Occupational Hazards
A/N: Another random idea, I noticed a discussion on how Zidane's stealing rate is so low especially with Beatrix battles so what I offer onto you is a unique POV of Zidane during the first Beatrix battle and the occupational hazards of being a thief in the midst of battle.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy IX or any of its characters or locations.
Remember, Zidane's POV
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Okay Zidane, you can do this. Its just the smoking hot, butt-kicking General of the entire Alexandrian army. No biggy. She has no depth perception.
"Detect!"
Okay lets see what we got here. A phoenix down… chain plate, nice. A Mythril Sword? Awesome, gotta have that.
"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Oh right the sword. Forgot about the fact that she's swinging a sword at me.
Come on hi-potion do your thing… yuck. I can't stand how these damn things taste. Its like spinach, or Gysahl pickles. But it helps the damn gaping cut on my arm at least, okay Zidane lets steal some stuff.
Okay we got the phoenix down first try, not bad. Now for the spare sword.
Wait a minute, there's two swords and only one sheath. I saw her take out the one that slashed me and BAM! There goes Quina. Note to self, avoid energy blast.
Okay lets try this again… steal and I got the chain plate. She must have had a spare in case of an emergency but why would she have it where I could steal it? Anyway, now for the sword.
Where the hell is she keeping that damn thing? Every time I try and go and get it I get about 20 second searching her before she tries and zaps me away. Why? When I got the chain plate I could have sworn I saw a blush just before hand or was that just me being hopeful?
Probably the later but that still doesn't rule out that she likes it!
Focus on Dagger man! Focus! Focus on the oh my god she's!
BAM! SHOCK!
Where am I? Oh right, still fighting. Thanks for the phoenix down Freya! Anyway back to stealing the sword. Okay… I think I found it! Just wait for the slash and I've found the sword in her…. EW! EW! EW!
WHAT THE FUCK MAN!
SWORDS DO NOT GO THERE! NOT EVEN THE FUCKING HILT OF THE SWORD!
Now I've heard of women using bananas or cucumbers but a sword? The damn hilt's at least 4 inches wide!
Now I have a slightly damp Mythril sword… gross. Or is it hot? If she's so damn desperate to… Remember Dagger man! Remember the ass, focus on the ass to distract yourself from where you found the sword.
And Now she's pissed.
"No more games. STOCK BREAK!"
Yep she's definatly pissed.
Sometimes I wonder if it's worth being a thief.
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Okay… Review?