October 1st 2009
Anna's back ached slightly as she raked the autumn leaves on her front lawn. The ground was covered with various colours of red and gold, and the sound of children enjoying the weather before winter kept them indoors surrounded her. Autumn had always been Anna's favourite time of the year. The days were not too warm and not too cold. The evening light was a sight of utter beauty. Even the job of raking leaves, which to some was tedious, thrilled Anna. She loved autumn, or at least, she use to. Now it caused a deep ache within her.
Autumn had been a season of change, and not in a good way. Glancing up, Anna looked towards the street corner. It was late evening, and people were returning from work. Just across the street from her, Mrs. Copper was greeting her husband as he pulled into their driveway. Their young children, Olaf and Leah, ran out of the house as well to greet him. Their squeals of delight could be heard over their mother's repeated attempts to calm them down. No sooner had Mr. Copper opened the door did the children surround him and begin telling him all about their day. Mrs. Copper reminded them to give their father some space while she herself came forward and greeted him with a kiss. It was a Kodak moment, and Anna's eyes prickled with tears at the memory of when her own family had had moments like that.
With a heavy heart Anna remembered when October days would find her raking these very leaves into a pile, and her children would suddenly bound out of the house and jump in them, messing up the pile she'd spent half an hour creating. Anna would fuss and complain that she would have to rake it all over again. Masen and Marie would ignore her as they jumped into it over and over.
"Wait until your mom gets home," Anna would say in an attempt to get their attention, but both Anna and the children knew that was an empty threat.
This was the time when Elsa would pull into the driveway. The sound of her truck always announced her presence. Anna had tried time and time again to get her to sell it, but Elsa had refused, saying it was a family heirloom.
Her children would call for their Mama to join them in the leaves, ignoring Anna's grumbles. Elsa, ever the carefree person she was, would answer their requests and dive in, further ruining the pile that Anna had painstakingly put together.
"You're such a child," Anna would comment with a frown.
Elsa would just laugh. She'd always had a beautiful laugh. It was only of the things that drew her to her. Then, when she wasn't looking, she would pull her into the pile as well.
Even though she would complain about the mess, deep down, she loved it as well and would make sure the piles were always within her children's view so they could repeat the process again.
Often times Anna would see Mrs. Copper fuss over trivial things such as her husband walking into the spotless house with soiled shoes, how chatty her children were after school or how chaotic things had become. Even though Anna listened to her complaining patiently, deep down she wanted to tell Mrs. Copper to embrace it. Anna's own children were grown now, and so often she wished she could have those moments back with them. Now spending time with their mother was a scheduled event.
With a heavy sigh, Anna turned her back on the happy family and walked into her house. Elsa would be home soon, and she wanted to make sure everything was perfect, even though she never seemed to notice it. Actually, she never seemed to notice much as of late.
June 10th1950
"One-two-three-four-five." The sound of a girl's voice startled Anna. The voice was soon followed by the boisterous laughter of another. Anna had been sitting on the swing set for quite some time, and she'd thought the park was empty except for her. She didn't want to be in the park now, but her father wasn't in a good mood, so Anna tried to remain scarce by hiding out for a while.
From her spot, she could hear shouts of laughter and the slightly muffled sound of children playing. She was going to ignore the voices, but curiosity got the better of her. Hopping off the swing, Anna followed the sounds to the other side of the basketball court. Standing beneath the shadow close to the fence that surrounded the basketball court, Anna saw her for the first time.
Her back was to her as she repeatedly attempted to dodge her older brother's tackles. The girl looked a year older than her— maybe eight years old— and her blonde hair seemed the glow in the sunlight.
"You cheated!" the elder of the kids was saying as he tried again and again to knock the younger to the ground.
"I did not! You just suck at this game." Hearing the younger kid's voice made Anna's heart race.
"Who's that?" the larger kid said, pointing behind his sister's back to where Anna stood.
"What?" the younger kid asked, turning. She realised her mistake too late. The second she tried to turn back, the older kid caught her off guard and knocked her to the ground.
"Get off me, Emmett," the younger kid said. Emmett just laughed in response.
"Not until you admit you're a cheat, Elsa."
"I did not cheat!" Elsa screamed back.
Anna wanted to go over and knock Emmett off of Elsa, but fear kept her rooted in place. Both kids were older than her and could easily overpower her if necessary.
"Fine, if you won't admit it, I'll just have to find another way to get you to," Emmett said. Then with one hand holding Elsa down, Emmett stuck his finger into his mouth and held it close to Elsa's ear.
"If you don't admit it, I'll stick my finger in your ear," Emmett threatened.
"Gross! I'll tell mom on you."
Emmett shrugged.
