Oop! Majora's Mask fanfic! Woohoo!
The Stockpot Inn
(or)
Tony Roma's
"I don't want no scrub! A scrub is me who hasn't been laiiiiiid!" I sang loudly and off-key, stepping into that Inn place that kinda reminds me of Tony Roma's. Doesn't it look like it should be called Tony Roma's? I sure think so. But anyways, back to the subject of me being a Deku dude and singing about it badly. Why do I do it? Because I'm a Deku Scrub, DUH! It, like, totally, doesn't suck as much as I thought it would, actually, because my pretty silk pink lingere will match with those flowery thingies when I fly and the magic shimmery things that come out when I fart!
"Link, it's when you twirl, not when you fart!" My telepathic, bossy, annoying and completely unhelpful fairy screeched at me. See, at least Navi would HELP me--
"Who's Navi? Is it another girl? You've been cheating on me, haven't you!? Admit it! Admit it, Link!" My psychotic fairy sobbed while jumping to correct conclusions.
"No, fairy-lady."
"My name's Tatl!"
"Look, fairy-lady, I can't pronouce your name. Now tell me who the heck that guy is and why he looks like that Ingo dude I met when I was a baby boomer."
"Link, first off, you're still a baby boomer. Secondly, I don't know what being a baby boomer has got to do with that. And lastly, I forget what his name is. Why don't you ask him?"
ASK him? Oh, that's original. Why don't I just ask him for some barbeque sauce while I'm at it?!...Hee-hee. Barbeque. Isn't that just the best word? It's kinda like pickle. And waffle. But you know what the BEST funny word is?--"GAH!"
Fairy-lady laughed after she'd pushed me into the Ingo dude and he began screaming at me that he had better things to do and that I'd better apologize right away for causing creases to develop on his shirt. What's wrong with creases? I have plenty of creases--"GAK!" Okay, I guess I'm not apologizing fast enough because that guy's strangling me.
"Wangata! Ichino! Nikinikinookinookibugabingbong! LEGGO!" I shrieked like a banshee at the psycho who was trying to kill me when suddenly. . .we saw the light, and he let go of me. We hugged and made out--I mean, made up.
"I love you, man!"
"Brother!"
"Brother!"
We hugged again, and then--"What the HELL?!"
Ah, yes. My psycho fairy-lady whom I had forgotten about. I must have her see the light!
"Sister-fairy-lady! We have seen the light!" Ingo-dude nodded enthusiastically and hummed a soothing tune.
"Link, what the hell are you talking about?!"
"Dear sister-psycho-fairy-lady! Please, join Ingo-dude and myself in the ceremony of Joining!"
Ingo-dude joined in enthusiastically. "Yes, sister-fairy!"
I began the chants. "Love! Pease! Monkey butts that are no longer smelly! Paperclips. . .the wonder of the unatural world! How small, wonderously small. . .we must learn to worship the paperclips! Kumbaya, my Lord. . ."
Sister-psycho-fairy-disbeliever-lady looked at us weirdly. "You two are CRAZY."
I sighed, made a clicking sound with my tongue and looked at Ingo while I reminisced. "Remember when WE were like that?"
He did the same. "Yeah..."
It was about then that Tatl--dude, I said her NAME! Go ME!!!!!. . .Ahem. Anyways. It was about then that Tatl spanked me a good one across the back of the head causing me to dive into the unconcious world which features horrible music and weird halluncinations--wait, that's acid. Well, anyways. . .yeah. I'm unconcious now.
I woke up dazed and confused without a single friggin clue as to where the hell I was. "Aunty N! Aunty N!"
"It's Aunty Em, you moron."
"Toto, I don't think we're turtles in a half-shell anymore. . ."
"Link?"
"Hn?"
"Did you have a traumatic experience as a child?"
"As a matter of fact--"
"Don't answer."
"But it'll be filler for the story!"
"What story?"
"The one the lady is writing."
"The one who wanted to make me seem incredibly clueless right now?"
"Exactly."
Author: Pffft. You guys are just NO fun.
Hey hey heeeeeeey! Are too.
