any different, you know? I was just a little thing when she died, so it's been just me and Daddy all these years."
"I lost my own folks just about two years ago to pneumonia, so I know how hard it is to watch people you care about get sick." The rest of my thoughts are cut off by the sound of the screen door snapping closed, makin' us jump apart.
"Edward, could I have a word with you?"
"Of course." I rise to my feet and head inside.
"Can I see him yet?" Bella asks from her spot on the porch.
"Not just yet, Bella. There are a few things we need to discuss, and then I'll call you in if that's all right?"
"Whatever you think is best, Doc," she says, dejectedly. Her voice is filled with anxiety, so I try to give her a reassuring smile.
Carlisle and I enter the house, leaving Bella to her own thoughts. Walkin' in, I'm faced with the sickly pallor of the man I just saw yesterday at church. Even if he looked tired and downtrodden, he didn't look as sick as he does now.
"Edward," he calls out. "I need to talk some business with you before I see Bella if that's all right."
"Yeah, Mr. Swan. What do you need to discuss?"
"Well, seems Doc here is puttin' me on some restrictions for the foreseeable future, so I'm gonna need some help around here. I was wonderin' if you'd be interested in takin' a foreman's position here on my farm and help me get my hay crop planted?"
"Well, I'd say I'd be happy to help. I just need some time to give notice over at the McCarty's place."
"Now, I'm not sure how much I'd be able to pay you, but we'll offer you a place to sleep, and all your meals. I may be partial, but I think Bella's cookin' could almost be argued as payment enough," he says with a proud smile.
I don't even bother tellin' him that payment isn't much of a worry; that I was only workin' at the McCarty's to get a little more practice so I can run my own farm someday. The money I got from the sale of my family's land is more than enough to sustain me for a few years to come. And the thought of Bella's hands being the ones to make the food that will nourish my body only makes me smile bigger. No, I don't tell him any of this. Instead, I reach out, takin' his hand in mine, shakin' it firmly.
"I'd be happy to take that on for you, Mr. Swan."
"Good," he says with relief in his eyes. "Now that that's settled, bring Bella on in here. Might as well get all this outta the way now."
Walking to the door, Carlisle pokes his head outside, his voice cutting through the quiet of the morning. "Bella, your father is ready to see you."
Walking into the house, she's quiet, and I can see the nervousness on her face.
"You feelin' better, Daddy? Did Doc fix you up?"
Reaching out his hand, Charlie takes hers as she sits on the edge of his bed. "No, baby girl, he didn't. He's thinkin' I'm not doin' too good. What did you call it, Doc?"
"Well, judging by your symptoms, I'm thinking either consumption, or there's a growth in your lungs. Either way, it isn't good," Carlisle admits.
"So how long is he gonna be sick? When will he be better?" Her eyes scan the faces in the room; all of us too yellow-bellied to make eye contact with her. "Will someone tell me, please?"
"Miss Bella, your daddy isn't gonna get better. In fact, he'll more than likely get much worse."
"What? It's just a cough! He just needs to rest, and maybe you can give him some medicine, but he's gonna be fine!" She's on her feet now, pacin' the room. I just wanna wrap her in a hug and tell her everything is going to be fine, but I can't.
"Now Bella, please listen to Carlisle. He said if I get enough rest and take care of myself, I'd have a little more time. So, we gotta do as he says, all right?" Charlie pleads.
Ploppin' her rear on his bed again, she takes Charlie's hand. "Yeah, okay. Just tell me what I need to do." Sniffling back tears, she sits straight, bravery in her stance.
"Well, first things first, he can't be spending his days in the fields."
"Okay, I can work the land. What else?"
"No, Bella Marie, you won't be workin' the fields." She opens her mouth to protest, but Charlie cuts her off. "And it's not up for discussion either. I'm gonna hire a few hands, and I'll oversee it all. It's just now spring, so we've got time to get the fields planted. Edward said he'd take over for me, do the bulk of the work. In exchange, he's gonna bunk in the tack room in the barn, and we'll be providin' meals for him in addition to a wage. The other men I want to hire, well, we'll work out somethin' when the time comes."
She looks over to me, and I try to offer my support in just a glance. She knows I know what she's feelin' right now, watchin' my own folks suffer when they were sick. But judgin' by the bloodied handkerchiefs scattered near Charlie's bedside, I know it won't be long before she has to say goodbye to him.
"We've ironed out most of the details, so don't worry about anything. I've got it all taken care of," he reassures her, pattin' her hand.
It's been weeks since Bella's frantic visit to Carlisle and Esme's in the middle of the night. The following days were spent makin' arrangements; me givin' my notice over at the McCarty's place, and movin' some of my meager belongings to the Swan's barn. The tack room is nice enough; a comfortable bed and a small stove to heat it. The spring has been a wet one, so havin' the stove to warm the space and my clothes at the end of the day has been nice. Havin' warm, home cooked meals has been too.
As much as I love my aunt, cookin' was never one of her strong suits. She did well enough, but her recipe box must be limited. The things Miss Bella bakes alone could rival some of the great bakeries in Chicago. And don't get me started on what she can do with some eggs and a few leftover scraps from the previous day's meal.
Her shy smiles and soft-spoken words at breakfast are the favorite part of my day. When I come in for dinner at midday, she's usually focused on whatever chore she's doin' at the time, or helpin' Charlie with somethin'. Seems she's on her feet all day, stoppin' only to make sure Charlie, the new farmhand, James, and I get our supper. By the time the sun sets, she's plumb wore out.
