Title: What if ...
Author: Schattentaenzerin
Fandom: NCIS
Pairing: Abby/Kate, Abby/Tony and implied Gibbs/Tony
Rating: PG-13
Category: Drama
Word count: 466 words
Warnings: Femslash, Het, Slash, suicidal thoughts, implied sex
Summary: She had never asked herself what would have happened if Kate hadn't died. The only question that she asked herself was … what if she died at that time, too? But in the end it was anyway indifferent, What-Ifs don't change the reality ... No matter how hard you wish for that...
Disclaimer: If NCIS were mine, the series would not have taken this direction. Furthermore, there would be less Tiva and more Tabby and/or Tibbs. Believe me.
A/N: I do not know why, but I have develop a soft spot for this pairing...
A big thank you to murgy31 for being such an amazing beta.
What if ...
She had never asked how her life would have developed, if Kate would have survived ... if she had not died by Ari's hand.
She had never asked if they might still be together ... if they maybe would have lived together now ... or whether they would have grown apart.
No, such questions never tortured her. Neither as she heard of Kate's death, even now ... so many months later.
Maybe it was her nature .. her mentality ...
Even as a young child she was fascinated by death and this had not changed with time ... but never ... never it had assumed such proportions. Again and again in the months after Ari's attack on her and Tony she caught herself that she thought about how it would be to be dead ... How it would be to be again together with her.
So much happened in a short period, but it was as if nothing would affect her.
Director Sheppard came and brought Ziva with her. Ziva tried to be her friend, but even if she did something with her ... It was as if it wasn't her, who dealt with the beautiful Israeli. Ducky, McGee and even Gibbs ... no one could reach her ... even Tony, who had loved Kate in his own way and who found otherwise always a way into her heart ... Even he touched only her outer shell ...
So often it seemed to her that she only played a role and slowly ... slowly she understood why Tony loves it so much to go undercover. It happens so much, but everything happens just to your alter ego and not to yourself. Your true self is guarded and hidden ...
But nothing was indestructible ... nothing could be protect, defend for ever ... and her shell fell apart when they almost lost Gibbs in an explosion and then ... really lost by his own will.
She had tried to mentally distance herself by all ... want to manage all alone, but through the loss of Gibbs, it felt almost like back when she had lost Kate ... but this time ... this time she wasn't alone ...
But just as Tony didn't see her, when he almost brutal bit into her neck and hold her hands tightly over her head and in almost the same brutal manner thrust in her... just as little she saw him. Didn't feel his hard, rough skin, but gentle, soft ... Saw brown eyes instead of blue ones... And ... felt love instead of only lust ...
But in the end, this all didn't matter...
They both wanted someone else, but sometimes ... sometimes you could only have a replacement and the question of what if ...
The End
A/N: Sorry, that I change Tony's eye color. Unfortunately I had discovered my mistake AFTER I had finished my story and then I couldn't chance the sentence because all my other ideas didn't sound so good.