August 25, 1963, Washington Heights, New York.
The sun was setting between the buildings on 173 Street and the heat of the day was still slowing down the busy life on the streets in Washington Heights. On the stoops of the stairs of a three-story house sat a 5-year old girl playing with streaks of her dark brown hair. Disappointed she put her head on her knees immediately flinching because they still hurt from the fall she had had two days ago when she had been playing with the other kids in the neighborhood. Pouting her lips she stared into the street watching people coming home from work passing by while her packed emerald green suitcase stood beside her waiting to be finally picked up. With hope in her eyes she scanned every taxi driving by but the feeling of abandonment only rose when the person she was waiting for never showed up. The girl sighed heavily when she heard the door behind her being opened again.
"Princesa, come inside. I don't want you to get sun-burned." Her grandmother's heavy Spanish accent pulled her out of her dull thoughts.
"But she said she'd come today." The 5-year-old looked at her grandmother with big watery eyes.
"I know, lo siento." The older woman picked up her granddaughter's suitcase and reached out her hand for her. "I'm sure your Mamá will be here tomorrow. Don't' be sad. Dinner is ready, come on." She gave the little girl a warm smile. "Venga, Victoria. Your tía Karla y tú prima Eva are waiting inside."
"Abuela, I'm not hungry." Victoria loved spending time with her grandmother and her family in the city and she had dreaded the day her mother would come to pick her up for days. However, she also couldn't take the disappointment she had to experience again and again when her mother never stayed true to her word and had more important things to do than take care of her own daughter. If she was being honest, Victoria hated her home and she hated the men her mother met even if they always brought her toys and pretended to like her. That two bedroom apartment on the top floor of a huge apartment building was no home to her at all. The love and humble feeling she experienced when she was allowed to stay with her grandmother overwhelmed her every time her mother dropped her off at her house. However, what she wanted most in that moment was that her mother for once cared enough for her to pick her up on time instead of leaving her daughter sitting there like an orphan child.
"Victoria, escúchameyour mother is a very busy woman."Camila sat down next to her granddaughter and lovingly put an arm around her shoulders. She despised her daughter Marion for making her child feel unwanted and lonely. No child should have to experience that.
"She doesn't love me." Slowly the girl felt a tear running down her cheek which she quickly wiped away before her grandmother could see it.
"Don't be silly. Of course she loves you. You're her little girl and she does everything to provide for you. She is my little girl, too, that's why I know it's true." At the sight of her heartbroken granddaughter Camila couldn't help herself but to resent her daughter's behavior once more. She hated that she had to lie to the child but she neither could tell her the truth about her mother. That she had never been anything but selfish and the day Camila had learnt thatMarion was pregnant, she had already felt sorry for the child that would become her granddaughter. On that day, Camila had sworn to herself that she would always take care of her showing her that there was more to life than the ideals her mother pursued - the endless strive for money and a husband.
"I don't know." Victoria sighed once more leaning against her grandmother's body. Sometimes she felt very much out of place in a family in which everyone was fluent in Spanish except for her due to her mother who tried to erase every bit of their Puerto Rican heritage that was still left in their life. She said they had to be American in order to fit in and find a rich man who would provide for them. But whenever she was in the city, Victoria experienced the complete contrary, the girl found herself in a house full of love and homemade food which she devoured like she was starving the rest of the year. Her mother only cooked for the men she invited over but Victoria was only allowed to eat the left-overs or the convenience products her mother usually brought home.
"Abuela!" Her three-year-old cousin Eva came running outside wrapping her arms around her grandmother's shoulders from behind. "Mamá says you should come inside and have dinner with us."
"Gracías, Evita." The older woman turned to Victoria caressing her head. "Are you coming? I know Asopao de Pollo is your favorite." She smirked at the girl who couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face.
"Fine." She said trying not to sound too happy that she could eat her favorite dish for dinner and got up.
"You know you're always welcome here, so don't be sad." Camila leant down to give Victoria a kiss on the cheek and carried her little suitcase which she had picked out herself as her birthday present this year. "We're all family, am I right, Evita?"