Charlie's had good days, and he's had bad days. The bad days are especially tough; Miss Bella tryin' her damnedest to make Charlie rest. So this mornin', when Charlie decided he was havin' a good day, Miss Bella was all in a tizzy. And she nearly had a conniption fit right there in the yard, trying to get him back into bed when he said he wanted to go into town alone. He was dead set on goin' into town to meet with Jenks; the town's, self-appointed lawyer.
Forks Prairie may be big enough to have a post office and a hotel, but to get any legal advice you can count on, you'd be better off takin' a trip into Port Crescent, where they're buildin' up logging camps. There's a bigger need for a lawyer in those parts. So, I can only hope that whatever counsel he's getting' from Jenks isn't all that important.
Hearing her mutter to herself as he pulled away this morning, "stubborn fool," only made me laugh. I'd have to agree, Charlie is definitely a stubborn fool. If I was in his shoes, I'd be spendin' whatever time I had left, especially my good days, with my loved ones. And well, if Miss Bella were counted among them, then all the more so.
Her temper is kind of cute, but you'll never hear me tell her that. I've been watchin' her stomp around since Charlie left. I never thought someone could hang the wash angrily, but apparently, they can. Watchin' her work makes me feel like a peepin' Tom; watchin' the way she reaches and stretches as she hangs the wet clothes on the line, noticin' the way her dress pulls up, showin' me a few inches of her pale calves. Shaking my head of the lewd thoughts, I get back to work, replacin' a few missin' boards that blew off the barn in the last storm. It doesn't miss my notice that Bella's been doin' a little peepin' of her own as I work. I may or may not make a bit of a show of doin' some reachin' and stretchin' of my own.
The sound of Charlie's approach pulls me away from my shenanigans. When he pulls into the yard, I hurry over to help him down and take the lead on the horses to unhitch them from the wagon. They head toward the house, Charlie coughin' up a storm.
"Damnation!" I hear him yell.
"Daddy, calm down! You're not doin' yourself any favors gettin' all upset!" Bella helps him up the steps and onto the porch, settling him into his favorite rocker. She disappears into the house, and I watch Charlie as I finish with the horses. He seems lost in thought, lookin' out over his land, a regretful look on his face.
Bella soon returns, a glass of tea in hand. As they sit there talkin', I can see the worry on her face and the regret on Charlie's. Deciding it's not my place to intrude on such a moment, I get the horses settled in the pasture and go out to check on James who's workin' in the field this afternoon.
Long after supper's been cleaned up, I find myself wanderin' the edge of the hay fields and spot Miss Bella sittin' alone, starin' into the settin' sun. The light is dancin' on her skin, makin' it glow in the orange and purple light of the evening. I don't know if she wants to be alone, but I feel a tug inside my bones to go to her; to find out what's troublin' her.
"Want some company, Miss Bella?" I ask as I step closer.
"Sure," she says, pattin' the ground next to her. "Pull up a chair," she says with a small smile.
I return one of my own and settle beside her, close but not touchin'. "So, uh, Charlie seemed a little off all day. You two weren't talkin' much at supper tonight, either."
The birds flyin' overhead are all sayin' their goodnights to each other, as the sun slips closer to the horizon. Bella seems distracted, like she's lost in her thoughts.
"You know, my favorite memories are of me playin' with Daddy in these very fields, learnin' how to ride a horse, even shoot a gun." Her eyes are shinin' with unshed tears. "I can't bear the thought of losin' this place."
"Now, why would you think you're gonna lose it? Does this have anythin' to do with Charlie's visit to Jenks today?"
Her nod is all the answer I get.
"Well, I'm sure there's a solution. What can I do to help?"
"I just don't know. He went to make sure things were in order for when..." Takin' a deep breath, she blows it out, composin' herself I'd say. "He just wanted to make sure I was taken care of after he's gone. He's worried I won't be able to take care of the land on my own."
Turnin' back to the settin' sun, she speaks again; this time her voice is low. "He said that he'd feel better if I married before he was gone. I told him that as much as I love him, I wouldn't give up the chance to find my own happiness, just for the sake of the land. I told him not to sell any of it off, and that I'd take care of things."
I put my arm around her, holdin' her in a friendly embrace. "Now, don't worry about any of that. I'm sure it'll all work out. I know I'm just the help, but I'd like to think we're friends, so I'll be here to help you get through it; my aunt and uncle, too. But you know, now that you've told me what Charlie went into town for, I gotta know. What did Jenks have to say to him? Did he have a solution to your worries?"
"He said it was pretty likely I'd eventually have to sell," she says, drying her eyes. "I mean, it's bad enough I'm gonna lose Daddy, but now my home, too? Edward, it's just too much!" She buries her face in my shoulder; her tears flowing freely now, soakin' into my soiled shirt, dirty from a hard day's work.
"Shh," I whisper, rubbing her arm. "It'll all be okay, you'll see."
Pullin' away to dry her eyes, she goes on. "He tried to get Charlie to change his will and leave the land to him. Edward, I have a feelin' they're going to try to drive me out of my home, no matter if I can take care of the land or not," she says softly. The silence stretches between us for a long time, both of us lost in our own thoughts.
"Miss Bella, I don't know what the future holds, but I'm sure that it'll all work out. Even if you have to go stay with Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme, you will always have a home here in Forks. I promise that we'll watch out for you."
"Thank you."
I hold her around her shoulders till the last of the sun dips below the horizon, and the crickets start singin' to us.
Charlie's visit to see Jenks two weeks ago was the last time he felt up to travelin' into town. Uncle Carlisle told me just this mornin' that things are takin' a turn for the worse. I know he told Bella, too, because she ain't done much more than cry and cook all day. She told me a while back that she wants to do her best to fill the house with smells that bring back happy memories. Needless to say, she's been cookin' up a storm.
