This is an add-on edition to the episode from Season 3, Sacred Ground. Spoiler alert for Sacred Ground and Resolutions (but what J/C fic doesn't have a spoiler alert for Resolutions?)
Chakotay turned towards the door of his quarters; the chime had just sounded signalling somebody wanted admittance. "Enter" he said calmly as he deep black eyes looked to see who it was invading his thoughts at this time of night.
Into his darkened quarters walked the small, vulnerable and confused frame of his captain. She looked longingly up at him with her deep blue eyes and with a very slight smile asked in her usual husky voice as the doors swished shut behind her "forgive me commander, I am not intruding am I?"
"Computer lights the normal level" Chakotay ordered as he stood almost in shock at her, Kathryn Janeway had never entered his quarters before "Not at all Kathryn, no." he said almost jumping from a trance "can I get you something? A coffee?" he asked moving towards the replicator and knowing her favourite drink.
"A hug? She asked simply causing him to turn back to face her with a shocked look on his face.
"Captain?" he questioned her, surely he hadn't heard her right, for a moment there he was sure she had said she wanted a hug.
"Forgive me commander, you asked if you could get me anything and I said a hug, forgive me, I'm a little tired my humour is slightly off, a coffee would be nice thank you." She blurted out as her cheeks blushed slightly which she hoped he wouldn't see.
Looking at her as she tired to brush him off he walked towards her looking down at where she looked up at him he told her "This devoted first officer can provide hugs if his captain wish's."
He stretched his arms out as though he was about to embrace her but didn't move any closer as he looked down at her confused and broken looking expression on her face. Slowly she eyes shut and her tiny frame almost fell into his chest and she wrapped her arms tightly around his broad waist "this captain wish's it very much" she whispered in to his chest as he wrapped his arms around her and she nestled her head under his chin.
Slowly after a long time Kathryn slowly broke form her first officers tight and loving embrace and looked awkwardly at the floor. Watching her closely for a second Chakotay asked in his calm and collective voice "what happened down there effected you didn't it?"
Slowly she nodded and told him "I didn't know who else to turn to, and I owe you an apology,"
"Oh? An apology? For what?" he asked walking to the replicator and ordering her that coffee anyway.
"Four days ago, when Kes was first injured I sat in your office and scoffed at you to your face for your religion." She told him sheepishly.
Chakotay smiled handing her the steaming mug of coffee saying, "As you said Captain, each to his, or her, own. There was no need to come here and apologise, no offence was taken."
"Your faith is important to you."
"Yes it is," he told her as he led her to sit on the sofa with him.
As the two sat they sat with a large gap between them, neither wanted to push the boundaries of protocol. Only two months ago now they had returned form a six-month exile alone together on a planet they had named New Earth. Thinking that they were going to spend the rest of their lives alone there the two who had been in love with each other for a long time allowed themselves to be in an intimate relationship but when Voyager had come to their unexpected 'rescue' and returned them to their rightful roles in command of Voyager they called off their relationship. They did this mainly because Kathryn had insisted that Starfleet protocol would not permit them to be together in this way. Both Kathryn and Chakotay still held deep feelings for the other and though they were more relaxed with each other while on duty and were developing a close friendship in their working lives this was the first time the two had shared a personal time together since their return.
When the two had seemed to be sat in silence for a while and it was becoming unbearable as they sipped their drinks Chakotay broke the silence by asking seriously "how are you feeling Kathryn?"
Kathryn glanced up at him with her wide blue eyes over the top of her coffee mug as she took a sip, Chakotay simply stared back lovingly into her beauty. "I think I understand now." She told him as she lowered her mug from her mouth.
"Understand?" he asked her, he did not really understand.
"Faith commander, I think I understand faith." She told him as she turned to look out of his view screen behind her.
"Because science can explain it all?" he asked her referring to the same conversation which she had referred to earlier.
"No commander." She told him simply.
"Then what?" he asked as his worry for her grew inside of him.
"Chakotay, I think we make a good team right?"
"yeeesss-" he replied slowly as he watched her face closely, he wasn't too sure where this was leading.
"you have the faith and I have the science, right?" she said turning back to look at him with those seductively deep blue eyes.
"I suppose" he said "but Kathryn, I like to think I have some science knowledge too." He joked flashing his dimples at her.
She stared at him for a second and then almost as though she were far off and distant she said "yes commander, of course, that's just it."
"Kathryn?" he asked in concern as he saw the worried and pained look on her face. He still loved her very deeply and he hadn't realised how deep that pull to her was until the events of the last few days happened and he had been overcome with the fear of loosing her.
"Chakotay" she whimpered his name as she met his eyes with her own, she said his name in that way she had, a way of saying his name in that beautifully husky voice of hers, a way that she reserved only for when she wanted to show her love for him, a way that was different to all other times. "You somehow have religion and science in your life and can balance the two in equal harmony." Turning from him she looked from his Starfleet uniform he wore so proudly to his medicine bundle, which he used to talk to his religious spirit guides as it was laid out in pride of place on his desk.
Chakotay waited patiently to see if she wanted to say any more but when her eyes merely lingered on his medicine bundle that he had shown her only once he asked with caution "is that something you feel you want to have?"
