YuYu Hakusho. Taming the Dragon. Table Manners (T)
Disclaimer: Ok..I didn't create it and I don't own the rights to it. If I did, I'd do something about the American voice actors.
Warning; lActs of violence against dishes and cutlery
Author's note: You might call this AU. It takes place before the Makai tournament so Shigure is still alive. The table manners taught are Japanese.
Shigure looked up into the tree. The one remaining tree, since they had cut down the others that Hiei had any chance of reaching. "Hiei. Come down. Now."
"Iyan."
In response, Shigure threw his hoop blade, which sliced through the tree. Hiei always had to do everything the hard way. Having trained the young fire demon in the way of the sword, he was well aware of his speed and was moving to intercept as he threw his blade. He grabbed the little one by the hair, making sure to keep all body parts away from his fangs.
"Hanashite Bakayarou. Kuso."
Shigure caught his blade with his other hand, and walked back to Mukuro's travelling fortress, dragging Hiei behind him. "If Mukuro wants you trained in the diplomatic arts and in proper etiquette, including table manners, then Mukuro will have it."
"Hn."
Shigure carried Hiei to the informal dining room, where his instructor was waiting. He plopped Hiei on a cushion in front of the low table and stood there with his arms crossed.
"There is no need for you to remain, Shigure . I am sure Hiei and I will do fine." Hina smiled slightly at the surgeon/warrior. Just seconds later a knife whizzed by her head, accompanied by a shout of "SHINE!!".
Shigure raised one eyebrow. "Domo arigato gozaimasu. But I believe I will stay." He gave Hiei a look that spoke volumes.
"Hn." Hiei snorted.
"Now Hiei. Before the meal, it is proper manners to say itadakimasu before starting to eat. Then you take your chopsticks.." Hiei just sat there arms crossed. Hina narrowed her eyes a bit. "Shigure, if you would be so kind as to assist Hiei-chan?"
Shigure took hold of Hiei's left ear and twisted it, painfully, until the little demon complied. "Itai." Hiei rubbed his ear.
"Domo arigato gozaimasu." Hina cleared her throat. "Once again. Hiei you take your chopsticks and use them to serve yourself from the communal bowls. If you have already used them to eat, you use the opposite ends, of course," She watched with a critical eye as Hiei managed the task quite easily. Good. At least she wasn't going to have to teach the little hellion how to handle the chopsticks.
"Very good. A few things to keep in mind. Do not spear food with your chopsticks. Do not point with your chopsticks to something or somebody. Do not move your chopsticks around in the air, nor play with them. Do not move around plates or bowls with chopsticks. When you are not using your chopsticks or when you are finished eating, lay them down in front of you with the tip to left." Hiei just blinked at her. For the record, so did Shigure. "Now we will cover how to properly eat more common foods. Pick up your rice bowl." Hiei picked it up. "Take the rice bowl in one hand and pick up your chopsticks in the other and lift it near your mouth while eating."
Hiei picked up his bowl of rice (he was hungry after all) and did as asked, but he kept dropping rice everywhere. Frustrated he put the bowl to his mouth and started to shovel the rice. There was a sharp rap on his knuckles, which caused him to drop the bowl. "Itai" He rubbed his knuckles, noticing than Hina had a long thin stick in her hand.
"Shall we try it again?" She put more rice in the bowl and handed it to Hiei, who promptly threw it across the room, then glared at her.
"Maybe we should move on?" Shigure was noticing the wards that covered Hiei's dragon beginning to smoke. "Hiei, you unleash the dragon in Mukuro's fortress and she will flay you alive. No kokuryuuha."
"Hn. Tell her no stick."
Shigure thought the stick was an excellent idea, only it was being applied to the wrong part of Hiei's anatomy.
"Very well, let's move on to soup. With soup you drink it, then use your chopsticks for the solid pieces. Surely you can handle that."
"Baka onna. Of couse I can." The miso soup wasn't the best, too salty for Hiei's taste, but he managed.
"Now let's try soup with noodles. Once again, you drink the soup, but you do not eat the noodles with your chopsticks. Instead you lift them and suck them into your mouth, with as little noise as possible."
This is utter nonesense, Hiei thought to himself and slurped the noodles as noisly and messily as he could, earning him another crack of the stick. This time he held onto the bowl. "Kuso. Stop hitting me with that damn stick, onna, or you will be sorry."
"Then I suggest you cooperate. As a final task, we will cover larger pieces of food." She pointed to the plate in front of Hiei with tempura and tofu. Hiei promptly speared a piece with the end of his chopsticks and was whacked for it. "Remember, Hiei, we do not spear our food." She handed the chopsticks to Shigure. "Will you be so kind as to demonstrate. Using the tips of your chopsticks, apply enough pressure to push the food apart." Shigure managed to do this. "Now you try Hiei." Hiei did and sent the piece of food, along with the plate flying. Hina simply placed another plate (kuso where was she getting them) in front of Hiei. Hiei speared a nice big piece of tofu and flung it at her.
Hina's eyes narrowed again. "Hold out your left hand please, palm up." Hiei shook his head. What did she think, he was mental like Kuwabaka?
"Iyan, onna." Hiei then used a phrase he'd heard Yusuke utter a few times "Bite me."
In response, Hina looked at the long suffering Shigure, who again took hold of Hiei's ear until he complied. Hina delivered three solid whacks across the palm. Then she smoothed back her hair. "Do that again, little one, and it will be your backside." She pointed to the plate, where a piece of tempura remained. Hiei managed to cut it without any problem, he simply pictured it as Hina.
"When the meal is finished, as ours is, the proper thing to say is gochisosama deshita." Hiei muttered something underneath his breath.
"Now for our final lesson, we will discuss basic table behaviour. The following activities are not permitted at table:
burping, picking your nose or scratching yourself in any way, wearing your katana, cursing and inappropriate subjects that
other diners may find distressing. You should be clean and neat when you appear, no clothing soiled with dirt or blood, no scarves or cloaks, such as you are wearing now." She handed Hiei several sheets of rice paper, ink and a pen. "As your final exercise you are to write five hundred times, I will act in a respectful manner to my sensei."
Hiei's left arm began to smoke as he called his fire ki. Shigure went for cover. He knew very well that the innocent could be injured along with the guilty. He'd been to too many martial arts tournaments in the Makai where there were more casualties in the audience than among the fighters.
"JAOU ENSATSU KEN!!" And Hiei promptly set fire to the blasted table, the rice paper and ink, the cusions, what food remained, Hina's clothing and just about anything burnable. Then, living up to his name of flying shadow, he was gone. Hina stood there in the charred remains of her clothes, opening and shutting her mouth. She had a nice body, Shigure noted.
"I suggest another room next time, in about a week. Ja ne." And Shigure left to go track down Hiei. He found him, once again, in a tree. "Oi, Hiei. Mukuro will not be pleased with today's performance."
"Hn." Hiei said and crossed his arms. "There will be no more lessons."
"Let me know when you plan to tell Mukuro that, so that I can be there."
"Hn."
"Come down, and we can go do a little practice. Just don't expect me to go easy on you."
"Hn. I am no longer weak, Shigure. As you should know. I won our last encounter."
"Only through a suicide attack. If Mukuro did not have regeneration tanks, we would be having this conversation in the Reikai before King Emma."
"And on our way to hell." Hiei chuckled.
"Hai. Come down then and let's get a little practice in before you are hauled before Mukuro to answer for your charred sensei.
"Iku zo."
And so Hiei climbed down.
owari