Author: Link, you're thinking.
D'oh!
Author: Hee-hee. I like making you seem like a moronic buffon.
Actually, I kinda like it too. HEY! No fair, I didn't wanna say that! Cheetos are made entirely of oil. GAH! They are?! I didn't know THAT!
Author: Playing with your mind is really fun, Link.
Why, thank you. I think I'll just be going to chew on some cheese monkeys right now. . . . . .what the hell is a cheese monkey?
Author: I don't know, but it sounds hilarious.
Not really...
"Will you two shut up?!" Ahhhh. Here we go. Back to my mind...you know, that fairy-lady is pretty annoy--
"Quit calling me a fairy-lady!"
"Dude! Fairy-lady, can you read my mind or something?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Have you noticed that we sure are talking a lot?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Have you always noticed there's a great huge booger hanging out my nose?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"And have you also noticed that you say unfortunately, yes too much?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Can I go back to thinking and narrating the story now?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
Bah. Stupid fairy. Well, anyways, I'm done running around Tony Roma's--I mean, the Stockpot Inn like a rabid chicken who's tripping on acid with chunky monkey on the side. . .can chickens even get rabies? I know cats--no, wait, dogs can. That reminds me of that movie 'Breakout' where that monkey carries around that life-threatening disease and only a black guy, a white guy, and an stunningly beautiful scientist lady can save the world. . .I like donkeys. Did you ever notice that monkeys and donkeys are spelled the same except for the first letter--"Ow! Dammit, you psycho fairy! I'm going, I'm going!. . .Where am I going?"
"You're SUPPOSED to go get that fairy from the Laundry Pool!"
"Aight. Hee-hee. I just acted like a wigger. . ."
"LINK!"
"Okay, okay! Geez, stop PMSing, already. . ." I grumbled at my wildly PMSing fairy. So, I trudged off into the Laundry Pool. . .and wondered why the heck it's called the Laundry Pool, since no one's doing thier laundry. "Hey! A bell! I didn't know you could get room service around here." I swung my mighty swhord--er, sword against the hell--er, bell. Suddenly, this funny guy with that Keaton mask I sold to that little guy way back when in Hyrule came out! Just as I was about to go up to him and ask him to do my laundry cause warrior's (stupid Tatl snorted when I dsecribed myself as a warrior) clothing gets pretty stinky after a while. . . crap, I lost my train of thought. Oh, wait, I remember, Okay, so the Keaton mask stealer guy ran back in the room! What a JERKOFF!. . .And I just found out the door's locked, too.
"Link, what are you DOING?!?!?!?" My psycho fairy screeched in that high-pitch annoying voice, covering her eyes while I undressed myself and began dipping my clothes in the water.
"This is the Laundry Pool, right?"
"That doesn't mean you do your laundry here!!!!"
I was about to make a witty comeback when I accidentally waved my arm too close to a goldish. . .hee-hee. Goldish. Ever notice how if you--
Tatl: P-chan, shut him up and just get to the damn point.
Author: But, fairy-lady!
Tatl: Can you ALSO not pronouce my name?!
Author: You bet your bippy.
Link: What's a bippy?
Tatl + Author: Shut up, Link!
Link: . . .That hurts, guys.
Author: Okay, I'm shutting us all up and returning to the story.
Link: . . .Can I get another bow to tie in my hair? The pink one is getting lonely.
Author: Yes, Link.
Link: YAY!
Alright, so anyways, like I was saying, a goldish fairy attached and spun around me and made a VERY high-pitched, gleeful squeak. Apparently, the thing thought I had some intention of taking it back to its family or whatever, which I do no--
"Okay, Link, let's go. Gee whilikers! You don't even have three days left!"
". . .'Gee whilikers'?"
"Yeah, the author stole it from Gwaihir, another author, who stole it from Radioactive man. . .I think."
"Ooooh. Well, I'll say sorry to Gwaihir from the author, P-chan. SHE'S SORRY, GWAIHIR!. . .AND SHE'S HOPING SHE SPELLED YOUR NAME RIGHT!. . .Okay, so now what?"
