Hey there. This is actually scary for me to post. I haven't written anything in a long time and part of the reason for that my anxiety has been getting the better of me for a long while now. But not anymore. I hope.

This isn't my best work. But it's the start of trying (hopefully) to get back into the swing of things.

So what better way to do that than going back to my favourite show and to my favourite couple

; Slexie. I have been rewatching Greys for a while a now and I've been trying my hardest to put off that season 8 finale. I hate that episode. So here we are, starting a different story from before that awful finale.

And just so you know, there's no Sofia in this. Sorry but I do not like that storyline. So Mark and Lexie just broke up again around the time Callie and Arizona got back together.

Disclaimer: I own the idea. That is all.

All In

Part 1

"I love you, oh god oh my god, that just came flying out of my face like some kind of, I, I love you. I did it again. I love you, I do, I just love you. And I have been trying not to say it, I've been trying so hard to mash it down and ignore it and not say it and Jackson is a great guy, he, he is, he's gorgeous and he's younger than you and he doesn't have any grandkids or babies with his lesbian bffs and he's an Avery and he liked me, you know, he really liked me. But it was never going to work out because I, I love you and I am so in love with you. You're in me, it's like you're a disease, it's like I'm infected by Mark Sloan. And I just can't- I can't think about anything or anybody and I can't sleep, I can't...breathe, I can't eat. And I love you, I just, I love you all the time it's just every minute of every day, and I- I- I-I- I love you." Her faced beamed with pride. She said it. She had finally said it. "God that feels so good just to say that, I...I feel so much better. I love you. Mark," her pride shifted as the fear and wanting set in. Could she beg him? Should she beg him?

"Hey Lexie," the other woman's voice interrupted her thoughts of him. It dawned on Lexie once more that he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he was thinking of moving in with and having a baby with. Was she really that naive that he would leave all that behind for her? "I thought you said the lobby, you ready?"

His piercing blues glanced from his girlfriends to Lexie's. Say something. Do something. She wanted to get down on her hands and knees to beg him to choose her. But instead, she smiled politely as Julia said goodbye to her, as she watched them walk away together, arm in arm; both looking at each other the exact way she wanted him to look at her. She swallowed the tears as they bubbled away inside of her. She was too late. She'd missed her chance.

It was over.

Derek had gone to bed long ago; he'd sat with her a while as she finally let the tears fall. He'd done the big brother thing as he rubbed her back in silence; she didn't need his advice, truth be told she didn't want it; she just wanted some semblance of affection; to know she was not alone.

She glanced around Meredith's front room before rubbing her tear stained face. She rose from her lonely spot on the sofa before making her way to the staircase. As she started up the stairs, something caught her eye causing her to bend slightly over the hand rail to look at the glass front door.

The figure stood in the doorway was tall and drenched to the skin. She hadn't even noticed it had begun to rain. She watched as he shrugged his strong shoulders slightly causing her to fall to her knees as the tears started their descent down her cheeks again. With a deep breath she walked the few yards to the front door, her hands shaking as she turned the doorknob and swung it open. Her eyes didn't dare look up at him for fear he was a figment of her imagination.

"Why?" his choked voice caused her to finally look up at him. "Why now?" She noticed he was shaking too and she knew it wasn't because he was cold. "I've tried...I've told...so many time..." He was confused and Lexie couldn't blame him.

She shook her head and shrugged. "I don't know."

Anger overcame him quickly and he stormed into the hallway. Timidly she followed him, her fingers coiling together as he quickly turned on his heel to face her again. Before she even had time to look up his large hands had grasped her face and he was kissing her with such fervour she was sure she'd have fallen to her knees if it wasn't for him holding her up. As soon as it began however, he let her go and continued his brisk strut into the front room. She couldn't help herself as her fingers caressed the lips that mere seconds before he was kissing with his own.

"I need to know why." His voice was low as he just stared at her, stared at her with his dull, lifeless blues. Lexie shrugged, unsure of what to say to him. Why did she just admit her feelings after so long? His eyes narrowed on her. "Tell me why."

Irritation bubbled inside. "Why did you just kiss me?"

"Don't, don't do that. I ask a question then you answer. That's how this works." He took a step towards her. "I deserve answers!"

"Why though?! Why?!"

"Because I just left Julia alone in my apartment because I can't...I can't...think...because you..." He sighed in aggravation and vigorously rubbed at his stubbly face.

