Realization

By LateSleeper

Disclaimer: Do Gravitation has explicit sexual content that public magazine could not publish? If there aren't I don't have anything to do with it…

Note: Un Beta-read. Before you read remember this is angst…it may seem twisted and sick to others…so if you don't like those things don't read.

So on with the fic…unless you'd rather do something else…

I heard the door banged forcefully as though waking the dead from their graves. Since I was the famous ice king in the flesh I didn't budge from where I was sitting. I pretended that I didn't notice the loud sound the door had made which by the way, I always do. I know that he knew that I heard him and was purposely ignoring him so he yelled my name loudly. I turned around and just raise an eyebrow to acknowledge him.

"YUKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!"

I turned my head to the screen again and ignored my whining Shuichi, who's now walking his way to my side. I heard him purring and whining at the same time wanting to get my whole attention to him. I smiled at the hentai thoughts running on my mind right now and a purring Shu-chan isn't helping much to suppress that urge.

'Shit! I have a dead line to finish.'

I looked down at Shuichi who's now rubbing his head on my lap. 'Shit if this keep up I'll break my schedule.'

I glare at him and shove him. He just looks at me with yearning eyes but I just gave him a cold shoulder. I knew he would understand why I did that. He ALWAYS understands me.

He's an angel. My angel.

I heard the door lock click signaling the exit of my lover. I sighed and continued my work with half-heartedness.

The days continued with Shuichi continued whining and complaining, he kept on yelling for me to stop working or he wants to sleep on my bed; but two weeks reduce those yelling into whining. After three weeks he no longer complain about the pain the couch is giving him.

Now, every time he came home he'd just walk into me and kissed me and goes off to the couch…no more whining, no more complaining. It made me felt at ease that he no longer bothers me on my work. Finally peace at last.

Well too much peace I guess. There's no more whining, no grunting, yelling…shit not even a fucking singing I hear every night before he'd go to sleep.

I know something have change. And this night he just walked straight to the couch.

I'm really getting this sick feeling that I am falling. Falling to a hole I knew that has no end and I hate feeling like that, feeling that I don't know where I stand…

Infidelity.

Infidelity… the only word that came into my mind.

No!!! My Shuichi wouldn't do that. Would he?

I felt the devil within me finally snap inside. Fuck! I'd kill that bastard if ever I caught him fucking someone behind my back!!!

I heard some footstep indicating the waking up of the bitch, bitch would be the right name for him if ever I caught him two timing me.

I never knew that I was awake the whole night thinking of the things Shuichi would be doing behind my back. I felt like I just drank a gallon of caffeine, for all my senses are wide-awake. I was like a hawk vigilant on every move of my prey.

I watched him do his morning routine. Shower, breakfast, and rushing off to work.

I felt my feet suddenly had a life of his own as it suddenly followed Shuichi down stairs. I felt like a spy following a super criminal onto his hideout.

He arrived at the studio like he normally used too, sing and practiced like he used too, joke and kid around with his best friend like he used too. In short it was perfectly normal to the eyes of common people.

Yes to common people…but not to me. I knew him like the back of my hand.

Since I have him in my house for more than half a year now I knew that something is bothering him. I really can't explain it, but it seems like I could sense the difference that some others can't when it comes to Shuichi. Like me having a special receptor that could sense everything about Shuichi.

DAMN you Shuichi!!! You are turning my mind up side down.

I watched his every move deciphering anything that could give me a clue to what he is hiding.

The clock ticked away and when I looked at my watched I was shocked to see that it was passed six and his work would be soon over.

As if on cue Shuichi suddenly walked out the door of the studio then onto a different path that I knew I would soon find out what he was hiding. Very soon.

I saw him turn into a track towards the nearby park. I saw the fall of his shoulder with each step he takes like each stride pains he and shred him to bits. Even I was a meter away I could still perceived his forlorn expression.

Why is he here? What had happened that had taken the carefree attitude he had?

He was headed towards a dark trail on the way to the end of the park near the river where only few people go. I saw him stopped on his track and in front of him was a man.

I knew it!

The man that must be about the same height as me, he is blond like me but I bet it was dyed anyway because of how unruly and dried it looks. His hair is much shorter than mine, and it revealed the piercing on both his ears…he may had a 3 piercing for each ear. He was also skinny and pale and he got droopy blue eyes. He is wearing a cheap suit but he seems to carry some arrogance in him the way he carries it as he smokes a poor quality cigarette.

A cheap wanna-be.

I wonder what Shuichi could be doing with a cheap slut like him. I went nearer to them with feline accuracy to avoid being detected by my prey. Now I could clearly hear what the two was talking about.

