Prologue
I always wanted to be pretty and perfect
To be that girl; the one everybody loves
I tried so hard to be funny
To be attractive
To be more than just me
I wanted bad things to happen, just so I could have a story
I wanted to be thinner
To be taller
To have longer hair that was blonder
I wanted my blue eyes to be bluer
I tried so hard to act like I had it all together
I tried to act like I loved myself
But the truth was that I barely knew myself
I wished I was tanner
I wished I had a more toned body and had a better sense of fashion
But I wonder if any of it would've helped me
I was always just there
Loud
Annoying
And too bland to be beautiful
I always wanted to me just more
More than me
To be loved and admired
So I went further
I laughed louder and longer
I cried obviously
I told weird lies and tried
I tried and tried and tried
But at some point, I realized that all this trying had gotten me nowhere
And I stopped
Now I'm left to wonder
When I take away the layers of paint and acting
What's still there?