"I have always been a scientist, you know that." She told him as he gave her a knowing smile "but I have never been into religion, not because I didn't want to believe in anything but simply because I found science can prove it is nothing more than tangible bear fact science."
"am I to assume the doctor has come up with a fine scientific explanation as to what happened to you and Kes?" he asked as he watched her face contort and flinch as he said those words.
"if you can explain everything what is left for you to believe in?" she asked as she looked down at the now empty mug in her hands.
"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked her as he worried for her.
"just something the old man said." She told him.
"Old man?"
"well maybe he was on of the ancestral spirits." She shrugged looking confused.
"Kathryn it's ok not to be religious, like you said each to their own."
"What if it's not ok Chakotay?" she begged with watery blue yes.
"Kathryn, believe what ever makes you feel safe, there is no need to stress over this." He told her with true love.
"I need religion." She told him sadly.
"why?" he asked lovingly, when she did not reply he looked at her and asked again "why sweet heart?"
"I saw what it was all about today, and so did you, you understood what I meant, that's why you stepped aside" she told him with integrity as she looked at him.
"did you encounter something real?" he asked as he watched her slowly stand and pace his quarters.
"I found that religion truly is about faith, maybe I can explain it all away by science but in truth it's all about just plane and simple faith, belief." She told him as she brushed her fingertips over his medicine bundle. He watched her and did not protest, normally his medicine bundle was too sacred to allow anybody to touch but to him Kathryn Janeway was not just anybody and she herself was sacred to him. "I found that the unknown is what drives religion, I don't have to know everything in this universe, the answer as understanding is not always the outcome, nor is it always the means to the outcome." She told him as she turned to look into his eyes. In her eyes he saw a very different Kathryn Janeway, a free and peaceful Kathryn, an almost alive Kathryn.
"Do you think it changed you?" he asked her as she stepped close to her to look down at her eyes "did you find more than you were looking for?"
"You know I did, I went there looking for what I thought, a scientific answer as to how to save Kes." She told him as she shook her head and said in a horse whisper "but everything I went through was meaningless"
"That angers me." He told her as he took her hand in his.
"oh?" she gasped in horror quickly pulling away because of the sudden contact.
Stepping back quickly Chakotay exclaimed "forgive me Captain." For he felt he had gone to far in his contact with her.
"Chakotay" she whispered in that way again as she placed her delicate hand on his chest her flickering wide blue eyes searching his "don't ask for forgiveness, I like you close to me, you know how I feel for you."
"Kathryn, science is ok you know? You can have faith in science." He told her as he relaxed a little and allowed himself to look at her with love.
"religion, spirits and science, they maybe all one in the same in the end and to a well trained eye. As you said the doctor has a perfectly sound scientific explanation for what happened down there, but I don't care, I found so much more." she told him as she sank back into his sofa.
"Which was?"
"faith." She told him simply.
"faith Kathryn?" he asked for clarification as he joined her back on the sofa, sitting much closer to her this time.
"faith, yes Commander. And it's made me a peaceful relaxed person, I don't need an answer for everything in order for it to exist or for me to look at it and enjoy it." She told him referring to the universe in general.
"I'm glad, I think." He told her with his dimpled smile as he tried to understand what she had just told him.
"Don't bother trying to understand it Chakotay, just live in freedom and happiness." She laughed returning his smile.
Her whole relaxed face lit up with her smile. Which made him smile even more, oh how he loved this woman.
The next morning Chakotay stepped onto the bridge for his duty shift where he was met by the beautiful, relaxed smiling face of his captain.
"Good morning Commander." She beamed at him, she really was different. "Care to join me in my ready room?" she asked.
He simply beamed back at her, he had always said a spiritual encounter could change a person but he had never really seen it in the way his friend normally devoted to science had now stopped seeing the universe as something to control and understand but as something to enjoy and explore to see it's beauty and not just collect it's scan reports.
Showing his newly reformed Kathryn his dimples he replied "certainly"
As she turned to walk into her ready room he not only noticed a new joyous spring in her step but the bun of steal was gone! Yes GONE!
As she followed her inside he waited for the door to swish shoot leaving them in privacy before he walked around her where she stood and examined her from head to tow in all angles. He not only notice her hair was neatly clipped in a metal clip, which he decided would soon be replace by a homemade wooden carved clip he would make for her he noticed that there was a new child like excitement, freedom and refreshed look about her as she stood in a not so Starfleet captain stance.
"Well?" she beamed as he stopped before her once more.
"Nice" he said almost lost for words.
"Nice?" she gasped, "I decide to relax and get rid of the bun of steal and all he can say is nice."
"I love it Kathryn, it is beautiful, you're beautiful, and the new hair style is elegant." He beamed.
"Yours is distinguished." She laughed as he looked almost hurt by her words.
"Handsome and distinguished" she then walked up to him ran her fingertips through his soft chopped black hair where a sprinkle of grey could be seen. As she withdrew her hand he gently grabbed her wrist and planted a gentle kiss on her newly refreshed hand. "Deliciously handsome" she groaned as he then proceeded to seductively suck on each of her delicate fingers causing her knees to want to buckle from under her.
The End… Comment's and reviews always welcome..