Disclaimer: I will never own Pretear, whole or part. It all belongs to Kaori Naruse and Junichi Satou.

KeyQuis: Just some musing thoughts between HxH. Short little multi-chapt story about love. High probability of containing fluff. A blend of the anime and manga.

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--It's Just Love--
First Thought: A Girl In Love

(Himeno's POV)

It's another sunny day, but I'm afraid to go outside. I love the warmth of light, but I'm scared of what else is outside. I don't know what to do if I see him.

Hayate. Maybe your promise isn't what I want it to be. I'm scared of knowing what it is. Mother, I know I shouldn't be like this...scared of seeing the truth in his blue eyes.

His eyes...so deep like the sky. Makes my heart flutter thinking about his warm smile. It's so warm...so warm that I'm afraid of losing it...but I feel like I am losing it already. I'm scared.

I want to tell him something. It's so hard though because our relationship is so 'not normal'. I mean, we fight almost 80 of the time we see each other and the other 20, well, it's like I never want the moment to end.

I like him very much. I don't know if I'm in love with him...even if I am, it's just one-sided anyways. One-sided...I'm scared. The fear of me not meaning anything to him is overwhelming. I try hard to not let it consume my heart because I know what it will lead to...my own destruction.

Sasame and Takako told me not to worry when I confessed my fears to them last week. They are so happy together. I can't help, but to feel a little jealous of Takako. I'm happy that she found her happiness, but I'm sad that I can't find mine.

It's not like I can't find mine. I found what I want, but I'm haunted by the fact I can't have it. I want Hayate...so much.

I thought I wasn't needed. That it didn't matter if I existed or not. I was just a mere girl with a black belt in the Sinister House of Martial Arts. Then I became the Pretear, the Protector of Life. So why do I feel so weak?

Why am I crying in the morning? This isn't like me at all. It's all his fault. Why can't he be honest with me?! Why can't he just say the words I want to hear? Why can't he love me?

I should stop this...my tears are making a mess on my face. Mother, even though I'm the Pretear...I'm still just a girl. I can save the world, but I need someone to save me from my own self. I'm destroying myself being like this. I need Hayate. I want him to save me.

There was that time by the beach. He ran towards me. He ran for me. These tears won't stop coming out. I was hurting so much and he came...it must mean something. He told me that even though I'm not the Pretear, I was still me. Can he love someone who's not the Pretear?...Is that why I'm still the Pretear?...For him?...I want him to love me.

I have to stop crying or else someone will notice something's wrong. I know what I'll do! EAT! Yes, food always makes me feel better. Sweets in the morning will make me forget my sadness. And then I'll break some more cement plates in the morning. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll keep my mind off of him. I'll busy myself so I won't even think of him at all. I hope he took the day off today so I won't run into at all. Ack, what am I thinking!? He should just quit because there's no need to be close to the Pretear anymore! There's no disaster waiting to happen!

Wow, I'm so tired. My arms and legs want to fall off and I don't want to move from under this tree. It's shielding me from the bright sun. Hmm, and there's a nice breeze blowing too. It's so relaxing.

No...I'm thinking about him again. He's a man. I'm a girl. Am I a child in his eyes? Is that why he shys away from my affection? Is it because I'm not beautiful or pretty? Then why does he blush?! Why doesn't he just push me away whether I grab onto his arm?! Why doesn't he just say ... 'no'? Why?!

Drat. My eyes are all watery again. Stupid Hayate. I hate you for making me feel like this. I hate you for making me feel like you love me.

I need to take a rest under this big tree...the cool shade is very comforting too.

"We were searching for a Pretear in this vast world and we found you. And it was me, I found you."

Hayate...I can't possibly mean just a Pretear to you. Your arms were so strong when you pulled me close. How can I forget that moment in the church? You wanted to kiss me back there, am I wrong? You hugged me first, you pulled me closer to you!

Protecting me, that's what you were always doing. From the beginning to the end. You never lowered your shield...even when I asked you too. Didn't it hurt to keep the shield up? Risking your life for mine...was it because I was simply the Pretear?

So many questions...no answers. This isn't fair. I shouldn't be like this. It's not like me to gloom on about matters of my heart! I'm scared...insecure because I don't know anything about all of this! I have to find out the truth, Hayate. Tell me another story if you have to, just tell me what I need to know. That's right. This is what I have to do. I won't idle in my thoughts anymore. I have to be strong, not because I'm the Pretear--because I'm a girl in love.

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Author's Notes: This concept came to me for a while already, mostly because of some sketches that all came together into a scene. Love is an irrational matter to me. In other words, it's damn confusing in my eyes because it doesn't make sense. One doesn't know whether it's right or wrong, and others can't give judgement either. I've been told that girls dwell on thoughts of love (as well as guys too) and I'm pretty sure it has the same affect in everyone's lives--Screwing it up! (LOL).