Another Dexter fic, pretty much different that previous one. Again, I apologize for my English.:-) Thanks for reading!
Because You Hate Me
It has been two weeks since Debra tried to kill me. Nothing new happened, Yates disappeared from the face of the Earth, and although Vogel and I still worked together on tracking him, I avoided going into her house while Debra was there. Also, I was dead set on braking every contact with my creator once we finished our little project.
If somebody told me that I would be glad to be away from one constantly good thing in my life, I would laughed in his face. But right now, that's exactly how I feel.
When she gave me mouth to mouth and breathed life she tried to take back into me, I woke up and she was bathed in light in front of me, she looked more beautiful than ever before. But as shock finally wore off, and I remembered what happened in moments before we crashed into lake, furry set into me. She outstretched her hand to help me get up, but I ignored her and when she tried to hug me, I flinched and pushed her away.
The look in her eyes spoke instead of thousand words. Debra was utterly lost and desperate. And I was more than happy to see her hurt.
Three days after the accident, Vogel contacted me and managed to get me to her house. As Deb joined us in Vogel's living room, uncomfortable silence settled in. It was clear that we will have some ridiculous attempt at therapy, and Vogel's almost satisfied look on the face made me almost grab her and drain the life out of her body if only to wipe that smile off her lips. On the other hand, Deb looked so guilty, and the fact that our roles were reversed this time gave me enough motivation to stay here.
" So let's the circus begin." I thought to myself.
Vogel started the session by stating the obvious. " Debra… you tried to kill Dexter as well as yourself." With that she gave me very significant look. I believe that I looked bored and depressed at the same time, but the real fact was that I was very fucking tired of all of this. Maybe staying here wasn't such a good idea. Should I leave before Debra starts to talk? And what can she possibly say to make any of this any better?
"Yes Deb, would you explain me that?", I asked.
"I have…I don't know." She struggled to find the right words.
I gave her an impatient look and bite out " I don't have too much time. Jaime's shift is ending soon, and I have to take care of Harrison. If you have something to say, say it. Otherwise, I'm going home."
" Dexter, please!", my sister cried out.
" Please, what? What, Deb? You came into station, you convinced me everything was okay, but your only plan was to kill me! I was fucking glad to see you, to see you're feeling better."
" I was traumatized because I just found out that dad killed himself!" At that I rolled my eyes, and she became even more desperate."But I'm feeling better now and…"
"I'm so fucking happy for you…" I angrily interrupted her, and she fell silent. Her eyes filled with tears, but I ignored her and got up, picking up my keys.
" I think I'm done here. Good night, Dr Vogel" and without sparing another glance to Deb, I went out.
I saw her twice later, and I ignored here, and when she tried to talk to me I would just give her one of my "What the fuck do you want now?" looks, so she would just back off.
I don't know if I did it because I felt betrayed and hurt, or because I wanted to get her back for everything she did and said to me in last six months. The truth is most probably the mix of these two things together.
But after two weeks, idea of Deb being away started to feel less appealing, so I made up some excuse to visit Vogel, secretly hoping Deb would be there. And when I saw she wasn't, I had to admit to myself I was disappointed. It was pretty late, when I asked the question, trying to sound indifferent.
"It's almost midnight. I think it's time for you to rest… That's if you tenant intends to come home any time soon."
"Oh, Debra..I don't know when she'll be back. She went out with Elway after work, and haven't heard from her since then. Actually, it's a good idea, I should maybe call her, to check up on her."
As she took her phone, we heard voices in front of the door. Someone was laughing, and I recognized it as Deb's laugh, which surprised me. I expected she would be depressed because of our situation, but here she was, joking and forgetting about me. And that thought made me strangely irritated.
Vogel opened big window in her room, only for both of us to see Elway pressing against Deb's body, and kissing her as she pushed him away and drunkenly giggled. "Holly fuck, Jake, I'm sorry… This is mom. Mom, this is Jacob. Jake, you know Dexter, no need to introduce him. You can tell him hello on my behalf , since apparently he doesn't speak to me anymore. May the dead brothers haunt us." When she spoke out the last part, both her and Elway busted into laugh. What the fuck? So they have some kind of internal jokes, or whatever…?
Vogel shifted, and gave me displeased look. Deb was obviously drunk as hell, but on the other hand, Elway looked pretty much sober, as he respectfully greeted Evelyn " Dr. Vogel, my name is Jacob Elway. I'm Deb's boss. I'm sorry for intruding so late, I just dropped Deb and I'm leaving as soon as I see her safely inside house…Hello there, Dex."