"Fine," Elsa shouted. "I cheated. Now get off of me!"
Letting go of her, Emmett stood up. "See, was that so hard?"
As Elsa was about to stand up, Emmett picked up a soccer ball that had been laying on the grass near them and threw it at Elsa. It missed her head by inches and instead bounced over to where Anna stood. Realizing the ball had missed its target, Emmett shoved Elsa one last time to the ground before walking off.
Anna was an only child, and often times she wished she had an older sibling. This was not one of those days.
"What a jerk," Anna heard Elsa mutter to herself. There were grass stains on her pants and a small cut on her cheek from where Emmett had shoved her. Anna hesitated for a moment, then, picking up the ball, she walked over to where Elsa was still sitting on the grass, attempting to rub dust off her knees.
She didn't notice her until she was standing right in front of her.
"What do you want?" Elsa snapped at her.
"Here," she said softly, holding out the ball. Her eyes narrowed at her. Now that she stood so close to her, she saw that she had blue eyes.
Standing up, Elsa reached over and grabbed it from her.
"Are you okay?" Anna asked.
"That's a stupid question. Do I look okay?" Elsa's voice was harsh.
"I'm sorry."
She knew Elsa was still upset because of what her brother had done, so Anna tried not to be to put out by her attitude. She turned to leave, but Elsa reached out a hand and stopped her. Her arm tingled where she'd touched it.
Taking a deep breath she said, "I'm sorry for yelling at you. Mom says it's never right to yell at a girl."
"It's okay," Anna said with a small smile.
"It's just that my brother can be pretty mean, and he makes me mad." Elsa frowned, a small crease appearing between her eyebrows.
"I understand," Anna assured her.
"You have an older sibling?"
Anna shook her head. "No, but when my dad is in a bad mood he can be mean sometimes."
Elsa looked confused. She really didn't see the connection.
"Guess I'll see you around then," Elsa said, as she turned towards where Emmett had disappeared.
Anna didn't want her to go, but she didn't know what she could say to make her stay.
"Bye," was all she could muster up. She turned to leave, but her voice stopped her.
"Wait! Where do you live?" Elsa asked.
"On Twenty Sixth Street," Anna replied.
Elsa was surprised. "Really? I live around the corner from there. I'll walk you home then."
"You don't have to," Anna said.
"It's no problem." Elsa assured her with a smile.
"Okay."
Anna walked up until she was beside her.
Holding out her hand, she said,"I'm Elsa, by the way."
"Anna," she replied, shaking it.
October 1st 2009
The ding of the oven timer pulled Anna out of her memory. Grabbing the pot holder, she carefully extracted the pot from the oven. As she began slicing the roast beef into portions, a deep sense of nostalgia gripped her when she remembered the day she and Elsa had met.
Glancing at the clock, Anna saw that it was almost five in the evening. Elsa finished work at five, and it wouldn't take long for her to arrive here. Quickening her step, she quickly finished preparing their dinner. It was Elsa's favourite, and she hoped that it would be enough to pull her out of the funk she had been in lately.
By half past five, Anna was seated and waiting for her at the dinner table. She'd put out a plate for her as well and was just waiting for her to return home before she ate.
Five minutes passed. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen, and then twenty, and still Elsa had not arrived.
Figuring she was caught up in traffic, Anna ate without her. The only sound in the kitchen was the clatter of silverware against plate and the ticking of the clock over the oven. Compared to how it had been when her children were younger, the room was eerily silent.
While their two children were still growing up, Elsa would often talk about what it would be like with just the two of them in the house.
"It would be so quiet," Anna had said. "Wouldn't we be lonely?"
Elsa had just laughed. "How could we be lonely when we would always have each other?"
But it hadn't turned out exactly like that. The children had moved on, and she was lonely. Elsa had become a sort of stranger to her.
Elsa still had not arrived by the time Anna had finished eating or while she cleaned up the mess from making dinner. Taking the microwave cover out of the cupboard, she covered her food for her. She would have to reheat it when she returned.
Anna contemplated waiting up for her in the living room, but she was already tired, despite it being just before seven. Shutting off the kitchen light, she walked into the living room to shut off that one as well. Before she could flick the switch, her eyes landed on Elsa's piano sitting in the corner. Formerly belonging to her grandparents, when they'd first bought their home, Elsa had insisted they bring it to their house. Her grandparents had passed away, and Elsa's mother had no use for it. Anna had complained of the extra cleaning that had to be done to keep it in good shape, so to appease her, Elsa had promised to be the one to care for it. Also, the living room was cramped as it was and adding a piano to it would deplete what little space they had, but Elsa had insisted, so after much convincing, Anna had obliged.
