A/N: Welcome back! This story is set between the end of Season 15 and the beginning of Season 16. It has been a long time since I've been in the swing of writing fiction again so bear with me as I adjust back. Feedback is always appreciated along the way. I will try to update as often as I can.

Please be forewarned to heed the rating on this. To help me get back into character, I started with a flashback from Beast's Obsession (the junkyard scene). The dialogue from this section is not mine. It belongs to the fabulous writers of Dick Wolf. If this is too triggering for you, please take care of yourself. You won't miss any plot points if you skip the italics section. It just sets the mood for Olivia's present state of mind. I will try to give warnings as necessary at the start of each applicable chapter for potential triggering scenes. Enjoy the ride...

Crumbling Deception

Chapter 1

It was pitch black outside.

Olivia's heart was pounding as the car pulled forward into the abandoned junkyard lot. She turned the wheel to the right and came to a stop, glancing around her as she prepared to step out of the car. Pure adrenaline coursed through her veins, pushing her forward as she stepped outside.

"Lewis, I'm here." Her voice broke ever so slightly, betraying her even as her eyes scanned all around her. "Where's the girl?"

It was an internal battle inside her. Her breathing stilled ever so slightly as her eyes scanned the grounds—waiting for whatever came to follow. It wasn't until she turned her back that she saw him coming up behind her—his gun drawn, his jaw clenched. The tears she had been holding back instantly sprang to her eyes despite all efforts to hold them back.

She was frozen in place as she watched him step closer toward her, her lungs heaving for air, her eyes trained on the gun in his hand. And suddenly, she didn't know where she was anymore. An image of him in her apartment sprang to mind, but it was only the feel of the wind that drew her back to this moment. "Put your hands in the air, Olivia."

Slowly, she felt her hands comply as if betraying every effort to resist them. "Did you think it was going to be easy, Olivia?" Her eyes were fixated on the way the corner of his lips turned up in a smile as he repeated her name. "After all of our time together. It's like you don't even know me at all."

"What do you want?" The response felt instinctual and strangely calm despite his rapidly approaching footsteps.

"Your gun." His words took her breath away again, shattered her sense of safety. "Otherwise you won't find the girl."

He reached over to grab her Glock from its holster, and she felt her body pulling back away from him in a futile attempt to protect her. She watched him take her weapon away from her, watched him tuck it in his waistband, watched him take away the one piece of control she felt she still had.

Her eyes fluttered shut, desperately fighting back the tears that wanted to come forward. Her mind screamed at her not to let him see its effect on her, but her body felt powerless to fight it. She heard the click as he took out the clip, heard the gun as he tossed it uselessly aside. She flinched as it hit the ground.

His gaze hardened. "Turn around." Her body complied, her hands reaching out to wrap around the edge of the car. And then she felt it—felt his hand dig into her hair, pulling her back toward him. She felt her hair cascade loosely around her face. Long or short…it no longer mattered. Somehow, it still betrayed her.

"Owwww." She fought to hold back the cry that escaped her lips, but to no avail. She strained her neck to see behind her, to find something with which she could ground herself in the moment. But it was useless. She felt him tear away her vest and toss it aside—stripping away the last bit of protection she had left. She was powerless. Again. "Ahhh, take it easy."

"Shhh." His response commanded her attention once again. She could still feel the gun on her back even as she felt him turn away to throw her vest away. But it wasn't just the vest itself that he had stolen from her, or even the badge affixed to it. In a solitary motion, he had stripped away everything from her—her identity, her power, her control, her safety…her confidence in a justice system she had spent more than 20 years trying to protect.

If I hadn't let my guard down, if somebody had put him away…

She froze, suddenly realizing she had no idea what she had left. His hands briefly disappeared and then came back and she felt them all over her again. Her cries disappeared into the darkness all around her, unheard by all except the one person she desperately wanted to hide them from. She felt him continue his intrusive search. "Drop gun, good girl…cell phone, this you won't be needing." Her head whipped up as she heard the sound it made as it hit the pavement. She exhaled sharply.

"You know what?" His hands pulled her back toward him, commanding, invading. He ripped her handcuffs and her radio away from her. "I think I'll keep the radio. This way they can hear you scream while they're looking for you."

She desperately fought for her composure, fought to keep her voice steady. "Where's the girl, Lewis?"