"I…we must stop this. This is the payment I promised…I already added some more."

Payment? What is Shuichi talking about?

I could see the tense expression the other man is projecting. I could see his hands twitching, then with a slash he grabs my Shuichi by the arm and dragged him closer to him. I could see the shocked look on Shuichi's pretty face and he seems paralyzed at the man's sudden action.

"We are not through yet."

"This…this is wrong…I can't…I love Yuki too much."

"That's right. Always about your damn boyfriend. Yuki. Yuki. Yuki. Yeah I remember, it was he who was the reason you came to me, right?"

I felt the clenching of my teeth as I watched the man smirked with an angry expression that was shown in his eyes. Who did he think he is, calling me a damn boyfriend? I wanted to launch at that man and punched him senseless and just wipe that smirked on his face. I was ready to knock him when I felt like someone in heaven was punishing me for I was rooted to the spot and could only listen to the progress of their conversation like an audience that can only be able to witness but never to make changes or action.

"Ouch!!! Let go…please…"

I saw a tear trickled down Shuichi's flustered face as he squirmed his way out. I know the man was hurting him but I can't force myself to move not even a flinch.

"No I won't let you go…why would I? So that you could go to your fucking lover? What does he has that make you fall all-over him?"

"...let go please…"

"No I wont! Remember the first time we met Shu-chan? You thought I was your bastard lover. Then you couldn't keep your eyes off me even after you learn I was not he. Do you really saw him in me?"

"…"

" Yeah that's right. You saw that bastard in me. That's why you paid me to act like him, dress like him. Do you know the first time you said that, you'd pay me to impersonate him and hug you? I was totally shocked but amused all the same."

"…stop… please."

"Huh?! I was paid to hug someone!!! How lame was that?! I am a whore you moron not your mother. You pay someone to hug you so that you can pretend that your boyfriend was the one doing that to you. Your pathetic!"

"…sorry….I…"

"You know, I don't know who's more twisted, you for using someone to pretend someone else or me, even though I was just a tool but still I fallen in love with you."

Shuichi's eye widen, I could see how stunned he was on the progress of events like I was too.

"You use me to save your relationship. You use me so that you could say to yourself that Yuki loves you by pretending that I was him who was hugging you all this time. You're crazy you know that?"

I couldn't think. I couldn't move. Everything was spinning so fast. I'm in total confusion. I know I should have hated Shuichi for two-timing me but I know I shouldn't because he did it all to save our relationship. Damn it! Shuichi you imbecile! You're damn CRAZE BAKA!!!

"You are crazy! I am crazy…crazy in love with you! I don't know what you did but I've completely fallen hard and I don't think I could escape this feeling…."

I saw the loving gaze he graces down on Shuichi as he hugged him closer while my lover was too stunned to move or to react. I felt something in me boil and there was a nudging feeling in my chest.

"Shuichi I love you. Please believe me. I am willing to do anything. I'd continue to act like him if you want me too."

"No…you are not…you are not Yuki."

I saw Shuichi tried to pull away again from the bastard who was holding him but the man seems to be hugging him with iron grip so they continue to be inches apart to each other and this make something in me boil MORE.

"I can be… SHIT!!! What does he have that I don't? Shuichi listen to me…"

The fucking bastard had dared to touch Shuichi's cheek to face him. I could see the persuading expression in his eyes like someone you always see in a romance movie.

" I cannot give you everything…but I know I could give you one thing Yuki couldn't give. Love. I'd kneel at your feet if you want to. I'd never let you sleep on couch…I'd rather sleep on the street than to see you sleep on a cold hard couch. I'd cook breakfast for you…I'd wash all your clothes…I'd even carry your baggage on your every tour…I'd be your slave…"

"…"

"I'd give you my whole self…"

Something snaps within me. I felt like I was some kind of twilight zone. This can't be happening.

This is my worst nightmare. The time when someone would dare take my Shuichi away. The time, when someone would make him his/her god and would promised him their undying love…promise him everything. Everything that I couldn't give. I finally realized that this is my worst fear…Shuichi being taken away on his own accord. He would took Shuichi all to himself and leave me here alone all by myself.

It was my nightmare that has suddenly materialized.

"Think about it Shuichi. He doesn't deserve you. Shuichi think about it…please give us a chance."

I saw him lowering his face towards Shuichi's luscious lips. I know what he was about to do. He would steal my Shuichi's sweet kiss that was reserved only for me, ONLY FOR ME. I felt the lion in me unleashed, but the kiss was not the sole reason of my sudden rage…

I can't let Shuichi think.