"We go give the fairy back to its partners."
"Dang skippy! Let's go!"
Hmmmm. I need a theme song. Something cool like from Star Wars. Or Indiana Jones! Or some other Harrison Ford movie. . .or not.
Leededumdetootootooooooopoop. Skippy skippy hoppy hoppy twirly whirly all the way to the foutain.
Okay, so, here I am, and all the fairies are circling around to make one GAHAHAHAHAHA! It's one of those scary fairies that remind the author and her best friend of their old french teacher who happens to be a slut!. . .And ew, would you LOOK at the hair colour! Gross. . .crap. She was talking to me. What did she just do? Oh, cool! I can do farting attacks!
"Link, it's not FARTING! It's TWIRLING!"
"Yeah yeah sure sure. It looks like I'm farting, so what does it matter?"
"It matters cause it has nothing to do with the magic! You can make bubbles--"
"Dude, I get to BURP!"
(Author's Note: Okay, so I'm entering bodily functions 'n stuff in here. Doesn't it look like he burps and farts though?. . .Maybe not, but I still think burping and farting jokes are funny.)
Well, after I revived my fainting and still violently PMSing fairy, we were off to--"A balloon! It even has a picture of the mask on it! How nifty!" So, being the dumbass that I am, I feebly attempted to blow it up by climbing up the slide and FARTING (hee-hee. It really pisses Tatl off when I say that) off the slide and trying to hit it. . .
(Author Next Note: I actually tried this.)
. . .which didn't work in the slightest! As an alternative, my dumb fairy suggested I BURP (hee-hee. That pisses her off, too!) at the balloon. . .which, to my disapointment, worked and it also startled a kid near me. . .How come I'm not aware of my surroundings? You'd think I would've spotted the kid the two times I've been around here, but nooooooooo!. . .Wax on, wax off, wax on. . .hee-hee. Ever seen Karate Kid? It's the best movie! God, I would love to be that kid. . .except the movie and the kid were too mature for me. You've really gotta feel sorry for fools like me. . .Ehmmmmm, anyways! So, like I said, I killed the balloon and then the kid asked me if I wanted to play a game, which I do NOT because kiddie games are. . .for. . .ki. . .ddies. And I'm not a kiddie. Instead, I tried to buy some cookies at the Milk Bar.
"Link, you are such an idiot," Tatl said, shaking her head at me in shame.
"It's a friggin Milk Bar! You'd THINK there would be some cookies there!"
"Obviously not. Well, it's time to end the fanfic now."
". . .Wha?"
"I said---"
"I know, I was just playing stupid. But WHY do we have to end it now?"
"Because the author's sleepy and still has to practice her guitar so she can go to her guitar lesson without feeling like a total and complete moron."
"Eh?"
"She didn't practice all week."
"Ahhh. . .well, okie-dokie then!"
I waved to where I think the audience would be. . .assuming there is one. Granted, P-chan's a good fanfic writer. . .at least, when she writes drama. What about humor? Maybe she--
YOU SUCK AT IT, P-CHAN!!! Quit using me to give your reviews a boost! Honestly, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for using a poor, helpless, stupid creature like myself! Tsk tsk tsk. . .
"Well, I'm glad we can end this. At least I don't have to put up with you in THIS fanfic! Bleah!" And that BITCH Nav--I mean, Tatl stuck her tongue out at me--
"There IS another fairy, isn't there, Link?! Does she do what I've done for you?!?! Huh?!?! DOES SHE?!?!!?"
This is me running away as fast as I can from my psycho sobbing weirdo fairy who is still, might I add, PMSing dangerously. Oh yeah, I'm running away into the sunset! This is perfect! GOODNIGHT, WORLD!
XD!
