This one was originally going to be a one shot, but it developed into much more, and I don't regret it! Expect five chapters for this one.

Chapter 1 - Gone

A nod here, a nod there, a forced smile or two, and Emma was out of the court room. The older men shot her strange looks, but Emma couldn't have cared less. It was all too overwhelming. She'd avoided the council's repeated pleas to schedule a court meeting for months, but eventually she had to give in, had to go without him.

Every time she hesitated on a decision, she would turn to her right, seeking his advice. Only today, every time she turned, the big red chair was empty. A constant reminder that he was gone. So she listened to the constant droning of voices, the monotonous counselors' complaints. She missed his voice, his accented and deep voice, caressing her ears.

Emma blinked back tears as she pushed the big glass doors of the royal garden open. Ignoring the servants' pitiful looks, she quickened her pace, pushing the long leaves of the willow tree to the side. She then ducked behind a large rose bush, revealing her favorite spot of the garden. She sat down on the grass, crossing her legs and plucking a single green strand from the ground. She twisted it between her fingers and dropped it, running her hand through the grass as she used to do with his hair.

It was here that she and Killian had kissed for the first time. Her first kiss, soft, tender and loving. She could still recall the way he had cradled her face, and the way he had smiled at her, his bright blue eyes piercing into hers. Here, he had confessed his undying love for her. She had been too scared to say the three small words back, but she had kissed him, as if to convey the emotions she couldn't voice out loud. It was a month later, just as they were basking in the afterglow of their first time making love, that she had whispered the words, bringing a wide smile onto his face.

Killian had been with her for a lot of firsts. Her first best friend, then turned first suitor, her first kiss, her first time in bed with a man, her first ball, her first love, her first time venturing out of the kingdom, her first time sailing across the sea… The list went on and on. Yet now she was alone, had no one to hold her, to tell her it would be alright. Because as long as he wasn't here with her, Emma knew she wouldn't be alright.

The most recent event that took place in this special spot, however, was a proposal. Two weeks before he left, Killian got down on one knee and asked her to become his, forever. It was with tears in her eyes that Emma had acquiesced, wanting nothing more. She twirled the beautiful ring around her finger and took it off, looking at the inscription on the inside of the silver band. My happy ending it simply read.

Emma's bottom lip trembled, tears welling up in her eyes despite the smile on her face, recalling the happy memory. He was going to come back, he had to. All the evenings spent lying awake on her bed, talking about the future as they held each other. Their story couldn't end that way, she refused to let it. He would come back and they would get married, go on a honeymoon, and have kids. She had to hold on to that hope. It was all that kept her sane. With him in it, the future didn't seem so terrifying.

Putting the ring back on, Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again, hoping that this was just a bad dream and that her Killian was beside her, smiling his goofy grin. Only he wasn't. All that Emma could see was her peach colored dress, spread out on the green floor. She pulled her knees up against her chest and hugged them tight, resting her chin on top.

"I miss you." She whispered, looking at the sea and the darkening horizon. This was one of the things she loved most about their castle, this view. Yes, their castle. Emma and Killian may not have been married, but Emma's parents knew that they were meant to be. Even David had admitted that Killian had grown on him, and that he couldn't have hoped for a better man to take care of daughter. They offered their summer castle to the two lovers, knowing how much the place meant to them. When they got engaged, king David even let them govern a piece of the kingdom. After all, Emma, being their only child, would inherit the whole kingdom when the time came, and that meant with Killian at her side.

The summer castle was now called Princess Emma's and Prince Killian's castle. Because yes, even though they were only engaged, everyone had taken to calling Killian by the title of prince. And, well, he sure wasn't complaining. The couple had gotten settled rapidly, but not quite to their one thing that her parents wouldn't let them do until they were married was share a bed. Of course Emma and Killian had found their away around that rule, but the king and queen didn't need to know that. Even though slightly spaced out, both of their rooms faced the ocean, something they had ardently insisted upon.

The sea reminded her of her Killian. Sometimes she went on long walls along the beach, the foam covering her bare feet and the wind blowing in her hair, ruining the fancy updos which Emma's maid cooked up. Only Emma didn't care. She swore sometimes she could hear his voice in the breeze, and would stay at the water's edge for hours.

"Come back to me. Please." She said in a broken whisper, a tear slipping down her cheek. She hastily wiped it away with the embroidered tissue tucked carefully into her dress. One of his, of course. It never left her side, even though it had stopped smelling of him long ago. Just like his pillow, just like his coats and vests. The little blue anchor on the white square was almost enough to make her smile. But it didn't.

Emma hadn't smiled in four months. Not since January fourth, the day of his departure. She could still remember that day vividly, and in many ways it felt like yesterday, yet it also felt like years had gone by since then. Killian had put on his brave face, but Emma saw right through it. He was scared, even more than she was. They had kissed, in the courtyard under the drizzling rain. The weather had seemed to reflect Emma's mood. When Killian pulled away, he had whispered into her ear just how much he loved her. They had been torn away from each other, Emma refusing to let go of the lapels of his leather coat. Killian had mounted his horse and smiled at her one last time before galloping through the gates.

He hadn't looked back, not for the long minutes, hours even, that Emma stayed at the entrance of the castle, looking at the horizon long after the black speck that were Killian and his army had disappeared. She had refused to move, still in a daze and hoping he would come back. Only he didn't. Even when the snow started, Emma stayed out there for hours each day, watching the horizon. After two months, she came every two days. After three months, she came once a week. And now, well into the fourth month, she had only gone once in two weeks. Emma was, quite plainly, sitting in the dark.

She had known that Killian wouldn't be able to write, that his letters would never make it back to her. Still, she could always hope. Every time a messenger announced a battle won by their army, Emma's heart swelled up in hopes that his return would be just around the corner.

Misthaven's army had suffered heavy loses in the ongoing war against Camelot. The two kingdoms used to be at peace, but when King Arthur had ordered his men to raid villages near the border, king David had been forced to take action. It just so happened that Killian had to go lead their army, being younger and more fit that Emma's father.

That was how Emma found herself wallowing in the garden every day, trying to seek comfort in the familiar spot. The comfort she really needed, however, was that of her fiancé's strong arms around her. Sighing, Emma rose and brushed the grass off her peach colored dress. She took a deep breath and forced herself to push down the pain.

Minutes later, the princess entered her suite. In silence, her maid helped her undress and change into a beautiful white nightgown, the one Killian loved so much. Well, he loved staring at it, but also taking it off her body slowly, savoring every inch of skin he uncovered.

As she did every night, Emma slipped into her big bed and stared up at the ceiling. She hated how big the bed was now that Killian wasn't there filling up the space beside her. Sure, they were supposed to sleep in different rooms, but he would sneak in every night through the secret passage connecting their rooms.

Turning onto her side, Emma grabbed Killian's pillow and pulled it close, closing her eyes tight. She found that holding onto it helped her relax, pretending it was Killian she was holding. Of course, the pillow lacked his warmth and his ability to hold her back, but it was a start. As usual, it was at least two hours before Emma managed to fall into a tormented sleep.