Mad Moon

This takes place during the Boiling Rock and The Southern Raiders. I've always liked the character Katara, even when people said she was going through her "crazy bitch" stages. So I thought I would write a little tidbit of what I thought was going through her mind and made her act the way she does. WARNING- Some of the characters may seem OOC. This was just another perspective. Also possibility of spoilers for 'Fatal Mercy'(will be more if there are other chapters). Katara reflects on bending, Aang, and what the war has done to her family.

First chapter goes during the Boiling Rock for the "Katara scene" and before the Southern Raiders episode for the "Zuko scene".

Yet again, this is a semi dark fic..

Rogue wave

n.

An unpredictable, abnormally large wave that occurs on a seemingly random basis in the oceans.

Mad Moon

There are some things in this world you can't change, that is something I thought I had learned a long time ago. But it seems now that I am constantly suffering from my unwillingness to accept this well known fact of life. When this whole expedition started I had so much hope and I believed that I was strong enough to face anything. I know better now that I was merely a child trying to be an adult; trying to atone for my mistakes. Or should I just say my one mistake that cost my family everything. I've had to learn to accept things and adapt for that is my nature. Like water constantly changing and moving. I've had to look inside myself and see the monster that hides within, it still stalks through the corners of every thought. I can clearly say that through my journeys with the Avatar I have learned a great deal about the world and myself…and I don't like what I see inside of me. But I can't ignore it anymore. I can't ignore this beast that has grown stronger over the years.

With Sokka and Zuko gone on their little hunting trip there hasn't been much left to do around here. Not that there was much before, but now I find myself mainly alone. The others have found other ways of entertaining themselves. They do a various amount of things, from training to the most trivial of things. But they deserve this break from reality. After all we are all still children in some sense of the word. They deserve to have fun and relax. All we really are is children trying to full fill the role of adults. This war is like a poison, or maybe an acid. Slowly it is burning away what is left of our childhood. For there is no room for the innocent in this war. To be innocent is to be vulnerable. To be vulnerable is to be weak and to be weak is to fail.

I have failed many times in this war.

The full moon is coming and with it comes unwanted memories and powers. Even now I can feel the pull. Not of the ocean or rivers… but of their blood. It is a small ache in the back of my head that is a constant reminder of the power I could wield; if I was ambitious enough. If properly…practiced I wouldn't need the full moon anymore. I know what Hama said but at the same time I know what I feel day in and day out. It calls to me at all times of the day and I have been tempted. All it takes is the glance of Aang's scar or the looks that cross my brother's face when he stares at the moon. I have tried to think of the good that could be done with blood bending for healing. The only way to practice that is to have patients, which luckily I haven't run across. And there is always the thought of miscalculating and causing more harm than good. I don't think I have the strength to try it out on my friends…

I want to say that I am ashamed to admit the fact that I've blood bent more than just once. I have done it on accident. I would merely be training and I would lose myself to the sensations of my element. Push and Pull. Give and Take. Tui and La. So lost in my training I would not notice the creatures around me bending and twisting to my will. Only when I hear their screeches of protest do I snap out of my trances. It is alluring this power I hold in my hands. Blood is the water of life and no mere person should be given the ability to manipulate it, even those with the purest of hearts. I will never teach Aang this great and wicked bending form. He already suffers enough from the great expectations placed on him by others. When I first met Aang I too placed too many responsibilities on his shoulders. Now I know better. In my mind Aang is still a child, even though I am only a couple years older than him. I can't stand the thought of having to watch him suffer from this sadistic gift.

Am I selfish for not teaching the Avatar this style which could give him the upper hand? Am I a coward for not wanting to practice this technique out of fear of becoming a more vicious monster than Hama? Wouldn't it be worse if I knew of the injustices of this bending technique but thought my cause made it okay to use? Hama was a monster in the fact that she never thought what she was doing was wrong. For me it is different. I know and fear the wrongs of this bending style. Would I too become a monster if I accepted these wrongs and merely came up with excuses as to why I would use this tempting power? Completely justified I would go into each battle and merely rip the blood from my opponents' bodies. I could become unstoppable. I would lose all my humanity. People would no longer become entities but objects that I had the power to manipulate.

