Would you let me lead? (Lovers dance when they're feeling in love)

Take my hand, I'll teach you to dance

I'll spin you around, won't let you fall down

Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet

Give it a try, it'll be alright

'Cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love

Spotlight's shining

It's all about us

It's all

About us

And every heart in the room will melt

This is a feeling I've never felt

But it's all about us

He stares out the window, watching the trees outside sway lightly in the wind. The sunlight falls through the foliage to paint golden specks on the ground; tiny dust particles swirl in the rich, yellow beams of light. He wishes he could feel their warmth on his skin. He wishes he could feel warm at all. He has been feeling nothing but cold for too long.

It's cold inside the room too, despite the blanket spread across his legs. His partially bare arms shiver, his hands linked on his lap, hiding their trembling. A soft beeping comes from a monitor beside his bed, breaking the silence rhythmically. He isn't listening. He might be in the room physically, but his mind is far away.

Eijun didn't remember when he first started to have romantic feelings for Seidou's first catcher, when they changed from annoyance, tolerance and tentative friendship to a crush. He can only recall the time when he realised he even had feelings for him. And he still didn't know if maybe they had been like that all along.

It was halfway through Eijun's third year during a self-imposed dancing lesson.

"You said you'd teach me how to dance, asshole!"

Kazuya blew a strand of hair out of his face in irritation. He gripped Eijun's hands and placed one back on his shoulder while he held on to the other with his own hand. Or at least he tried to. It wasn't easy when Sawamura once again stepped backward to try and put some distance between them which in turn caused him to let go of Kazuya.

"I am teaching you to dance, bakamura." Miyuki told him, sounding quite annoyed as he yanked Sawamura toward him. Unlike his attitude right now, the way he took Eijun's hands and positioned them was gentle. "You should be grateful I'm making time for you."

Eijun didn't retort though his eyes flashed in equal annoyance. He could feel his face heating up at their close proximity; they were literally chest to chest, causing their faces to be uncomfortably close. He was much too aware of Miyuki's body heat radiating through the material of their thin shirts. The scent of his cologne surrounded Eijun, as well as a note of something underneath that was solely Miyuki. All of this made it harder to breathe and his heart beat faster for no reason.

It was weird and annoying, just like Miyuki.

"Just get on with it, then!" he replied, maybe a bit too sharply. But he couldn't help it, he felt embarrassed out of all things, not just for having to ask Miyuki for help but also because of this – this strange situation. Eijun stared at the hand he was offered, then back at the glasses-wearing asshole. "What?"

"Take my hand, idiot." Kazuya sighed, trying his best to not just drop Sawamura right then and there. "It's kind of required for a partner dance."

Eijun had nothing to say to that, so he took the hand grudgingly. "Do we have to stand so close? And why am I dancing the girl's part?"

"Yes." Kazuya answered tersely, but allowed himself a small smirk at the growing redness on Sawamura's face. He nudged his foot, making him take the first step. "And because you're still a bit shorter than me and I'm your senpai. Why did you ask me to teach you this anyway?"

"My cousin's getting married soon." Eijun replied, eyes firmly fixed on their moving feet in an effort not to step on Miyuki. "She said there's going to be a lot of western style partner dancing and I don't know how. She also said she's forcing everyone to dance. So when I tried to figure out how to, I heard from Kuramochi-senpai that you know some dances."

During the explanation, Eijun's eyes had slowly drifted upward to look back at Miyuki. Time seemed to still as their eyes locked, the playlist Miyuki had put on completely ignored.

Eijun's heart gave out, seeming to stop for a moment before picking up its pace at more than double the speed. A sudden weight dropped into his stomach – no, not dropped, punched. He yelped at the sudden tugging and falling sensations, jumping backwards and managing to step on Miyuki's foot in the process.

"Ouch!" Miyuki shouted, hopping on his uninjured foot. He glared the stunned boy in front of him. "What was that for?"

