It was getting late. Ahsoka struggled to stay awake, rubbing at her eyes whenever they began to close. Skyguy dismissed the clones about two hours ago, which was about when Master Obi-Wan walked in to iron out the details for the plan for the next few days. Except for the past two hours, Ahsoka noted ruefully, they were getting nowhere. None of them could agree on anything, especially her master and Master Kenobi, which was angering Skyguy to no end. Even Master Kenobi was beginning to show some legitimate irritability, which simply never happened. She sighed and tried to focus again on whatever heated discussion (when she called it an argument before, Master Kenobi very pointedly said, "No, Ahsoka, this is not an argument, this is a discussion" and then continued to lecture Anakin) they were having now.
It seemed they had strayed away from the topic of tomorrow's negotiations.
"I'm not your padawan anymore, remember?" Anakin asked with a groan, "You can stop lecturing me." He ran his flesh hand through his hair, sighing irritably while drumming the fingers of his prosthetic hand on the arm of the couch.
"That may be so, Anakin, but you still have much to learn, even as a Jedi Knight," Obi-Wan answered smoothly, studying his datapad carefully.
"And I suppose, since you're so perfect, you'll take it upon yourself to teach me, then?" Anakin asked, voice rising along with ire. Ahsoka sucked in a breath, practically feeling his anger thrumming through their training bond.
Master Kenobi put the datapad down on the table next to him with a sigh and stood up. "Well, if I am not your master anymore, Anakin, then I'm certainly not obligated to help you with this, now am I?" Though his face was carefully blank as usual, his Force presence was just slightly surrounded by a quiet whisper of anger. Ahsoka shivered. Without waiting for an answer, Master Kenobi turned sharply and began to walk away.
"Is that what you thought of all these years then, Obi-Wan?" Anakin called to his retreating back, "An obligation, a kriffing promise you made to a dying man?" Ahsoka frowned, not completely understanding what her master was talking about.
Master Kenobi stopped and only turned his head slightly toward the two younger Jedi sitting on the couch. Though his back was perfectly straight, Ahsoka could practically see the invisible lines of unfathomable exhaustion set in his shoulders. After a few seconds' pause, he began to walk again.
"ANSWER ME!" Anakin shouted, red-faced, and this time Obi-Wan whirled around to face them.
"We will not have this conversation in the middle of the night, Anakin, and certainly not in front of your padawan," Obi-Wan responded, gesturing to Ahsoka.
"Well, I don't actually have to listen to you so I say we talk about this now," Anakin answered, standing up.
Obi-Wan sighed heavily. "Look, Anakin, it's nearly 3 in the morning, and none of us are thinking properly. It's probably best if we get at least some sleep and then start fresh tomorrow morning," he said softly before turning back toward the door once again.
As Master Kenobi walked, Anakin shouted again. "Why don't you ever listen to me? You never did, not even before! You've been holding me back, all of these years because you were jealous. If Master Qui-Gon lived, he would have trained me, and it's all your fault he's dead!" he yelled, taking a few steps towards his former master, "Master Qui-Gon would have listened to me! You failed him that day on Naboo, Obi-Wan! It's all your fault!" he cried.
Obi-Wan paused in front of the door. Ahsoka's heart dropped sickeningly to her stomach and her throat was instantly dry. She didn't know much about Qui-Gon Jinn; anytime she tried to bring it up to Master Obi-Wan, Anakin would quickly and deftly change the topic. She looked up at Anakin, who looked equally as stunned about his words as she felt. "Kriff, Master, I don't know where that came from," he managed, much softer than before.
Master Kenobi remained perfectly still, almost too still for what must have been a few moments, but felt like an eternity. Then his shoulders slumped, though he didn't turn around. "You must have been feeling that way on some level, Anakin," he said finally, his voice almost too bland.
Anakin shook his head vehemently before responding. "No, I didn't mean it!" he exclaimed, taking a few steps forward. "You have to believe me, Obi-Wan," her Master insisted. She could feel his insistence in the Force, almost overwhelming her.
