I don't own digimon k? I'm working on the the 10th ch. of 10 things I hate about u, as we speak k? I just need 2 get other ideas out as I go. So expect the next ch. out soon. Sorry about the spelling errors too. This is kinda an early side story to 'don't walk away' k?
No Angel
She doesn't know I watch her now. She doesn't know I've always watched her. My Teeny Mimi. My precious baby. I remeber when she was taken from me. That faithful day when she was at summer camp. An immediate migrane over took me and I crashed to the floor. At that moment I knew that something was wrong. My husband called my name over and over again to get me to focus. I screamed and raged, yelling that I needed to get to the summer camp right now. I sobbed and went into hysterics through the drive all the way there. I muttered my baby over and over again untill we reached the place where my precious heartbeat was.
I dashed out of the car screaming Mimi's name with my husband Shiriko close behind trying to calm me down. But I wouldn't listen to his nonsense, I wanted my baby and I wanted her now!! I shoved the stupid conslor out of my way as he tried to ask me something about a brosure. Moron! I finally found a bunk with a pink little bunny and the words Girls written in cursive on it. I slammed the door open and yelled Mimi's name. A young blond girl stared at me and told me that Mimi was in quaretie. WHAT?!
Once again knocking down Shiriko I tore my way down to the quarentie bunk. Knocking the door off its hindges I raced in and immediately began searching the children's faces for the one of my baby girl. A blond boy, a big brown haired boy, an older blue haired boy, a short dark red head boy, a light red head tomboy girl, a younger version of the blond boy, Ah yes! long cinemen colored hair! That was my girl! I leaped over to the cot she lay on and instantly took her hand and began to sob. Seconds after, Shiriko speak in with a dazed look. Kiki? He called. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.
My precious's eyes wouldn't open. Neither would the other children's. Why?Why wouldn't my baby show me her gorgeous hazel eyes? Shiriko kneeled on the opposite side of our daughter. I sobbed into her hand and begged her to open her eyes. Why hadn't we been informed of this!!! The counsler walked in and layed a hand on my shoulder. I layed my palm over his.............and then dug my nails into his hand with a vengence!! He screamed and instantly tried to back away but I held his hand tight, I scratched, slapped, punched kicked, everything I could think of but was immediately torn away by my husband.
Let me go!! Don't you care about our baby!!!??? They managed to site me, more like PIN me down and explain that this had just happened. Most of the boys and the redhead had been playing soccer and they had just collapsed without warning. One of the young girls that looked to be around Mi-chan's age walked in with tears in her eyes. I recognized her as the blond girl that directed me to the quarentie. She explained that she and Mimi were best friends now, she had been playing with Mimi's hair and Mimi had just passed out onto the bed they were sitting on.
I held the girl in my arms as she sobbed. I wanted to cry myself. She children looked as if they were only sleeping. One or two of them even had little smiles on their faces. We gently picked up Mimi and began to take her to the hospital. There are a few things that only mothers can understand. One of them is the fear of not knowing, that only comes when your child is sick, missing, dying ect. I didn't know any of the above with Mimi. As we drove, I layed my baby girl in my lab and sang Cats in the Cradle to her. She loved that song when she was little.
She would come into our room crying from the dark or a nightmare and would lay down on my chest. I would let her cry while gently rubbing her back and sing that little song to her. Now I stroked her hair and prayed for her eyes to open. I did the same thing when we brought her into the hospital ward. I only stopped to let them take her from me. The worst part was when they told me there was nothing wrong with her. A child just does not pass out for nothing!!!!!
My little outburst, or attack as they called it, almost got me comitted. I was always and extremely enthusiastic mother. I couldn't help it, it just came natural. I never left the hospital after that. I continued to stay, sleep,talk and live by her side. Shiriko yelled, threatened, and begged me to come home. I knew I was destroying my health like this, but I just didn't care. I feel bad for Shiriko, perhaps I SHOULD have left after I found out I was pregnate.