"Shhh." He grabbed her arm, whipping her around to face him. She felt her eyes lower ever so slightly, avoiding eye contact and watching as he entrapped her wrist. She heard the sound the handcuffs made as they snapped closed, trapping her once again. "Let's go for a ride". He raised the gun again, and she felt her body recoil away from it, away from him. She stumbled backward as he pushed her further back into the darkness, a darkness that consumed her. The pain, the anxiety, the fear disappeared into the darkness as her body took over, allowing her mind to escape into oblivion.

"Olivia?"

Amanda's voice gradually broke through Olivia's reverie. Her head snapped up, her eyes slowly orienting back to the scene around her. It took her a moment to realize she was on the roof. Her breathing began to slow down as she realized she was safe. She pulled herself up to a more vertical position, turning her back to the twinkling lights down below. "I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

Amanda's eyes darted over to where Fin stood across from her. "We found the girl," she repeated quietly. "Two gunshot wounds to the back of her head." Amanda hesitated. "Listen, we don't have to talk about this now."

Olivia shook her head, gesturing for them to follow her back through the door. The bright lights burned her eyes as she stepped into the hallway and headed back down the stairs to the bullpen. As she made her way down the stairs, she fought desperately to maintain her composure.

Amanda met her at the bottom of the stairs. "Victim's tox screen came back too. Her blood alcohol content was 0.18, and they found trace amounts of Trazadone in her system."

Fin stepped in smoothly. "That's not all. Rape kit shows vaginal tearing and bruising. But, Liv…" He held his breath for a moment as if gauging her response. "The bastard burned her with cigarettes and a wire coat hanger."

Alcohol. Sleeping pills. Cigarette burns. Wire coat hanger. Olivia's mouth felt dry. There was no need to say the name out loud. They were all thinking it. Lewis. Her voice broke. "That's impossible. He's dead."

He was pronounced dead. And then he came back to life.

The words replayed themselves in her mind, and Olivia felt the panic start to grip her. The tears, desperate to escape, burned behind her eyelids. Her breath began to quicken again. "There has to be some other explanation." Her words were raspy when spoken. She could feel herself fighting…fighting for a clarity that had disappeared the moment that she had received that fateful call that Vanessa Mayer's body had been found.

"Liv," Fin's voice was soft as he came up beside her. "Maybe we need to get you a protective detail."

You're not going anywhere...You're to stay here or at a hotel. Intelligence will provide twenty-four hour protection until Lewis is apprehended.

Olivia fought for clarity, fought to push away the image that threatened to re-emerge. It was her fault. Her fault for slipping her detail and going to the junkyard without back-up. Her fault for allowing Lewis to take her again. Her fault for everything that followed. The precarious wall she had spent the last year building crumbled back down against the weight of her guilt.

The tears were suddenly replaced with a burning rage. A sudden wave of resolve passed over her, and Olivia recoiled from Fin's touch quickly. "I don't need a protective detail. I can take care of myself." She glared at him. "And before you say a damn word, I am not stepping down. Not from this."

"Yes, you are." The voice, when spoken, held an air of authority.

Olivia whipped around at the sound of the familiar voice. "Captain!"

Cragen's eyes scanned around him as he took in the scene in the squad room before him. He forced himself to fight back the wave of guilt that had been crashing down on him for more than a year, to push away the words that he knew were left unspoken.

Go home. Stay there two days.

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment as the words echoed in his head.

Liv, that's an order.

It had been his fault. His fault for not helping convict Lewis the first time around. His fault for sending Olivia home to be kidnapped and tortured. His fault for not checking on her sooner.

The beach…in Long Island. Which beach, hmm? North shore? South shore? The bank? Do you know how many beach houses there are in Long Island?

Cassidy's words reverberated in his mind as if on an endless cycle. He could feel the familiar weight on his chest. It had all been his fault. It was his fault they hadn't been able to find her. His fault for not being able to protect her on the stand. His fault for not being able to protect her when Lewis did it all again.

If you'll excuse me…

Cassidy's voice was suddenly that of Alice Parker silently begging him for a help that had never come. He had failed them all. Olivia, Alice Parker, his squad. Hell, if he had found Lewis with Alice Parker, none of this would have even happened to begin with.

This.

He couldn't even bring himself to think the words in his mind. A part of him was terrified of the truth behind them. Cragen's eyes opened again, and his voice was quiet when he spoke. "If I came back from my retirement halfway around the world, the least you can do is give me something to do."