Link: You know what? I just realized that I never got another bow to tie into my hair! The pink one is SAGGING it's so unhappy! Good Lord, what is this world coming to? I mean, honestly--
*Moon finally falls, crushing Clocktown, Link, and Tatl forever. . .at least, until the author decides to play the game again and write another completely moronic story about it, too. Oh yeah, and she never did practice her guitar.*
The Stockpot Inn
(or)
Tony Roma's
"I don't want no scrub! A scrub is me who hasn't been laiiiiiid!" I sang loudly and off-key, stepping into that Inn place that kinda reminds me of Tony Roma's. Doesn't it look like it should be called Tony Roma's? I sure think so. But anyways, back to the subject of me being a Deku dude and singing about it badly. Why do I do it? Because I'm a Deku Scrub, DUH! It, like, totally, doesn't suck as much as I thought it would, actually, because my pretty silk pink lingere will match with those flowery thingies when I fly and the magic shimmery things that come out when I fart!
"Link, it's when you twirl, not when you fart!" My telepathic, bossy, annoying and completely unhelpful fairy screeched at me. See, at least Navi would HELP me--
"Who's Navi? Is it another girl? You've been cheating on me, haven't you!? Admit it! Admit it, Link!" My psychotic fairy sobbed while jumping to correct conclusions.
"No, fairy-lady."
"My name's Tatl!"
"Look, fairy-lady, I can't pronouce your name. Now tell me who the heck that guy is and why he looks like that Ingo dude I met when I was a baby boomer."
"Link, first off, you're still a baby boomer. Secondly, I don't know what being a baby boomer has got to do with that. And lastly, I forget what his name is. Why don't you ask him?"
ASK him? Oh, that's original. Why don't I just ask him for some barbeque sauce while I'm at it?!...Hee-hee. Barbeque. Isn't that just the best word? It's kinda like pickle. And waffle. But you know what the BEST funny word is?--"GAH!"
Fairy-lady laughed after she'd pushed me into the Ingo dude and he began screaming at me that he had better things to do and that I'd better apologize right away for causing creases to develop on his shirt. What's wrong with creases? I have plenty of creases--"GAK!" Okay, I guess I'm not apologizing fast enough because that guy's strangling me.
"Wangata! Ichino! Nikinikinookinookibugabingbong! LEGGO!" I shrieked like a banshee at the psycho who was trying to kill me when suddenly. . .we saw the light, and he let go of me. We hugged and made out--I mean, made up.
"I love you, man!"
"Brother!"
"Brother!"
We hugged again, and then--"What the HELL?!"
Ah, yes. My psycho fairy-lady whom I had forgotten about. I must have her see the light!
"Sister-fairy-lady! We have seen the light!" Ingo-dude nodded enthusiastically and hummed a soothing tune.
"Link, what the hell are you talking about?!"
"Dear sister-psycho-fairy-lady! Please, join Ingo-dude and myself in the ceremony of Joining!"
Ingo-dude joined in enthusiastically. "Yes, sister-fairy!"
I began the chants. "Love! Pease! Monkey butts that are no longer smelly! Paperclips. . .the wonder of the unatural world! How small, wonderously small. . .we must learn to worship the paperclips! Kumbaya, my Lord. . ."
Sister-psycho-fairy-disbeliever-lady looked at us weirdly. "You two are CRAZY."
I sighed, made a clicking sound with my tongue and looked at Ingo while I reminisced. "Remember when WE were like that?"
He did the same. "Yeah..."
It was about then that Tatl--dude, I said her NAME! Go ME!!!!!. . .Ahem. Anyways. It was about then that Tatl spanked me a good one across the back of the head causing me to dive into the unconcious world which features horrible music and weird halluncinations--wait, that's acid. Well, anyways. . .yeah. I'm unconcious now.
I woke up dazed and confused without a single friggin clue as to where the hell I was. "Aunty N! Aunty N!"
"It's Aunty Em, you moron."
"Toto, I don't think we're turtles in a half-shell anymore. . ."
"Link?"
"Hn?"
"Did you have a traumatic experience as a child?"
"As a matter of fact--"
"Don't answer."
"But it'll be filler for the story!"
"What story?"
"The one the lady is writing."
"The one who wanted to make me seem incredibly clueless right now?"
"Exactly."
Author: Pffft. You guys are just NO fun.
Hey hey heeeeeeey! Are too.
Author: Link, you're thinking.
D'oh!