The last couple of weeks have been strange between us, too. I know she's hurtin', so I try to offer her comfort when I can. Most evenings find us together at the edge of the fields, her cryin' into my shoulder. I know it probably ain't proper, us spendin' all this time together, but I just can't help myself. She's constantly tendin' to Charlie or the house, so I know she needs those few minutes to let her emotions free; relieve some of the tension she carries on her shoulders all day. She seems to be comfortable in my arms, so who am I to question it.
Charlie's hinted a few times, even in my presence that she needs to hurry up and find a husband. Every time he brings it up, Bella's eyes shoot to mine, and I get a topsy-turvy feelin' in my gut. I don't dare entertain thoughts of her makin' a choice like that; I'll only be heartbroken.
Since I spoke with Carlisle this mornin', I decided to give Bella and her father some space; keepin' myself busy in the fields with James. We're jokin' around when I hear Bella call out for me.
"Edward!"
She catches my eye, and I turn to look at her. Her red nose and eyes can be seen even from this distance, so I know it must be somethin' important. I give her a nod to tell her I'll be right there, and then give James some direction before takin' off in a sprint toward the girl that's become so important to me in such a short time.
"What's wrong, Bella? Charlie okay?"
"He wants to speak to you if you've got the time." She's wringin' her hands, nervous for some reason.
"I've got time. I can tell it's important."
"Thank you," she mumbles, leadin' us back to their three-room cabin. The walk back is silent, and I can tell she's got a lot on her mind. Walkin' inside, I can see Charlie does in fact, look worse. But, his face lights up in contentment when he sees me.
"Edward! Thank you for takin' a break from your work to come see me."
"You're welcome. I figured if it was important enough for you to send Miss Bella after me, it was important enough to take a break. What can I do for you, Mr. Swan?" It doesn't miss my notice that Bella has taken the opportunity to slip from the house, back outside to work on somethin' to stay busy, no doubt.
"Aw, now, call me Charlie. I've got somethin' mighty important to ask you." He studies me for a moment. "How do you feel about my daughter?"
His question makes me nearly choke on my tongue, settin' off a cough that rivals some of the ones I've heard come out of him the last few weeks.
"You okay, son?"
"Fine," I sputter out. "Just caught off guard by your question, that's all. What do you mean, how do I feel about your daughter? She's a great young lady, and she's a fabulous cook," I say in a nervous rush.
"Now, I'm pretty sure most of Clallam County knows that, Edward. What I mean is, do you feel like you could make a life with her?"
"Sir?"
"Look, I'm gonna be straight with you. I know I'm dyin', Edward. And if Carlisle is right, I don't have too much longer. I'd go a hell of a lot easier if I knew my little girl was taken care of after I was gone. Now, I've already spoken to her, and she's adamantly refusin' to sell off the land, take the money and head east. I think there's a lot of her stubborn momma in her. Renee couldn't stand what was expected of a lady in the city, either. Son, she agreed to me speakin' to you."
"She did?" I ask, my stomach once again doin' that flip.
"She did. Now, she's all torn up over me leavin' her, but she understands it's my time. I'm ready to see my Renee again. It's been a long time," he says longingly. "She says she ain't had me long enough, but we all know I ain't long for this world." His speech is interrupted by another coughin' spell. I help him sip from a glass of water, earnin' a "thank you."
"So, what? You asked her if you could make a match for her?" I ask, a little confused.
"In a manner of speakin'. While I know she hates the idea of going East, I know she wouldn't do so well on her own here. Now, don't get me wrong, I know my girl is strong, with a will to match, but she's still just a girl that would be here all alone. I also know the lengths that Mr. Ford and Mr. Stanley would go to just to get a shot at stealin' this place out from under her. Jenks wasn't much help with makin' sure she was protected, either. I need to know she's safe and taken care of."
"And you think I could do that for her?"
"I do. Now, I have to confess that I spoke to your uncle, so I know you're doin' well enough for yourself, financially anyway. So, I know she'd be taken care of that way. I also see the way the two of you make eyes at each other all day long."
His mischievous smile seems out of place in the conversation we're havin'. "So I know you'd suit each other well. If I were bein' honest, the choices around these parts are limited. The only other ones suitable would be Reverend Cheney, old Emmett McCarty or old man Newton. And I think McCarty is sending off for one of them mail order brides anyhow. Besides, I think we both know none one of them could handle Bella," he says with a snicker before sighing. "Look, your family... They're good people, Edward. I know she'd be respected and cared for, and that's the best I can really hope for at this point. But, maybe I'm getting' ahead of myself here, and you ain't got no intentions to get hitched anytime soon."
"Actually, it's somethin' I've given some thought to lately. Especially when Emmett started talking about sendin' for a wife. My goal was to work for him until I felt comfortable taking over a place of my own. Then, I'd think about findin' a wife to help me." I hesitate, worried he may think I've been lustin' after his daughter for months, but figure maybe he'd wanna know how I really feel about her. "But Charlie, Bella's exactly the kinda' girl I'd wanna share my life with."
"So, you'd be agreeable then? I mean, you've got a ready-made farm here. I've even got established customers. The Fords have been buyin' my hay for their dairy cattle for a few years now, and Bella does well sellin' things from her vegetable garden to the Stanley's for the hotel. There's a small bit of savings, so between that and the land, consider it her dowry."
"Charlie, we both know I don't need a dowry. My parents left me enough to support the farm for a few years. I'm more worried about Bella and what she has to say about all this."
"Aw, now, don't you worry about that. She's taken quite a shine to you since you waltzed into town all those months ago."
I can feel the pink in my cheeks, Charlie's comment making me duck my head.
Charlie's quiet laugh makes me look back up. "She's a good girl, Edward, with a tender heart, so I'm trustin' you to take care of her."