I know thinking is the least of his skills but even a child could see the difference between the promise of heaven and the life of hell and I know once he started thinking the bastard's proposition I am doomed for eternity. No! I can't let Shuichi think…

I suddenly felt myself punching the man square in the face. How I got there and when is the least of my concern. I was punching the daylight out of him that's matters most. Then as fast I had appeared I dragged Shuichi with one swift movement making our exit, away from this filthy scene.

I never looked back nor gaze at Shuichi. All I knew was that I was driving so fast that I never realized we reached our home in record a breaking time. My appearance and exit felt like I've done it all in a second for I could no longer remember the details.

The view of the door made me came back to sanity. Honestly it made me calm a bit knowing where home. I unlocked the door and made my way in not even waiting for Shuichi to follow me.

I walked towards the kitchen and grab some beer to calm myself down. I tossed the empty can in the bin and walked towards the bedroom but as I passed the sofa I saw Shuichi neatly preparing his bed with shivering movements. I saw the terror in his beautiful face.

Something in me stir and clenched my heart with iron grip making me suffocate for a while.

No. I will not be apart from Shuichi even for a second. I would not let him sleep in this dangerous room away from me, where things could happen like a bolt of lightning without me knowing.

No, I can't let this happen. I'm not gonna let him slipped away. I'm not gonna let that man stole him away while I sleep.

No, he's not going to sleep alone tonight, not now, not tomorrow, not even the next day or the days to come. He'd be with me always where I could see him and hold him close. That way I know he's safe, within my reach. He is still mine.

I clenched my hand tight and walked towards Shuichi with a speed of lightning and grab him by the shoulder.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" I heard myself voiced that very cold words with a very detached tone …I can't believe it was me who was saying those, but I guess it was already programmed that I always act cold and detached like it was inculcated within my whole being.

I saw Shuichi's shocked expression then somber like he was expecting my sudden outraged. His stiffened body suddenly became limp and he turned his head away from me.

I let him go and he instantly walked towards the door leading to our room. I gave a big sigh of relief. I waited a few more minutes to calm myself down before following him on our bedroom. I was on trance as I walked towards the door, dreaming of ways I'd make-up for all the things I've done to him.

I had promise myself that I'd be different from now on. I'd be good.

I'd be…

I snapped from the stupor that I was in as I saw the scene before me, Shuichi packing his clothes in a bag. The drawer was now empty except for the little things left there…candy, ring, a tooth, an autographed, a video tape and a stuffed bunny.

Then to my horror I saw him took all these thing in one hurried movement as he felt my presence behind him and then he looked up to me with a morose expression.

NO!

It can't be…not those things! I often kicked him out but he never took those things with him for he knew he'd come back again…and he always does.

But why now? Is he leaving me?? …for good.

Had he think it over, that bastard's proposal? Had he chosen him over me?

No!

No…

That's it! He might have misinterpreted me…I was so cold to him just now. He just misinterpreted it.

It must be it! It must be!

I felt the fire consumed my whole being and like the legendary phoenix I felt the renewal of my strength. I grab him by the shoulder and tossed him to bed…my bed…our bed.

I launched onto him like a mad tiger jumping to its victim, crushing his fragile body beneath me. He was shivering with terror from head to toe and I felt it vibrate to my whole body like an electricity that only fueled my desires and strength.

I kissed him savagely taking all my emotions to it…anger…rage…jealousy…fear…hope…and LOVE. I was taking my chance now to convey my message to him through this kiss. I took the chance to deepen the kiss and thrust my eager tongue to his warm mouth. I explored his moist cavern, memorizing every detailed of it and reminiscing how it felt right to be this close to him like two person being combined…breathing the same air.

The hungry rage of me suddenly diminished as I felt Shuichi's slow sucking motion he was doing to my tongue. All of my defenses surrender as I felt like melting on the sweetness the kiss is giving. I opened my eyes only to gaze at Shuichi's loving face and with his eyes close like that all I wanted was to make him moan my name over and over again.

Then like a twisted luck I remember our dilemma as I saw Shuichi pulled away from me. Was it all just a dream…have I just dreamt about what happened awhile ago? Or is it because he thought I was that bastard that he had kissed me with such fervor.

No…

"Shuichi?" I heard myself spoken with an unsure voiced.

He looked away from me with guilty eyes…I never saw him like this…never did he looked away from me with that expression and force…

I know now…

"Shuichi…"

I made up my mind. I won't lose.

"…do you want me to dye my hair…or do you want me to pierced my ears more…?"

"…"

"I'd even wear those cheap suit he was wearing and smoke those cigarettes…I'd….I'd act like him…just tell me…"

The table has turned…the original will become the impersonator and the impersonator would be the one to be impersonated…

"Did he ever made you felt like this Shuichi…Did he ever kissed you like so…" I touched him where I know he would love to, and kissed him gently like I never kissed him before. "Do you want it gently Shuichi?"

