Summary: James Potter toxins filled my bloody mind and I want them out. Out! But of course they won't get out so I had to resort to meditation and mashed potatoes, which, by the way, don't help at all.
Disclaimer: I don't own it. Jo does. Huzzah.
Whoever Said Meditation Was Soothing Was Wrong
a Siriusly Klutzy story.
"Er,
Lily?"
"Yes?"
"What are you
doing?"
"Meditating."
"Er... why?"
"I'm
releasing my mind from every toxin that relates to James
Potter."
"Oh."
I heard he walk away. Obviously
Alice didn't know a meditating person when she saw one. It was
obvious. Me meditating, I mean. I was sitting on one of the tables in
the corner of the Common Room with my arms out to the sides, thumbs
to pointer fingers, and eyes closed. Obviously I was giving off the
look of meditation.
I was meditating because I desperately needed
to rid my mind of James Potter. He has fully taken it over and,
frankly, I wanted my mind back. I'd been at it for half an hour and
had not cleared my mind one bit. In fact, I believe that I thought
more about James Potter in those thirty minutes that is neither a)
healthy nor b) probable. I thought a lot about James Potter.
The fact that everything I've thought about him over days or even
weeks was squeezed into one eeny half hour made my head want to
explode.
"That's the Head Girl, right?" someone with a
squeaky voice asked. They must have been walking past the table.
"You're the Head Girl, right?" it asked. I opened one eye
and peered down at the little- what I then learned- boy.
"Yes,"
I answered. I closed my eye again and straightened my back
more.
"What are you doing?"
"Meditating."
"Why?"
"When
I was your age, I asked a lot of questions, too," was my
answer.
"What?"
"Meaning that unless you want to
end up like this, bugger off."
I heard him scamper away, his
little friends behind him, and then went back to my meditating.
I
sat like that for five more minutes and then my back started to hurt,
which led me to fidgeting, which completely threw off the entire
meditating process. I sighed and slouched, mentally cursing my mother
for not training me with better posture as a child.
Now I was a
slouching meditater. And my mind was still filled with James Potter
love toxins.
Wait, I didn't mention that, did I? Whoops. Well, you
see, it's not literal toxins that filled my stupid mind. Or even bad
ones. They're love toxins. Equally dangerous. Equally mind
consuming. Just not harmful. Dangerous, just not harmful. Make sense?
No? Welcome to my mind.
Grumbling, I got opened my eyes and got
off of the table. The Common Room was more or less empty with only a
few students who were walking out the portrait hole. I assumed that
it was dinner time.
Marlene was the first person I saw at dinner.
She said that Alice had gone to sit with Frank and abandoned her. I
told her to try meditation.
"So," I said casually as I
piled mashed potatoes onto my plate. I loved mashed potatoes. They
made the fact that my mind was rotting with James Potter toxins
better. "Know any potions that release toxins from a
body?"
Marlene nearly choked on her pumpkin juice. "What?!
How on earth did that happen? What kind of toxins? It wasn't the
food, was it?" She pushed her plate away, completely
disregarding the fact that she's eaten this food for over six years
and nothing has happened yet, and I took another bite of the
delicious potato that was mashed.
"Boy toxins," I said
with a nod.
"What?"
"More specifically," I
continued, "James Potter toxins. He's infected me and I must get
rid of it."
"What the hell are you on, Lily?"
Marlene asked. She pulled her plate back towards her.
"It's
ridiculous!" I exclaimed, ignoring her question. "He's all
I can think about and-" this is where I realized that I was
talking much more loudly than I should have been- "and I don't
like it."
"Fancying someone isn't a bad thing,"
Marlene said nodding. "Is that why you were- what'd you call it?
Meditating?- meditating in the Common Room earlier?"
"No,"
I answered in a huff, stuffing more potatoes in my mouth to avoid
conversation.
Obviously Marlene did not get the hint.
"Because
I think it's adorable that you finally fancy him. It really is. When
are you going to tell him?"
I almost choked on my mashed
potatoes! Which, by the way, is very difficult to do.
"I'm
not!"
"What? Why?"
I grumbled and picked up my
plate. She was looking at the situation in a completely wrong way.
This wasn't a good thing. It was horrible! James Potter
poisoned me and I intended to get rid of it as soon as I could.
"I'm
going to go meditate in the hall way," I said as I stood. Then,
back straight (something that meditation greatly helped, even if
while meditating it was annoying and painful) I walked out of the
Great Hall and into the Entrance Hall in order to meditate and eat my
mashed potatoes in peace.
I sat on the bottom stair with the
belief that every one in their right mind was in dinner and that no
one would see me meditating, much less bother me while I was. And
that appeared to be true for the first ten minutes, two where I
meditated alternating with 15 seconds of mashed potato time.
"What
is she? A pretzel? Oi, Prongs, do you think that makes her good
in-"
I sighed and cracked one eye opened to see none other
than- go figure- Sirius Black. Behind him, Remus, Peter, and- oh
sweet Merlin- James were coming closer.
"I think she's
meditating," James offered, interrupting Sirius from continuing
his obviously going-to-be-rude comment.