"I..uh..I'm really sorry!" Eijun squeaked, gathering up his things before running toward the exit. "Thanks for the lesson!"

A ghost of a smile appears on his face. Back then, he was so naïve and young. It's funny how much can change in just a few short years.

"Sawamura-san?"

He turns at the sound of the doctor's voice. Kuramochi, a doctor in training now, stands behind his mentor, a grim look on his face. Kazuya is standing just a bit off to the side, the reflection on his glasses hiding his eyes.

As absurd and inappropriate as it is, Eijun wants to laugh. Everyone looks so serious…the team he knows is only serious about one thing and that's baseball. They're the silliest and best people, friends, he knows. They're not serious. Not off the field.

Not…in a hospital room.

Eijun's hands clench into his blanket, knuckles turning white. He knows this is bad. The way he suddenly collapsed on the field in the middle of a game and had to be rushed off in an ambulance. How he woke up in a sterile white room, an irritating beeping in his ear and a needle in his arm. His constant sense of fatigue and annoyingly insistent dull ache in his bones lately, the sudden weight loss even though he kept the eating habits he had in Seidou... but even so, there's a million possible things that could be wrong with him. Things that aren't serious.

"Sawamura-san, we ran some blood tests. They…don't look good." the doctor finally speaks, coming up beside the bed. Kuramochi is right beside him. "I'm afraid you'll have to take some time off work."

"I can't." Eijun says automatically, not looking at the doctor as he tries to make eye contact with Kazuya, who still hasn't come any closer. He doesn't look up. Why won't he look at him? "If we didn't lose this game, the next one is really important and we don't have much time –"

"Eijun."

All three of the room's occupants look at Kazuya. Eijun would be relieved to hear him speak if he didn't sound and look so blank. Bleak. He can finally see his eyes but they're closed off.

"The team…they can do without you. You're sick."

"What are you saying? You know that's never stopped me before." Eijun blabbers, ignoring the sting in his chest at Kazuya's words. He turns to Kuramochi, uncharacteristically silent, frowning deeply. The graveness of the situation is starting to sink in, but Eijun pushes on, pleading, "Senpai, please! Tell them, tell them I can play, I'll be fine in a bit – "

"I can't." Kuramochi cuts him off, laying a hand on his shoulder. He tries not to flinch at how he can start to feel the bone poking through the well-honed muscle. "Sawamura, you have to listen."

Eijun is shaking his head childishly; he doesn't want to know. He wants to believe it's nothing bad, nothing serious, nothing that can't be cured. Kuramochi grips both his shoulders, careful not to put too much pressure on them. "Sawamura –"

Before he can finish what he wants to say, Kuramochi – strong, brash Kuramochi – breaks down, shaking. The doctor gently takes over, or not so gently depending on whose perspective it is.

"You have leukaemia, blood cancer. The good news is that we caught it at a relatively early stage and are still able to treat it. There's no telling how effective our range of treatments will be, but the majority of our patients do react favourably. Most of them are able to extend their lifetime by a considerable period or even manage to expel the cancer completely."

The doctor goes on talking for a while longer, Eijun forcing himself to listen and hang on to the words, not allowing his thoughts to stray. He feels that if he lets himself crash, he won't be able to get back up again. He listens attentively, absentmindedly noting when Kazuya finally comes over to sit by his side and links their hands.

Kuramochi leaves sometime during the lengthy explanation of treatment methods, unable to keep listening. He's heard the speech before and he's been around long enough to know precisely how many patients don't respond well to the treatments. He can't get himself to watch the hope in Eijun's eyes slowly diminish as he realises the futility of what they try. He knows there's a chance – a disproportionately high chance – that he will recover, but in the case it doesn't work…he doesn't want to see it. Not now. He will be there, later, when he can and must be strong for both Eijun and Kazuya.

