"You're not making this easy.." Slyvester Stallone said looking all around the room in that unique way he does.
"B-But Captain!" Smee protested, grabbing a mop and a bucket. A. Bucket.
"Can it." Slyvester Stallone said raising his fake hook hand. "I ain't your cap't no mo're."
"That's right." Jason Statham crossing his tiny arms and nodding his bald little head. He was clearly the first mate on this ship. Him and the captain had formed a close working relationship and nothing more over the last couple years. (You hear that ya damn vultures: Nothing more!)
"A c-can?" Smee questioned.
"The Cannes Film Festival." Jason Statham explained to Smee as if he was stupid. "You know, it's only like the biggest Film Festival of the year." He held up a printed out snapshot of Slyvester Stallone having fun at the Cannes Film Festival.
It was A. Bucket's big dream.
But he was just a bucket and bucket's don't have dreams.
Smee continued to mop up the fruit punch he had clumsily retrieved for his lord and master Captain Hook AKA Slyvester Stallone and then just as clumsily fumbled and dumped all over the Captain's cabin.
"I'm afraid... we're going to have to let you go." Stallone made a sour face, as if it was the most difficult decision he had ever made. You believed the expression. He really was a pretty good actor, just the rest of the scene and the pacing and the content told you he wasn't really sincere and things wouldn't really end this way.
It was only when Chuck Norris came on set and mopped up the spilt juice and dumped the bucket overboard (Bucket and all) that it really hit home to the audience that yes. Smee had been fired and/or replaced.
Smee, packing his things in a little bindle (Read: 1 cookie) sauntered out extra dramatically before being kicked in the rump and tumbling down and out of the ship out into the wild blue yonder.
Finding himself somewhere in downtown Los Angeles, Smee jumped from job to job. All of which ending the same way. Dumping a bowl of fruit punch all over the floor.
He worked as a waiter, as a fry cook, as a police officer AND as an accountant for some big-to-do banking clan in some hotshot galaxy far far away. But all these short-lived jobs ended in sticky fruity disaster.
Homeless and begging for food in a snow drift off the coast of Borneo, Smee was now sporting a Crocodile-sized beard and gathering a large following of followers AKA flies.
And then... Come on, I know you see this one coming. You know who ELSE had a large following of flies?
No, not Pooh.
No! Not Geppetto!
Yes! That's right! Shan Yu!
So the flies introduced the two and they lived happily ever after.
The End.
P.S. Slyvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger all embarked on a movie called Expendibles 3 and the whole point of that film is them retrieving a Pooh Stick to give to Roo so he could return it to the Fellowship of the Pooh. These big name action heroes have to stick together, ya dig?