Olivia's face was puzzled. "Captain, what are you doing here?"

It was the only chance he had to somehow make things right. Cragen thought he had timed it right—left just far enough after Lewis' trial that she might not make that connection. But the reality is, in leaving, he had failed her once again. Fin's words were imprinted in his mind…he's got her again, Captain.

He felt the helplessness he had felt from halfway around the world come back. Cragen pushed the memories away, intentionally keeping his voice light. He was not about to fail her again. "Apparently One P.P. is a little short on squad commanders. They think you're too close to this case, and Lt. Murphy is still on an undercover assignment…" He paused, hoping against all hope that the light-hearted tone in his voice would somehow permeate through, giving her at least a semblance of some control against the weight of his words. His lips curved upward in the beginning of a smile. "So I guess you're stuck with me."

"Captain, I can do this." Olivia's voice was pleading.

His heart broke a little further at her need for control, her need to prove herself once again. He nodded. "I know you can. But this time I'm going to need you." His eyes surveyed the room. "I'm going to need all of you."

"Including me." Munch's voice boomed out from behind them. "You know there are much better ways to get together than a rape homicide. Maybe you should try them next time."

Fin's eyes twinkled, his voice suddenly lighter. "Welcome back, partner."

"Not to interrupt this little reunion," Amanda interrupted, glancing back and forth. "But what's going on here?"

"With Amaro over in Traffic patrol, we're short-handed," Cragen clarified. He surveyed the screen in front of him. "So why don't you start filling me in on everything I've missed."

"Victim's name is Vanessa Mayer," Olivia announced, gesturing toward the screen in front of her. She stepped back and perched on the edge of her old desk. "She went missing approximately three days ago."

Cragen nodded carefully. "I remember her. She was Lewis' defense attorney." He studied the photo in front of him, scanning his memory for details from a case he scarcely wanted to admit was already emblazoned in his memory.

Fin jumped in before Cragen could respond. He nodded to the two new photos that sprang to life on the screen. "At least until Lewis murdered her father and raped and tortured her mother."

"Herb and Liz Mayer." The details slowly began to filter back in. Cragen paused, gesturing toward each photo. "So Lewis kills Herb Mayer, rapes and tortures Liz Mayer, and then one year later, Vanessa Mayer shows up missing."

"Not just missing," Olivia responded quietly.

Amanda glanced nervously around before she spoke. "Perp's M.O. is an exact match for Lewis. Vanessa Mayer was missing for 3 days before we found her body. Her tox screen came back positive for alcohol and Tramadol." She hesitated. "And she had burns across her chest and neck from cigarette butts and a wire coat hanger," she finished quietly.

Cragen drew in his breath sharply. "We're sure the son of a bitch is dead?" He wasn't sure if his words were a question or a statement.

"I saw his body." Olivia heard the slight tremble in her voice and dug her hands into the desk beneath her as if to steady it. "In the morgue."

Munch looked around, his voice uncharacteristically serious. "Not to sound like the resident conspiracy theorist, but he was pronounced dead one other time."

Fin shot a glare toward Munch. "I saw his body too. Trust me. If he didn't already have a bullet through his skull, I would have happily put one there for him."

Cragen glanced back and forth between them. "Munch, go to the lab and talk to Warner. I want to make sure we're one hundred percent certain the son of a bitch is six feet under by now. Fin and Rollins, go back to the crime scene. Have CSU meet you there. If there is so much as a single hair or fiber out of place that doesn't match Lewis' M.O., I want to know about it."

"Captain, what about me?"

He heard the resolve in her voice and swallowed hard. Every instinct to protect her welled up within him, and he fought hard to quell it. For her sake. He wasn't about to let her see him falter. He needed to somehow find a strength he wasn't sure he still possessed. "Olivia, my office." He watched her head snap up and paused, softening his voice as he corrected himself. "I mean…your office."

As he turned to walk toward his old office, he held his breath and hoped she didn't see the slight hesitation in his steps. Didn't see the tears he was fighting to hold back. Didn't see the truth he was so desperate to hide. Because behind a false sense of bravado, he wanted desperately to hold back his own fear, his own insecurity, his downright terror—that she couldn't handle another round. That they couldn't handle another round—that perhaps this may be the one case that would cause all of them to fall.