AN: This is a Skip Beat song fic inspired by Kelly Clarkson's "Because of You". This is my first song fic so I would really appreciate it if someone told me if this sucks.
I removed all the lyrics so I had to change it a bit to make it work :)
Kyoko was determined not to repeat mistakes, not hers and not her mother's.
Kyoko knew her mother didn't care for her. She also knew that is was entirely possible that her mother didn't only not care for her but in fact hated her. Kyoko knew it was possible for parents to hate their own children. She also knew it was in some way related to her father. Maybe she reminded her mother of him.
Kyoko understood that being a single parent was hard but she knew that plenty of single parents managed just fine and it was no excuse to neglect their child. She knew this logically, but she still couldn't find it in herself to blame her mother. After all, she wasn't just a single parent, she was a widow. Kyoko never got to meet her father but he must have been great because even her normally stoic mother cried over him.
She did it anyway. She'd already seen what her mother had become because of love but she'd thought it wouldn't happen to her for some reason.
It wasn't the same but for a moment she thought she felt what her mother must have felt when her father died, the momentary despair threatened to swallow her whole. That was before the anger, no, the rage set in. It was a different situation after all, yes she had made the mistake of loving someone too much, but she didn't lose him because he was stabbed in the gut, she never had him in the first place because he was a huge JERK!
She would learn from her mistake. She wouldn't make it again. Because of Sho the lesson had truly and finally sunk in.
She was never, ever, ever falling in love again. Just look what happened to people who fell in love! People like her mother and people like her. No it was better to stay on the safe side, prevent the tragedy before it happened. And she wasn't going to take the current unjustice either. She wouldn't have time for romance anyway when she was busy getting even with Sho. She refused to cry and feel sorry for herself, she refused to be a victim.
Crying was a weakness, her mother never acknowledged her when she cried.
Her mother used to look down on her for crying, or at least that's the conclusion young Kyoko came to after her mother ignored her. She was sure her mother thought crying was a weakness.
Mrs. Fuwa taught her to always smile in front of customers, never let them see that you were anything less than happy to be there to keep them company.
And then when she went to live with the Fuwas, Sho didn't know how to handle crying. Crying got you nowhere, it didn't get you help or kindness and no one came running to comfort you. So she put on her best smile for as long as possible just like Mrs. Fuwa showed her to do when with guests and found a secluded place she could cry in by herself when it got too much.
Love was dangerous, it was scary, it hurt, it made people do and feel ugly things.
Her mother and Sho had shown her it was never safe to fall in love. It only lead to hurt and heartbreak, and crying which, like stated before, was useless and weak. It was like that everywhere. Everywhere except for in fairy tails. In fairy tail everything always turned out as it should. In fairy tails she never had to be afraid it wouldn't end well.
Whenever she walked in on her mother crying she would be driven away. She wasn't allowed to see her mother at her weakest.
Sometimes her mother would cry. And when she tried to help, to comfort, her mother drove her away. It only cemented that crying was a weakness that was not meant to be shown to others. Suffering wasn't meant to be shown to others, you had to take care of it yourself. She never got to help her mother, she never even got to know why she was sad.
She resented Sho now, for leaning on her, for tricking her into believing he was leaning on her. For taking her away from a potentially normal life.
Maybe that was why she didn't hesitate to follow Sho to Tokyo, he needed her after all, and he relied on her help with something she was good at. She could cook and clean and make sure he had everything he needed to be able to concentrate on his dream. Nothing was too great a sacrifice as long as he was happy. She felt needed, and that felt good.
Both her mother and Sho never cared about anything other than themselves. Even Shotarou's parents only cared about her as the potential bride of their son. People only cared about themselves and their own interests.
She should have learned from her mother. She should have learned from Sho, but…
She had to be careful.
…she was slipping. She was falling, desperately trying to find something to hold on to, anything to slow her descent or even stop completely. But there was nothing, everything slipped through her fingers or was too far away.
She was going to keep on the safe side.
She desperately tried to replace all of the locks that had fallen off. They needed to be stronger. They needed to be sturdier. So they wouldn't break again. And she needed to destroy the key so they couldn't be unlocked.
She would never forget what happened when she cared about someone that much.
She hadn't forgotten what happened with Sho, why would her heart forget how much it hurt. Why wouldn her own heart betray her like this. And now she was hurting again. She hadn't even lost him yet this time and it still hurt.
She didn't even know how to let anyone in anymore.
But Tsuruga-san wouldn't hurt her, right? He always helped her. And she'd seen some of the darkest parts of him. But she wasn't ready to show her uglyness to him, her jealousy and envy and hurt.
Love made people ugly. It made her ugly and even if she did fall in love with someone she didn't deserve it anymore.
No, Tsuruga-san already loved someone else. He would never want somebody like her. She had no right. She couldn't get in the way of Tsuruga-san's own love, she was strictly his kouhai and that was it.
She was afraid.
It terrified her. The way he sometimes smiled at her, making her heart go faster. She wanted it to stop. It had to stop, she wasn't ready. StopStopStopStop! Stop it! Please!
Because of Sho.
She wasn't ready.
Because of her mother.
Because of Ren.
Please review :)