She was glad that Elsa had convinced her to bring it home. Many memories had been made on that piano. Her composing a lullaby just for her shortly after they were married. She often played it as a way of comfort to her when she was heavily pregnant with first Marie, and then Masen. Even now, when they were almost strangers to each other, Anna would often times hear her playing it. She only did it when she was already in bed. Anna didn't know if that was her way of saying she still loved her even though they'd grown apart, or it was her way of reminding her of what they'd had. Either way, the sound always brought a sense of grief and deep longing.
With one last sigh, Anna shut off the light and climbed up the stairs to her bedroom. After changing into her nightwear, Anna slipped into bed and shut off the lamp beside her. She had been in a light sleep, when Anna felt the bed dip beside her. She breathed a small sigh of relief. She'd come home.
"Elsa?" she called. Her back was facing the door so she had yet to see her. There was no reply from the other side of the bed.
"Elsa, darling. Please answer me." She wanted to turn and look at her, but she couldn't bring herself to. She didn't know if she was angry or upset with her, and she was afraid that one look at her face would confirm something she'd already expected. That she didn't love her anymore. That somehow, despite the promises of being together forever, they'd grown apart.
Anba squeezed her eyes shut, but a few tears still leaked out.
"You promised me you would stay. That you would always be there." Her voice was filled with a deep sorrow, but still her companion did not respond. She wasn't surprised. Every night was the same routine. She'd call out to her, but she never replied. There was a time when her tears would have made her fall to her knees to comfort her, now they meant nothing to her.
"Elsa, please," Anna begged, finally turning to face her, but before she could turn Elsa's side seemed to shift, as the weight was removed. She could hear the sound of footsteps retreating and the sudden feel of her absence. She was gone before she could even turn around.
Her tears fell faster. Her heart was weeping, but she didn't seem to care. She couldn't understand how they had become like this. How after the thousands of times she'd told her she loved her, she'd just stop suddenly.
The only sound in the bedroom was of Anna's cries. It was soon broken by the soft playing of the piano downstairs. It was her lullaby.
July 13th 1950
"You can play?" Anna asked as she took a seat next to Elsa on the piano bench.
"Only a little," she replied.
Just outside of the living room, Anna could hear Elsa's mother moving around in the kitchen while Elsa's brothers played out in the yard. They'd refused to let Anna play with them so Elsa had refused to join their game.
Since the first time they'd met at the park, Elsa and Anna had become inseparable. Not a day went by when one wasn't at the other's house. It was an accidental friendship that had blossomed into much more.
"Can you play something for me?" Anna asked.
Elsa hesitated for a moment. "I don't want to."
"Why?"
Elsa passed her fingertips gently over the keys before she answered. "I haven't played since my dad left. It was something he and I used to do. It doesn't feel right playing without him."
"Where's your dad now?" Anna asked.
"He doesn't live with us. He lives in California with his new wife." Elsa shrugged like it was no big deal, but Anna could see a hint of sadness in her eyes.
"Oh. Do you miss him?" Anna asked.
"Sometimes. We use to visit him during the summer, but now we don't anymore. Some days I miss playing, but I don't like to play alone. he was the only one who'd play it with me."
"I'll play it with you," Anna said. "You'd have to teach me first, but I'm willing to learn."
Elsa looked at her, surprised. "Really? My mom and brothers aren't interested. You're the first person actually willing."
Anna shrugged. "Of course. I would like to learn." Deep down, she really didn't. Playing the piano was not something Anna was interested in, but what she was interested in was making Elsa happy, and if pretending to want to learn how to play was what it took, she was more than willing.
Elsa gave Anna a heartwarming smile that caused her to smile in return.Anna found that she really liked her smile, and at that moment she swore she would find more reasons to make Elsa repeat that happy expression.
October 2nd2009
The spot beside Anna was cold by the time she'd woken up, indicating Elsa had been gone for some time. Walking into the kitchen for her morning tea, Anna's gaze went to the kitchen table. Sitting on the table, as a constant reminder of how far they'd drifted, was Elsa's untouched dinner. It had long since grown cold. Anna tried not to be too put out with her.
"Maybe she'd eaten something before," she said to herself, but even to her that excuse sounded flimsy.
Not wanting to dwell on it for too long, Anna submerged herself in her daily chores. Dinner was made before five this time, and the house was spotless. With nothing more to do, Anna went outside with a plate of freshly baked cookies in hand, to wait for Elsa on the porch. They were her favourite. Sitting on her chair, Anna breathed in the autumn air. It chilled and comforted her at the same time. She and Elsa had lived in this neighbourhood for quite some time and whilst everything else had changed, the seasonal smells had not.
"Hi, Mrs. Winters," a voice called.
