VERSUS
Author's Note: First off, this requires a bit of explanation. This is basically my new series, which takes every ridiculous idea involving Star Trek I have, which can't fit into a normal story, and sticks it under one heading. The gimmick, of course, is that each story falls under the classification "Someone vs. Something." Yes, there will be crossovers with random other television "universes." Ah, and your suggestions are definitely welcome! Give me more ideas, the stranger and more exotic, the better! I hope to really stretch the bounds of reality here!
Note 2: "Locked Box" will return next week, I absolutely promise! I'm sorry it's taken this long, I really didn't intend it, I'll explain then. But for now, I hope you enjoy…
Spock vs. Rubik's Cube
It was a particularly dull afternoon for the Enterprise. Empty space outside, nothing to do inside, this was the type of day no one enjoyed, unless it came directly after a big battle. Foremost among those who didn't enjoy it, of course, was Captain Kirk, who usually didn't even like these days right after a face-to-face death brawl with a Klingon war bird.
On the bridge, everyone went through the motions, trying to stave off boredom. Nobody said much, as conversation was generally discouraged while on duty; and besides, what was there to talk about?
Sulu sat back in his chair after making another minute course correction. He stretched and yawned, allowing himself a glance around the bridge. It was no more interesting than the viewscreen he'd been staring at for the past hour, with one exception. Sulu bit his lip, holding back a smile with effort.
He sneaked a look over his shoulder again, then waved to Chekov, beside him on navigation. Chekov was busy pushing buttons at random, keying in new headings and clearing them quickly before they were entered into the computer.
"Psst! Chekov!" Sulu whispered.
Chekov looked up guiltily.
Sulu poked a thumb back towards the center chair. Chekov looked, and immediately choked back a snicker. He whipped forward in his chair and covered his mouth as surreptitiously as possible.
Kirk's head snapped up. "Did someone say something?"
Chekov started shaking with silent laughter.
"Chekov? Are you all right?" Kirk asked, frowning. He sat up in his chair.
Chekov released a loud snort, which he tried to cover up by coughing. Meanwhile, Sulu grinned widely at the viewscreen, skillfully placing his back to Kirk.
"What's wrong with him?" Kirk asked of the bridge at large.
Sulu forced the grin back and slowly twirled around in his chair. "Chekov?" he began casually, "he's fine, Captain. Just picked up a cold somewhere."
Kirk studied Sulu skeptically. Chekov was still shaking and coughing, but taking deep breaths to slow himself down. If he wasn't careful, he'd start hyperventilating in a minute.
Kirk opened his mouth to say something to Sulu, who tried to nonchalantly glance over at Chekov without cracking up himself.
"Captain," Spock began, still leaning over his station's controls, completely oblivious to the goings-on behind him, "I believe I have detected a previously unknown class 6 comet in this sector."
Kirk turned his head toward Spock, who was peering into his viewer. "That's…fascinating, Mr. Spock," he deadpanned.
"Indeed," Spock replied.
Several minutes passed, during which Chekov managed to regain control of himself, mostly. He had started hiccupping, making Sulu snigger every time he heard it. Kirk's gaze passed from one to the next, still confused.
He would have spoken to Chekov again, had not two things happened simultaneously. First, the turbolift doors opened, and second, Spock started talking again.
"Actually, Captain, I was mistaken," Spock said.
"Ha!" McCoy cried gleefully, practically leaping out of the turbolift. "I knew I'd hear that come out of his mouth eventually!"
Kirk jerked his head around. "Bones! What are you doing up here?"
Spock turned around to face the captain and doctor, but said nothing.
"I've got something to help keep you awake on this run. I don't know about you, but Sickbay's about as dead as it could be." He amended his statement with a grimace, "Well, in a good way, that is."
"I wasn't asleep," Kirk snapped defensively. Chekov started shaking again, and Sulu started coughing.
McCoy glanced over. "Are you all right there, Sulu? Maybe you ought to come down to Sickbay."
Without turning around, Sulu shook his head and waved a hand in the air. "No, Doctor! I'm fine!"
"Well, what have you got?" Kirk asked, deciding to ignore his officers' strange behavior.
McCoy held up a small cube, covered in multi-colored squares across each surface in a random, confetti pattern.
Kirk stared at it. Then he gingerly took it from McCoy and turned it around in his hands. "Is it…alive?"
"Captain," Spock said pointedly.
"Huh? Oh, just a minute, Spock."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "No, it's not alive! It's a Rubik's cube!"
"A Rubik's…cube?" Kirk repeated.
"Yes. You're supposed to turn the sides around," and McCoy took it back to demonstrate, "and match up the colors so it's all solid, one color to a side. Personally, I think it's impossible."
"Really?" Kirk said thoughtfully, suddenly intrigued. He took the cube back and started toying with it, moving the colored pieces around.