"Who meditates?"
Sirius scoffed.
"Obviously Lily. Probably from you two
stressing her out all the time," Remus answered. I could hear
the smirk in his voice. Remus always was my favorite. Well, up until
now, as my meditation isn't working and my stomach is doing
somersaults because James is right there. He was definitely
the most tolerable. Not to mention he always had a supply of
chocolate on him. Yeah, Remus definitely pulled out ahead. Some
days...
"Why do you think she's meditating? Is her eye open?
Should it be open? Is that normal? Can she hear us?" Peter kept
questioning. He obviously knew nothing of the art of meditation.
I
saw, with my one open eye, Sirius roll his own. "No, Peter. When
a person meditates, they instantaneously become deaf," he
replied sarcastically.
"Actually, when a person meditates
it's as if they're detaching themselves from the physical world. So
theoretically, Lily can't hear us." I couldn't help but smirk at
Remus's random knowledge of the meditating world. "But seeing as
her eye is open and she's smirking, I think it's safe to say that she
can hear us just fine."
I grinned wider and opened both eyes,
forgetting about my mashed potato plate. Which became quite close
with my knee just then, best mates even, as my knee smashed into it
with such a force that it sprayed mashed potatoes on all of us.
"Oh
sweet Merlin," I said, scrambling on the ground trying to stop
the plate from clattering about, along with getting mashed potatoes
off of my sleeves, and grumbling about meditation.
"Meditation
isn't working so well for you, is it, Evans?" James asked as I
stood.
"Not really," I mumbled. I held the plate up
against me (potato side out, thank Merlin). And that's when I started
babbling. Really, like full out word vomit. And I thought kneeling
down onto the plate was bad.
"But really," I started at
full speed, "it's all your fault. I don't actually have to be
good at meditating. But I wish I were. Because frankly, Potter,
you've been occupying my mind quite a lot lately and I just wanted to
clear it. But have you ever tried meditation? All you can do is
think! And that's all I did. Think. Think, think, think, think,
think! And about you! Obviously this whole meditation thing wasn't
helping. It was just making it worse. And now my stomach is going
crazy and flipping around and there's mashed potatoes on my knee and
seeping through my sleeves, so if you don't mind, I'm going to go
back up to the Common Room to clean up and hide under my covers,
hopefully never coming out again. Good day."
Good day? Good
day? For the love of Merlin. Out of all the last things I
could say, I said 'Good day.' Who does that? Great last words
to the boy you fancy, Lily. Brilliant. He'll never hear you say
anything away because you're going to hid in your bed for the rest
of your life and you say good day. Oi.
I'd already spun
around and started off to the Common Room as quickly as I could
without, you know, looking like a loon.
"Lily?"
I
winced. Why did James call my name? Why was it necessary? It's
completely derailing my plan of hiding in my bed for the rest of my
life.
"Yes?"
Was I still holding the mashed potato
plate? Yup. Fantastic.
Sirius grinned and started talking.
"Did you just say 'Good day'?"
I flushed. A lot.
I looked like the bleeding Gryffindor flag.
"Shove off,
Sirius. Did you just say- in quite a bit of words, actually- that you
fancied me?" James was grinning. "And did you say it...
covered in mashed potatoes?"
"Erm... maybe," I
answered, not making eye contact.
He grinned.
"Well,"
he said as I looked up. He was taking a step towards me. "This
certainly isn't how I imagined this to go but-" And he leaned
down. And he kissed me.
And the mashed potato plate pressed right
into his (rock hard, I'm assuming) stomach.
I squealed, and then
started babbling again about how sorry I was for getting his shirt
covered in potatoes and then I looked down at my feet and saw that
his knee had mashed potatoes on it as well because of my knee.
And when I went to apologize for that, I looked up and saw that the
mashed potatoes on my sleeves transferred to his sleeves as well.
"Of
for the love of Merlin," I said, getting ready to sit down on
the stairs with hope that maybe they'd be hungry and swallow me
whole. I mean, I'd had mashed potatoes all over me, I would have
tasted excellent!
"It's okay, Lily," James said, not
allowing me to sit. "I like the mashed potatoes. Think of
it as a new fashion statement."
He grinned and I felt a bit
better and only a little bit guilty about getting his pants all
potato-y.
"Besides, I'll save them for later."
I
smiled and thought about how cute of a statement that was. But that
didn't last for long because Peter had to open his big mouth.
"Do
you eat your pants often, James?" he asked with a smirk and
receiving a hair-mess-up from Sirius who was grinning along with
Remus.
A/n: Kay, so I thought of this the other day and then started it and had to keep stopping. Babysitting is so time consuming. It's driving me nuts. But I hope you like it. I wanted to try meditation after this. Heh.
Also, have you guys seen The Dark Knight yet? I'm not even a big batman fan and I thought it was awesome! So yeah, you should watch it.
Much love and meditation skills (wouldn't it be great if you really got what I gave? How many babes would you all have now? Plus a plethora of random objects? Hah.)
Siriusly Klutzy