Match-Making Mayhem
Nightshade: Yo. Me and Sasoku have considered a career in match-making. Mainly because we get payed a lot. Today we have a hopelessly deformed wierdo with us...Sakura!
Sakura: Hey! No fair!
Nightshade: So what seems to be your problem?
Sakura: Well, I'm afraid that because of my imperfect forehead, Sasuke will despise me. What should I do?
Nightshade: Shove a bag over your head fag!
Sakura: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (Runs away crying)
Sasoku: We suck at this job.
Nightshade: And proud of it. Now, here is Ino. What's your problem? I mean, you're messed up enough already...
Ino: Well, I can't seem to get Sasuke. I don't know what it is...I've got the looks, the hair...even the tissue filled b-
Nightshade: Let's not go there. Have you ever considered that he hates you?
Ino: Why would he? I've got everything he could want...
Sasoku: Ummmm...Ino? Ino? Ino?!
Ino: (sighs) fantasy type stuff
Sasuke: Oh Ino...your forehead is so perfect. Your beauty unthinkable...I love you...
Ino: And I love you too Sasuke-kun...(slow music)
Nightshade: INO! (Socks Ino to Saturn and back)
Ino: Huh? Oh I was having the most wonderful dream...
Sasoku: I'd rather not hear about it. We've discussed your problem and we think it's because your stupid and generally unacceptable. Good day.
Ino: I will win Sasuke-kun's heart! Just you wait! (Slams door)
Nightshade: What a jackass. Next is...Hinata?
Hinata: Ummm...my problem is that I can't win Naruto-kun's affection. I think it may be because I'm so shy...
Nightshade: Then what are you here for?! You know your problem! Deal with it!
Hinata: But I need tips on what to do...
Sasoku: Have you ever tried ignoring him? Pretending like you don't care?
Hinata: Why would I do that?
Sasoku: Sometimes idiots are attracted to ignorance. Kinda stupid though.
Hinata: I'll try it...thank you... (walks out door)
Nightshade: Did you put the "I'm stupid so kiss me" sign on her back?
Sasoku: Just like you told me too. What a laugh.
Outside...
Hinata: (walks down hallway looking ignorant) OMG it's Naruto-kun! Act natural...pretend not to notice...
Naruto: Hahahahahaha!
Hinata: Salvage the pride...
Back inside...
Nightshade: I never thought I'd see you here Sasuke. What do you want?
Sasuke: I have this sudden attraction to this telephone pole outside but it-
Sasoku: Next!
Rock Lee: I am in love with Sakura-chan! Please tell me how to win her heart!
Nightshade: Have you ever considered clipping your eyebrows and ditching those stupid squirrels?
Rock Lee: But...that's like telling me to kill my fuzzy friends...I couldn't do that to them...
Sasoku: Is talking about his eyebrows or the squirrels?
Nightshade: Both I think. Ahem...well, love has a price.
Rock Lee: Really? Then Sakura-chan will fall in love with me for that simple adjustment?
Nightshade: Maybe... But talking about prices, you owe me one hundred fifty bucks.
Rock Lee: I will gladly pay you for your helpfulness! (Pays and walks out door)
Sasoku: What a dumb ass.
Outside...
Rock Lee: I am sorry my fuzzy friends, but you must go!
Squirrels: (all their little cute faces morph into evil rabid glares)
Rock Lee: No...No! Please!!! Gaaaah!!!
After quite a few slashes, head cracks and bone snaps, the little demons left.
Inside...
Sasoku: So...wanna get some coffee?
Nightshade: Sure. But isn't the cofffequick vending machine out of order?
Sasoku: Nah...let's go.
Outside...Again
Nightshade: You got change on you?
Sasoku: Yeah...but not much.
Nightshade: I can fix that. Freeze! (Points fold-able pocket machine gun at old lady)
Lady: Hiya! (Hits Nightshade's nuts with purse)
Nightshade: I'm always prepared! I'm wearing a stainless steel cup! (Steals two quarters from purse full of loot) We're good now.
Sasoku: A stainless steel cup?
Nightshade: Yeah...I don't actually know why I'm wearing it.
Sasoku: Whatever. Let's just get the fricken coffee. (Puts in money)
Vending machine: error...you will not get your money back...
Sasoku: WTF?!
Kakuza: I have just learned how to rig vending machines!
Sasoku: (grabs Kakuza's collar) Give...me...my...Coffee!
Nightshade: He gets angry without caffeine. It's some sorts disease...
Sasoku: Ahhh...now I can get my creamy coffee... (coffee gets stuck in vending machine) OMGWTF! Fricken machine!
Nightshade: Sasoku...what are you...?
Sasoku: (reaches into vending machine) Almost...got it...(arm falls off) ...Crap.
Nightshade: C'mon. We've got hopeless idiots to put down.
Sasoku: I will have my revenge against you coffeequick...I shall have revenge!
Back inside office...
Naruto: Weeeee! (Is swinging from ceiling fan)
Hinata: Just act cool...just act cool...
Sasuke: Telephone pole...I crave your roughness... (hugs telephone pole) I also crave the splinters you give me...
Temari: (giggling) hee hee...stop it Shikamaru...no tickling...
Nightshade: (walks in) What the...?
Sasoku: It was the coffeequick that did this...the coffeequick!
Temari: Ummmmm...we heard there was a party here...
Nightshade: (cracks knuckles)
Sasoku: (takes out sword which is too heavy to carry with one hand causing it to fall to the floor) Nuts...
Nightshade: Everyone out!
Hinata: Just be cool...
Naruto: Hinata? You haven't said anything to me today...is something wrong?
Hinata: Just be cool... No, nothing's wrong. I'm fine. (Walks away)
Nightshade: (takes out branding iron) I thought I said EVERYONE OUT!
Everyone: Eeeeeep!
Shikamaru: Man, and I was just starting to have fun...what a drag.
Sasoku: My life sucks... no coffee, no blender and nuclear weapons haven't been invented yet...sigh...
Nightshade: Everyone's got problems...and of all people I've got to deal with them...
Nightshade's Corner
Nightshade: I wonder who will be our next victim I mean pupil...hard to say.
Sasoku: My coffee! You stupid machine! (Shoves stick in machine causing it to explode) Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssss! Coffee! Victory is mine! (Grabs coffee which slips out of his hand) ...darn it!
Nightshade: Join us next time for...uh...Sasoku?
Sasoku: Die! (Hits machine with chainsaw) Review this story! You wouldn't want to end up like Mr. Coffeequick, would you?!