"I'll make it my life's ambition to make her happy, Charlie." Another thought occurs to me. "Before we make things official, I'd like to speak to her, though. Maybe even propose a short courtship."
"Now, Edward, I don't have much-"
"No, I know. Time is limited, but I want to make sure she's really, truly okay with this."
"If that's what you need, son, then you have my blessing."
I find Bella standing in what I've named our spot, watchin' the settin' sun. Her hair is loose from the braid she wore earlier, strands whippin' around her face.
"Bella?" I call softly.
"So, he talked to you, then?" she asks without turnin' to me.
"He did." I nod, even though I know she can't see me. "Bella, please look at me." When she turns, I can see the sadness in her eyes. I know she's hurtin' so bad, knowin' she's gonna to lose her father so soon. "Yes, you father told me what you talked about."
"And what did you say?" she asks, wiping her nose with a lace handkerchief.
"I told him I'd like to court you."
Her surprised eyes meet mine, clearly shocked at my suggestion. "Court me?" she asks, disbelief in her tone. "But, Daddy wants us to marry-"
"I know what he wants, Bella. And I'm agreeable to that, but I want to make sure it's what you want too."
"I just want him to have peace when he goes." It's not a moment before she drops to her knees, sobs wrackin' her tiny body. I swoop in, catchin' her around the shoulders, bringin' her to my chest.
"It's all right, Miss Bella. I'll be here, right by your side the whole time. You won't be alone. Everything's gonna work out fine. I'll take care of you. You'll see."
To say it was an awkward courtship would be puttin' it mildly. What would have normally been chaperoned short visits and stolen moments together, was replaced with us seein' each other all throughout the day, and never at our best. We both looked just fine first thing in the mornin', well before the heat and grime of the day covered us from head to toe. So, I know there were no false pretenses of our appearance. Even worn and weary though, she was the most beautiful girl I'd ever laid my eyes on.
She more than once got to hear my temper when I'd yell at James for not doin' one thing or another the way he was told. I'd get especially short with him when I'd catch him leerin' at Bella as she worked.
But, we still had our time at the end of the day. Her sadness was beginning to morph into acceptance in the last few days. While she'd still cry on my shoulder, we'd also talk, ask each other questions, try to get to know each other.
When the summer days began to grow shorter, and the time in the field bringin' in the harvest grew longer, we spent less time together; me workin', and her tendin' to an ever-weakening Charlie. Carlisle made more frequent visits, bringin' Laudanum to ease his obvious pain. The day he told Charlie he wasn't to leave his bed again was a day to remember. That was the day he realized he wouldn't see his daughter married before he left this world.
He insisted she be married in church, and she insisted she wouldn't do it without him there. They both dug in their heels, showin' their stubbornness, and a possible marriage between Bella and me wasn't spoken of again, for fear it would stir up more trouble.
I'd taken to makin' a few meager meals for James and me, leaving Bella to spend what time she could with her daddy in his last days. The exhaustion was clear on her face, but no one was able to drag her from her father's side. Though she spent all her waking moments with him, saw him gettin' weaker and weaker, nothin' prepared her for the moment he took his last breath.
That morning, I had a feelin' his time was close, the rattling of his breaths a grim reminder of my own parents' death. I stayed close to the house, makin' repairs to the barn and seein' to the animals. When Bella appeared on the porch, callin' out for me, I knew it was almost time.
"He's not doing so good, Edward. Should I send for Carlisle?" she asks as I walk up the porch steps after washin' off at the water pump. She's wringin' her hands like she always does when she's worried. Knowin' she's in a fragile state, I choose my words carefully.
"Let's just see how he's doing. Maybe keep him comfortable, yeah?"
"You mean give him more of the Laudanum?" she asks as we walk into the house.
"If Carlisle left some, then yes. I don't see the harm in it. Seemed to be helpin' last night when he was agitated."
We walk into Charlie's room together, she went straight to his bedside, takin' his hand.
"I'm back, Daddy," she says wipin' a cool, wet rag across his forehead. "Told you I wouldn't be gone long." Hearin' the forced cheerful tone hiding the sadness in her voice, I step closer, placing my hands on her shoulders, tryin' to show my support.
She talks softly, reminiscing about the life they've had together; moments from her childhood, special times they shared. Hours must pass, and I do what I can to make this easier on her, by her side the entire time. The room is quiet, except for Charlie's shallow, labored breaths, until he breathes out his last.
"I promise to take care of the things you worked so hard for, Daddy. I'll be sure to make you proud," she says as she chokes out a sob. I move to wrap my arms around her, holdin' her as she cries. My own tears are runnin' down my cheeks, unbidden, feelin' her pain as my own.
When her tears have finally stopped fallin', she looks up at me; her deep brown eyes lost in their sadness. "What now?"
I pause. What now, indeed. There are so many things I could say to her right now.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm here for you, if you'll let me be.
I'll take care of you.
But those words all seem stuck in my throat, so I say the only other thing that comes to mind.
"Now we say goodbye."
Bella insisted on Charlie bein' buried on their property. She said it was what he would've wanted; to be here, not in the cemetery at the church, away from the place he loved. I agreed, and Reverend Cheney obliged us, comin' out here to perform the service.
As Bella stands with the few who traveled out this way to pay their last respects, she's beginnin' to close herself off; her eyes are blank and her responses stilted. I didn't expect her to be smilin' or laughin', but she's damn near emotionless; not even a tear has fallen from her eyes today.
I oversee the few men that volunteered to help me dig the grave as we add shovelful after shovelful of dirt back to the earth after Charlie was lowered into the ground. I felt it was the least I could do. Charlie was a good man, and I feel honored that he trusted me to take care of what was most precious to him.