*****Memory*****
I met Shiriko in my home country of America. He was on a buisness trip and saw me. I was twenty three and he twenty six. My parents had disowned me when I turned eighteen, saying I was an embaressment to the family. I wasn't very popular in school, nor very smart. I was an unbearably terrible athleat. It just seemed like I couldn't do anything right. I think my family knew that too. Finally when I turned of age, my family tossed me out. They seemed almost giddy to do it. Like this was what they were waiting for since I was born.
I was left with no money, a waitressing job that couldn't pay for a card board box. So I was offered an exotic job. It was awful, humiliating work, but it payed the rent. In a way I enjoyed it. It made me feel beautiful. Cheaply beautiful, but beautiful. After my dance and the club closed I made my way home. Five years of doing this really wore on the soul. I was wrapped in a gray trench coat as I made my way to my cock roach filled apartment. I would cry at night. For my lost pride, my family, and most of all for my lonliness.
I wanted someone to love me more than anything else in the world. That was all I wanted. Love, unconditional heartwrenching love. In my thoughts and daydreams I had bumped into someone. I muttered an apology and continued my way home when someone grabbed my arm. I whirled around to meet a tall young man. Oh please don't be a rapist! I thought untill I realized that I hadn't seen this man before. Hey this may have been a city but you pretty much knew everybody, or at least their face.
Dark brown eyes, not nearly as dark as mine, and black hair. In all honest I had never seen a man so tall, and well built at that. But as they say, looks aren't everything, trust me I speak from experience. I demanded he let go of my arm. To my surprise he did so immediately, and had actually looked like a child who had been scolded for unknowing doing something bad. I told him it was ok and made an excuse about him catching me off guard. He began to stare at me, unnerving me at least. Then he invited me out for coffee. It was getting late but I knew without looking that I had nothing in the fridge. So I reluctantly agreed.
We ate, talked, drank. He was a nice man, one of the good ones as mother called them. A friend was what he was, but I could tell he wanted more. But my heart had already belonged to another man. I had found out he was a Japaneze man by the name of Shiriko. Wow! Exotic guy! I told him my name was Kiki, he laughed a little, and when I mean a little I mean he stopped when I kicked him in the shin. We again shook hands and made our own seperate ways to our homes.
**********
I walked into my dirty apartment full of stained carpets and rusted lawn furniture. I sighed and made my way to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. My eyes made their dark way to my drawr where I kept my second most precious thing I owned. As giddy as a crushing school girl I opened the top drawr and pulled it out. It was a picture of the first most precious thing I owned. He was a beautiful man. I would have never described a man as beautiful before but he was the exception. Slitted almond shaped goldish hazel eyes stared mischievious at me with a little smirk tinting his lips, long waist length red hair tied tightly into a ponytail at the base of his neck.
I loved his hair so. I would play with it any chance I got. Wether it was undoing it as we were making love or when I would brush it back into the safe confines. Oh I loved him more each second of each hour of each day! He was so exotic looking. Even his name sounded exotic, Shance. He was a tall muscular french immagrant from europe. He was rich too. My hair was more orange than it was red, my eyes a deep chocolate brown. My parents had always said I had awful coloring, that god played paint by numbers with it! They had even encouraged me with dye and contacts.
But I would have none of it! I continued the way I was. And he loved it. Shance would wisk me away to beach houses for romantic months of candle light and dancing. He was off visiting his brother and newly born neice. God how I missed him. I would dance with a broom and mop everytime I cleaned, pretending it was him. When would he return to me?
**********
He came back!!! Three days later he showed up at my doorsteps with roses and other assortments in his hands! I immediately leaped on him and brought him into my apartment. What happened next is none of your business in detail! It was beautiful, he had made me wait so he could set up candle light and rose petals. Shance said he hadn't ment for me to be here in the first place so he could set things up. I had the biggest shock of my life when I woke up.
