AN: This idea came to my in my head when I was thinking about A Series of Unfortunate Events the other day. The Baudelaires don't really deserve to be as miserable as they are, and I think the Doctor would get along quite well with children. Plus, I love the idea of him being connected to V.F.D. and he could possibly be the D in Lemony Snicket's Autobiography ;D The inspiration for this chapter is: When I'm on the edge of insanity, I'd hope you'd come to save me.
Chapter 1- The Mad Meeting
The Baudelaires were once again in the office of Mr. Poe at Mulctuary Money Management after another unfortunate event at 667 Dark Avenue, a phrase which here means "their previous guardians had turned out to be the girlfriend of Count Olaf who helped kidnap the Quagmire triplets or abandoned them from fear".
Mr. Poe sighed and coughed into his handkerchief. "You know, children, one more incident like this, and we'll be forced to find you a village to raise you."
"We know, Mr. Poe. We're sorry," Violet, the eldest Baudelaire, said, although she wasn't very sorry at all. The problems with adults was they never wanted to hear the full story, which meant the banker thought the children had been the cause of every unfortunate event that happened to them.
"You said one more incident," Klaus pointed out. "Who is taking us this time?"
"He is a friend of your parents, your godfather," Mr. Poe explained, pausing to cough into his handkerchief. "The reason he wasn't the first to take you is he travels a lot, but he assures me he loves children."
The Baudelaires looked at each other, wondering how many more secrets of their parents they were going to have questions about before they were adults themselves.
"Whavwe sehim bef?" Sunny asked. Which here means, "Why haven't we seen him before?"
Violet quickly translated to the banker to which he frowned.
"I told you, he travels a lot."
The children were even more confused now than ever before. Saying one travels a lot and cannot stop to visit or even send a postcard, is like saying a teacher can assign homework but never collects it.
"When are we meeting him?" Klaus questioned.
"Oh, he'll be here any minute now," Mr. Poe assured the children, and they waited impatiently.
They didn't have to wait much longer however before a floppy haired young man popped his head over the desk, causing Mr. Poe to go into a coughing fit.
The man patted him on the back heavily, yelling, "I'm sorry, Mr. Poe! You really must do something about that cough, though!"
The children looked at each other, this time in disbelief. This man was meant to be their godfather? He did not look a day over 25, which meant he would only have been 13 when Violet was born. His clothes were another matter entirely. The man wore a light blue dress shirt with a red bow tie and red suspenders with a tweed jacket. His pants were black and ended three inches above his ankles, and he wore black Oxfords on his feet.
It was clear Mr. Poe was appraising the man as well, and not in a postive way.
"Hello!" he exclaimed. "I'm the Doctor!" he shook 's hand vigorously and walked over to the children, gathering them in a hug, surprising them just a bit.
When the man pulled away, the children looked at Mr. Poe for confirmation that this man was in fact their new guardian, and not some raving lunatic.
"I'm Violet, that's Klaus, and our baby sister is Sunny, and we're the Baudelaires," Violet introduced.
"You're a doctor?" Klaus asked him.
"Not a doctor, the Doctor," he corrected.
"Whad me?" Sunny asked.
"My sister means 'What does that mean, sir?'" Violet clarified.
"I know what she means," the Doctor told her solemnly. "I speak baby."
"You speak what?" Mr. Poe asked incredulously.
"Nothing!" the Doctor yelled, and winked at the children before turning towards the banker. "Now then, we must be off! Thank you, Mr. Poe. I promise to keep the children safe." He walked over and took Sunny in his arms and called to Violet and Klaus, "Come along, Baudelaires!"
Should they come along? The Baudelaires looked at each other and then they looked at this man, called the Doctor. The man was a little eccentric, but how could that be any worse than Count Olaf's villainy? So they "came along", a phrase which here means followed the Doctor and waved goodbye to Mr. Poe.
"Remember children, should you need me, you can always contact me at the bank!" he called to their retreating forms.
The Doctor led them out into the street and over to a few trees shading the path. A blue police telephone box stood at the corner, and to their surprise that's where the man headed.
"Did you notice a crime, sir?" Klaus asked, and the Doctor spun around.
"No, I did not, and please, don't call me sir. I'm the Doctor, dad, or even John Smith, but never call me sweetie."
The Baudelaires blinked confusedly. The Doctor smiled widely at them and continued on towards the police box.
"What are we going in there for?" Violet asked.
The Doctor sighed. "Do you always ask so many questions?"
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"All will be explained once we get there," he said.
The Baudelaires were perplexed, a phrase which here means they wondered how crowding into a police box was going to explain anything at all.
The group reached the police box and the Doctor took a silver key from around his neck, stroking the box fondly before unlocking it.
"Let's go in, then," he said, and the children wondered how they would all fit.
The Doctor disappeared with Sunny and Klaus and Violet still stood on the street, contemplating whether to enter or not.