Trouble is, Bella seems to be pushin' me away since Charlie passed. So used to her leanin' on me, allowin' me to comfort her, it's surprised me that she's been so quiet, keepin' to herself. The most we've really spoken is when she came out to the barn to check on the progress I was making on buildin' Charlie's coffin.
"Edward?" Uncle Carlisle's voice startles me out of my thoughts, and I turn to look up at him.
"Yeah?"
"We need to speak about what's next for you and Miss Bella."
"Here, I'll be back in a minute," I say to James, handin' him my shovel. Carlisle leads me away from the people still millin' about, and into the shade of a nearby tree so as to give us some privacy, "What do you mean, what's next for us?"
"You know it isn't proper for you to be out here with her unmarried. She wouldn't be able to show her face in town, let alone in church. I was thinkin' that since we have Reverend Cheney here now-"
"Are you serious? I can't ask her to marry me on the day she buried her father! First of all, I ain't even asked her properly. I mean, I had Charlie's blessin' before he passed, but Bella hasn't agreed to it." I step closer, lowering my voice even more. "Charlie's body is still warm, for God's sake!"
"Then, either she'll need to come and stay with Esme and me, or you will, but you can't stay out here with her."
Silence stretches between us, and it's not a comfortable one. I know he's right, that her reputation would be ruined if we stayed out here together.
"Is James still stayin' in the barn, as well?" he asks me.
"No," I say, shakin' my head. "He packed up his belongings the day after the harvest was mostly in. He didn't want to stick around when Charlie was in his last days. He only came back to help with the grave." I can't say I blame him; I wouldn't want to watch someone suffer if they weren't my kin.
"Then you truly would be here alone with her."
"Carlisle, I wouldn't-"
"I know you wouldn't," he says, his hand held out in front of him. "But the town we live in is small, and one person's comment could ostracize her. I'd hate for that to happen to such a lovely young lady."
Thing is, I know he's right. Even if there was nothin' untoward goin' on out here, one person gettin' wind of the two of us here alone, and everyone would be lookin' down their nose at her. As much as I don't want to leave her alone, or leave her side for that matter, I know it's for the best.
"Whatever Bella wants to do," I say with a resigned sigh. "But I'd rather it be her stayin' with you. It's not a good idea that she be out here all alone."
"I'd have to agree with you on that. But remember, she's a Swan, and if there's one thing she inherited from Charlie, it's his stubbornness," he says with a sad chuckle.
"What did you just say?" We're standin' in the kitchen area of the main room, discussin' what Carlisle mentioned to me earlier today.
"I said that I appreciate all your hard work this season and that I absolve you of any responsibility you think you have to me. I release you from the arrangement you made with Daddy; I won't hold you to it, Mr. Cullen."
"I beg your pardon, Miss Bella," I say with forced politeness. "I heard you but what the hell are you talkin' about?" I ask almost angrily. Her emotionless, monotone dismissal of me has my hackles raised. It's like she wants to forget the last few months we spent gettin' to know each other; like it didn't matter. I truly thought we'd grown to care for each other.
She apparently feels otherwise.
"I won't hold you to it, Mr. Cullen. I won't be your burden."
"Stop callin' me Mr. Cullen!" I shout, making her jump. "I'm sorry, Bella, but you're anythin' but a burden to me. Did the last few months mean nothin' to you? I thought we made a good match. I thought you cared for me," I say, my voice crackin'. "I know I've grown to care for-"
"Please don't," she whispers, tears finally makin' an appearance. I move to step toward her, but she must hear my footstep, because she shakes her head and raises her hand, stopping me in my tracks. "I've grown to care for you, too, Edward. But I won't marry you simply because you promised Daddy you would. I said I'd do it because it would have made him happy, but he's gone now. I won't be your burden." The dam finally bursts, and her tiny form is wracked with sobs. I ache to comfort her, my fists clenching at my sides. I want to hold her in her grief, but I think she'd only push me away.
"Bella," I whisper, anguish clear in my voice.
"Please just go, Edward. I need to be alone." She rushes from the room, and I hear her door slam; effectively shuttin' me out.
Later finds me standin' on the porch of the three-room cabin I've come to think of as home, my bag in hand. Lookin' out over the land Charlie loved so much, I can't help but think of what could have been. Bella and I could have made a life for ourselves here. We could have raised a family, been truly happy. Turnin' back to the closed door, I know she just needs time. She's hurtin' and probably confused about any feelings she might have for me.
Taking the last step off the porch, and walkin' toward my horse, Guardian, I can't help but feel like I'm leavin' behind a piece of myself.
The cold and wet of the last several weeks reflects my increasingly bad mood. The few times I've been out to check on Bella, my aunt or uncle along to chaperone, she turned us away, sayin' she wasn't feelin' up to guests.
Just the sound of her tired, flat voice brought that ache back to my chest. I know she's hurtin', and that I could help shoulder some of her grief. She's just too stubborn to allow it.
"You gonna stand there all day day-dreamin', Cullen?" Mr. McCarty's voice calls my attention.
"Sorry, sir. Just thinkin' about somethin' I ain't got any control over."
"This got anythin' to do with that pretty, little Miss Swan?" he asks, a glint of mischief in his eyes.
"Don't matter anyway; she won't see me."
"You do anythin' to show her how ya feel?"
I think back to all the talks we had, all the shy glances we gave each other. "She knows."
"How does she know?"
"I told her, that's how!" I say indignantly.
"Then that's your first mistake."
"How in the hell is it a mistake when I plainly spelled it out for her? I told her I cared about her; I told her I'd take care of her! She's just too bull headed to accept it for what it is!"