Is this what Aang fears about the Avatar state? The raw power of controlling all the elements at once, having a defense and attack for each strike sent against you. Is it fair that we ask one person to hold this one power and be forced to keep the balance? For every right move or decision he is praised and for every wrong he is scorned. He suffers from the path destiny has set for him but only he is strong enough to face it…

For now I will not bother Aang with this blood bending technique. I can't ask anymore of him. I will protect him the only way I know how. But letting him keep a hold of his innocence (or what is left of it) for a little while longer. Let him master all the elements before he learns of the darker sides of bending. He has already suffered from lightening, let me give him this one gift of not knowing how to hold a life in his own hands and know how to rip it away. When the final battle comes he will have to destroy Ozai if this world is to know peace. Let him simply end Ozai's life. Put an end to this horrible nightmare.

I am surprised that Aang has not been around me lately, but it is a welcomed surprise. I need this time alone to center my thoughts and feelings. Being alone in my thoughts let's me examine a most despised secret. I have blood bended on purpose.

It has happened only a few times and the rush I felt afterwards had left me breathless. It was hard but that was half the allure to it. To push myself and see the rewards of my hard labor brought. In my arrogance, I thought what I was doing was a great deed. I could use my gift to help Aang. I would be different then Hama, I simply needed to learn control. When I managed to kill one bird and paralyze another, at the same time, I stopped. It had started out as me trying to help the two little birds and had ended with me destroying both their lives.

Sometimes I wish I had never met Hama.

I had thought the bird accident had reinforced the idea that it was not wise to play with my blood bending skills anymore. But the full moon is coming and the urge is becoming strong again. It doesn't help that I can't seem to control my anger any more. At first it started out as small outbursts that the others took as me going into mother mode. But after Zuko's arrival and acceptance into the group that little irritation turned into full hostility. Zuko's past record with me has never been a good one. I might have been harsh with him at first and steadily going downhill from there but I can't accept him. Once upon a time it might have been easier. Before the eclipse, before Aang's scar, before the battle between me and him I probably could have forgiven him. I had given him some of my trust in that crystal cave. But back then he choose his sister and in doing so gave her the upper hand in defeating Aang. He might not has been the one to strike him down but he wasn't trying to save Aang at the time either.

Aang had been so beautiful in those few minutes he went into the Avatar state on his own. This is what I had believed in and protected. Aang was fulfilling his destiny and accepting all that he was. So enticed in this amazing site that time had stopped. All of us were left breathless, well all of us except Azula. In his moment of grace and maturity was when I failed Aang. He had needed time and I had merely been swept away by his display. I had felt so proud and happy for Aang. In those brief few seconds Aang had become one with everything. I could feel it in the water I had been bending and I sure the Dai Lee had felt it in the earth. The Avatar was about balance and we had all felt it radiate off of him in waves. That brief moment of peace had been destroyed by Azula. As Aang fell to his death I could feel and see nothing but him. I moved on instinct as I washed away my enemies.

I held him in my arms like he was a piece of glass. Through tear stained eyes I had looked up as Azula and her drones came closer. Hopelessness passed through my heart. Aang was hurt and there was nothing I could do to protect him. Zuko's uncle saved us and for that I will forever been in his debt.

While on Appa's back thoughts raced across my mind. I had failed in protecting Aang. I had let my guard down because I thought I could trust a firebender and not just any firebender. But the one who had chased Aang half way across the earth. Aang was dying and I was at fault. Blaming my-self made it easy to blame Zuko. If Zuko had been on our side maybe Aang wouldn't have a scar on his back. Maybe Azula would be dead. If Zuko hadn't of stopped me maybe I could of defeated Azula.

The point was that I made a mistake and I'm not ready to make it again. He says he's here to help Aang. Fine. He says he's changed. Fine. Can I pretend that you're part of the group and that I forgive you? No. Saying you forgive but don't forget is like saying you didn't forgive them. Not being able to let go of the past is not being able to forgive. In the back of your mind you will always doubt them. I suppose that isn't a problem for me. I haven't forgiven Zuko. I'm not going to hide my doubt for him. He wants to be truthful then I will be.

I can't stand how kind he can be to Toph. I can't stand it when he offers to do chores the others always seem to try so hard to avoid. I can't stand how he is slowly getting closer to the group. Everybody is opening up to him and slowly adapting to him being in our lives. A part of me is warming up to him. A younger part of me sees the good in him and believes in him. I see his scar and think back to our brief time in the cave. He seemed so young and as lost as me. We were connected by the loss of our mothers, if only briefly.