Obi-Wan shook his head. "I would be lying if I said that I didn't feel the same way, Anakin." Ahsoka's heart squeezed violently in her chest, and she blinked against the burn of sudden tears forming in her eyes. "But that's in the past now," Obi-Wan continued, still turned away from them.
"Master, I—"
"Goodnight Anakin, Ahsoka," Obi-Wan said, as though he didn't hear Anakin, and exited the room. Part of her wanted to chase after him, but she remained, standing just slightly behind Anakin, who seemed frozen to the spot.
Both Master and Padawan were quiet for almost ten seconds, then—
"Kriff!" Anakin shouted, even louder than before. She flinched slightly then walked up to him. Anakin was trembling now, but she couldn't tell if he was more angry at himself or at what just happened. "I messed up, Ahsoka," he exclaimed, then covered his face with both hands. "I told myself that I wouldn't do that again." Anakin stalked over to the couch where Master Kenobi was sitting earlier and sat down, face still resting in his hands.
Again? Ahsoka sat down next to him. "You've done this before?" she asked incredulously, eyebrows raised. "I thought Jedi were supposed to be in control of their emotions, Master," she said quietly.
The look he gave her was somewhat terrifying, but she kept her composure until he sighed a few moments later. "I know, Snips," he muttered, then groaned loudly. "A couple of times during my apprenticeship, I told Obi-Wan that Master Qui-Gon would be severely disappointed in every single thing he did while training me, that he has no idea how to train an apprentice and that he was a complete failure to Master Qui-Gon's legacy," he admitted finally.
Ahsoka's heart somehow dropped even lower into her stomach. "Why would you do that?" she asked loudly. "How would you feel if Obi-Wan said something like that to you about training me? Or if I said it to you? But it was even worse for him, because his Master died, and you decided to blame that on him?"
"I know!" Anakin exclaimed heatedly. "You don't understand, Snips." Her Master made a noise of frustration and covered his face with both hands. "The first few months of my apprenticeship were so, so difficult. I was struggling so much, being new to the Jedi Order, missing my mother, especially during the first few days, and the fact that Master Qui-Gon was supposed to train me and then he died…I was so alone and confused and just…lost," Anakin admitted.
Ahsoka sighed. "So now what?" she asked, rubbing at her eyes and suppressing another yawn.
He smiled ruefully at her, but to her, it seemed more like a pained grimace. "Go get some sleep," he answered, "I have to figure out what we're actually going to do tomorrow, and then talk to Obi-Wan, at some point."
Ahsoka frowned. "You won't lash out and say something you'll regret this time, right?" she asked slowly. "You sure you don't need me for anything?" she said before he could answer her first question.
He nodded, then repeated, "Go get some sleep, Snips." She nodded, and turned away, leaving him.
She walked quickly through the ship, hoping that none of the clones would see her or want to talk to her. She turned a corner into the hallway with her quarters, when she saw Master Kenobi standing a few feet away, leaning against a wall. The exhaustion that she saw earlier was now more visible; in the dim lights, he was pale, and his shoulders were slumped against the wall, almost for support.
"Master Kenobi?" she asked softly. He looked up at her and blinked slowly, but did not say anything. "Are you okay?" she continued.
Master Kenobi breathed deeply, as though he was still centering himself, still reeling from Anakin's sudden bout of fiery anger. "Yes," he said finally, voice slightly hoarse. "Was there something you needed, Ahsoka?"
"I just…" she trailed off and looked towards the ground with uncertainty. "He didn't mean it, Master Kenobi; it's just he's really stressed out about the war and everything. And I think everything sort of just boiled over at the worst possible time," she admitted.
He nodded, then leaned back against the wall almost briefly. "Yesterday was Qui-Gon's death anniversary," he said, then swallowed heavily, "Tenth anniversary. It might seem like a long time, but sometimes it feels like barely any time has passed." He sighed then looked back at Ahsoka and shook his head. "I should not have said that, sorry," he murmured.