Looking onto the lawn, Anna saw Mrs. Copper's youngest, Olaf, waving at her. Anna indicated for him to join her. "How are you?" she asked. She held out the plate of cookies, because they both knew that was why he was there. Olaf had an uncanny sense of smell. Mrs. Copper often joked that she never needed to call Olaf home for supper. All she had to do was start cooking.
"I'm good," he said as he took one.
"How is that sister of yours?" Anna asked.
Olaf made a face. "Still mean," he grumbled.
"Why are you sitting out here?" Olaf asked as he helped himself to another cookie. "Aren't you cold?"
Anna shook her head. "It is a bit chilly, but I like to sit out here and enjoy the autumn air while I wait for Ms. Winters to arrive home."
Olaf's eyebrow shot up at her words. He filled his mouth with cookies to stop himself from replying to her. Mrs. Copper had drilled it into her children that they were not to tell Anna anything about Elsa.
"She's not ready for that heartbreak," Olaf had heard his mother tell his father over dinner one night. "One day she'll find out the truth, but until then, it isn't our business or our secreat to tell."
So even though Olaf wanted to, he knew better that to ruin the poor woman's night with the truth. After devouring the last cookie, Olaf bid Anna good night and returned to his house. Anna had allowed him to have all of the cookies except one. That one she was saving for Elsa.
After Olaf was gone, Anna stayed outside, watching the autumn light slowly fade away. She began humming softly to herself. At first, the tune she hummed was unfamiliar, but then she recognized it. It was the first song Elsa had taught her how to play. She'd been a horrible student. She lacked the skill and dedication it took to learn to play properly, but Elsa had been patient with her the entire time.
Anna stayed outside as long as she could, but when the chill in the air became too much, with a deep sigh she returned inside.
Just after five, Anna sat at the table, and just like the night before, she waited for Elsa. A plate had been prepared for her, and it sat opposite to her on the side of the table where she usually sat. She was going to wait for her to arrive before she ate, but her hunger overwhelmed her so she began eating. Elsa still hadn't returned when she'd finished.
"It could be traffic," Anna said softly to herself as she washed up the dishes. "She'll be home soon enough."
In anticipation for her arrival, Anna covered her plate and left it out for her.
After clearing up from her meal, Anna went into the living room to wait for her. At some point during her waiting, it began to rain. Anna could hear the patter of raindrops against the roof. Elsa had always loved the rain.
While Anna would grumble about illnesses and dirt tracks in her house, Elsa would take Masen and Marie out into the yard to play during summer storms.
"Elsa, it's raining," she would point out to her, every time she insisted they go out.
"It's raining joy. How can you not want to go out?" she would reply, her blue eyes sparkling. Then, armed with both children, she would convince Anna to let them go out. She would oblige, as she always did, and before the day was over, she too would be outside, soaking up the moment with her family.
That was before. Now, just like everything else, the rain brought a small sense of grief. Anna briefly wondered if there would ever be a moment when mundane things didn't bring a sense of sadness to her. She doubted that. Before they'd drifted apart, she and Elsa had been entwined in their daily lives. They did everything together. Their moments together had been imprinted into her memory, and she knew it would always be there, even though her partnership had long ago faded.
When Anna fell asleep on the couch shortly before nine, Elsa still hadn't returned. As she slept, she dreamt, and in her dreams, Elsa was playing her lullaby again.
March 12th, 1960
"Quick," Elsa said, laughter in her voice as they tried to dodge the raindrops. Hand in hand, they ran towards the school's bleachers. It was the closest shelter available. They were both completely soaked when they arrived underneath them. Other than the pitter patter of rain against metal, the only other sound was of their laughter.
"I'm soaked," Anna exclaimed as she squeezed her hair dry.
"You were the one who insisted on exploring the forest," Elsa replied, playfully tickling her sides.
"It was a good idea until that rain showed up," Anna laughed.
She attempted to dodge her, but grabbing hold of her hands, she pulled her towards her. As she pressed her lips against her forehead, Anna inhaled the delicious scent that was Elsa Winters. She began to shiver so in an attempt to warm her, Elsa rubbed her hands up and down her arms.
"We have to try to get back to the car so I can get you home. You'll catch a cold."
Anna rolled her eyes. Typical Elsa. Always worrying about her.
"I'll be fine." With her hands pressed against her chest, Anna pressed her lips against hers.
Elsa smiled against her mouth. "Stop trying to distract me. I need to get you home."
"We can wait until the rain stops. I like it here with you."
Elsa wrapped her arms around her. She sighed contently.
"Even though we are soaked, and there's a very real chance we might get hypothermia, it's sorta romantic here," Anna said.