He had left. My beautiful french man was gone. In his place to my right was a note. It said the usual dump letter, you know, 'its not you its me' 'you deserve better than this, you deserve what I can't give you' and than of course there's 'I just need to find myself, to fully know what I want'. I had never felt so used and humiliated! I had cried for days. I then began to get sick. Everything hurt and every movement caused me to see my lunch and I don't mean while I was eating it!
I of course ran out and began walking to the doctor's. But something unusual happened, just as I was all most there I bumped into the same man. He referred me to as 'the pretty lady'. I would've have blushed if not for my ahem 'exotic training'. Once he found out where I was going he immediately became concerned and offered to go in with me. For some odd reason I abandoned my first instict to tell him to take a hike, and let him walk me in.
The next few hours where the most, excrusiating yet the happiest of my life. After hours of waiting I was taken back into the check up room where Doctor Obrian told me the most gorgeous thing to ever pass my ears. You.Are.Pregnate! To most that would be an emotional death sentance, but to me it was sweet sonata. I was with child! I was going to have someone to love me unconditionaly for the rest of my life! To never leave me crying! I was going to be a mother!
Tears came to my eyes as I ran out of the office and slammed into Shiriko's chest with my sobs. At first he thought whatever the doctor had said devastated my but then he saw my smile. The big dolt even spun me around not even know what to be happy about! Then it all came crashing down. I was going to be an awful mother! After he set me down I put a covered my lips and tears once again came to my eyes. Only these weren't the same tears.
My child would hate me!What baby could love a stripper for god's sake!! What was I going to do?! I had no money, no food, and barely even shelter! My baby would always be hungry. Always be sad. NO! This, this isn't fair. What was I going to do?! Money. I needed money. And FAST! I couldn't bring a child into this world only to serve my miserable life.
Shiriko knelt infront of the chair I was sitting in and looked into my eyes. He took my hand and gently asked what was wrong as he stroked it. My hand left my mouth as Satan's own thoughts erupted into my head. This man was a corporate Laywer. He even owned his own personal business and invested in stocks. Perfect. NO! This is an innocent man damnit!! He shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes!! 'But what about the baby?' A voice echoed in my head. Yes, my baby.
I'd do anything for my baby. And I proved it when I lied to Shiriko and said it was just an aids test and had come out negative. He smiled once more and hugged me. He wanted me? Then I would give him me. I immediately put on the whole innocent love face and asked him out to coffee. Shiriko seemed surprised yet undeniably elated. He nodded quickly and instantly sugested a place. I smiled and accepted his offered arm.
**********
No he wasn't a lover, a husband, but he was a friend. He was one of those friend's that mom said you could leave a million dollars to for ten years and get it back with interest. My plan played out perfectly. I covered up any signs of pregnancy. On the third date we slept together. To my unbelievable surprise, he had been reluctant to take me so early and had needed lots of coaxing. I had set up dates for everything, everything had its perfect time to stand. Two weeks later I called him to my apartment and played out a whole sobbing facade.
I had told him that I went to the doctor for days after our intercourse and he had told me I was pregnate. Again the man was full of surprises. He laughed and slammed me into a giant bear hug! This relationship was moving so fast and he didn't even seem fazed! I bluffed just for measure, told him that I wouldn't marry if he didn't want to, that I was perfectly fine with child support. Shiriko seemed abashed at the very thought, so much though that he got down on one knee that very instant.
I cried, sobbed and thrashed at this. It wasn't supposed to be this easy!! It shouldn't have hurt this much! But it did. I was killing an innocent man. 'you aren't killing him, you're giving him a child' my mind whispered to me. And I believed it. I had to or else my sanity would be lost.
**********
It was a beautiful wedding. Full of flowers, white, swans, and candles. It was a romantic night wedding just as I had wanted. Everything was beautiful! But it felt so wrong to do this to him. I must have muttered its for the baby about a trillion times in the course of our relationship. And it was. It was for the baby. When he went with me for my monthly check up I got to see the sono-gram! I was extatic. We weren't able to tell the gender but just seeing my little precious was more than enough for me. The baby was sucking it's thumb all curled up into a little ball, and at the moment trying to get it's toe into it's mouth too.