"Well, I'm not an expert on women. Hell, I had to order a wife," he says with a chuckle. "Mrs. McCarty got here early in the summer; most beautiful girl I ever laid my eyes on. Told her the moment after we said 'I do' that I'd take care of her, treat her right. Trouble is, she had people her whole life tellin' her the same thing, only to turn out liars. She never had anyone treat her like the goddess she is."
He pauses, thinkin' over what wisdom he wants to impart to me. "Edward, I had to show her that I'd take care of her, treat her right. Words are good, but without the actions to back it up, it don't mean nothin' to a woman."
"But I spent months gettin' to know her. I showed her how hard I could work on that farm, so she knows I can take care of her. I made sure Charlie knew..."
McCarty's mocking grin tells me he knows I just had a revelation.
"Charlie," I mumble. "I showed Charlie I could take care of the land and care for his daughter. I never made the effort to show Bella I cared for her, too."
"And do you? Care about her?"
I think about all the talks we had, all the shy glances we exchanged as we worked alongside each other. In all that time we may have shared a lot about ourselves, our pasts, but we never talked about our plans for the future, or how each of us might have felt about the other. Lookin' back, I remember the sleepless nights I laid awake, dreamin' of a future with Bella; how I couldn't imagine a future without her in it, how what started as a promise to Charlie turned into somethin' I really wanted for myself, but I never shared those thoughts with her.
So I can answer McCarty with conviction. "I do, more than anything."
"Then what in the hell are you waitin' for?" he asks me with a slap of encouragement to my back.
"Should I... What do I..." I stutter.
"This is where you go get the girl, Edward," he says with a laugh. It only takes a second for me to move, then I'm off like a shot, headin' toward Guardian, McCarty heartily laughin' as I go.
"I'll be sure to send over the last of your wages," he yells after me.
The ride through town is a wet one, the rain a steady drizzle. McCarty's place is on the south end of town, and Bella's the north, so I have to travel straight down Main Street to get there. It's a good thing, too, because I'd recognize the sight before me anywhere; the faded red buckboard stopped outside the general store.
Hitchin' Guardian to the post, I make my way inside, drippin' wet clothes and all. My eyes scan the shop, searchin' for the young lady in question. I finally see her standin' at the counter placin' her order. She's wearin' a wool cloak, the hood of which is pulled back off her head. My footsteps get her attention, and she turns to face me.
The vibrant Bella I got to know over the summer is gone; a tired, too-thin girl in her place. She looks surprised to see me, nervously smoothin' her damp hair back from her face. We're both silent, Mr. Cope studyin' us from behind the counter.
"Will that be all, Miss Swan?" he asks her.
"Oh, yes." She pauses to clear her throat. "Yes, thank you, Mr. Cope."
"Shouldn't be but a few minutes and I'll have this all packed up for ya!" he says cheerfully before turning back to his storeroom, leavin' us all alone.
I'm the first one to speak. "How have you been, Bella?"
Her quick intake of breath at hearin' me say her name makes me smile...just a bit. "Just fine, Mr. Cullen." The smile falls just as quick at hearing her formal address.
"Now, Bella, you know you can call me-"
"And how have you been?" Her abruptness brings me up short, and I have to wonder if all those shy glances I remember her givin' me were all in my head.
"Just fine." Repeating her answer back to her takes some of the wind from my sails, my original purpose feelin' less and less like a mission. "You, uh," I say, clearin' my throat. "You look..." I pause, not wantin' to lie, but I also don't want to insult her. "You look tired, Miss Bella," I finally settle on.
A small smile lights her tired face, and for a moment, I feel like maybe there's somethin' there. "You were always pretty observant, Mr. Cullen."
"Please, call me Edward," I say lowly as I step closer to her. She doesn't move away from me, so I take another step. When Mr. Cope comes crashin' out of his storeroom, loaded crate in hand, she takes a giant step away from me.
"Here you go, Miss Swan. I'll have the bags of feed delivered as soon as the weather clears up. You've still got a credit on your account, so I'll just add this to the ledger."
"Thank you, Mr. Cope. Would you mind loadin' that in my-"
"I'll do it," I offer, surprisin' them both. Without waitin' for an answer, I take the crate from an open-mouthed Mr. Cope and head toward the door. He's already packed it so that it's protected from the weather, a wool blanket folded over the top.
"Mr. Cullen!" Bella says, followin' behind me. I ignore her, tyin' a rope around the box to secure it. "Mr. Cullen," she says again, her irritation growin'. I don't think anyone could wipe the smirk off my face because this is good; whatever it takes to get a reaction outta her, I'll take it. "Mis-ter Cullen!" she snaps, finally getting me to turn around.
"I told you to call me Edward. I thought we were past that formal nonsense." I cross my arms, letting the rain roll off my hat and down my coat. It's then I realize she was in such a rush to follow me outside, she neglected to pull her hood over her own head.
Reachin' out to her, I pull it into place and use my thumbs to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks. The dark circles above her too-prominent cheekbones remind me that she's still hurtin', but it makes me want to swoop her into my arms and take care of her.
When I notice nosy Mr. Cope standin' at the window, I drop my hands and take a small step back from her; no need to give him any gossip.
"How have you really been, Bella? I can see you're not fine, even if you say you are."
She lowers her head, closin' her eyes. "No," she says, and I can barely hear her over the raindrops falling on the brim of my hat. "No, I'm not fine. I'm sad and heartbroken and incredibly lonely." She lifts her head to look up at me. "And I really, really miss you."
Damn propriety and damn the gossipers, I can't stop myself from grabbin' her up into my arms, holdin' on to her for dear life. "I miss you, too, Miss Bella. I miss you so damn much." I just hold onto her while the drizzle starts to lighten, and the clouds seem to thin just a bit.