She shook her head. "It's fine," she answered. She couldn't possibly imagine losing her Master the way Master Kenobi did. Just the thought of losing him, feeling the training bond snap and wither away, made her feel sick inside. "I'm sorry about Master Jinn," she murmured. "Could you tell me about him?"
The words escaped from her lips before she even really thought about it. Master Kenobi froze, his shoulders tensing almost immediately in response. She couldn't see his face, but suddenly she knew why Anakin said that he couldn't really talk to Obi-Wan about his Master. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—" she began.
"You remind me of him."
Her blood turned to ice at his words. He turned around to face her again, eyes gleaming in the dim light. "Qui-Gon was so…" He swallowed then, as if he was struggling to find the right words. "…attuned with the Living Force. In fact, he followed the will of the Force more than the Jedi Code, which led to many disagreements with the Council, as you can imagine." He chuckled dryly.
She paused. "Do you…miss him?"
The smile faded from his face, and a grief so long-lasting, so deep flickered in the blue-green depths of his eyes. "That's almost the same as asking if we need air to breathe, to survive," he murmured. "I think about him every single day. He would have been devastated to see the state of the galaxy now, to see the Jedi fighting in a war rather than being peacekeepers. And with Dooku being the head of it…" Obi-Wan took a deep breath, letting that thought trail off.
Right, she nearly forgot. Count Dooku was a Jedi once upon a time, the very same Jedi who trained Master Qui-Gon, much to her surprise.
"There is plenty of information about Qui-Gon in the Archives, Ahsoka," Master Kenobi said.
"Yeah, but none of it was about who he was as a person. And when I asked Anakin about it, he said he didn't know much," she admitted.
He shrugged. "Anakin never asked much about him, though I know that he saw Qui-Gon as a hero, since he was the one who rescued him from slavery," he murmured. He gave her a wan smile then.
Almost on cue, Anakin's voice echoed through the hallway. "Master!"
She watched as he raced down the hallway to Obi-Wan's other side, tears sliding down his cheeks. "Master, I…" Anakin choked slightly, rubbing at his eyes. "I'm really sorry, Obi-Wan. I just remembered that Naboo was ten years ago; I shouldn't have said those things."
Obi-Wan shook his head. "Anakin, you've said worse things before. It's fine," he responded. Ahsoka raised her brows, remembering what Anakin said earlier, but hearing it from Obi-Wan too made it more concerning.
"No, it's not fine, Master," Anakin protested. He paused, looking at Ahsoka briefly before taking a deep breath. "You were a great Master, Obi-Wan. I really, really appreciate everything you've ever done for me," Anakin admitted, eyes shining. Before Obi-Wan could protest, he continued. "And you trained me, just like you promised Master Qui-Gon. You did it, Master," Anakin said with a smile.
Ahsoka heard that Anakin was only Knighted a few weeks before Christophsis, a few weeks before she became his padawan. It apparently was a very quick affair, just a simple ceremony with the Council, according to Anakin. There must not have been time to…reflect on what Anakin's Knighting meant, to either Obi-Wan or Anakin.
Obi-Wan stared at them both for a long moment before he shuddered slightly and tears spilled down his cheeks. He rubbed at his eyes furiously. "Sorry, I…" he muttered, voice muffled. "I don't know where this is coming from, I…" He trailed off, and Ahsoka realized that for the first time, Master Kenobi was…speechless.
Anakin moved forward, wrapping his arms around his former master's shoulders. Ahsoka felt some strange emotion well up inside of her, and she moved in to join the hug, feeling the warmth physically and within the Force embrace her. Everything felt so right in that moment, and she wished it would always be like this. Perhaps this wasn't the most Jedi-like she's ever acted, but it felt…good to be hugging other people, and she certainly wasn't going to protest it.
After all, Anakin always said that emotions are essential to a Jedi's life, and who was she to argue with that logic?
A/N: Please let me know what you think :)