Eventually the doctor leaves. The room is silent again except for the beeping. Eijun has been surprisingly calm during the whole thing; the only sign that this has shaken him to his core is how hard he's gripping Kazuya's hand. The knuckles stand out white against his skin. It hurts but Kazuya doesn't say anything. If Eijun can still grip this strongly, maybe there's hope. There has to be. He lifts the hand to his mouth and kisses it gently. Eijun's eyes move to look at him, the expression in them duller than what Kazuya is used to seeing and it hurts too. It hurts much more than the tight grip on his hand because that look – it's death.

"We'll get through this." Kazuya tells him. He's grateful that his voice sounds stronger and more convincing than he feels. Eijun doesn't react, only blinks rapidly. Then he lets go of Kazuya and buries his face in his hands, his back beginning to shake in quiet sobs. Kazuya stands and wraps his arms around Eijun, hugging him tightly as he cards his fingers through his hair and whispering reassuring words he doesn't fully feel. He rocks Eijun back and forth like a child, trying to comfort him. He isn't cut out for something like this, but right now that doesn't matter. Kazuya has to be there for Eijun, has to be there for the person who has always been there for him when he was weak. Eijun holds on to Kazuya for dear life, repeating over and over, "I don't want to die."

The room is still cold, but it isn't so silent anymore. As Eijun cries in Kazuya's arms, he can feel hot tears that aren't his own drip onto him. He thinks he preferred the silence.

The phone rang once, twice, three times. His eyebrows twitched in irritation when it went to voicemail for the fifth time in a row.
"Oi, if you keep ignoring my calls -" Kazuya broke off mid-sentence when he heard the bell ring. He went to answer the door, continuing to mutter into the phone's speaker, "I swear, all you'll be able to dance once I'm done with you -"
The door opened and Kazuya stared at Sawamura standing there before he ended the call.
"You're late." he said, then added, "Again."
Sawamura huffed, trying to get past Kazuya. He purposely leaned against the doorframe, grinning at the glare he got in return.
"I know, I'm sorry! Coach extended practice and then my bus was late and my phone ran out of battery -"
Kazuya let Sawamura rant as he finally moved out of the way. He closed his eyes for just a second when Sawamura breezed past him, the scent of baseball, boy sweat and deodorant left behind filling his nose for a short moment. It's familiar and welcome, comforting somehow.

Way to be creepy, Kazuya, he thought a bit sourly to himself as he turned to follow Sawamura back into the apartment he shared with Youichi.

"Let's get on with it then. I've got work in a couple of hours." Kazuya interrupted Sawamura who was still going on about the bus.

"You're so rude, shouldn't you offer your guests something to drink or eat?" Sawamura tossed his bag onto the small, but comfortable couch. He ignored the look of annoyance Kazuya threw him, going into the kitchen where he proceeded to open various cupboards and peered into the fridge. Kazuya pushed his glasses further up in irritation.

"Sawamura –"

"You have nothing to eat." he informed him, sounding scandalised. Kazuya frowned at him, now not only annoyed but also worried. It was Youichi's turn to go grocery shopping this week and he usually did a good job; he probably still remembered the major verbal lashing Kazuya had given him after the first time he had gone. And between the two of them both working part time, one at a restaurant, the other at a grocery store, it was usually easy enough to ensure they always had something edible at home. Or to at least to make sure they didn't starve.

Kazuya bent down beside Sawamura, squinting at the contents of the fridge. He pretended not to notice Sawamura's breath hitch at the sudden closeness. Honestly, he should be used to it by now with how often he forced himself on Kazuya for the dancing lessons.

The fridge was semi-filled, mostly with fresh vegetables and fruit as well as a piece of meat Kuramochi must be planning to cook tonight. Kazuya straightened up and whacked Sawamura around the back of his head, earning a loud yelp.

"There's plenty. Just because none of it is cooked doesn't mean it's not edible." Kazuya rolled his eyes at Sawamura's indignant splutter. "You're going to have to learn how to cook sometime, you know."

"Teach me, then."

