I'm not totally sure on this story but I thought that I'd give it a try and see how it goes. Please review and let me know what you think or any comments on how to improve would be helpful. I've changed my username but kept up some of my other Addek fics that I lost my way on. I may try and go back and reread them and try and work on some new chapters for them if people are interested in reading them. But hopefully I'll try my best to continue with this one as I have lots of idea so on where to go next.

By the way my name is Frances and I usually review on some other Addek stories as a guest but I might stay logged in to this from now on.

Derek arrived home at the trailer to find it empty and his heart sank as he noticed a note on the table along with Addison's rings and a pair of black panties. He ran his hand through his hair and picked up the note and began to read.

Derek,

I can't believe I'm writing this but I didn't have the strength to face you. You finally got the ultimate revenge on me for what I did. You took me back and let me give everything I had trying to fix our broken marriage. I love you so much and not a day goes by when I don't regret what I did. I thought that if I kept going and took your indifference and lived with you in this trailer that eventually you'd realise how much I loved you and how much I was trying, and start to fall in love with me again.

I realise now that this was futile. You love Meredith now and I was in the way of that. I wish you could have told me instead of keeping up this charade. If you didn't want me anymore then why did you give me false hope? Did you really want to give our marriage a try and just lose control at the prom? Or were you just staying with me to punish me even more.

I know I'm not exactly innocent here and I'd never claim to be. I'm so sorry for what I did with Mark - I regret it every single day but we weren't happy Derek not for a long time before that night. It all got on top of me and I was upset and lonely and it all happened in a blur and then it was all over and you had walked in. I wish I could take it back but I can't.

I hope that you can find happiness with Meredith even though you couldn't find it with me. Even after everything that's happened I'll always remember all the good times we had and I hope that you still have some good memories of our life together too and not just the bad.

I hope you understand why I couldn't face you. Maybe in time I might see you again some day but right now I need to get away. I'll send you divorce papers soon as I'm sure you'll want me out of your life as soon as possible - maybe you'll want to marry Meredith.

I'm sure your mom will be happy you've found someone like Meredith. I don't mean to sound bitter but I can finally admit it that she hated the fact that you had chosen someone like me.

I might hate what you've done to me right now but I just want to say that I'll always love you for the many happy years we had together. They were the best years of my life before some of the worst.

So even if the feeling isn't mutual anymore and that's something that I have to accept now. I love you Derek and I wish more than anything that I wasn't writing this and last night hadn't happened. The last few years hadn't happened and we were still that happy couple.

I guess we were too successful you and me and we took each other for granted. I won't blame it all on you as I was just as busy but then I realised and tried to fix it but you always let me down and never came home for days. I may have broke us with what I did with Mark which I'll always regret. But at least now we are truly seeing our marriage for what it has become.

I wish you all the happiness in the world even if it is at the expense of my own.

All my love

Addison

Derek sat in shock as a tear ran down his face. He couldn't believe what he'd done to Addison, just how much he had hurt her, not just sleeping with Meredith but with everything he had done in the past few years of their marriage.

He picks up her rings and remembers the happiest day of his life. The day he had put those rings on her finger and promised to love and cherish her. He realised just how little he had done that lately. When he thought of how he had treated his wife he felt so ashamed.

He puts the rings down and picks up the panties. The panties that he had been so eager to remove from Meredith the previous night. The panties he must have put in his pocket even though he couldn't remember doing so. The thought of it made him sick now. He'd been so worked up about how he was feeling that he'd forgotten all about his wife. She was the one who cheated first and that's the reason why he had met Meredith in the first place. Meredith who he'd thought was a breath of fresh air. He'd thought that everything would fall into place. That it was Meredith who he was destined to be with and that Addison was in the way of that. But now that it had actually happened and Addison had actually left. He just felt empty. He realised now that what he thought he could have had with Meredith didn't compare with what he actually had with Addison in all those years of happiness together before the last few years.

Derek got up and grabbed his phone. Trying to call Addison. He knew she wasn't going to pick up but he had to give it a try. Getting no answer he sighed and decided that he was going to give her the time she needed.

All he wanted was for her to be happy and he hadn't made her happy for a long time now. Maybe he needed to work on becoming a better man now, the kind of man she deserved. He had let her down time and time again and now that he realised that he knew what had to be done.