Author: Hee-hee. I like making you seem like a moronic buffon.
Actually, I kinda like it too. HEY! No fair, I didn't wanna say that! Cheetos are made entirely of oil. GAH! They are?! I didn't know THAT!
Author: Playing with your mind is really fun, Link.
Why, thank you. I think I'll just be going to chew on some cheese monkeys right now. . . . . .what the hell is a cheese monkey?
Author: I don't know, but it sounds hilarious.
Not really...
"Will you two shut up?!" Ahhhh. Here we go. Back to my mind...you know, that fairy-lady is pretty annoy--
"Quit calling me a fairy-lady!"
"Dude! Fairy-lady, can you read my mind or something?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Have you noticed that we sure are talking a lot?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Have you always noticed there's a great huge booger hanging out my nose?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"And have you also noticed that you say unfortunately, yes too much?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
"Can I go back to thinking and narrating the story now?"
"Unfortunately, yes."
Bah. Stupid fairy. Well, anyways, I'm done running around Tony Roma's--I mean, the Stockpot Inn like a rabid chicken who's tripping on acid with chunky monkey on the side. . .can chickens even get rabies? I know cats--no, wait, dogs can. That reminds me of that movie 'Breakout' where that monkey carries around that life-threatening disease and only a black guy, a white guy, and an stunningly beautiful scientist lady can save the world. . .I like donkeys. Did you ever notice that monkeys and donkeys are spelled the same except for the first letter--"Ow! Dammit, you psycho fairy! I'm going, I'm going!. . .Where am I going?"
"You're SUPPOSED to go get that fairy from the Laundry Pool!"
"Aight. Hee-hee. I just acted like a wigger. . ."
"LINK!"
"Okay, okay! Geez, stop PMSing, already. . ." I grumbled at my wildly PMSing fairy. So, I trudged off into the Laundry Pool. . .and wondered why the heck it's called the Laundry Pool, since no one's doing thier laundry. "Hey! A bell! I didn't know you could get room service around here." I swung my mighty swhord--er, sword against the hell--er, bell. Suddenly, this funny guy with that Keaton mask I sold to that little guy way back when in Hyrule came out! Just as I was about to go up to him and ask him to do my laundry cause warrior's (stupid Tatl snorted when I dsecribed myself as a warrior) clothing gets pretty stinky after a while. . . crap, I lost my train of thought. Oh, wait, I remember, Okay, so the Keaton mask stealer guy ran back in the room! What a JERKOFF!. . .And I just found out the door's locked, too.
"Link, what are you DOING?!?!?!?" My psycho fairy screeched in that high-pitch annoying voice, covering her eyes while I undressed myself and began dipping my clothes in the water.
"This is the Laundry Pool, right?"
"That doesn't mean you do your laundry here!!!!"
I was about to make a witty comeback when I accidentally waved my arm too close to a goldish. . .hee-hee. Goldish. Ever notice how if you--
Tatl: P-chan, shut him up and just get to the damn point.
Author: But, fairy-lady!
Tatl: Can you ALSO not pronouce my name?!
Author: You bet your bippy.
Link: What's a bippy?
Tatl + Author: Shut up, Link!
Link: . . .That hurts, guys.
Author: Okay, I'm shutting us all up and returning to the story.
Link: . . .Can I get another bow to tie in my hair? The pink one is getting lonely.
Author: Yes, Link.
Link: YAY!
Alright, so anyways, like I was saying, a goldish fairy attached and spun around me and made a VERY high-pitched, gleeful squeak. Apparently, the thing thought I had some intention of taking it back to its family or whatever, which I do no--
"Okay, Link, let's go. Gee whilikers! You don't even have three days left!"
". . .'Gee whilikers'?"
"Yeah, the author stole it from Gwaihir, another author, who stole it from Radioactive man. . .I think."
"Ooooh. Well, I'll say sorry to Gwaihir from the author, P-chan. SHE'S SORRY, GWAIHIR!. . .AND SHE'S HOPING SHE SPELLED YOUR NAME RIGHT!. . .Okay, so now what?"