Sometimes seeing the good in a person isn't enough. Right now it can't be enough. I almost lost Aang once and I won't let another firebender take something precious away from me ever again. Even if said firebender shows the best of intentions. Maybe it is wrong that I won't forgive Zuko and I will seem petty for my actions. I acknowledge this with a full and heavy heart.

The full moon is fast approaching.

Sokka can only smile at the almost full moon. It is a sad and pained smile. It is the first thing Zuko notices when he spots Sokka. Sokka is silently sitting on the grass just gazing up at the stars. Though Sokka seems to be in deep thought there is something he feels that he needs to discuss with Sokka. When he had first went searching for Katara's brother Zuko had been determined to talk to him. Zuko briefly remembers the small conversation they had on the way to the boiling rock. Maybe now is not the best time to talk to Sokka. Before Zuko can make his way back to his tent Sokka calls out to him. His voice is soft as if he were whispering.

"Nice night." It is a simple sentence but it is the opening that Zuko is looking for. Slowly Zuko makes his way towards Sokka and simply joins him in his star gazing. Zuko only responds with a slight nod. Minutes pass and both boys just try to enjoy the peace of the comforting night.

"So… what did you want to talk about?" Zuko's mouth curves slightly at the bluntness of Sokka's question.

"Is… do you…" At a loss of words Zuko merely sighs and tries again. "Sokka, is there any way your sister could ever forgive me?" Zuko is only answered with silence.

Until Sokka lets out an obnoxious snort, and falls back onto the grass. So Zuko had finally decided to try and directly solve the growing problem that his sister was creating. Sokka couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy; his sister was very much like her element. One moment Katara was like the peaceful steady stream that never went off course. She was reliable and gentle. The next moment she was as cold and unforgiving as the ocean. So much strength and power resided behind his baby sister's eyes. Wave after wave she would come at you, until she had finally destroyed your defenses. Katara normally had a nice balance of the emotions her element defined, but recently… ever since Hama… things had started to change. Katara had tried to hide it, but she couldn't fool him. There was so much fear hiding behind his sister's anger. When had Katara changed from the firm current that kept everyone on track to a rogue wave?

"No," Sokka stated calmly as returned his gaze back to the moon. Zuko glared at Sokka for his careless remark, until he noticed the hint of a smile forming upon Sokka's lips. "Well, she won't with the way you're handling the situation. The answer is simple." Sokka paused for a dramatic effect, while Zuko tried to hold onto the remains of his patience. It seemed that the water tribe siblings had been born into this world to test the control Zuko held over his emotions.

"You're thinking too much like a firebender, which I suppose you can't be blamed for. You're too direct in your thinking." Sokka paused again and smiled at the thought that it didn't help that Katara was female. Being female and watertribe, Zuko didn't stand a chance. Water tribe woman had always been known for their stubbornness. Pushing the thoughts away, Sokka continued.

"Katara needs time and you expecting quick results won't help the situation. Give her time and she'll come around…eventually" Thinking it over, Sokka decided to give one final piece of advice and hoped that Zuko would not ask any questions. "Katara has always had a…problem with the fire nation; something happened a long time ago when they attacked our home and sometimes I think Katara blames herself. You being here might just bring up painful memories for her. Don't take it personally… just give her time."

Zuko nodded silently and left Sokka to his stargazing. Whispering a silent prayer to Yue, Sokka pushed away the painful memories and wondered when had things started to get so complicated. Something must be wrong in the world when people started coming to him for emotional advice. Chuckling softly, pure blue eyes closed tightly at the thought. He stayed that way, until he felt somebody join him. Curious, but not so much that he had to open his eyes, he waited for the person to talk or make some type of greeting. Sokka was pleasantly surprised when he felt a small strong body curl up next to him. Silently he accepted Suki's offer by carefully wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. No words passed between them as they took comfort in each other's warmth and silence.

End of chapter one,

Zuko will listen to Sokka's advice for now, until things don't seem to be getting better between him and Katara. Finally, Zuko goes to Sokka and tells him about what happened in Ba Sing Sei (which actually happens in the Southern Raiders episodes). Zuko makes a choice and Katara is ready to unleash some of her anger and pain in hopes of being able to avenge her mother…and herself.

Tell me if you'd like another chapter or not, this might just be a nice oneshot. Please read and review.

Hopefully the characters didn't seem OOC.

Final note, there are connections to this story and Fatal Mercy. More connections will be made between stories if I write more chapters for either story. Thank you for your time and I hoped you enjoyed the story.