I raised my hand and waved shortly in response. The fucker smiled back, and what happened to Briggs was nothing compared to what I would do to him if only there were no people out in the street. Arrogant fuck.
Deb went into house, just shrugging at Vogel, and saying "Give me a brake, it's been fucking crazy day." Vogel shaked her head and quickly excused herself, leaving us alone. She turned of lights and in semi dark I I watched as Deb stumbled upon liquor cabinet, and then I finally talked, my voice chilling.
"You're drunk."
"You don't say!" she smirked, as she opened very expensive bottle of wine, since that's the only thing Vogel had in her cabinet. Deb was never big fan of wine , she must've been very desperate to get even more drunk.
" What are you doing? Why are you drunk again?"
"I'm drinking myself into oblivion…That's what I'm doing. And why am drunk again is none of your fucking business, Dex." With that being said she took large gulp out of the bottle, and glared at me. This scene was so familiar to the one in market few weeks ago, but this time I fully intended to participate in a conversation instead of blocking low blows she was giving.
" I thought you got better." I sarcastically said.
" Yeah… I though it, too. And then I found out my father killed himself. "
"So that's the reason why you're in this state once again? So depression is back?"
"No, Elway and I celebrating our new big case is the reason I'm in this state. And I'm not fucking depressed. I just got laid, and spent perfect night with great guy. We took one too much drink and that got me where I am right now. And I'm drinking even more because I was sober for much to long and it didn't got me anywhere good." And there goes another large gulp, as she turns around to go to her room.
I follow her quickly and block her way, my fist clenched against the wall. She raises questioning look at me, and leans against the wall.
"What, Dexter?"
"Elway's you boss. Is it really good idea to have sex with him?" Now, that question came out of nowhere. As much as I was relieved to see her back home, the fact that I saw Elway up against her gave me food for thought. Being with Elway, who is pretty good detective, could be dangerous for her. This guy is as smart as he's irritating, and I have to admit that him being around Deb is not good news. What if she confesses she killed Laguerta to him, too? Deb being in emotional state equals Deb putting herself at high risk these days, and I do have to think ahead, if I want to keep her alive and out of jail.
"Jesus, Dexter. You love to mention sex lately, ha. Anyway, what the fuck do you care if I'm having sex with him or not? I thought you don't give I shit."
"You thought I don't give a shit." I repeat her words slowly, processing them" And why is that?"
"Because you hate me." She answers, with heartbreaking simplicity. "You hate me, but you also hate idea of me being with somebody else. Because you have always been the center of my world. And now that's gone. And that makes you feel fucking lost. And you know what…? You enjoyed hurting me, I saw that very well, don't you think for a second that you managed to fool me. Very good imitation of Brian there, I must admit." She points her finger at me, like she did a lot lately. It crawls under my skin as I grab her wrist and hold her there.
"If I was anything like Brian, you would've been dead…"I growl at her."And don't turn this on me. You tried to kill me." Now it was my turn to point an accusing finger, as I press it to her forehead. "It wasn't the other way around."
"I said I'm sorry. I found out I would always choose you harder way…" She whispers under her breath.
"It's a little fucking late for being sorry, Deb." I shake my head at her. " Sorry is not enough anymore."
"So what do you want from me? What is enough? Wasn't it enough I gave you all already?", Deb helplessly asks. I make a face at her, and she looks down. After few moments she sighs and presses herself against me as she reaches behind me to leave the bottle on the counter and take something. I still hold her hand and look her straight in her eyes when I realize that she gave me something cold. I look down and I see she pressed a knife in my hand. Her steady gaze meets mine and there I see perfect resignation.
She really doesn't care if she dies.
I take a step closer and she backs off until she presses wall, breathing hard.
"What is this?" I bring knife into her view.
"It's a fucking knife." She answers.
"I know it's fucking knife, Debra! I meant, why did you gave it to me? What do you want?"
"I want you to do with it whatever you want." She answers, the look in her eyes so empty that, for the first time I can see what I must look like all the time. No emotions inside, nothing. She is just an empty, lifeless shell. My final gift to her.
"What do you think I should do with this?", I ask, still not believing what she implied here and now. It is not possible she thinks I would hurt her, right? It simply can't be.
"I think you should do what your brother asked you to."
And that did it. I must've look so shocked, when she shakes her head and leans it backwards, her artery so close to the blade.
"Wait a second. You remember that?"