"We go give the fairy back to its partners."
"Dang skippy! Let's go!"
Hmmmm. I need a theme song. Something cool like from Star Wars. Or Indiana Jones! Or some other Harrison Ford movie. . .or not.
Leededumdetootootooooooopoop. Skippy skippy hoppy hoppy twirly whirly all the way to the foutain.
Okay, so, here I am, and all the fairies are circling around to make one GAHAHAHAHAHA! It's one of those scary fairies that remind the author and her best friend of their old french teacher who happens to be a slut!. . .And ew, would you LOOK at the hair colour! Gross. . .crap. She was talking to me. What did she just do? Oh, cool! I can do farting attacks!
"Link, it's not FARTING! It's TWIRLING!"
"Yeah yeah sure sure. It looks like I'm farting, so what does it matter?"
"It matters cause it has nothing to do with the magic! You can make bubbles--"
"Dude, I get to BURP!"
(Author's Note: Okay, so I'm entering bodily functions 'n stuff in here. Doesn't it look like he burps and farts though?. . .Maybe not, but I still think burping and farting jokes are funny.)
Well, after I revived my fainting and still violently PMSing fairy, we were off to--"A balloon! It even has a picture of the mask on it! How nifty!" So, being the dumbass that I am, I feebly attempted to blow it up by climbing up the slide and FARTING (hee-hee. It really pisses Tatl off when I say that) off the slide and trying to hit it. . .
(Author Next Note: I actually tried this.)
. . .which didn't work in the slightest! As an alternative, my dumb fairy suggested I BURP (hee-hee. That pisses her off, too!) at the balloon. . .which, to my disapointment, worked and it also startled a kid near me. . .How come I'm not aware of my surroundings? You'd think I would've spotted the kid the two times I've been around here, but nooooooooo!. . .Wax on, wax off, wax on. . .hee-hee. Ever seen Karate Kid? It's the best movie! God, I would love to be that kid. . .except the movie and the kid were too mature for me. You've really gotta feel sorry for fools like me. . .Ehmmmmm, anyways! So, like I said, I killed the balloon and then the kid asked me if I wanted to play a game, which I do NOT because kiddie games are. . .for. . .ki. . .ddies. And I'm not a kiddie. Instead, I tried to buy some cookies at the Milk Bar.
"Link, you are such an idiot," Tatl said, shaking her head at me in shame.
"It's a friggin Milk Bar! You'd THINK there would be some cookies there!"
"Obviously not. Well, it's time to end the fanfic now."
". . .Wha?"
"I said---"
"I know, I was just playing stupid. But WHY do we have to end it now?"
"Because the author's sleepy and still has to practice her guitar so she can go to her guitar lesson without feeling like a total and complete moron."
"Eh?"
"She didn't practice all week."
"Ahhh. . .well, okie-dokie then!"
I waved to where I think the audience would be. . .assuming there is one. Granted, P-chan's a good fanfic writer. . .at least, when she writes drama. What about humor? Maybe she--
YOU SUCK AT IT, P-CHAN!!! Quit using me to give your reviews a boost! Honestly, you ought to be ashamed of yourself for using a poor, helpless, stupid creature like myself! Tsk tsk tsk. . .
"Well, I'm glad we can end this. At least I don't have to put up with you in THIS fanfic! Bleah!" And that BITCH Nav--I mean, Tatl stuck her tongue out at me--
"There IS another fairy, isn't there, Link?! Does she do what I've done for you?!?! Huh?!?! DOES SHE?!?!!?"
This is me running away as fast as I can from my psycho sobbing weirdo fairy who is still, might I add, PMSing dangerously. Oh yeah, I'm running away into the sunset! This is perfect! GOODNIGHT, WORLD!
XD!
Link: You know what? I just realized that I never got another bow to tie into my hair! The pink one is SAGGING it's so unhappy! Good Lord, what is this world coming to? I mean, honestly--
*Moon finally falls, crushing Clocktown, Link, and Tatl forever. . .at least, until the author decides to play the game again and write another completely moronic story about it, too. Oh yeah, and she never did practice her guitar.*