Disclaimer: I don't own Gatchaman characters, Tatsunoko owns them #sniff, sniff.#
His steps were firm and his pace was quick as he descended from his shuttle plane. He stopped as his foot reached the ground, lifted up his chin, and look around at he city. Or at what was left from it. From the once imposing buildings, now were only huge, burned chunks of debris, of irregular, strange shapes. The road was cracked and broken and covered of shattered bits of glass. The cars were squashed and toppled. The sight was terrible, and he was glad that the city had been evacuated in time.
He took a deep breath as he advanced carefully, avoiding the contorted metal wires and shivers that laid on the ground.
He scanned once again the surroundings, searching for his destination, while mentally cursed this idea.
He would have never done it, if it hadn't been the only solution left. Behind him, he heard a guard cursing as he tripped over something and the others snickering, but he didn't turned around. Then he had spotted it. It was hidden in a corner, nestled between the ruins. Although it was covered in rubbles, it has been less damaged than the nearby buildings. On a fallen firma sign he could distinguish the letter J.
The man bowed to enter through the crack where once had been the door. He cringed as his head hit the upper frame, but what he saw inside made him forget the pain….and everything else he had in his head.
" For ….us! The best of the … Huh!" Condor hiccuped as he lifted his glass in a toast then drowned it.
Across the table, the Eagle lunged forward, in attempt to toast back, and paused for a second, since he couldn't decide which one of the two Condor's hands he had in front of his eyes he should click his snifter with. Eventualy, he made a waving gesture that caused half of the wisky to splutter all over Joe's helmet and slumped back in his chair, aiming the rest of the liquid to his mouth. Some hit the target, but most dribbled on the white wings of his cape.
Joe lazily wiped the wisky from his visor with his glove
" Ken… you're such a mess!"
The Eagle tilt his head backwards, staring at the twinkling stars above his head, since ceilling above him was fetched away by the blast.
" Dam' I am!" he blurted.
" You're gonnabe in a mess if Jun sees you!" Between them Ryu gazed owlishly at the glass in his hand. And yet he was the soberest from the three of them.
Joe turned his helmet to him
" More than we already are? ", gesturing at the surroununding chaos that was the Snack now. Jun's gonna have a hard time with the clean-up, he thought. Worse, they were a part of the mess, and all agreed that.
Joe poured himself another glass of wisky, spilling a lot of it. He stared through half opened eyes at the now one third full bottle in his hand, then down at the heap of empty ones under the table, and finally at in front of him, at his commander. He looked like he could take one or two more glasses. The Eagle was propped against the chair's backrest, with his arms dangling loosely and head tilted backwards, eyes staring straight at the full moon above. He idly wondered how would be to see him howling at it like a wolf. Condor snorted as he reconsidered his leader ability to take more alcohol, and obviously he should drink much more for this to happen.
Fortunately they still had two more full ones. He took a sip from his glass, wincing as the liquid burned his way down to his already numbed throat. In front of him, Ken seem to grow another head. Joe shook his own, trying to remember how many glasses he had, but he had lost the count after the number hit two digits.
Ken's birdstyle started to mingle white and blue shades in front of his eyes, and little stars were forming on the edges of his vision. Joe leaned closer over the table squinting.
" Keeen, I'm seeing blue stars around you."
The Eagle snapped his head up, blinking hazely at his second then darted his eyes around, stopping them on something.
" Ya'now, it's blue and spanky but it's not stars."
Joe turned his attention to the corner Eagle was dazzling at, and his face immediately took the the scorning expression of his leader.
" Big ugly spanky…." He looked over his shoulder at the Owl.
" Ryu, am I drunk and seeing things?"
The chunky stared him gaugingly, then looked at the door and lifed an eyebrow.
" You sure are, but definitevely there's something ugly out there, cuz I'm seein' it too."
A rush of emotions burst through him: confusion, surprise, but mostly anger. Anger at them. How dared they to threat him like this? Some of it was directed at himself too. He should have known better. What he was expecting was far from a friendly meeting, but this was absolutely humiliating.
The birds were laughing maniacaly. The Eagle was guffawing against the chair, so hard he seem to topple down any moment. The Condor was laughing loud, clutching his sides, the Owl snickered as he clapped his hands and pointed to what was left from the Snack's door. One could swear they were hit by hysteria.
