I had a dream a few nights ago, not a vision but a regular old sleeping dream. Cordelia and I were walking down the beach holding hands. Nothing bad happened. No evil came along to mess with us. No vision of somebody needing rescuing seized me. We just had a nice leisurely walk down the beach. She was wearing this pretty little white dress and her feet were bare. She was completely beautiful.
I never told her about the dream. I wanted to, still do in fact, but there just isn't enough time. We agreed that secrets are bad and there are so many I have to tell her. They're not big secrets like the being half demon thing. They're just little ones, mostly about how I think about her all the time. I just wish I had more time to do it.
Time is a funny thing, though. When you want it to speed by, it crawls. And when you want it to freeze, it zips by in the blink of an eye. And then that's it. Time's up. All aboard, mister. No, you don't have time for one more kiss. One is just gonna have to be enough. And there's not enough time for you tell her any secrets.
It's time for me to be a hero. People are in danger and I can save them. *I* can save Angel instead of the other way around for a change. And then he can go on to help a lot more people than I ever could. Because he's a real hero. I bet he doesn't get scared before he rescues people. And right now I'm terrified. I'm going to die. That's a pretty scary thought.
Worse than that, though, is the thought of this light tearing through me before I can get this thing off. I can't fail now. I've done it more times than I can count, but this... I can't fail at this. Because Cordelia's behind me. I can feel her watching me, counting on me. And I can't let her down.
See, I guess one of the secrets I still have is kinda big. Somehow I managed to fall in love with Cordelia Chase. It's not just a crush like she and Angel think. I'm head over heels ready to get married and have babies in love with her. And now she'll never know that. But as long as I get this... There. At least she'll be alive and safe for now. That's what matters. I'll miss you, Princess. Bye.