I covered my mouth with both hands and traced the little body with my finger tips. Shiriko was already begging for copies. When we got the video and pictures I watched them every day. Looking for anything that I might have missed the first thirteen times.
**********
Fat. God I hated being so fat. I kept reminding myself that it wasn't fat that it was baby. That seemed to help a little. I would play Delta Don on the radio next to my stomach everytime it came on. I was doing that when the joyious occasion started. I was cleaning a few dishes while Shiriko was out on a case. I was singing the song to the baby right at that moment.
Delta a Don
Whats that flower you have on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Or did I hear you say?
You were meeting him today
She's fortyone and her dady still calls her baby
All the people around town think she's crazy
'Cause she walks around town with a suit case in her hand
Waitin' for the day he'll take her to the promise land.
That was one of her favorite songs next to cats in the cradle. Cats in the cradle? That would be a nice song for her to her now right? I smiled down and rubbed my tummy.
Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home dad I don't know when but-
My body slammed into a crouching position as the pain waved through my body! Oh god not now! I could practically here my baby wailing with the terror of being born. Shiriko! I had to get Shiriko! I struggled to the phone and dialed his cell phone. After a few grueling seconds of waiting and more of hearing him yell it'll be ok and he'll be there I hung up. Getting to the car was the hardest. I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF TO THE HOSPITAL~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god make the pain stop! I sat in the car and picked up my cell phone. ILENE!!! Yes! She was one of my best friends when I moved to Japan! Perfect! Smiling faintly I dialed her number, after the situation was confermed she was here in seconds. Her little one year old Taichi was only in a towel in her arms. Huh, guess I cought her in a bit of a bad time.
On the way there she drove like a mad woman!! Taichi was screaming and so was I! I clutched the dash board and my seatbelt to save my sanity! The drive was only minutes, but they seemed like years. They wheeled me into a room where I awaited more contractions. My husband was on the way and I was a nervous wreck! What if my hips were too narrow?! What If I wasn't strong enough! Ilene seemed to sense my worries and gently placed a hand over my stomach. She asked me if I was okay and that it would all be worth it.
I smiled and nodded wearily. Like his mother, Taichi also seemed very interested with my stomach. The baby boy would pat it and put his ear to it every few seconds. Then he would talk his little baby talk to it! Ilene and I laughed at the little conversation they seemed to be having. For some reason he seemed to be coming the pain down. I was even begining to see my baby kicking my stomach and whirling around like a gymnist. Another wave of excrusiating pain over took me and I began to lurch forward almost knocking Taichi off the bed.
This was going too fast! It was all happening too damn fast! Shiriko flew in a few minutes later only to be strangled by Ilene. She did the usual best friend thing, you know, the whole yelling, threatening, asking if his mistress was still in the car, that whole fiasco. I screamed at them to shut up as the doctor ordered me to push. Oh god it hurt!!!!
**********
In two hours my screams were replaced by another's wail. I collapsed on the bed and then struggled to get up to look up at my baby. ITS A GIRL rang through the air. A baby girl. MY baby girl. All mine. The doctor wrapped her in a flanel pink blanket and I begged him to hand her to me. Shiriko stood over me and took me into his arms to get a look at what he thought was his daughter. The minutes she hit my arms I hugged her almost enough to break her. But she didn't cry. Happy tears slid down my cheeks and I almost didn't hear the doctor tell me that her eyes would take a few days to open. I nodded not really paying attention.
I then pulled her back just enough to get a good look at her. A pain of dissapointment hit me as I examined the unusually long, fluffy down on her head. It was a cinemen color, not the vibrant red like her father's I had hoped for her to have. I sighed. But the minute that sigh came from my lips, enormous hazel eyes shot open! I was taken by surprise and could only stare back. Hazel eyes blinked and resumed their staring, but was erupted with a few giggles. Those eyes. Her eyes were his! They were Shance's eyes!!