"Yeah." The three-year-old whose hair had the same color and structure as her cousin Victoria's nodded eagerly. They resembled one another so much that people often mistook them for sisters. "Don't be sad, Victoria. Mamá said we would never start dinner without you and abuela." Eva took her cousin's hand making a smile appear on her face and walked into the kitchen with her.
Being startled by the sound of loud voices, Victoria awoke wondering who was still up in the middle of the night. The only sound she usually heard despite the never ending traffic noises in the city that never sleeps was her grandmother's snoring. That was why she was so irritated to witness an obviously heated discussion. However, it didn't take long for her to figure out who those voices belonged to.
"She is my daughter. I can pick her up whenever I want." Her mother Marion didn't even seem to make an effort to whisper.
"It's two in the morning, Marion! She is asleep. It's no time for a child her age to be up. I don't understand why you would want to disturb her. You had your chance to pick her up on time today, but you didn't." Camila's usual calm and patient temper was being tested by her daughter's unreasonable behavior and like so many times before she asked herself what she had done wrong in Marion's upbringing.
"I don't care, mother. I've been very busy today, I don't sit at home all day doing nothing like you." Her sharp tone made Camila almost lash out at her.
"Cuida tu boca, Marion. I worked my whole life for you and your sister and you know that. But gratitude has never been your strength, neither has loving your family. Victoria is the best proof of that."
"That child is lucky to be alive at all. I never should have had her anyway, but you just had to give me a bad conscience and talk me into keeping her." Not completely understanding the meaning of her mother's words, Victoria pulled the thin blanket over her head and covered her ears. Her mother's voice sounded so hateful. Ever since she could remember, her mother had told her many times that she was a mistake, that she should not have been born or that she was a burden. The little girl had used to cry about that not understanding why a mother would say that, but the anger her mother had then released on her had taught her to just ignore her words and not react to them at all. She understood that her father had not wanted her and no matter how often she asked about him, her mother would simply tell her to never mention him again. In a world full of people who didn't care about her at all, Victoria often wanted to disappear and wished that she hadn't been born for real.
"Don't you dare talk about her like that! She is the only good thing you will ever have in your life. You're a miserable woman, Marion, your daughter deserves a better life and certainly a better mother." Camila was fuming and noticed her head was boiling with anger.
"She is an ungrateful brat, she is getting exactly what she deserves." A despicable tone in her voice, Marion turned around to open the door to the guest room causing Victoria to draw in a sharp breath. She didn't want to go home with her mother.
"You're not taking her with you. That is my last word." Camila grabbed her daughter's arm keeping her from entering the room. After seeing her granddaughter so unhappy today and witnessing how she had begun to light up after having dinner and playing with her cousins, the elderly woman had decided that maybe it was finally time to take matters into her own hands. Since her daughter had made it more than clear that she didn't want Victoria anyway, she had come to the conclusion that it would be the best for the child to let her live with her grandmother and the rest of the Rivera family. They would all get used to that living condition and Marion herself should be happy about that.
"I can do as I please, mother. She is not yours." Marion wrestled her arm free and reached for the door knob once more.
"Why do you do that? It's clear that you don't want her, why not let her stay with me?" Camila revealed her intentions earning a surprised look from her daughter.
"She proves herself useful on some occasions." With a cold glare she started into her mother's wrinkled face.
"To show you as a caring and lonely mother and lure those men into your bed? You disgust me." Slowly Camila backed away feeling ashamed that the woman standing in front of her was her child.
"Good, then stay out of my life." Marion hissed and finally opened the door.
"You're drunk, I can smell it on your breath. I really hope that man waiting in the car downstairs is sober enough to drive."
"I said, stay out of my life. I think your becoming senile or do I have to repeat myself?" Quickly Marion walked towards the bed and shook her daughter's little shoulder. "Victoria, time to get up. We're leaving."
"No!" The little girl held onto the blanket with her eyes wide open. During the conversation she hadn't been able to hold back the tears and was now crying hysterically.
"Have you been listening to us?" Marion almost shouted raising her hand to slap her daughter.
"No." Victoria sobbed turning her face away when she awaited the painful gesture.