Elsa laughed. "Only you would find something romantic in this."
They were quiet for a moment. Both of them were lost in the sounds of the season.
"Do you ever worry that this feeling won't last?" Elsa asked.
"What feeling?"
"This deep feeling we have for each other. Do you ever worry that it will fade?"
"Nice way to kill the mood," Anna said, pushing her away.
Elsa laughed. Taking her hand, she pulled her back to her.
"I didn't mean to kill the mood, but it's just something that's been on my mind."
"No, I don't worry about that. Why should I?" Anna asked.
"It didn't last for my parents or yours," Elsa pointed out. "How do we know we won't end up like them?"
"I don't, but just because we came from broken homes doesn't mean we will have one. It just means we've seen the mistakes our parents have made, and we won't make them."
Elsa sighed. "Did you know that the woman my father married was the woman he'd cheated on my mother with?"
Anna's eyes widened in shock. She hadn't known that.
"Growing up, I never would have guessed it. My parents were so in love. Just like we are now, but something changed. One day, he just started coming home late. They never slept in the same room. Then one day, he left and never came back. My mother was heartbroken when she found out. She never recovered from it. I'm afraid I'll do the same to you."
Anna pressed her lips against Elsa's to silence her words.
"You are not him. I trust you. I know you'll never hurt me." Anna felt the truth of her words resonate deep within her soul. She trusted Elsa with all her heart.
"I love you," Elsa whispered against her mouth. "I'll love you forever."
"As I love you. As I will always love you. Forever," Anna promised.
October 3rd, 2009
Before she'd even arrived at the park, Anna could hear the sound of children playing. Their laughter was carried to her by the autumn wind. When she'd turned the corner, the park came into view. She spotted a few children with their parents, on the very swings where, many years ago, she'd sat. The basketball court looked just the same with its peeling paint and withered net. Just beyond that, she could see the area of the park where she'd first spotted Elsa playing with her brothers.
Even after all this time, the memory of their first meeting had not dimmed. It had instead been strengthened. She could remember vividly the feel of the wind, the smell of grass and the sound of her voice. She missed her voice.
Sitting on one of the benches, Anna could still feel the cold seeping through her coat. Elsa had left again this morning before she had awoken. Just like the night before, she'd briefly felt her presence beside her as she was lying in bed, but she hadn't spoken to her. No matter how much she pleaded with her.
When she'd woken that morning, she'd searched the house for any sign that Elsa had remembered. That somehow, despite the distance she'd been keeping from her as of late, she'd remembered how special today was. Today was their anniversary. Surely she'd remembered, and she'd left early to surprise her later with something. She briefly wondered where she would take her. To her it didn't matter. All she wanted was one more moment with her so she could ask her what had changed. So she could tell her how much she loved her. Even despite how she'd treated her lately.
Anna could only stay out in the cold for so long. Eventually, the chill seeped through her jacket and became too much. With one last deep breath, she stood up to begin to trek back to her house. Before she did, she took one last look at the small area in the park where she and Elsa had first met. She could see two girls, who looked about the same age that she and Elsa were when they met, playing with a flying disc. A woman sat nearby watching them. Anna smiled briefly to herself, pleased to see that despite her own heartache, there was still happiness somewhere in the world.
Instead of taking her regular route home, Anna walked the mile to Elsa's work. She didn't want to sit at home waiting for her anymore. She wanted to go out, find her and bring her home. She was tired of waiting around. Despite the chill that seeped through her skin, and the aching of her feet, Anna kept walking on.
She took the route that she always took to and from work just in case she left before she arrived. She was sure to keep her eyes on every car that passed, so she could flag her down in case she didn't notice her.
When she arrived at the old brick school building where Elsa worked, Anna's eyes immediately swept the bleachers on the other side of the soccer field where she and Elsa had taken shelter during the rain. She smiled briefly at the memory. Her eyes had been filled with such love for her; she felt as if her own heart would explode. Not even when she expressed her worry about them falling apart did she ever doubt how much she loved her. Looking back on it now, Anna wondered if what she'd said had been her way of warning her that she couldn't love forever. That somehow even then she'd known that they wouldn't last together.
Taking the path up to the high school, Anna looked towards the car park. She paused when she realised that Elsa's truck wasn't there. She doubted she'd left already. Surely she would have seen her as she passed by. Elsa's truck made so much noise the whole town knew when she passed by. Figuring she'd finally taken the old thing to be fixed and had walked to school, Anna continued up the pathway.
The school yard was quiet. It was late so it didn't surprise her that there were no children outside. She knew Elsa stayed late at the school most days because she often tutored students in one of the labs.