I smiled back and kissed her forehead. A few days huh? Doctors are so stupid sometimes. Ilene then decided to break the moment and brought Taichi over to us. I looked up to her and smiled a motherly smile. So this is what it felt like. I rocked my baby back and forth. Taichi then had somehow managed to scramble out of his mother's arms and into my bed. He began to crawl towards my baby and lightly paw her.
Instead of crying like I had originally thought she would, she turned her head and her eyes took on a slight look of recognition as Taichi babled to her. Those hazel eyes flashed at him and she began to try to snatch his hair. Once able to do that she wailed happily waving her prize about. Taichi on the other hand was not so happy but didn't make it know to the rest of us. Ilene briefly asked me what I was going to name her. I looked over to the glass bassinet Where Taichi was cradled snuggling my sleeping girl next to him.
I then remembered the song Cats in the Cradle, but that was sung my a boy. Fortunately Delta Don was not. Mimi. Yes that would be the perfect name for her. Mimi Shance Tachikawa. Shiriko seemed satisfyed with that decision.
*********
I remember how Shance had come back. He had somehow tracked me down. He appeared on my door step while Shiriko was at work. His hazel gold eyes flashed happily as he tried to wrap me in his arms. I stepped back wishing I could smack him just like in all the soap opras. But I couldn't. Even if he hadn't left, I would've once I found out I was pregnate. I would've wanted my baby all to myself and not share. So it wouldn't have made a difference.
Once I backed up he cought site of Mimi strapped in her carrier to my chest. His eyes widened and was about to mumble apologies over and over again to me. Saying how he didn't know I had moved on and if I was happy with another man's child. But he was stopped once Mimi's hazel eyes flashed open from her sleep and mirrored his own. Shance slumped against the door and stared at his own hazel eyes.
There was no hiding it. You just didn't get those eyes from anybody. He mumbled something in french in awe. I turned my head away, ashamed of myself for not telling him sooner. But I turned back as I heard cooing and giggling. There Shance stood smiling happily as he stroked the thick long down on Mimi's head. I looked up at him and smiled happily as I invited him in for tea.
Poppy! Mimi had squealed at Shance. It seemed that she knew who her father was. I had always wondered why she didn't seem interested in Shiriko. For my entire life with Shance I had never seen him weep...............but he did now. He held Mimi tightly and I was afraid he might hurt her, but she didn't seem to mind.
The next few minutes and hours dragged on in a shock. Shance had litterally gotten down on his kneese and begged me to take him back. Begged for me to let him be a part of Mimi's life. NO! He couldn't ask for this! It would ruin everything! He would tell Shiriko! Then it was my turn to beg. I pleaded for him to keep this a secret, that this was the only way Mimi could have a life! I had done it for her!
Shance stared at me and nodded sadly. He said it was his faulnt anyway, for leaving. I didn't care who's the hells faulnt it was, just as long as I could keep my daughter. I was greatfull when he decided to take his leave. He told me to send him a picture a day for his silence and a video a month. I happily agreed.
*****Back to the present*****
I never saw Shance again after that. I've heard that he never got married. I often feel awful for that. I'm leaning against Mimi's hospital bed now. How could this have happened?
Suddenly everything begins to go black. I feel as if I'm falling! Whats going on!! An old man appears infront of me and intoduces himelf as Genei.He says that if it would save me grief I could see my daughter. I smile and nodd eargerly. With a wave of his hand a theaterscreen sized mirror appears infront of us.
I then see Mimi and all the other sleeping children!! They are all with these strange monster looking things, but they look friendly. Mimi is with a flower woman looking thing. She is very tall and her eyes are hidden under her red rose looking cap. She carries a sleeping Mimi with the others back to what looks like a camp. Who is she? Did she send my Mimi here!
I demanded Genei to let me speak to my daughter. He had the audacity do refuse! But he let me able to talk to her guardian. I nodded, it was better than nothing. In an instant I appear infront of a moonlit lake. I search around incrediously but the sound of approachment catches my ears. A large walking pink flower walk toward me emotionlessly. She give her name. Palmon? What kind of name was that!