"Yes. I remember. And I realize you did make very stupid choice. I wish you choose to oblige him. And now it's your chance to correct the mistake. I betrayed you in every way possible... I tried to turn us in, and I tried to kill you. I know you fucking hate me and you regretted turning Hannah in for me. Go ahead, Dex, do it. Do what you gotta do. I deserve it, anyway."
"Deb…" I stumbled on my words.
She raised her other hand and slowly took mine that was holding the knife and she maneuvered it so sharp blade was pressed against her skin, and then she whispered.
"Just do it… It's okay."
I don't know what happened in me. Was it the fact that she was so willingly giving herself to satiate my supposed hate to her, or my Dark Passenger? Or the fact that there was she gave me so much power over her fate, as her ultimate proof that she really is sorry for hurting me? I really don't know.
The only thing I know is that I press the knife against her and as small drop of blood appears I lick it and Deb moans. I hold the knife against her neck afraid that if I let her go, she'll leave and I won't be able to pick up courage to do this ever again. She whimpers as I unbutton her shirt, puzzled look on her face telling me she is beyond confused. I turn us around and press her against the counter, unzipping her pants, and mine too. Knife still against her neck, it makes it impossible to move for her. We look each other, none of believing this is what will really happen. One final moment before everything officially turns to madness.
"This is what I want.", I hiss in her ear, breathing loudly.
I enter her and she cries out, and she shoot her eyes so tightly.
I finally let the knife fall on the ground as I settle into rhythm, and she grabs my hair, her lips so close to mine. She holds me tightly, and whispers " I love you so fucking much" in my ear and I feel her tears finally dropping. I caress her back and enjoy in softness of her skin, and I feel my heart beating strongly in my chest. We end up on the floor, kissing each other madly, Deb weeping and laughing at the same time, her thin arms clutching to me as I push harder. My lips find her left breast, my tongue teasing it, as my right arm hold her leg up so I can thrust deeper. As I feel her come closer I pin both of her wrists above her head and lock my gaze with hers.
I watch her as she comes, mouth opened, eyes wild and I think to myself how could've I've missed it my entire life. There is no kill that could compare to this, ever. There is nothing that could be compared to this.
I release myself inside her, and we both pant on the floor, my hand holding hers.
" I love you, Deb." I tell her, and she giggles. "What is it ? What's so funny?"
"Oh, just that look you gave to Elway and me when you saw us. Holly fuck, I thought you're going to kill him." She turns her head so she can face me, and she twists her lips in teasing, devilish grin. " You're so fucking cute when you're jealous."
"Jealous? I wasn't jealous." I defend myself. " Where did you got that from?"
" Sure, right, whatever you say."
"But I wasn't!" I'm aware how childish I sound.
"He fucked me few hours ago." She says and bursts in laugh when I open my mouth to speak. I must be quite a sight, since immediate image of plunging a knife into Elway's chest comes to my mind.
" You're right. I'm gonna fucking kill him for that." I say, and we both laugh.
She kisses my lips softly and gently says" I was just fooling you around. Nothing really happened. Well, yeah, we kissed, but nothing else."
" I don't want him around you. "
"And why would that be I wonder?" she teasingly asks. " You're crazy if you think I will quit this job."
"Even if I ask you? Even if I want you away from him?"
"Especially because of that. You occasionally seem to forget what you have, keeping you bit jealous is not a bad thing."
"I'm not jealous. Fine, keep working with him, I don't care. I know very well that I'm the only person that can endure you. Try killing Elway, you'll see what will happen.", I say that in a serious tone, but we both laugh at the end.
"Oh fuck… I was so fucking scared… Those moments you weren't breathing… The scariest fucking moments in my entire life." She shivers, and I wrap my arms around her. "And when you woke up and when I saw that hatred in your eyes…"
"I never hated you, Deb… I was just in shock."She looks away, and I grab her face and turn her toward me." I could never hate you. Ever. I want you to keep that in your mind always." And then as an afterthought, I add " But please don't try to kill me anymore."
She rubs her nose against mine " Then don't make me angry." And we both laugh once again. I kiss her, and she lovingly says. I can't fucking believe this is happening.. I can't believe we had sex."
I think of a best response, but that's when we hear Vogel on the upper floor, calling out for Deb.
"Oh fuck, she's still awake. Get up, let's go" We grab what we find of our clothes, quickly dress, running out, towards my car.
When Evelyn comes down, she finds her house empty, and gives puzzled look to an opened bottle on a counter, knife on a floor, and Deb's bra on a carpet.
She just shrugs, and returns to sleep.
It's been fucking crazy day, indeed.