"You're not only a spy but also a liar. Just wait until we get home." Marion violently grabbed her daughter by the arm and dragged her out of the bed.
"Abuela." The little girl whined desperately looking at her grandmother. "I don't want to leave. I'm sorry for being upset earlier, please, I'm sorry." Her pleading brown eyes were making Camila's heart ache. To see a child in her family suffer like that at the hands of her own mother was nothing she would ever tolerate.
"Marion, ven a tus sentidos!" In her rage Camila slapped her daughter across the face making her drop Victoria to the ground. Immediately the little girl ran to the other side of the room hiding behind her grandmother in panic.
A judging look on her face, Marion cruelly smiled at her mother. "And you are wondering where I got that behavior towards my child from?" She straightened her back and calmly picked up Victoria's suitcase. "Victoria, come on, we are leaving. Your grandmother is old, this whole situation is just too much for her."
"Mom, no." Still crying, Victoria clung to her grandmother's leg fearing her mother's next move. She dreaded the atmosphere at home and to know that some man would drive them and probably stay at night only added to that feeling.
"I won't let her go home with a complete stranger. You can pick her up when you're on your own, Marion." Feeling that Victoria really was disturbed by the whole situation, Camila lifted her up to her arms noticing how the child hid her face from her mother and wrapped her arms around her grandmother's neck.
"Pete is a very nice and generous man if you must know. He even bought a new dress for you, Victoria, you should be thankful for that." Marion stepped towards her mother requesting to release Victoria into her care.
"Where will she sleep when you bring that man home? On the sofa in the living room again?" Camila caressed her granddaughter's back trying to calm her down. "She has her own room here, she has privacy."
"I had to share my room with my sister when I grew up, if you remember." She stroked the 5-year-old's dark hair whispering into her ear. "Aren't you excited for your dress? Don't be so rude, Victoria. Everything will turn out fine. You can watch TV when you're staying in the living room."
"No." Victoria mumbled hearing how her mother breathing in annoyed.
"I'm afraid if you're so reluctant to go that we won't come back on Christmas. I can't put up with your behavior any longer." Marion knew exactly how much her daughter loved spending the festive holiday with the family and to threaten to take that away from her was the most effective measure to get her to do what her mother wanted.
"But…" Victoria's eyes widened in panic now staring at her mother who was satisfied with herself for getting that reaction from the child. "I want to come here for Christmas."
"Well, then we have to leave now." Marion couldn't suppress the smile on her face when she noticed her mother simply shaking her head. "Say goodbye to your grandmother."
Reluctantly Camila put Victoria to down after giving her a big hug and kissed on her head.
"Goodbye, abuela." The 5-year-old looked up into her grandmother's loving brown eyes and knew that this would be the last time for quite a while that she would see an expression like that.
"Goodbye, princesa, take care of yourself. I love you. Never forget that." The older woman had to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye when her daughter took the little girl by her hand and led her out of the room. On her way out, Victoria kept looking over her shoulder as long as possible until her grandmother was out of sight.
Sitting on the backseat of the car and hearing her mother's fake laugh trying to charm the man that was behind the wheel, Victoria felt a silent tear dropping on her cheek before she knew she had to pull herself together to survive the months until she could come back to her grandmother's house for Christmas.
Note:
Like I already announced in the latest chapter of my "Summer 1993" fic, I have been working on some stories from Victoria's earlier life. I finally decided to share share them with you. I can't promise to always publish them chronologically, because sometimes I just have ideas abut certain events that might have occured in Victoria's life and I write them down. I will also mainly publish one-shots, but if I feel like a chapter is getting too long or there is more to explore, I'll divide that into several chapters.
I challenged the Spanish I learnt at school with this chapter but at some point I just gave up and decided to stick to English, because I felt like I was not getting my point across. So, I'm sorry for the lack of authenticity here.
If you have any suggestions for what you'd like to read about from Victoria's life - let me know and I'll try to write about that. As always, I'm looking forward to hearing your thoughts about my story. :)
Also, I needed break from writing my other fanfic, so please forgive me for not updating that one.