"Captain," Spock repeated.
"Yes, Spock?" Kirk said absently, focused on the cube.
"I discovered that the comet I mentioned previously is actually in the library banks; however, some of the data are incorrect. I am working on a report to correct the misinformation."
"Fine, Spock. You do that." Kirk largely ignored Spock, his attention now fully on the cube.
"Good luck with it, Jim. I spent the last hour or two playing with it and I never even got one side right," McCoy said, watching Kirk with interest.
"Where do you get these things?" Kirk asked in amazement.
"Oh, one of my nurses picked it up from a physicist or something," McCoy said vaguely with a dismissive wave of the hand. "I'll be back in a while to check your progress. Try not to break anything," he warned mysteriously. Then he left.
* * *
McCoy returned two hours later, ambling onto the bridge with his hands in his pockets. As soon as he entered, he noticed Kirk in his chair, shoulders hunched up. McCoy stepped down to his usual position, just behind and to the side of the chair.
Kirk was poring over the cube with intensity, moving the sides in an apparently random order. To McCoy's eye, the cube didn't look any closer to being solved than it had when he gave it to Kirk.
"How's it coming, Jim?"
Kirk glanced up. "I think I'm going to have to kill you, Bones."
"That well?" McCoy replied with a smile.
Spock turned around in his chair. "I have completed my report, Captain."
"Terrific," Kirk said, not bothering to look up.
"It is actually quite simple, Captain," Spock said.
"What?"
"The solution to your problem."
Kirk finally looked up. "What, this?" he asked, holding up the cube.
"Yes. You see, it is necessary to match the proper colors with the center piece, as well as orient them in their proper positions."
McCoy turned around to glare at Spock. "Oh, it's so easy, is it? I'd like to see you try it." He grabbed the cube from Kirk's hands and tossed it over to Spock, who caught it deftly. He turned the cube in his hand, studying it from various angles, then slowly and methodically began shifting the sides around.
"He'll learn: it's harder than it looks," McCoy said knowingly.
"Got that right," Kirk admitted, bending his fingers tenderly. "I think I stretched a muscle doing that."
"Oh, are you all right?" McCoy asked with mock concern.
"Captain," Spock began, still fiddling with the cube, "I have been mapping out the star charts for this region, checking them against the library. I have found several miscalculations."
"Someone must have done a sloppy job out here," Kirk commented.
"Yes," Spock replied. "Therefore, I recommend we drop to Warp 2 and study this sector more thoroughly."
Kirk looked aghast. "But that would mean we'd have to spend another week in this godforsaken region—"
"Eight point four days," Spock corrected.
McCoy and Kirk exchanged glances. "Do you realize," Kirk began slowly, "if I were to prolong this mission, we'd have a mutiny on our hands?"
Spock looked up and blinked. "The crew is very loyal to you, Captain."
"They wouldn't be for long," McCoy said dryly. "I'd rebel."
"Well, that's not saying much, is it, Bones?" Kirk murmured.
"Here you are, Doctor," Spock said, holding out the Rubik's cube. It was solved, every little square in its correct position.
McCoy stared, mouth gaping.
Spock stretched his arm out further, until McCoy, still stunned silent, took the cube from him hesitantly. "I should return to my duties now," Spock said simply and twisted around again to face his station.
McCoy studied the cube suspiciously. "I should have known," he grumbled, and stormed off the bridge.
Kirk gazed after him longingly as the turbolift doors slid shut. "Um…I was using that," he mumbled.
* * *
McCoy returned a short time later, with the cube, its pieces totally scrambled once again. He walked directly over to Spock and stood beside him until Spock looked up.
"Can I be of assistance, Doctor?"
"Solve this," McCoy said smugly, thrusting the cube in his face.
Spock took it calmly and evaluated it. "I cannot. You took it apart and put the pieces together improperly."
"What?" McCoy exclaimed, taking offense a little too quickly.
"You have made the cube impossible to solve," Spock said, handing it back. "I recommend you take it apart again and rearrange the pieces."
McCoy snatched the cube from Spock and stormed over to Kirk. "How did he know?" he demanded quietly of Kirk.
Kirk looked back innocently, eyebrows raised.
"It was quite simple to determine, Doctor, for several reasons. First, you would not have returned so confidently if you had not tampered with the cube in some way. And second, I noticed at least two of the corner pieces are oriented incorrectly."
Kirk eyed Spock curiously. "How did you solve that so fast?"
Spock put on his innocent, human-insulting expression. "It's nothing more complicated than a spatial problem. Similar devices were used to teach Vulcan children the fundamentals of three-dimensional mathematics."
McCoy rolled his eyes. "Of course! A child could do it!"
Coming next: Blynneda vs. Writer's Block!