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I'm not the one who has to watch my back…
Those were the last words she spoke to anyone before she went off the grid. Tony was right, Ross would be gunning for her, she broke the Accords no matter how much she tried to talk her way out of it. But she wouldn't change her choice if put in the same situation again.
She couldn't...not with confronted by both of them.
Natasha agreed with the Accords for one reason, her entire life was lawless until she joined S.H.I.E.L.D. And she has always done what she could to make amends for the horrors she has committed in her life. She felt not signing the Accords would wipe all that hard work away. But on the other hand she favored the freedom the Avengers needed, as they had always had. Understood the sometimes necessity to make brash on hand decisions, bypass the red tape.
She had been put between a rock and a hard place with Tony and Steve. Tony was apt for signing the Accords and shockingly Steve was against signing them not wanting the team to be governed.
The decision to sign came easy because she could be on the inside. At least she could have some kind of control of the situation to protect Steve. But then things went from bad to worse when the bombing happened and it was Bucky suspected of having done it. Perspective went out the window, for more than just Steve.
After DC, after the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D and HYDRA, Natasha went back to Russia to try and find her birth parents. Where she found their graves by a chain length fence. She paid her respects and did a little more digging into her past, and she paid the price. She began to remember memories from the Red Room she didn't remember from before. Training, there was a lot of training with a man, a man with...a metal arm. Natasha had woke from the memory covered in sweat not remembering where she was, scared. Denial of what she remembered gripped her, the memories flooded her mind over days. The same contact she used to get Bucky's file for Steve she went to directly for her own. Except she used extreme force to demand any knowledge between herself and the Winter Soldier.
What she learned chilled her.
The Winter Soldier trained her personally, shaped her into the assassin and spy she is today, molded her in every way. According to the file they had developed an 'emotional attachment' as they called it and had them both wiped. He was sent back with HYDRA and she was carried on within the program as the rest of the recruits.
Natasha left Russia and decided to not reveal what she learned to anyone, least of all to Steve. No one would gain anything by knowing she was trained or knew him in her past and she had been wiped. She knew nothing of his whereabouts before or after HYDRA's demise so it would do nothing but cause tension and hurt, for Steve.
Returning to the states it was back to business with the Avengers in no time. It wasn't long before Natasha encompassed herself in a fantasy bubble. Becoming a little emotionally attached to Bruce after they had started using a method together that had her being the one bringing him back from the brink to being Bruce from the Hulk with the 'touching lullaby', it awakened something in her she thought was lost in her childhood, hope. But it didn't take long before those hopes were crushed and she realized that fantasy was exactly what it was, a fantasy.
Then the Accords happen, the bombing in Wakanda, and Barnes...everything began to fall apart, the team was turning on one another. Natasha realized she had to be the medium, protect both sides or someone was going to get hurt. She tried to reason with Tony, tried to reason with Steve but they were both to set in their convictions and strong willed. And then there was Bucky, she didn't want him to get hurt or killed. She remembered everything about their past and she had no idea if he did or not. When he was choking her out in Germany in Winter Soldier mode she tried to get through to him but he didn't recognize her. But maybe he could remember the phrase at some point and it would trigger a memory. But if their last few encounters don't make him remember her, maybe nothing will. Then again, maybe he did and just didn't acknowledge it for his own reasons, which she could respect. It's during a time period of his life he would rather forget she is sure.
But when she was faced with Steve and Bucky and with the choice to apprehend them or face the consequences of going against the Accords, she couldn't betray Steve and she felt she owed Bucky a long overdue debt.
So now she was a fugitive just like Steve and the rest of his team that he broke out of the raft prison. She had thought about contacting him. To see if he would be willing to at least meet with her. She wanted to make sure he was alright, but she knew things weren't completely alright between them. And there was the unknown if Barnes knew of their past and mentioned anything or not as well. So many variables to consider.