Hello. This is Spirit-chan. What you are about to read are notes sent to myself and my dear friend Michi-chan (pronounced 'mishee') from Light Yagami. …OK so we wrote them, BUT STILL. So you know, I wrote the ones that start with "Dear Michi", and she wrote the others.
Thank you in advance for reading. Even if the massive amount of CRACK-HUMOR melts your brain. :3
#1
Dear Spirit,
Once, I was walking down the street, and there
was this kid, right, and he was on a skateboard. And so then he did
that thing where you flip it upside down or whatever and he fell
over. And was hit by an
18-wheeler.
Hahahahahaha.
Sincerely,
Light
#2
Dear Michi,
So
there was this one time at headquarters when it was just me and L,
when we decided we were bored. To relieve ourselves of boredom, I
proposed we play a game of strip poker. Just then, some guy falls
through the glass window-ceiling thing and splatters everywhere.
It took us weeks to get the blood stains out of L's
favorite
white
chair.
Sincerely,
Light
#3
Dear Spirit,
Once, we were all in the
office, and L was sitting there, in a sugar-induced rage,
and I
filled his pants with hermit crabs. And I replaced his sugar cubes
with Splenda
cubes. Oddly enough, the only thing he noticed was
the Splenda. For all I know, the
crabs are still
there.
Sincerely,
Light
#4
Dear Spirit,
Once, I was taking a shower
with my shoes on, and I dropped the soap, and
accidentally stepped
on it. But instead of slipping on it, I just squished
it.
Sincerely,
Light
#5
Dear Michi,
Today the investigation team
went to the beach. I wanted to swim in the ocean, but L
didn't
want to, so being chained to him, I had to follow him around. We
walked around
on the sand, kicked some sea weed, oogled babes in
bikinis-- it actually wasn't that bad.
Then my dad got eaten
alive by a giant squid.
I'm glad I didn't go in the
water.
Sincerely,
Light
#6
Dearest Darlingest Spirit-Chan,
Today I
flung a cat. And then I had a tea party.
I
spent the entire morning staring at L with the creepiest expression
imaginable on my
face. He didn't notice, because he was eating the
Fruit Group Leader's peach basket. He
is desperate for sugar,
because he's had nothing but Splenda for the past two weeks. Then he
got dragged into the basement for some punishment by
Watari.
At tea-time, I glued L's feet to
the chair, so that he had no choice but to stand up and jump to move.
So now I can hear him wherever he goes, because he makes a clop-clop
noise. It makes me giggle evilly. Oh no, I can hear him coming. I'd
better RUN
AWAY.
Sincerely,
Light
P.S. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!
#7
Dear Michi,
One
time in history class, we were watching a video about MLK (Martin
Luther King, Jr.). The whole time, I was thinking "Who the #
gives a crap about some preacher from America?! We're in JAPAN!
We don't care what color you are!"
Then
some kid threw up all over the place. I
laughed.
Sincerely,
Light
#8
Dear Michi,
Once I was walking down the street, singing opera to myself. Suddenly, a man clad in viking-wear stormed out of nowhere, screaming. I threw a rock at his face.
Sincerely,
Light
#9
Dear Michi,
Last week, L wet his bed, so he came and layed in mine. I had a hard time falling asleep with him there, but I finally managed. I woke up about an hour later, and he was facing me, fast asleep. I giggled like a girl, and fell back asleep. I woke up again later on, and he was staring RIGHT AT ME. I shrieked, and beat him with the nearest nut cracker. Then I pooted.
Sincerely,
Light
#10
Dear
Michi,
Last week, I
bribed Watari with a pound of sausage links to tell me if L's real
name really did start with L. He said it did, so I gave him his
sausage links. Then I wrote down EVERY SINGLE name that
starts with 'L' in the Death Note, but nothing happened. That night I
played truth or dare with L, and he dared me not to kill him if I'm
Kira. Then I dared him to tell me his real name. He said
"Rafael".
I
never would have guessed he used to be a Teenage Mutant Ninja
Turtle. Sincerely,
Light