The clock that hung on the wall said it was almost five. Elsa's tutoring finished at five so she only had a few minutes to wait for her. Anna chose one of the seats just outside the front door. She had to notice her as she passed by. She couldn't avoid her now.
October 3rd, 1967
The sound of laughter and music surrounded them as they swayed on the dance floor. With her dressed in a dress and her in her wedding dress, they fit the profile of happy couple and newly married bride and bride.
Surrounded by her family, and in the arms of the woman she loved, breathing in her scent, Anna now understood the meaning of happily ever after. In that moment, she felt like a princess who'd found her princess.
"You look so beautiful tonight, Mrs. Winters," Elsa said. Anna felt her cheek warm at her words. Her reaction only caused Elsa's smile to grow wider. She loved making her blush. Her blue eyes sparkled as she looked at her.
"You don't look too bad yourself, Ms. Winters."
"That's only because I have my beautiful wife by my side." Lifting her arm, she twirled her beneath it. Anna didn't think it was possible for her to make her blush even more, but somehow she did.
"Our forever begins now," Elsa said holding her tightly.
"Forever is a long time."
"Not when I'm with you. Forever doesn't seem like enough."
Elsa stopped moving her for a moment. She gazed at her for a briefly, and when she spoke, Anna could hear the conviction in her voice. "I'll always be there," Elsa promised. "I'll never leave you."
Pressing her lips against hers she whispered, "Never."
October 3rd, 2009
"Mrs. Winters," a voice called from behind her. Turning, she saw Mrs. Copper climb out of her car and run towards her. A sense of relief could be seen on the woman's face. When she was at Anna's side, she wrapped her arms around Anna and helped her stand. It wasn't until she'd moved that Anna realised how cold she was.
Mrs. Copper led Anna back to her car. Once inside, she began speaking, "I've been looking for you everywhere. I saw your porch light had not come on so I went over to see if you were okay. I knocked for some time, and when you didn't answer, I let myself in with the spare key you'd given me. When I couldn't find you, I began to worry. Why are you out here?"
"I was waiting for Elsa to finish work," Anna explained. "It's our wedding anniversary today. I probably missed her, and she's back at the house."
Mrs. Copper gave Anna a sympathetic look. It was the same look her son had given Anna the day before.
"I'll call Marie and Masen to come stay with you," Mrs. Copper said. There were tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
"Why? They're busy nowadays. They don't have time for me. I just need Elsa. I have to get home. She must be so worried."
Mrs. Copper opened her mouth to reply but shut it after a moment. She knew Anna wasn't currently in the right state of mind so it wouldn't make sense trying to explain anything to her. She would leave that to Anna's children to do.
When they arrived back at Anna's house, Anna was dismayed to see Elsa still hadn't arrived home.
"She's always so busy," Anna grumbled to herself. Mrs. Copper put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"I'll wait with you until Marie and Masen arrive, okay?" She'd called them from the car, and they had both promised to be there the next day.
"Okay," Anna said. It would be nice to have company that actually spoke to her for a change.
Marie and Masen arrived before Anna woke the next day, so Mrs. Copper quietly slipped out once she was sure Anna was taken care of.
It was a joy for Anna to see her children again. They hadn't visited in months, and with each of them living so far away, their time together was always far apart.
"Your mother would be so glad to see you two," Anna said. They were sitting at the kitchen table. Marie and Masen watched as Anna tossed Elsa's untouched meal away. "She misses you both. She should be home later."
Her children exchanged a look. After all these years, their mother still hadn't accepted.
"Mom," Marie said, but she hesitated. Her mother seemed so obviously happy that she didn't want to break her spirit.
Masen, sensing his sister's reluctance, chimed in there.
"mother's moved on," Masen said.
"What do you mean?" Anna asked. Her back was to them as she washed Elsa's plate.
"She's not coming home," Marie said.
Anna turned and looked at her, confused. "Of course she is, silly. She has to come home eventually."
Masen shook his head. To Marie he said, "Telling her isn't going to work."
"What do you want to do then?"
"Maybe we can show her," Masen whispered. "Seeing is believing, right?"
"I don't know. It would hurt her."
"We have no choice," Masen said. "You heard what Mrs. Copper said, we've let her live her fantasy for so long, but she needs to move on. She almost died last night, from that cold air, waiting on her. She has to accept it. She has to see that she's moved on."
Marie didn't like it, but she agreed. She didn't relish the thought of breaking her mother's heart all over again.
Marie and Masen held firmly onto Anna's hand as they walked beneath the metal gate that, seventy years after it was made, was worn by both time and weather. The soft crunch of leaves beneath their feet and the crisp October air accompanied them as they walked through the deserted grounds. The ground was littered with broken leaves of various colours.