"I'm so sorry I pushed you away, Edward." It feels so good to hear her say my name while she has her arms wrapped around me. "I don't know what I was thinkin', I was just so confused after Daddy died. I had it in my head that you were only gonna marry me to make him happy and to get the land. But then I found out that you never even took any money for all the time you worked. Edward, I just didn't realize until after you left what I was doin' pushin' you away like that. I'm so sorry."
I loosen my hold just enough to look into her eyes. "No, Bella, I'm the one that needs to apologize. I never made it clear how I felt about you, that I wanted to make a future with you. And I still want that, if you'll have me."
The look of surprise on her face makes me smile... As if I could want anything else. "Of course I'll have you, Edward. You really want that? You want a future with me?" she asks with uncertainty.
"I don't think I've ever been more certain of anything, Bella. I want to make you my wife, and make a life with you. Will you, Bella? Will you marry me?"
Standin' there in the cold drizzle, my heart warms me from the inside out when she answers me.
"Yes."
"I really want to kiss you right now, Bella."
"Then what's stoppin' you?"
I tilt her head just enough to bring my lips to hers, and they're soft and invitin', just like I knew they'd be. Taking her bottom lip between mine, then the top, my body begins to get some ideas of its own, so I know I need to pull back.
Steppin' just far enough away, I already miss the feel of her lips on mine.
"What do you say we go find Reverend Cheney and get ourselves hitched?"
"Today?" she asks, her eyes wide.
"Why not?" I say with a shrug.
She looks down over herself, probably thinking about the pretty dress she would'a worn if her daddy had been able to walk her down the aisle. "Edward, look at me; I look like a drowned cat. I rode into town in the rain, and I'm soaked clear through. I even had to stop and push the wagon out of a muddy rut in the road. I'm in no shape to get married today." She sounds disappointed, like she'd go through with it if she were dry. And she certainly doesn't look like a drowned cat.
"While I'll agree that you're soaked to the bone, you're still the prettiest girl in town. And I don't care if you're covered in mud from head to toe, I'd still marry you." Thinkin' it over, an idea comes to mind. "What about we go see if the Reverend is even able to do it today, then we'll go to my aunt and uncle's place. Maybe Esme can help you get cleaned up and find you a dry dress to wear. We'd need to have witnesses anyhow, and I'm sure they'd love to be a part of it. Whaddya think?"
"I think that sounds like a mighty fine idea."
And that's how we found ourselves; Bella in a beautiful blue dress, borrowed from Esme, and me in my Levi's, flannel shirt, and boots, in front of Reverend Cheney, my aunt and uncle and God on that rainy Friday afternoon in October... promising to be together the rest of our days.
The ride back is slow as we try to avoid the muddy patches in the already rough road, I keep my arm around my new wife. I smile at the thought and kiss her quick on the side of her head. Just the feel of havin' her in my arms is enough; to know I didn't lose her after all.
Havin' Guardian join her horse, Jake, is makin' it just a little easier gettin' the wagon home. And it's a good thing, too; the sky is creepin' ever so slowly toward the horizon, so I know it'll be dark quicker than we want it to.
I do the gentlemanly thing and help her from the wagon once we've pulled into the barn. Walkin' up to the house, I'm tryin' to remember all the wisdom Carlisle tried to impart in the short time we had before we said our vows. When Bella moves to grab the doorknob, I recall one of those bits of advice.
"Wait!" I sweep her into my arms, catchin' her by surprise judgin' by her squeal. "I want to make sure we start out right, Mrs. Cullen."
Her shy smile causes one of my own to break out on my face, and I reach for the door, walkin' us inside the house where we'll make our life together. I set her down on her feet and take a look around, seein' the bleakness she's surrounded herself with all these weeks. There's a fine layer of dust over nearly everything, and things are in general disarray. There's even one of Charlie's torn shirts in the mending basket by the fire. Seeing this place every day over the summer, I know it isn't how she usually keeps house.
The state of her kitchen doesn't fare much better. The open shelves are bare, and the fire in the stove is even cold, so I know she hasn't been eatin' well. That thought reminds me that Esme sent a basket of food for our supper.
"I forgot to bring in the care package Esme sent along with us. I'll just go get that," I say, headed back for the door. I could be wrong, but Bella looks almost relieved when I leave the room.
I rush outside and hurry back in with the basket, and Bella is trying to relight the fire that's gone out while she was in town.
"I'll get that, Bella. Why don't you serve up some of that food, and we can eat and turn in early."
"Yeah, I can do that."
Once the fire is blazin' again, we sit at the table, quietly enjoyin' the food. I help her clean up and then tell her I'm goin' to get myself ready for bed, and the awkwardness of the evening increases tenfold; the air around us now tense.
"Of course, I'll just..." Her words trail off as she points down the hallway, toward her room. Well, I guess it's ours now; I can only hope. I go into what was once Charlie's room, and make quick work of my clothes, changin' into my nightshirt, before slippin' out of that room and into hers.
She's layin' stock still, straight as a board, lookin' scared outta her wits. Even her fingers are pointed straight out toward her toes. If the sight didn't break my heart, it would be funny. As much as I want to make her my wife in every sense of the word, I won't ask that of her unless she feels ready.
I lift the edge of the covers and slip under them. "Bella, honey you're gonna have to scoot over some. I ain't gonna fit in this tiny bed with you if you're sprawled out in the middle of it," I say gently.
"Oh, sorry." She stiffly moves over, still flat on her back, waitin' I guess.
I shake my head. "Bella, come 'ere," I say with open arms.
"But Esme said it was best to just lie back and get it over with," she squeaks out. Realizin' what she just shared with me, she covers her mouth, in embarrassment, I'd guess.