Her doe eyes closed, shielding the tears that had returned. She forgot. For a few moments she actually forgot about Julia. His Julia. "Julia," she whispered, tears finally sliding down her cheeks as a sad smile crossed her face. "You should go back...you should go...home...to Julia..." She turned away from him. More than anything she wished he could say those three little words to her. Those words that would take all the pain away, those words that would change both of their futures forever, those words that could take away the past and they would move on.

"Is that what you want?" She swallowed knowing he was directly behind her, she could feel his breath on the back of her neck and she could feel his fingers lightly touching the backs of her hands. His voice was that seductive baritone of his, the one that could make her succumb to anything and everything.

She turned, her eyes falling directly onto his chest. With every intake of breath she could feel his chest touch her own. After a few moments she finally raised her eyes to meet his. She shook her head and mumbled 'no'.

"I just need to know why," his fingers reached up and brushed a strand of hair from her face.

"Because I love you. I just love you." A hint of a smile graced his handsome face before he leant down to kiss her. This kiss was different from the last. It was soft and delicate...filled with love, their love. Lexie was the one to pull away, surprising him. "You have Julia."

He nodded, his hands threading through his hair as he moved away from her. "I do."

"And you love her." The words tasted like bile in Lexie's mouth.

"I love you." His words were spoken barely above a whisper but she heard them as if they were spoken down a microphone.

"You do?" Her heart beat harder and faster. This was it. This was real. He rose, a small smirk on his face as he moved towards her once more.

"Of course I do," he stood directly ahead of her again, relishing in the feel of their chests touching once more.

"I tried to say it, I tried to say it so many times...there's so much I wanted to say but I just could never get it out."

"I know, I understand." His lips met hers again and as fairytale as it sounds Lexie couldn't help but feel the fireworks that were going off around them. They pulled apart and Lexie rested her head against his chest, delighting in the feel of his strong arms around her after too long apart. Mark took her small hand in his large own and led her towards the couch where he pulled her to me; she snuggled into his arms, their limbs wrapping around each others.

Contentment. For the first time in a long time she felt content.

But the world always has other plans.

"What about Julia?" She didn't want to ask, she didn't want to ruin whatever moment it was that they were having but the important question needed asking.

"I sorted it." She leant back to look at him confused. "It's okay, I sorted it."

"You okay? You've been quiet the whole ride home." Mark watched as Julia made herself at home in his apartment.

"I'm okay," he smiled as she started putting pots and pans on the stove.

"Good." Her smile could light up the room. But it was no longer lighting up his room. "I was thinking pasta..." She mused to herself as she reached into his cupboards.

Mark thought back to all the times it was Lexie in his kitchen and it wasn't just the kitchen he could 'see' her in. She was all over this apartment; she had always been. At one point this was her home, their home and now he wanted Julia to move in? Suddenly that thought seemed too wrong. Suddenly the thought of Julia showering in his shower seemed too wrong. Suddenly the thought of Julia in the bed he had once shared with Lexie was wrong. Way too wrong.

"Hey, you in there?" He hadn't even noticed Julia was now standing in front of him. She laughed at his bemused expression. "You sure you're okay?" Her arms around his waist. "Bad case?"

He remained silent a moment before finally looking down at her, his arms lying limp at his sides. "Do you love me?" He queried his voice deadpan. She looked up at him confused.

"You know I do," the fact that his eyes were practically looking through her concerned her. "Mark, what's going on?"

"That makes this harder," he winced as the flash of fear and dread crossed her pretty face. She stepped away from him.

"Makes what harder...?" Realisation dawned on her. "Is this about Lexie? I'm not stupid Mark, I've heard the talk..."

"This is about me." His voice was still deadpan; emotionless. Her eyebrows rose urging him to continue. "I love her. I've always loved her and I can't...do this anymore."

"You said she didn't want what you wanted."

Mark nodded. "She wants me."

"And you're willing to give up marriage and babies for her?" She had begun crying.

"I'm willing to give it all up for her."

The slam of the door was his only recollection of her leaving and he felt ashamed at the relief he felt that she was gone.

"You said you'd left her at your apartment." Lexie mumbled her head in the nape of his neck.

"I lied," he laughed lightly. "I wanted to make sure this was real."

She leant back, eyeing him seriously. "This is real Mark. This has to work. I won't make it again if it doesn't." He nodded. "I want it all with you all. A house, marriage, a baby. I want it all. And I just want you."

His grin made her heart flutter. "All in?"

"All in."