When they were a few minutes into their walk, Anna, who had been silent the entire journey there, finally spoke. "What are we doing here?" she asked as she pulled her hand out of Marie's in an attempt to tighten her coat around her. She didn't like this place at all. Even though it was still light out, it felt dark.
"There's something we think you should see," Marie said, as she took Anna's hand again. Masen nodded in response. "It's just over there." He indicated a place just in the distance.
Anna wanted to argue with them, to demand they take her home. She didn't have time to play their games. Elsa would be home soon, and she wanted to have dinner ready for her. Even if she never ate it, she wanted her to know that she would always be there. Waiting. Waiting for her.
She opened her mouth to explain to Marie and Masen that they would have to cut their walk short, when all three stopped suddenly.
"What is it?" Anna asked.
Masen met Marie's eyes, and again they exchanged a look.
"Mom," Marie said, pointing to something in front of them. "Look."
Anna's eyes trailed to where she was indicating. At first she couldn't grasp why they had brought her all the way here to stare at a piece of polished rock, then the words that were written on it began to slowly make sense. Pulling her hands from her children's grasps, Anna walked closer to the headstone. Kneeling on the cold grass, she reached out and passed the tips of her fingers over the words.
Written in a cursive writing was an epitaph.
In Loving Memory of
Elsa Amanda Winters
June 20, 1942 - October 3rd, 1994
"The day which we fear as our last is
but the birthday of eternity." - Seneca
Like a flash of lightning, like a stab to the heart, like the flicking of a light switch, Anna's memory returned.
October 3rd, 1994
The beep, beep of the monitor was irritating, but she held onto it. It meant she was still with her. It meant she was still there, but deep down, she knew it wouldn't be much longer. In the depth of her heart, and all the corners of her soul, she knew this was her last moment with her. Marie and Masen had left the room, wanting to let her have these final moments alone, but also unable to bear it themselves.
As she lay crumpled on the stark white hospital sheets, a number of wires and tubes running in and out of her body, there were so many things Anna wanted to say to her. She wanted to yell at her. Demand to know why she'd chosen today to take a different route. She wanted to scream at her that she'd taken the same route home all these years, why did she have to change it. If she had just stayed on the usual path that drunk driver would have missed her car. There would not have been a headlong collision. She would not have gotten that phone call from a dreadful woman that her wife of had been in an automobile accident. She wouldn't be sitting next to her bed, holding her hand as ahe took her final breaths.
The bouquet of roses, the only thing that survived the accident, had given a small testament as to why she'd chosen that route. She'd wanted to surprise her on their anniversary. When the officers had shown her the flowers, she couldn't even look at them for long. They were intact and whole, while her wife was bruised and broken.
Now was not the time to yell, now was the time to tell her she loved her. Tell her that she would always love her. To beg her not to leave her. But Anna couldn't bring herself to say any of that. She felt numb. The knowledge that this was their final moment together had not sunk in. Her brain seemed to already shy away from the truth.
Reaching out, she passed her hand through her soft hair. She'd always loved the colour. She wished she could see her eyes. The blue eyes she'd fallen in love with, even when they were kids. She'd been her first love. Her first kiss. Her first everything. She would also be her last. Elsa would always be her last.
A soft breeze in the windowless room surrounded Anna suddenly, and it was like a message. Her time was almost up. Standing, she leaned over and very softly pressed her lips against Elsas.
"I love you," she whispered. "Forever."
The beeping that had irritated Anna before, cut off and was replaced by a long drawn out sound.
October 4th, 2009
With the memory came the grief all over again. It was as though a hole had been opened beneath her, and she was falling. Falling into a deep darkness. Her heart felt as though it had been ripped out of her chest, and it truly had. It was now lying in a coffin beneath the earth. This was grief at its finest.
Masen and Marie fought back their own tears as they watched their broken mother weep over the grave of her beloved. Each of them wondering if they'd made the right decision in bringing her here. Maybe it was better to allow her to continue living in her state of denial. After all, fantasy was much better than cold, hard reality.
It was a few years after their mom had died, when their mother was still deep in her grief, that one day she stopped accepting. She'd stopped fighting and instead had gone back to a time when she was still there. They hadn't had the heart to tell her the truth. Instead, they'd asked Mrs. copper to keep an eye on her. To let her live her fantasy. A small part of them regretted allowing her to go on for so long.
"You promised me," she whispered brokenly as the tears ran down her face. "You promised me we would grow old together. Why did you leave me?"
Anna desperately wished that the soft tears that fell from her cheek onto the hard earth could somehow reach Elsa and bring her back to life. That somehow her tears would be enough.
Her words came out in broken whispers. "You promised me you would always be there."