"Did she, now? Well, I don't know how I'm gonna hold you in my arms if you're gonna lie on your back all night."
"Hold me?"
"Yes, hold you. Now, get over here." She cautiously moves toward me and into my waitin' arms. Slowly, she relaxes, her head just under my chin; a perfect fit. "Now, see, this ain't so bad, is it?" I try to keep my voice even, and the growin' want of her body at bay. This isn't gonna be easy, but I'll be damned if I'll make her do somethin' she isn't anywhere near ready for.
"But don't you wanna... You know..." Her voice drops to a whisper. "Take me?"
Her shyness only makes me laugh out loud. "Oh, my beautiful Bella. Of course, but this is as new to me as it is to you."
"Really?" Her head pops up, a surprised look on her face.
"Yep, really. I ain't never done this either, so I say we just do what comes naturally. I figure God gave us instincts for a reason, right?"
"Right," she says all drawn out, soundin' unsure.
"Then we follow 'em." I tilt her chin up so I can look in her eyes. "I know I love kissin' you, so I say we start there."
Our kisses start out tentative, like they did out in front of Mr. Cope's store. They're gentle, almost lazy kisses, and soon I feel her hands in my hair.
"I've wanted you for so long," I whisper into her ear.
"You have?" she asks me, disbelief in her tone.
"I think since that first time you came to have supper with us last year." I search her eyes, comin' to a realization I hadn't had before. "And I think I've loved you almost as long."
"You love me?"
"I do, Mrs. Cullen. I love you more than I ever thought possible."
"I love you, too, Edward."
Without a second thought, my lips crash to hers, instinct takin' over and my mouth openin' to hers. My tongue hesitantly reaches out to seek entrance to her lips, and she obliges, much to my delight. If I ever thought Bella Swan would be shy or timid about matters of a physical nature, I was mistaken. It's quickly apparent that she kisses like she argues; with passion.
Our lips move together as my hands roam her body. Feelin' every dip and curve, I can feel myself growin' harder, my cock rubbin' right up against her side as our tongues dance together. My hand trails down, finding the skin of her naked calf, then up behind her knee, hitchin' her leg up around my waist, allowin' me to settle between hers.
"This okay?" I ask, all breathless like.
"Uh huh," she breathes out.
"Bella, please say I can have you? Can I make you mine?"
"Please," she says as her fingers find the edge of my nightshirt. We work together to get it over my head, and it's quickly thrown into the corner of the room.
"Can I..." I swallow hard. "Can I see you, too?"
She nods, and we work together to loosen the ties of her shift, exposin' inch by inch of her beautiful skin. When they're all undone, and she's completely exposed, I run my finger from her lips, down her throat, and to the curve of her breast. I'm fascinated as I watch the goose flesh left in my finger's wake, and how her nipples react to my touch; makin' tight peaks appear.
"You're so damn beautiful," I whisper to her.
"So are you." Her fingers do their own exploration; dancin' across my lips, over my brow, along my jaw and finally to my chest. Our cautious touches become more darin' as we seek out this new territory we've each been given.
I've divested her of her shift, and my fingers dance along her thigh, comin' ever so close to what Carlisle tried to explain to me. When I reach the wetness he was talking about, she makes a sound that goes straight to my cock; a cross between a moan and a squeak.
I'm careful to touch her gently, just like my uncle warned me. Feelin' her like this, I'm almost speechless that I'm affectin' her this way. "Does that feel good?" I ask as my fingers trace around a raised bump that gets her to make that sound every time I get near it.
"Yeah, that feels real good," she pants.
"God, I wanna be inside you," I almost grunt into her ear.
"Then what are you waitin' on?"
"You sure?"
"I'm sure," she says with a nod.
Settlin' closer to her, I move my hand away from her, bringin' it to my achin' dick, guidin' it toward her. "I love you, Bella."
"I love you too," she says as I slowly push into her. The tight heat is almost more than I can bear, the urge to thrust into her damn near overwhelming. As I inch my way slowly inside my wife, I can feel her hands grippin' my shoulders...hard.
"You okay, beautiful?" My voice is shaky as I'm barely restrainin' myself from lettin' those instincts I was talkin' about take over.
"I'm fine. Just kiss me or somethin'."
So I do.
I kiss her like my life depends on it. She's so caught up in the kiss, her grip begins to loosen, and her hips begin to move just a bit. It's all the encouragement I need to start movin' my own. In and out, I stroke into her, the pleasure and pressure buildin'. I grab hold of her hips, liftin' her backside just off the bed, and as I push back inside her, the sound she makes is my undoin'.
I pulse inside her, feelings of pleasure I never imagined washin' over me. At that moment I think that we might just be makin' a part of our family right this second, and visions of a little one to care for by the end of next summer come to mind. As the waves subside, and the euphoric feelin' ebbs, I hold her close, kissin' down her neck, nuzzlin' behind her ear.
"I love you so much, Bella. Thank you for lettin' me make you my wife. I promise I'll do everythin' I can to make you happy," I say, lookin' down into her eyes.
"Oh, Edward, you already have."
A/N: A huge thank you to my pre-readers, Fyrebyrd, Gabby1017, Life And Death's Lullabies and TheMetroDad, as well as my beta, Sunflowerfran for her magical red pen. But please remember, all mistakes are mine.
This will be marked complete...for now. I feel like I've left it in a good place. I don't have any intention to continue it at the moment, but who knows what the future may bring. I have a few ideas, but I also have several other fics going at the moment that I need to finish, including other contest entries I want to continue. So, please put it on alert because you never know if the story will start talking again! I do have a few ideas...
You can also find me on Facebook! My group, Sunshine Fics, is where you'll find picture teasers and updates on my stories, so come check it out!
Thanks so much for reading!