"Isbi onthe iside!" Sunny shrieked and the remaining two Baudelaires bolted into the box, closing the door behind them. To those not fluent in baby, Sunny Baudelaire had called out "It's bigger on the inside!" and the Baudelaires were shocked to find it was true.
"Yes, it is, Sunny," the Doctor cooed.
"That's impossible," Klaus breathed, walking around in utter disbelief. Out of all the science fiction books the middle Baudelaire had read, he had never read anything on a box that was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside.
Violet, the inventor, was more concerned with the various instruments. "Wow," she whispered, reaching out to touch a curious looking button.
"Don't touch!" the Doctor exclaimed, and she jumped in fright.
"I'm sorry," he amended. "It's just that button is the dematerializer, and who knows where we would end up if you pushed that. If you want, I'll teach you to fly her sometime." He patted the console fondly.
"Her?" Klaus asked.
"The TARDIS," the Doctor said. "Time and Relative Dimension in Space. And yes, it's a her. She's my ship," he told them proudly.
Violet looked at him curiously. "Did you build it?"
"No, I stole her," he said absentmindedly, fiddling with a lever, Sunny still in his arm.
Violet and Klaus looked at each other frightfully, a phrase which here means, concerned over whether their new guardian was a villain like Count Olaf.
"It's a long story," he said looking at them. "Besides, I want to hear about you three. So, get a shake on it."
The Baudelaires looked at each other, for what seemed like the millionth time since they met this strange new guardian, wondering if they should trust this man. They decided there could be worse people in this world than a daft man, and they "got a shake on it" which means they started their horrible tale.
Violet recounted the terrible day at Briny Beach when Mr. Poe told them their parents had perished in a fire and made them orphans. She told him about having to live with and his wife and horrible children and wear itchy sweaters, which they regrettably still had for very cold nights. She told him about going into the care of Count Olaf, a terrible and smelly villain who thought he could act, and having to share one room with one very small bed and only some drapes for blankets. She told him about the long list of chores they had to do every day and the filthy house that they had to scrub. She tells him about the terrible theater troupe which were really his henchmen, and describes the hook handed man, the two powder faced women, the bald man with a long nose, and the one who was either a man or a woman. She tells him about having to cook Puttanesca and Olaf abusing Klaus and grabbing Sunny. She recounts the Marvelous Marriage and the almost attempt to grab their fortune by forcing Violet to marry him and chaining Sunny in a cage suspended above the ground. She tells him about Klaus' quick thinking and research which saved them.
Klaus tells him about Lousy Lane which smelled strongly of horseradish, and Uncle Monty with his kind disposition. He tells him about the delicious coconut cream cake he could make, and gave each of them their own room. He tells them about the trip to Peru Uncle Monty had planned once Gustav's replacement Stefano arrived to study snakes and other reptiles because he was a herpetologist. He tells him all about the Reptile Room and the various reptiles he discovered. He tells them their horror when Stefano turned out to be a very terribly disguised Count Olaf. He tells him about trying to tell Uncle Monty about Stefano, but getting foiled with threatened violence. He tells them Uncle Monty finally believed them but thought he was a Herpetological Society imposter trying to steal The Incredibly Deadly Viper. He tells him about Count Olaf threatening them and they blurted out that Uncle Monty ripped up his ticket and he won't be joining them in Peru. He tells him about waking up to find Uncle Monty dead, with a supposed snake attack being the cause. He tells them Count Olaf still forced them into the car to take them to Peru, only to crash the car into Mr. Poe. He tells him about the plan to get evidenve and Sunny pretending to get bitten by The Incredibly Deadly Viper. He tells him that they revealed the evidence they found in Stefano's room, but Count Olaf escaped again.
Sunny tells him about Lake Lachrymose, and the crazy Aunt Josephine. She tells him about all the fears the woman had including the radiator, which could set a fire to her home, the fridge, which could fall and crush her to death, and the doorknob which could splinter and cut her eyes open. She tells him about Aunt Josephine's love of grammar and the library filled only with grammar books and the wide window overlooking the lake. She tells him about Hurricane Herman and going to buy supplies and meeting Captain Sham, another one of Count Olaf's awful disguises. She tells him about waking up to discover a broken window and a suicide note left by their aunt, stating Captain Sham their new guardian. She tells him about buying time by eating peppermints, which they are extremely allergic to, and Klaus discovering the grammatical errors in Aunt Josephine's note leading to her hiding location. She tells him about getting a boat and rowing in the hurricane. She tells him about finding Aunt Josephine who wants the children to stay in hiding with her for the rest of their lives, until she finds out about the realtors. She tells them about the leeches attacking because Aunt Josephine eating a banana. She tells him about Violet inventing a signal, but they only attract Count Olaf, who takes them all and throws Aunt Josephine overboard with the leeches. She tells him about going back to the dock and biting off the wooden leg, exposing Count Olaf once more, but he escaped.