No answer came. Elsa had not answered her in ten years, and she never would again.
To Anna, it felt as though she was learning to swim, while drowning in despair.
As she knelt on the earth, as the sun slowly began to sink. That was one of the harshest things about this life— while she was feeling the deep overwhelming pain of losing the love of her life, somehow, the world just kept on turning. It didn't wait for her. Marie and Masen walked forward then and held onto her. It was getting late. They had to leave. Neither one of her children wanted to pull her away, but they had to.
When they made it back to the house, Anna was terrified to enter. She was afraid to be inside of the place that held so many memories. It had been easier before, because her mind had protected itself from the pain by blocking all of it out. Now that she was really beginning to see, she was afraid of the sight that awaited her.
With Marie and Masen close behind her, Anna walked up the porch, then to the front door. She didn't have it in her to unlock it, so after a brief moment, Masen came forward and unlocked it for her.
Reaching forward, Anna turned the doorknob slowly. She pushed the door open, and there was a small thump as it hit the wall behind it. The sound echoed throughout the empty house.
There was no direct evidence of Elsa's absence. In fact, everything looked exactly as it had been the last time she'd been there. Her shoes were still in the hallway. Her favourite jacket hung on a peg next to the door. Walking through the house, Anna could find no signs, no indication, that someone was missing. It wasn't until she'd stepped into the living room that she saw it.
There was a layer of dust on Elsa's piano. She hadn't cleaned it before or after her passing, and it stood just as she'd left it. It was a harsh reminder that the owner would no longer play it again. Even as she stood looking at it, Anna could hear the tune in her head. She'd heard it hundreds of times before, and it was so clear in her mind that she hadn't needed to hear the actually playing. Her mind had done that on its own. Fooling her into thinking Elsa had actually been playing it. Even now, as she watched it, she could hear it so clearly in her head.
Walking over to the piano, Anna sat on the old bench and passed her fingers along the dusty keys. It wasn't until then that she understood why Elsa had neglected playing it for so long after her father had left. The instrument held bittersweet memories that should be left alone.
Anna didn't even realise when her tears began to fall again. She didn't even think she had any more tears left, but somehow, she managed to conjure them up, and she wept again for her departed beloved. She noticed that as her tears fell, they landed on the piano keys and slowly began to wash the dust away.
Masen and Marie stayed with their other mother that night, but the next day, they checked her into a nursing home. They had wanted her to stay with one of them, but they knew she needed around-the-clock care which was something neither one could provide. They'd allowed her fantasies of Elsa to go on undisturbed before, but now, they decided, it was time for her to face reality.
Anna hadn't put up a fight when they'd told her that they were going to send her. The only thing she asked them was what would become of Elsa's piano. Marie promised she would take care of it.
Laying in bed during her first night at the nursing home, Anna felt a small sense of peace come over her. For the first time in a long time, she felt comfort. It was an odd feeling because she knew she shouldn't be feeling it. The day before she'd been reminded that her wife was dead. She was then forced to leave her home, and because neither one of her children could find the time to care for her, she was stuck in a nursing home. A place where death lurked at every corner. It was like a final race for its residents. It was like the last stop before they too joined their loved ones in the elsewhere. While for some, it brought a sense of sadness that their lives were over, for Anna, it brought a sense of relief. She'd been running the great race of life for so long, she welcomed the relief with open arms. The relief also brought her one step closer to Elsa. She just wished she could see her.
Looking out the window opposite her bed, Anna saw the moon peek out from behind the clouds. It reminded her of the bedtime story Elsa use to read to Masen and Marie when they were children.
Laying in the quiet room, she whispered the words to herself.
"Goodnight, stars. Good night, air.
Goodnight noises everywhere."
Closing her eyes Anna felt a familiar presence in her room. She smiled slightly to herself. Her soul recognised the person right away even though they were on different sides of the spectrum.
Opening her eyes slowly, Anna was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes.
"I knew if I waited long enough, you would come. I knew if I was patient, I would see you again," she whispered. The Elsa in front of her just smiled.
Her mind had recreated the perfect materialization of Elsa from her tousled blonde hair, to her sparkling blue eyes.
"I promised you I would never leave," she whispered. Anna's eyes were growing heavy. Sleep was weighing on her now.
"I miss you," she whispered. Her speech was slightly slurred from exhaustion. She fought to stay awake, but it was a fight she knew she would lose.
"I missed you too," Elsa whispered. Unable to keep her eyes open anymore, Anna closed them. As she did, she heard Elsa begin to hum. Even in her sleep-heavy state, Anna's heart recognised it long before her mind did. Just like a mother would always recognize her child, or she would always recognise Elsa, and her heart would always recognize that tune.
It was her lullaby.