Damn impertinent drunken birds were laughing at him. Their laugh was contagious. He could even hear his guards giggling behind him. He felt like taking out his sword and chopping their dumb-helmeted heads off. His fingers reached for the pommel but he refrained himself. Even in this state they could be dangerous. He sighed loudly, cursing the situation. The only moment they were desperately needed and they had to be drunk right then. That was for his last solution. For the world's last solution for that matter …..
He eyed disdainfully the three figures sitted at the table. Although he wouldn't dare to approach them he doubted they were in condition to fight. Otherwise he would have had one of those shuriken in his head the second he had stepped inside.
No matter how many times Ken rubbed his eyes the pesky sight in front of them wouldn't dissapear.
" D'ya think he'll go away if I'll shoo'im ?"
Ryu shrugged.
" Don't know. Try with a shuriken. "
Joe pulled one from his cape and aimed. The target however seem to multiply and roll up and down in his head, which started to throb, so he eventualy gave up, dropped his hand and slumped back in the chair.
" Damn, I'm not sober enough."
Ryu and Ken started to whistle in unison.
You definitely aren't singing birds, Egobossler thought . The noise was like nails grating on chalkboard for his eardrums. He lost his temper. Clenching his fingers around the sword's hilt he marched to the table.
"What is the meaning of this?!"
They cringed at his shout, but didn't stopped whistling. Joe eventualy raised his scorny face up at the blue source of annoyance.
" We're celebrating our defeat. Now get the hell out'a here!" Egobossler greeted his teeth in anger but didn't move from his place.
" Hey blue boy, shouldn't you suppose to be ruling the world? "
Eagle's disrespectful tone startled him and he spuned around. Ken took at glance at his wrist.
" The six and half hours it's left from it!" With that he burst in maniacally laughter and the others joined him.
So they did knew the situation. With an antimatter asteroid on the way to Earth, Egobossler ignored Mechandol's advices and put aside his arrogance coming to the Science Ninja Team to ask for help. And now the planet's last chance was drowned in alcohol. He took a deep breath, ohh, this was going to be much more humiliating than he had ever imagined.
"Sosai doesn't want to conquer the planet…He is planning to destroy it!"
" And it took you two years to figure this out!"
" Do you know what will happen when the asteroid will hit the Earth?"
" Le'me guess, we'll get blown to smithereens and cast into oblivion." As impertinent Condor could be, he was right.
" You're the only one who can stop it!"
" Nambu was the only one who could stop it, flunky!" retorted Ken as he swirled the glass in his hand, eyes following the droplets of wisky that the movements caused to scatter.
" Why don't ya go an' talk to him? " pointing with his chin at the shiny shuriken from Joe's hand.
Helm cursed him mentally. The things were not going him way.
"You must stop it! You're Gatchaman! You must save the humanity!"
All three gawked at him for a second, then waved him off desinterestedly.
" Naaah! Your world, your problem!"
" 'Sides it wouldn't have to be saved if it weren't for you and your screwny plans!" added Ryu chiddingly.
Egobossler stared at them disbelievely. If someone could stop the damn asteroid, that someone was the Gatchaman team. Drunken or not. So he tried another tactic. He forced himself to voice it, through gritted teeth.
" Please…" there it was. It almost hurt to say.
The three helmeted heads snapped upwards.
" Seems to me or the bastard had learned some manners?"
Egobossler's face turned deep purple as he drew out his sword.
"I'll teach you some manners, you oversized…." He lost his words as Ryu shot him a murderous glance. Drewing a step back was a good move.
Ken stared wily. This was almost as good as back when he was buttkicking the Count in their duels.
" Ya'now,…. this happened before with Katze. " Owl and Condor nodded approvingly.
" So the best thing you could do now is to find a lava pit and…" he swirled his snifter sugestively.
" And don't forget to give dr. Nambu our regards." added Joe.
Egobossler didn't knew what more to do. He came to this wreck, he asked them for help, nicely, he even said please and endured more humiliations than in the last eight years….. oh, he did everything in his power. Well, not quite everything. He glanced at his men riffles. If the birdies won't get it nicely, then he'll try on the hard way…. But highly dubted he'll get any better results. None seem to have any intention to prevent the oncoming disaster. No point to argue with them untill he was going to be blue in the face. Which was too late. But at least he couldn't complain Sosai hadn't kept his promise. He was going to rule the Earth…… in form of cosmic dust.
The Condor lifted his snifter.
" For the world and it's new leader!"