The request, spoken quietly but with a conviction normal for Sawamura startled Kazuya. He looked at the younger boy for a moment; they were just about the same height now and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. He had to admit, it had been fun for him to hold his height advantage over his underclassman while they were both at Seidou. Unfortunately, that wasn't possible anymore. Sawamura had gone through a growth spurt these past few months which would quite possibly result in him towering over Kazuya one day.

"No way. I'm already teaching you dances, I'm not teaching you how not to poison yourself once you're on your own." Kazuya deadpanned, closing the fridge door in Sawamura's face. He quirked an eyebrow at the glare levelled at him. "Go ask someone else."

"Miyuki!" Sawamura pulled a face, whining. "Come on, I don't wanna dance today. I'm horrible at it and it's no fun."

"Why are you here then?" Kazuya asked dryly, already resigning himself to the fact that Sawamura would be staying for a while, whether he wanted him to or not. He crossed the cramped kitchen in just two long strides, pushing down the button on the electric water kettle. Kazuya glanced over at Sawamura fuming in the corner. He muttered something unintelligible. "Hmm, what was that?"

"I said, I'm here because you're my friend and I wanted to spend some time with you!" Sawamura spat out, red-faced. Kazuya blinked at the unexpected answer, then smirked.

"Aww, I didn't know you missed me that much." Kazuya cooed, causing Sawamura shoot him a constipated look. He sidled right up to him, slinging an arm around his shoulder.

"I didn't say that!" Sawamura told him, sounding cross as he tried to push Kazuya's arm off of him. "Let go!"

"Well, I guess since I'm such a good friend, maybe I should teach how not to starve to death out in the real world." Kazuya completely ignored the squirming, grinning at him. Sawamura stopped for a second, narrowing his eyes at him in suspicion.

"Really?"

"As long as you actually start checking your phone and answering it when I call." Kazuya told him sounding almost sincere. The fact that Sawamura just didn't reply to his messages or answered his calls annoyed him more than he wanted to admit. He didn't write often but he knew Sawamura did, so when Kazuya wrote to him he kind of expected an answer.

"Yeah, whatever." Sawamura muttered, looking down. Kazuya tried not to look ticked off. Whenever they did see each other, which wasn't that often anyway, he had noticed Sawamura that avoided looking at him directly more and more often.

"And stop doing that." he added, prompting Sawamura to look up at him at the tone, already looking like he was ready to retaliate in anger. "You never look at me anymore."

The unspoken request for an explanation hung in the air but Sawamura once again looked away.

"Sorry." It was obvious that the honest apology required some effort, the way how Sawamura forced himself to look Kazuya in the eye even more so. A myriad of emotions behind those amber eyes flashed by too fast for Kazuya to decipher, but they caused him to suddenly feel lightheaded and swallow heavily. Then Sawamura smiled brightly, a sunny grin which should have looked sincere but didn't, not quite. "So, what are you teaching me?"

Kazuya shook off the strange warm feeling inside him, trying to ignore how his stomach seemed to be somersaulting. "Ah, well, let's see. What's a simple enough dish for even an idiot like you to not screw up?"

The answering splutter from Sawamura made Kazuya grin. The atmosphere lifted, filled with teasing. He breathed in relief. There were no weird fluttery sensations in his stomach and chest or creepy thoughts like how he liked the way Sawamura smelled.

There was banter, smirks, grins, Sawamura's too loud indoor voice. This…this was normal, easy.

He could deal with that.

Kazuya is woken by gentle, flowing music. That in itself isn't unusual; most days Eijun is up before him and has a habit of tuning in on his favourite radio station. But what is unusual is that this isn't the kind of loud, happy music that Eijun loves and Kazuya grudgingly deals with. This…this is a song he recognises and actually likes.

Kazuya's eyes open as he realises where he knows it from, unable to keep from smiling. He sits up, yawning and stretching before finally getting out of bed. He pads into the living room from where he can see straight into the walk-in kitchen. For a moment, he can fool himself into believing that nothing is wrong. That what he can see is really all there is, that his boyfriend is simply humming along to a song while flitting around the kitchen and by some miracle managing not to break anything. Kazuya even sniffs a bit to make sure that nothing is burning.

