Summary: Kenshin gets a visit from above at the Rakuninmura. Sad songfic, some WAFF in the end ^_^
Disclaimers: Rurouni Kenshin © 1997 by Nobuhiro Watsuki. Tears in Heaven was written by Eric Clapton, in the occasion of his son's death.
Warning: Spoilers for the Jinchuu Arc. This fic doesn't follow the manga events very much, but...
Would you know my name
If I saw you in Heaven?
It's dark. It's cold. The smell of putrid corpses fills the air. Or at least this is what I feel. Maybe that disgusting smell can't be perceived by any other person - it's impregnated in my flesh, in my hands, in my mind.
The smell of death.
Would it be the same
If I saw you in Heaven?
My wounds sting from being exposed to every kind of dirt. They are infected, and they hurt. Still, the pain I suffered when I thought on everything I caused was much, much worse.
My eyes are opened. If I looked around, I'd see the small alley where I was, filthy, abandoned, almost deserted but for me and a teethless, wrinkled beggar. Yet I don't see anything. My vision is plagued by the image of her lifeless figure - of their lifeless figures... they take turns, intertwine, melt in one, the images of Tomoe and Kaoru... both, killed because they were loved by a manslayer. They were loved by a demon, and for that they paid with their lives.
I must be strong and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven
Once again, I lost the woman I loved. Once again, it has been my fault. Once again, Death found me and destroyed the small happiness I had managed to acquire. I was wrong when I thought I would find peace. I don't deserve such thing. After all the killings, after all the massacre... after having killed the only person able to love me... I must burn in the dephts of Hell. Forever and ever.
And as if it wasn't enough... Kaoru... how could I drag her into this world of suffering? I should have known better... since the day we met, I should have fought against the urge of finding me a place I could call home, people I could call family... I never merited home or family! I should have kept wandering through the country, this way my pain would never engulf people's hapinessess...
But now it's too late... too late to think of what I should have done. Kaoru is gone...
Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in Heaven?
"Kenshin."
... that voice... is it...?
"Yes, Kenshin. It´s me."
... Tomoe.
"You look tired."
I am.
...
"Would you like to tell me?"
... I... I guess there isn´t much to tell... is there?
"Perhaps I can help you in some way... perhaps... I can bring ease to your heart."
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in Heaven?
... Tomoe... Tomoe, I don´t understand--
"You don´t understand why I should bother. After all, you killed me. And you believe you don´t deserve anyone´s care, especially mine. Isn´t it?"
...
"I do care, Kenshin. And that´s why I´m here to listen to you."
... I... I´m sorry... I´m sorry, Tomoe, I´m so sorry... All I did, all that time, was bring pain to everyone... I´m sorry... I didn´t want to... Why did I have to go through all that again? Haven´t I paid for my sins yet? Kaoru, she..., she didn´t have anything to do with all that... she shouldn´t have died... Why, why did he involve her into-- no, no it was my fault! My fault, my fault, my fault!!... I should never have come so close to her, to anyone, I shouldn´t have allowed myself to! Hadn´t I learned? Hadn´t I learned, after what had happened to you, because of me? I should have never crossed her life, I should never have accepted, I should never have stayed, I should never have grown these feelings for her, I should never have loved her!!! But I did!!! I did I did I did I did, I did!!! I destroyed her dreams, her future, her happiness!!! Just like I had done to you. I haven´t learned... I cannot love!! I cannot love, because whoever I love will be taken away from me and will suffer! I didn´t want that to happen again... I just don´t see why I´m still alive... if my existence doesn´t have any purpose...
I'll find my way through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay here in Heaven
I sigh, brushing the tears aside with the back of my hand.
"You have a path to follow."
I chuckle. Do I?
"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about."
... Perhaps you're right.
"You promised me. Remember?"
Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knees
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please
"To use your sword to protect the new era."
It's a hard task... harder every day.
"Nobody ever told you it would be easy."
... but... it's different now. I wasn't able to protect you. I wasn't able to protect her. I won't be able to protect anyone...
"Kenshin... don't lie to yourself. You know I don't blame you for what happened. When I stood in front of you on that snowy day, I knew what was going to happen. Your friends are very much in need of your help... all of them are worried about you."
I know... I've seen it in their faces. Still--
Beyond the door, there's peace for sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in Heaven
"There's more to it." Her image began to fade away. "About her."
She...? I was barely able to hear her last words before disappearing.
"It's not too late for you to protect her, Kenshin."
Would you know my name
If I saw you in Heaven
Would it be the same
If I saw you in Heaven
"Kenshin?"
Slowly getting up, the red-haired swordsman turned to his young wife. "Hai?"
"It looks like it's going to rain. Are you done?" She asked on a very gentle, quiet tone.
He looked back at the small grave, almost lost amidst the others, and smiled. "Yes... I'm done. Let's go back to the Aoiya."
I must be strong and carry on
Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven
He offered his arm to his wife, who accepted it with a heavy, tired sigh.
"Kaoru-chan? Is everything all right?"
"Don't worry so much! The baby is just quite restless today, that's all."
Kenshin looked at the girl's round belly, and gave a light-hearted laugh. Tomoe... I guess you were right. There's still much to do here on Earth... "You deserve a good foot massage, de gozaru yo."
"Oh, I'd really love you for that!"
Cause I know I don't belong here in Heaven
Author's Note: YAY!!!!! I can't believe it's really done. It's been 3 months since I began this fic! And now I finally finished it! WOE!!!! Cool. I know the manga isn't exactly like that... Tomoe only appears for him later, when he is back at the Oguni clinic. Anywayz, forget this little details for the story's sake ^_^ The end came somehow unexpectedly for me - I liked it, it's sort of a release. It's lighter and fuzzy. I love pregnant women, they look so cute with their big bellies ^_^
Kaoru - You say that because you have never been pregnant. (My back hurts!)
Prudence-chan - But someday I'll be! ^_^'' Never mind.
Love, Prudence-chan
In 15-01-2003