The others leaned over the table and clicked their snifters, this time even Ken managing to get the right angle, then threw them at Egobossler. He moved to avoid the glass shards but the the wisky spluttered all over his coat and tunic. A moment of silence followed. They all stared at the shock-stricken villain, who stared at his whisky soaked clothes.
Joe's voice broke the silence.
" Anyone has a lighter?"
Ken and Ryu searched their utility belts, then sadly shook their heads.
" Matches? "
Ryu found a box in his pocket and handed it to Joe.
Egobossler's eyes narrowed as he assessed the situation. He was soaked in alcohol and the Condor had a box of matches in the hand. He quickly drew a few steps back, out of Condor's ray of action. Which was a wise decision.
Joe took out a match, scratched it to the edge of the box to lit it than put a cigar in his mouth and lit it.
He then threw the still burning match in Egobossler's direction, who quickly stepped asside, then took a puff from his cigar.
Even if Condor hadn't managed to set him on fire, he was burning with rage.
" You will do as I command you impertinents!" he spat.
Ken and Ryu stared careless at the Egobossler's guards guns which were fixed on them. Joe yawned.
" Oh, dear, here comes the funny part!" he giggled
"Get up, or I'll order them to fire!"
None of the three ninja moved from their chairs, nor showed that they had any intention to obey. Egobossler lift his hand and the goons readied their weapons.
" It's the last time I'll tell you!"
Ryu clenched his fist and banged it loudly against the table.
" If I get up you'll get…."
" Shot!"
As the first goon was about to pull the triger something whizzed a milimeter beside Egobossler's neck, and the man fell on the floor with shuriken stuck in his forehead. The others watched their fallen comrade for a second then quicly exchanged worried glances and reconsidered the order.
" Good aim!" Ryu assessed as he pat Joe on the shoulder.
" Naah, I was aiming for the bastard! Joe grinned smugly.
Which glared them daggers and looked as if he was about to exlplode.
"FIIIIRE!"
Joe pulled a handful of shuriken from his cape and waved them at the guards in a not very friendly manner.
" I said fiire!"
They looked from their foaming leader and back to the Condor, who grinned maliciously and toyied the shurikens in his fingers. The light danced hypnoticaly on the razor sharp metal blades. Finally the shook their heads in defeat and lowered the guns.
Egobossler felt like stucking his sword in the nearest goon. How dared they to disobey him. But leave that to the Condor. He snatched one of the guns rolling it's muzzle from one helmet to another before he decided his target: The white one.
The Eagle either didn't noticed or he absolutely didn't cared. In fact his head was spinning, and he started to feel dizzy.
"You will do as I commend . Get up. NOW! " he snarled.
" Oooohh, blue boy got frisky."
" And stop the insults!"
" Ya'now, Jun won't be happy if you're hittin' on …#snicker#...I mean if you're hittin' her Eagle."
Helm wasn't taking any. He just aimed the antenna from Ken's helmet crest. It was more a warning fire, to drive some obedience into his head. He wasn't going to shoot him dead, no matter how much he desired it. Well, at least not before he stopped Sosai from destroying the Earth. But before he had the chance to pull the triger, the Eagle fell on the table, with his head resting on his forearms.
Ryu zipped.
" Oh, look what you've done. Jun's gonna kill us!"
Egobossler frowned with the gun is his hands,
" But I did nothing. I didn't got to….."
Joe rolled his eyes and shook his commander's shoulder. Ken moaned something unintelligible and turned his head away.
" Six whiskis and he's out like light. What a sissy!"
" Tell that to her. "
The blue villain now stared them mouth agape. How the heck did those beat him he would never understand. And all what the the mighty Eagle could take was six glasses of wisky. He smirked. At this category, he could best him by far.
All turned to stone as shallow steps approached them. Upon seeing the unexpected guests, the Swan took a fighting stance, swirling her yo-yo up and down. Her predatory gaze lingered over Ken, than slowly turned to Joe and Ryu, who gave a shy smile, and at Egobossler. She looked dangerous so he didn't knew whether to give her the formal salut or to run back for cover in his goon group. She came besides Ken, checked his life signs, than scolded at Joe.
" Don't look at me, I did what you said!"
" I said dizzy, not dozed!"
Jun peered closer at him.
" Is that marihuana Joe?"
