a/n: I love Team Dark, and their whole dynamic, far too much for my own good. Far, far too much. They're all such seemingly independent characters with their own priorities, and yet somehow they keep finding excuses to work together...

Just a silly one-shot. Possibly with others to follow.

"WORTHLESS CONSUMER MODEL," Omega bellowed, raising his left arm point-blank, the machine gun extended, against the door of the microwave oven. "I WILL DESTROY!"

Oblivious to the threat presented, the appliance in question continued beeping in the same tone as before, letting the apartment know in no uncertain terms that the bagels were finished.

"Omega," Shadow said warningly from the kitchen door. A yawning Rouge leaned in the doorway beside him, wearing only an immodest bathrobe, but the hedgehog's only focus was his hulking robotic roommate. "We've discussed this already, in case you've forgotten. We both agreed that you would STOP making a commotion in our apartment like this, each and every time you just happen to come across a machine that's doing exactly what it's SUPPOSED to do!"

"Not like that happens very often," Rouge muttered, eyeing the ratty dishwasher and refrigerator with distaste. "Don't tell me you're honestly jealous of these pieces of junk, Omega! Even you're not as useless and frustrating as they are."

Omega seemed unencouraged by her words. "ERADICATE," he blasted loudly, spinning his exposed ammunition belts anxiously back and forth in place by way of disagreement.

Rouge yawned. "Mm, don't start this before I've had my coffee, if you please," she said tiredly, reaching out a hand toward the idling coffee brewer on the nearby counter. "A girl can only take so much of this before the sun comes up..."

Sensing her intentions, Omega's head swiveled in place, sensors locked onto the suspicious new target. In one swift movement, the robot raised his arm with lightning speed, preemptively using his homing laser to blast the coffeemaker into a thousand pieces. Rouge was left standing there frozen, her arm outstretched toward a smoking heap of wires and falling glass.

Her eyelid twitched, arm lowering stiffly to her side. "Tell me, Shadow. Exactly when did the G.U.N. Commander say we'd each be receiving our own, separate quarters?" she asked, her voice barely contained with anger..

The hedgehog's response was as flat and irritated as it always was. "I believe the Commander's exact words were, 'We'll get you freaks a better place, just as soon as YOU agree to stop taking payment exclusively in rare and exotic jewelry bought with taxpayer dollars.'"

Rouge sighed, a dreamy expression settling on her face as she remembered her precious monthly earnings. Even if her gems' prices cut heavily into the group budget provided for the three of them by G.U.N., as well as Shadow's and Omega's individual salaries, Rouge considered the cost well worth it. "Ah, well," she said airily, pulling a coffee mug and a teapot from the nearest cabinet. "No big loss. Omega, the stove can still boil water, can't it?"

"NEGATIVE," Omega roared at her, blasting a round of machine gun fire into the oven.