I touched him and kissed him like a man who was seeking warmth on a lonely winter night…like a dog who's seeking the attention of his master. I kissed him gently…on his chest…his belly and his neck. I savored every scent his body is emitting. I let my hand traveled all over his body…every inch of it and I was thirsty for more. I let my face be buried on his pink fur he called hair. I felt like heaven was within my reach.

"I'll practice more if you want me to…I'd…be him if you want me to. Just…just chose me…chose me …please." I was in the verge of my sanity as I begged him to take me. Take all of me. I never want this moment to end.

He had to take me…he had to choose me over him…

I looked down on him with so much longing desire that I never knew I had. Our eyes locked and with a flicker of his eyes I knew he had chosen…

He had chosen me.

I kissed his lips…just mere brushing my lips with his. I bid him my goodnights as he gently closed his eyes. The funny thing is that I never realized that he was holding to my sleeves with a grip like a lost child holding to the only thing he had. I looked down at him with gentle eyes and just watched him sleeps.

I realized that night that Shuichi was indeed an angel in disguise that was sent to me to illuminate my dark life and give hope in me that I know was just a flicker away before it died.

Then…I realized that angel still do needs assurance of the love. He may be a martyr but I guess martyr do need love.

Take and receive gave a new meaning.

If I want to keep something I need to take care of it and hell that I'll do it from now on.

This night was full of realization…and miracles.

"Oi brat eat your breakfast first."

"Mou Yuki I'm gonna be late…K won't like it."

"Baka! Here take this and I don't want to see that thing half eaten."

"Yuki is sooo nice. Ja!"

"Remember I'll pick you up at six…sharp."

"Hai. Ja ne!"

Yuki looked at his hurrying lover with a smile. It was like this ever since that day end. Breakfast and dinner, Yuki would see to it that his pink-haired lover has enough of these. He even makes sure that the brat took his shower every night and of course wear clothes that is immaculately clean. Everything must be prefect, no less for his lover. He was like Shuichi's personal assistant…but the pay Shuichi was giving was more than Yuki could hope for and I'm not saying in money…I'd leave you to your imagination but I'd give you a hint: Bed…

Shuichi hurriedly put on his shoes while munching bread at the same time. He was glad everything was settled after that…that horrid night. He was so happy that Yuki had forgiven him after the mess he had made. He was totally lucky that Yuki had changed after that too.

"Oi brat I'd take you there. Hurry up before your crazy manager gets loony again."

Shuichi was taken aback by Yuki's sudden offer of ride…it must be his lucky day! "Yuki! Yuki! Love you Yuki!"

Yuki tried to pry off his energetic lover off him but we knew better…the smile of contentment on his face is a good tip-off that he was enjoying the simple body contact Shuichi is giving him.

The two arrived in a matter of a minute and Shuichi hurried off to the building but of course first giving his Yuki a goodbye kiss.

Unknown to the two is a person behind the trees who was watching them intently and was waiting patiently for the right chance. Then the intruder's gaze focused on the back of Shuichi and if you would look closely the intense gaze become gentle and became of a more loving look which was only reserve for the energetic vocalist of Bad Luck.

"I need to talk to you Yuki Eiri-san."

Yuki didn't need to look who the person was for he knew him already. The man was always looking at Shuichi behind those trees every time he'd pick up Shuichi from work. He was the main reason why Yuki decided to became Shuichi's chauffeur well more like a bodyguard…yes Yuki was afraid that this man would kidnapped his Shu-chan and flew away where he could no longer see Shuichi.

The man was always there…looking…hopping and maybe he was tired of waiting and was now taking his chance…maybe his last chance he'll ever got…

"I want to talk to Shuichi…"

"…"

"Please…this is my key. I only have a Honda Civic accord…that's all I have plus this money I got from selling my house…you'll have it all just let me talk to Shuichi."

Yuki slowly looked over his shoulder and gaze at the man who was once put him to the cliff of death. "Is that all you have?"

"…it's just for a few minutes."

"Is that all? Do you know what you are asking for…it cost more than that."

"it's…it's…just for a few minutes…"

"Do you know it's cost? I'd give up all my money and my family's money just to stay with Shuichi."

"…"

"…you were asking for me to give off my life."

"He's my life too…"

Yuki and the man both looked up to the poster that was posted on the NG building…a smiling Shuichi was the main attraction on the poster. As the two gazes at Shuichi's jovial expression they both had to smile too.

'he's my life…'

.:Owari:.

LateSleeper: … bow