A.N: It started with a Tumblr post on my dashboard. stennnn06 encouraged me to put the idea into a fanfic, and this is the result. I don't know if I'll make this a single chapter fic or write more chapters. The plot has a lot of potential. I'm sorry if it sucks big time. The anonymous person who posted the idea: thank you and I hope you like it. ;)
Only Fools
I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake
Lena stares at the picture in front of her, unable to believe it. Her heart thumps loudly in her chest, blood roaring in her ears. Six months. Six months living on cloud nine. Absolute and uttermost happiness only to realize it was all a big lie. Years of trusting people who had played her for a complete fool.
Her eyes water and it takes everything she has in her not to give in her misery. The green of her eyes looks like two gems behind a veil of tears. She looks up with a gasp, then down at the little box in front of her.
A key to her apartment. She had finally taken the courage to take the plunge and admit that Kara was it for her. Endgame. The end. It seemed fitting to ask her to move with her on the day the two of them celebrated 6 months together. As partners, as girlfriends. She had tried so hard not to be completely in love with her best friend for so long. Years of having Kara as the highlight of her day without her knowing it. Of pretending to be her best friend while she dreamt of something more every single time they were together.
Surprisingly, Kara was the one responsible for the shift in their relationship. On a night-out with Alex and Maggie, Kara had been most unhappy with a flirty waitress who had taken an instant liking to Lena. Lena, who, a little buzzed already, had smiled and flirted harmlessly at the woman's seduction attempts.
The blonde had staked her claim pretty heavily, leaving a drunk Lena very confused and driving her slightly mad with well-placed hands and whispers in her ear. By the time the night ended, she was past buzzed, like the whole group except for Kara and had ended up crashing at her best friend's apartment.
Lena had woken up in one of Kara's T-shirts, head bursting, grumpy and completely oblivious to her friend's bad mood. The other woman had given her pills to chase away her headache, juice and toast to soothe her stomach and the silent treatment of all silent treatments. Lena, confused as to what she'd done wrong had tried joking around, asking what was wrong, until Kara, with a look Lena had never seen before just marched across the room and to her gobsmacking surprise, kissed her.
They've had ups and downs since that day, but Kara was still the best thing in Lena's life. It was the reason she had decided to take the next step and ask Kara to move in with her. If she could have her way she'd ask the blonde to marry her, but she didn't want to rush things and spook her.
She laughs without mirth. Seems pointless now.
The memories are painful and this time she can't avoid the tears. They burn her cheeks like they are acid. She cries not only because she is sad, but mainly because she feels deeply betrayed and so, so ashamed of herself.
She feels stupid for believing love would ever last with her. Her phone vibrates on her bed and she briefly takes her eyes off the picture to look at it. Maggie. This time Lena actually lets out a sob. Of all the friends Kara brought with her to their relationship, Maggie was the one Lena felt closest to. She understood the struggle, the steps one had to take to become at ease in their own skin once their sexuality was out of the bag.
They both understand what a not-so-nice coming out of the closet could mean. Even if she was Bi, didn't exactly mean it would be easier for her. Lena's heart breaks a little more, ache so deep she actually rubs a hand over the spot to try and relieve it. They must have laughed so much at her naivetè… Now that she knew, she wondered how she could've missed the obvious signs. I mean, glasses?
A beautiful, smiling Kara stares at her from the glossy surface of the photo. Lena's head tucked on her shoulder as she hugged the blonde from behind. Her face is stretched on an impossibly big smile. Something ugly bubbles in her stomach when her phone lights up again. Alex, this time. Her hand closes around the picture, crumpling the paper on a gesture very similar to what Kara had done to her heart.
How could Lena think, for one moment that she was worthy of being happy? How could she have forgotten that Luthors and happy were never to be. She gets up from the bed, itching to answer to Maggie's 17th call, but goes to her bar instead.
A bottle of perfectly aged scotch makes its way under her armpit, the liquid swirling under the low light. Lena doesn't bother with a glass, after all, she plans to finish this bottle and its two sisters that are still in the cabinet, before the night's over.
Her phone is still buzzing like crazy, tugging and ripping at her already bruised heart. To avoid her still itching fingers; her thumb actually hovers above the green circle when Kara calls, she places her phone on plane mode, opens her Spotify, looking for a very specific song then puts the iPhone on the dock on her nightstand.
She slides to the floor, the bottle opened and takes a swig as the song starts. The piano brings forth a new set of tears and almost as if she's punishing herself, she raises the volume to the max, taking a long, very satisfying swig from the bottle.
I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all
I see swimming pools and living rooms and aeroplanes
I see a little house on the hill and children's names
I see quiet nights poured over ice and Tanqueray
But everything is shattering and it's my mistake
Lena drinks as her mind tortures her, making her remember every single detail she wants to forget.
How Kara has a small, barely there mole above her left nipple.
The way she tastes, in the morning, warmed from the sun that filters through Lena's bedroom window. When the air conditioner is off or the room is warm enough, Kara would throw the covers off. Her whole body would be a beautiful, magical halo and Lena loved the way her thighs felt, warm against her ears. Her favorite part of the day.
The way she has a little wrinkle between her eyebrows who was a certain give away to any problems she may have.
Her complete love for romantic comedies and how she pretends not to be scared when they watched horror movies, but always ended up attached to Lena's side and averting her eyes during the gory scenes.
Her bottomless stomach and the way Lena would tease her mercilessly about it, but always made sure she was well fed and satisfied.
Their talks about the future. The thrill of making tentative plans and knowing the other was thinking long term. The first time they approached the children subject and how Kara said she wished Lena would carry the first baby because there was nothing she would like more in this world to see her round with their child. How her uterus had pretty much melted and she had dreamt of a beautiful baby girl with azure eyes and raven black curls that night.
Lena is sobbing hard now, drinking heavily. The beat of the bass a soundtrack for her breaking heart.
Oh, our lives don't collide, I'm aware of this
The differences and impulses and your obsession with
The little things you like stick, and I like aerosol
Don't give a fuck, not giving up, I still want it all
Their everyday differences. How Kara could sleep the morning away and Lena would wake up at the break of dawn. The way Kara woke up, slowly and grumpy, not really awake until her morning shower while Lena was up and running (literally) as soon as her eyes were open.
Her love for dark chocolate while Kara preferred white, even though Lena told her it wasn't exactly real chocolate.
God, it hurt so much!
It felt she was in love with someone she knew better than herself, but at the same time, knew nothing about.
The song ended and started again, on an endless repeat. Lena kept drinking and drinking and drinking as if the scotch would rip Kara Danvers from her soul.
She knew it was useless. She was a fool.