But then he looks closer and his heart squeezes painfully in his chest. Eijun is still humming, but he interrupts himself every few seconds to take a new, rattling breath. His movements are slow, tired and almost look clumsy. Eijun is wearing layer upon layer even though it's the middle of summer. Then he accidentally bumps into the handle of a kitchen drawer and flinches violently at the pain, wincing.

"Good morning." Kazuya announces his presence, his voice coming out in a croak. He hopes Eijun thinks it's because he just woke up and not because seeing him in pain makes Kazuya hurt too. Eijun turns, face lighting up when he sees him.

"Morning!" Eijun calls out, grinning brightly. Kazuya smiles at that; despite the bags underneath Eijun's eyes and the clear exhaustion lining his face his voice still sounds reasonably strong.

"Do you need help?" Kazuya comes toward him, dropping a kiss on his forehead and wrapping his arm around his waist. For a second, he forgets about their situation and allows himself the petty thought of being glad that Eijun stayed the same height as him. Eijun leans against him, relaxing into the half-armed hug and that second is over. Has he always felt this fragile and light?

"I can't find the coffee." Eijun says, pulling him back to the present and out of his unpleasant thoughts. Kazuya raises his eyebrows at him, but lets him go to get it. He reaches into one of their numerous cupboards and puts the bag on the counter.

"Why were you looking for coffee? You don't even like it."

"I wanted to make some for you. Since you drink that stuff all the time." Eijun wrinkles his nose in disgust and reaches for the bag, adding a few scoops and some water to the coffeemaker before turning on the switch.

"I didn't even know you knew how to use that thing." Kazuya says teasingly, pointing at the machine. He's touched by Eijun's unexpected gesture though he really shouldn't be. Ever since meeting him, he's done nothing but surprise him at every turn. Eijun sticks his tongue out at him childishly, causing Kazuya to grin. This feels normal, safe, like the usual. They both know there's nothing normal going on right now, but they want to believe it, just for a little while.

"Hey, Kazuya." Eijun says, a soft smile on his face. He reaches out for his hand and Kazuya comes to him willingly.

"Hmm?"

"Do you remember this song?"

Kazuya snorts in amusement. "Yeah. Wasn't this one of those when I tried to teach you how to dance?"

Eijun huffs, rolling his eyes. "You did teach me. I managed not to fall or step on anyone, didn't I?"

Kazuya shrugs in answer, smirking when he gets another aggravated huff from Eijun. But his smirk melts away into a smile, the one where Youichi tells him that he looks like a sappy idiot, when Eijun lets go of him and offers him his hand, palm facing up. Eijun slightly bows from his waist. "May I have this dance?"

"Yeah." Kazuya accepts Eijun's hand, placing his other on Eijun's shoulder and feeling Eijun's hand go to his waist. "You may."

It's not so much a dance as it is them hugging each other and swaying lazily in time with the music, but it's nice, relaxing, domestic. Eijun's head is resting on Kazuya's shoulder and he turns his head to place a kiss on his hair. It's peaceful and for the duration of the playlist Eijun has apparently saved, it's perfect. The coffee is long forgotten by the time the playlist ends but they stay standing in the kitchen, just holding each other. Then Kazuya suddenly speaks.

"That song, the first one. When you asked me if I remembered it."

"What about it?"

"I do. Remember it, I mean." Kazuya pulls himself away a bit so he can look at Eijun properly. A smile is playing around his lips at the familiar sight of Eijun looking so irritated.

"You –"

"That was when you first told me you liked me." Kazuya interrupts, grinning when Eijun blushes and looks to the side. "How could I ever forget that?"

Eijun looks back at him to retort. But he never makes a sound because Kazuya has come close again and is kissing him. And it's everything it was when it happened the first time, full of hope and love.