Violet tells him about the mill in Paltryville, and being forced to work with no food but a stick of gum. She tells him about Sir, who has a cloud of smoke over his face that's so thick no one's ever seen it, and Charles, his nice partner, who shows them the pitiful library of three books. She tells him about Klaus being tripped by one of Olaf's henchmen in disguise and he gets sent to see Doctor Orwell. She tells him that he acted strangely and he is forced to operate a stamping machine, dropping it on Phil. She tells him about Klaus snapping out of the trance, only to have his glasses broke again. She tells him about going with Klaus and they see Dr. Orwell. She tells him about Count Olaf disguised as Shirley, the receptionist, and discovering Klaus is being hypnotized. She tells him about reading the book about Optometry and discovering the hypnotize word. She tells him about Charles being strapped to a log that Klaus is pushing under a buzz saw he's controlling and Dr. Orwell dueling with Sunny, only to fall into the machine and die. She tells him about Klaus releasing Charles. She tells them about Count Olaf being locked in the library, but escaping and Sir abandoning them to Mr. Poe again.
Klaus tells him about Prufrock Preparatory School, where they meet Carmelita Spats who calls them "cakesniffers" and read the motto saying "Remember you will die". He tells him about Vice Principal Nero and the advanced computer, which was really just a picture on the screen of Count Olaf. He tells him about the mandatory violin recitals and the Orphan Shack. He tells him about the strange rules from having to buy Nero a bag of candy, to having to eat with their hands tied behind their backs. He tells him about the crabs and the dripping fungus and the horrible green with pink hearts wallpaper of the Orphan Shack, which they created noisy shoes and sprinkled salt on, respectively. He tells them about the Quagmire triplets whom they befriended and were also victims of a terrible fire that consumed their home, their parents, and their other triplet brother, Quigley. He tells them about their commonplace books filled with couplets and observations. He tells him about Mrs. Bass and Mr. Remora and Coach Genghis, who is really Count Olaf. He tells him about Sunny being forced to be Nero's administrative assistant because there weren't any classes for her. He tells him about S.O.R.E. and failing classes and work from being exhausted. He tells him about the comprehensive exams they studied for all night. He tells them about the Quagmire triplets plan to let them study all night. He tells him about unmasking Count Olaf, but he escapes, kidnapping the Quagmires. He tells him about V.F.D. and the notebooks which get snatched by Olaf before he drove away.
Sunny tells him about their most recent unfortunate event at 667 Dark Avenue, a penthouse that had the children climbing up all the flights of stairs because the elevator was out of order. She tells him about Jerome Squalor who offers them aqueous martinis and introduces them to Esme, the city's sixth most important financial advisor, who's only concerned about what's in and what's out, and informs them the only reason they were taken was orphans are "in". She tells him about Gunther, Count Olaf in disguise, working with Esme as Auctioneer. She tells him about the horrible Cafe Salmonella. She tells him about learning one of the elevators was fake, and Violet inventing ropes to climb down with. She tells him about finding the Quagmire triplets, but when they climbed back down with tools to free them, they were gone. She tells them about telling Esme the truth about Gunther, and she tells them she knew, and she's Count Olaf's girlfriend. She tells him about Esme smirking triumphantly and pushing them down the elevator shaft, only for them to land in a net. She tells him about climbing up with her teeth and grabbing the top then climbing down and biting a hole in the net to crawl through. She tells him about Violet's welding torches they used as lights to explore the tunnel they found at the bottom. She tells him about the trap door that lead to the charred Baudelaire mansion. She tells him about the auction and telling Mr. Poe and Jerome to bid on a lot #50 called V.F.D, as they are sure the Quagmires are hidden in there. She tells him it was only very fancy doilies, but that Gunther slipped on one of them and was revealed as Count Olaf. She tells him that Count Olaf and Esme escape, smuggling the Quagmires in a statue of a red herring.
The Doctor for his part, was very quiet for the Baudelaires story. He only frowned or looked particularly angry at mentions of abuse towards the children, or laughed at Aunt Josephine's crazy fears.
"Well, Baudelaires, it seems we have our work cut out for us, doesn't it?" he asked, smiling widely.
The children nodded, but then frowned.
"I'm sure Count Olaf will still come to find us, Doctor," Violet said, speaking aloud the fear the children did not want to say.
"Oh, no, he won't. You have the Oncoming Storm to protect you!" the man waved them off.
"The what?" Klaus asked.
"Ah, nevermind. My point is I've met people far more villainous than Count Olaf, and have always come out on top."
The children shivered at the thought of people more villainous than Count Olaf.
"Now, the more pressing question at this moment is: would you like to meet my two dearest friends?" the Doctor asked.
The Baudelaires looked amusedly at him. "How?"
"Oh, just you wait, Baudelaires!" he exclaimed, pulling some levers and pressing some buttons, and before they knew it, the Baudelaires felt a whooshing underneath them, and they had to hold onto the console for dear life.