" Hey, they're gonna cast us in a movie after all this crap is over. I'm just getting the sense of my character!" he took another puff from the cigar, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
The Swan put her hands on her hips and pouted.
" This is a non-smoking bar and blow off that ciggar! Now! You're giving a bad example to Jinpei!"
" This was a bar – gesturing at the missing roof and cracked walls – and the kid is big enough to think for himself!"
" I'm not a kid!" the Swallow cried indignated. Then he approached Joe and whispered in his ear.
"Aniki Joe can I have one?"
Jun quicky yanked him away.
"If I'll ever get smoking, YOU'LL BE GROUNDED FOR LIFE!"
The Swallow swallowed hard.
"Now go and clean up this place!"
Jinpei pouted as he mentally muttered something about big, bossy sisters, then took out his yo-yo and pounced in Egobossler's group of goons.
She crossed her arms and chew her lip infrustration. So much for her plans with Ken. Since they were running out of time she tried this last solution. If awake he was to shy to adimit his love for her, she asked Joe to "dip" him a little. Unfortunately she didn't took in consideration his alcohol tolerance, or better said, the lack of it. Oh, this Eagle could be such a pain!
Egobossler eyed the thoughtfull Swan. She looked pretty (and) sober, maybe she will want to do something about the asteroid.
Jun was distracted by a light touch on her shoulder and she spun around to meet his blue face.
Ego was bewildered for a second, staring at her visor and at the emerald eyes behing it. She had such a lovely figure…. He didn't noticed her beauty before (mostly because like any Gallactor he was to busy gawking at her panties) He found himself willing to rip off her helmet.
" WHAT?!"
He was puzzled by her shout.
" The… the asteroid….." he stammered.
Jun's jaw dropped. With Ken in her head she completely forgot about it! She glanced at her wrist. They had to be at the ISO base over an hour.
" Joe, Ryu, Ken…. Her voice fell when she called the last one… we're getting late."
A chorus of awwws on ohhhhs responded. Ken just moaned.
"MOOOOVE IT!"
All cringed and jumped. Ryu covered his helmet with his hands, trying to block the sound.
" Shut up Jun, it hurts!"
To be more convincing, she brandished her yo-yo threatingly.
" Ok, ok, we're comin'!" muttered Joe as he awkwardly rised from his chair, supporting himself on the table for balance.
Egobossler watched her appraisingly . Such a strong character and voice… she would made a good general in his army. And he certainly would't mind. A sly grin croossed over his face as he made mental strategies to persuade her join his side. And maybe…
" Still dreamin' to rule the world?" Ryu's voice disrupted his thoughts.
Ego scolded at the curent state of the Gatchaman team. The Condor was supporting a passed-out Eagle on his shoulder, The Owl was trying to keep his weight steady on his feet, Egobossler had no doubt that he would make a huge crater in the floor if he colapsed, the Swan was pouting arm crossed at them, and the Swallow was nowhere in his sight, but the screams of his men told him that the kid was playing nearby.
" Good luck, Gatchaman!" he canted mockingly. They obviously needed a lot. Despite himself, he really meant it. Otherwise the world will not last long enough for him to rule it. And don't come back!
All stared him disbelively.
" Ah, well, I thought it would be nice from me, since it's your last mission, …..and I won't be seeing you again! He gestured as a matter of fact.
Joe eyed him,with a maliciously expression over his features that made his the Count's arrogance vanish and Egobossler had the feeling he don't want to know what was crossing his alcohol sogged mind.
" Well then, since we're not comin' back – and he grinned so evily– we're taking you with us!"
The other's faces matched Condor's as they gave an aproving nod. Egobossler's blood went cold.
" I'm not coming with you! You're mad if you imagine this!
The Condor cackled.
" Jun, pack him up!"
The last thing Count Egobossler saw was the Swan's yo-yo flying his way.
XXXXXXX
"NOOO! No! No! Definitevely not! What the heck you think you're doing?"
" Savin' the world!"
" Joe, you're intoxicated, one member of the crew is uncounscious and another one is barely aware of himself…"
" Hey I'm fine… Ryu sputtered with half of mouth because the other half was stuffed with the bisquits he managed to grab from the ISO's caffeteria, while the others didn't pay attention. The others meaning Jun and Jinpei because Ken was too drunk, and Joe was too busy dragging him and Egobossler.
Chief Kamo put his plumpy frame in Joe's way, blocking them the acces to the Spartan's hatch..
" There's no way I'll let you embark in that ship!"
