5-24-09
No...
You can't be gone.
You have to be here, yelling, teasing…
It's just not right without you!
It's so empty…so lifeless. This previously claustrophobic apartment seems deserted…
I find myself…missing some of the previous annoyances I had to deal with…
I'll watch TV and automatically hide the remote control…
But there's no one to take it.
I'll make myself food and make sure to be sneaky as I bring it to my room…
But there's no point.
I yell out I'm home when I walk through the doors…
But…it's empty.
Because you're not here anymore.
And it's times like this, when mom and dad are at work, when the house is filled with silence…
That I find myself missing you.
Missing you so much….
It hurts. I never thought it'd hurt this much.
There were days I would wish for you to leave…
They always did say be careful what you wish for.
I wish I could turn back time…
I wish I could have been there.
When that driver was drunk, when the car swerved to the wrong side of the road…
When it made complete and total contact to yours.
I don't know how much good that would have done…
Maybe…maybe it would have been me…
Maybe you would be the one alive…
But I know you wouldn't want that.
I can just imagine you…in Heaven, no matter what I said about you ending up in Hell for talking on the phone when I needed to use it, or for watching your soaps when my Anime was on…
You're probably fighting with your wings because they won't work the way you want them to…
Maybe you're visiting with grandpa and grandma…
They always liked you better than me.
Now I see why…
You were always so caring, even if you didn't show it…
Like that one time when I was 3. I burned myself because I touched the stove when I wasn't supposed to. You were only 7, but you still tried to take care of me…
You were lovable…you had tons of friends, and no enemies…
You couldn't hate, no matter how hard you tried…
Oh, God. I miss you.
I miss you so much.
I know I never said it, and now I regret it…
But if there's only one thing I could say to you…
If I could get a few last words in…
I love you, Jun.
-Daisuke.