" Yes there is…"
The man was taken aback at the slight hint of threatening from Joe's voice, and he made a step aside.
" You are not in condition to fly the Spartan, and I'm not going to let you near the control pannel DRUNKEN! Not to mention you'll need your commander's permission." He glanced reproachful at Ken's limped form hanging from Joe's shoulder.
"Ken do you want us go fight some Gallactor?"
No answer.
"Ken?" Joe jerked him hardly.
"Aww,… yes…?!"
" See? He gaved the permission."
The Chief slapped himself over the forehead.
" Now step aside, we have work to do!"
He did as told, knowing that the world was about to be destroyed anyway. With the Kagaku Ninja Tai, even 60 drunk, it may have a chance. The slightiest one. Looks like the ISO will have to do extra praying for their successes.
He watched the six of them stepping inside the Spartan, Joe giving him a thumb up before the hatch's doors closed, then felt his heart sinking as he saw the ship taking off. Fortunately if was already assembled and set on automatic pilot, because God knows what would have ended if they tried to form it in their current state.
Joe stuffed Ken in his chair at the console, the Eagle nestling comfortably his head on it, and droped Egobossler on the floor in a less comfortable manner, as he occupied his own place at the Spartan's command deck, ignoring the Swan's scornful glances.
Egobossler was awaken in the most unpleasant way when his head collided with the metal, and he had a strange sensation of deja-vu, as if he had rested on metal floors in another life (or in another fanfic of mine :-P ). He groaned and tried to stand up, only to stumble back, instanly having the idea of how Gatchaman felt after that wisky.
Speaking of which, he saw his prone form clapped over the control pannel, and this was the first ocassion Egobossler recalled himself wishing his enemy was alive and counscious. Apparently, hard luck for the second one. He couldn't belive the world's greatest warrior was going drunk in a mission. For an Eagle who had a reputation as immacualte as his wings it would be such a shame. Ego made a mental note to made it public when they will return. If they will return.
He never went drunk in his attempts to take over the Earth. Oh, well, he did, it wasn't just Sosai's fault that the mechas screw up, but still, not that bad!
A moment later, when his brain was fully awake, he made the connection between the control pannel Ken was lying on and Condor's threat, and suddenly realized he was aboard the famous Gatchaspartan! Bells rang in his head as he bolted up, eyes searching franatically for an exit.
The counscious (Jun &Jinpei) and half-counscious (Ryu and Joe) members of the Gatchaman team igonred Egobossler floundering behind them and his desperate " Let me go!" wailings while he was scratching at the titanium hatch, and focused their attention the take-off, carefully adjusting the pilot's settings so the ship would not miss the narrow exit patch in the granit wall of the mountain that hosted their base.
Worried that he will have to do the clean-up Jinpei again, turned to the screaming villain.
" We're taking off. You'd better sit down and clip the safety belt."
Egobossler ignored him and continued to wail and scream. The boy smiled slyly, since he knew from his own experience how painfully could be a take-off without the safety belt. And indeed Blue boy was going to find out.
As soon as the Spartan's engines activated and the ship made the jump to supersonic speed, the shock wave hit their skulls, a feeling they have grown accoustumed with, and squeezed them against the chair's backrests. This was one of the reasons the team preffered to form the Spartan with the individual vehicles airborne rather than taking-off with the ship already assembled.
In Egobossler's case, the shock wave flung him across the command deck, into the opposite wall, then, before he had the chance to wake up, the pressure swept him toward the pannel.
Joe stretched out his arm, halting the advance of the unfortunate villain but the impact sent him back on the floor, in a painfully landing. He muttered something very little thankful at Joe's adress as he moaned and brought his hand to his chest, searching for broken ribs.
" You're welcome!" replied Joe, already used to do this for Jinpei. And indeed it was better than ramming one's head into the console. Not that he cared too much for Egobossler's well-being, but he could have damaged something.
" Turn back the ship! I demand you to bring me back immediately!"
They still ignored him so he went on yelling… until the Condor had enough.
" Shut up or I'll dump you from the airlock!"
Egobossler whimpered as he let his head on the backside, taking the third bump from that day. Across the display he could see little shinny stars rolling upside down, other than those that rolled in his head, as the ship made it's way toward the asteroid. His jaw started trembling as his last hope to return home became smaller and smaller like the blue dot that was the Earth, outside the Spartan's windows.