I scream and demand to speak to Mimi's 'guardian'! She says that I'm looking at her. Palmon then explains the wonder of Digivolution. This doesn't impress me in the least. I'm once again screeching as to know why she brought my daughter here! Why! If she's supposedly so powerful why doesn't she just kill the evil herself!!!??? Palmon stares at me and then begins to tell me that Mimi is not my daughter. Not here anyways.
I try to leap at the flower just to strangle her! How dare she!! I don't see her going through two hours of pure hell to have Mimi!!!!! She restrains me with some kind of attacking vine. I yell and thrash, but when I calm down she explains it all better. As long as Mimi's here she'll watch over her like I did in the real world. She'll protect her like I did when I was pregnate.
I'm still angry at the end of this but I don't have a choice. Palmon lets me go and Genei once again comes to take me away. Once back in the blackness I ask to watch Mimi for just a little longer.
For you I'll lie. For you I'll give up anything and everything. For you I'll hurt. And for your safety, Mimi, I'll share you. Untill you can come home to me. Untill I'm able to brush your hair and hold you in your sleep. Untill I'm able to brag about all your perfections to my friends. Untill I'm able to hear you call me mama. For all that I'll wait.
For you I'll wait.
No Angel
She doesn't know I watch her now. She doesn't know I've always watched her. My Teeny Mimi. My precious baby. I remeber when she was taken from me. That faithful day when she was at summer camp. An immediate migrane over took me and I crashed to the floor. At that moment I knew that something was wrong. My husband called my name over and over again to get me to focus. I screamed and raged, yelling that I needed to get to the summer camp right now. I sobbed and went into hysterics through the drive all the way there. I muttered my baby over and over again untill we reached the place where my precious heartbeat was.
I dashed out of the car screaming Mimi's name with my husband Shiriko close behind trying to calm me down. But I wouldn't listen to his nonsense, I wanted my baby and I wanted her now!! I shoved the stupid conslor out of my way as he tried to ask me something about a brosure. Moron! I finally found a bunk with a pink little bunny and the words Girls written in cursive on it. I slammed the door open and yelled Mimi's name. A young blond girl stared at me and told me that Mimi was in quaretie. WHAT?!
Once again knocking down Shiriko I tore my way down to the quarentie bunk. Knocking the door off its hindges I raced in and immediately began searching the children's faces for the one of my baby girl. A blond boy, a big brown haired boy, an older blue haired boy, a short dark red head boy, a light red head tomboy girl, a younger version of the blond boy, Ah yes! long cinemen colored hair! That was my girl! I leaped over to the cot she lay on and instantly took her hand and began to sob. Seconds after, Shiriko speak in with a dazed look. Kiki? He called. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.
My precious's eyes wouldn't open. Neither would the other children's. Why?Why wouldn't my baby show me her gorgeous hazel eyes? Shiriko kneeled on the opposite side of our daughter. I sobbed into her hand and begged her to open her eyes. Why hadn't we been informed of this!!! The counsler walked in and layed a hand on my shoulder. I layed my palm over his.............and then dug my nails into his hand with a vengence!! He screamed and instantly tried to back away but I held his hand tight, I scratched, slapped, punched kicked, everything I could think of but was immediately torn away by my husband.
Let me go!! Don't you care about our baby!!!??? They managed to site me, more like PIN me down and explain that this had just happened. Most of the boys and the redhead had been playing soccer and they had just collapsed without warning. One of the young girls that looked to be around Mi-chan's age walked in with tears in her eyes. I recognized her as the blond girl that directed me to the quarentie. She explained that she and Mimi were best friends now, she had been playing with Mimi's hair and Mimi had just passed out onto the bed they were sitting on.
I held the girl in my arms as she sobbed. I wanted to cry myself. She children looked as if they were only sleeping. One or two of them even had little smiles on their faces. We gently picked up Mimi and began to take her to the hospital. There are a few things that only mothers can understand. One of them is the fear of not knowing, that only comes when your child is sick, missing, dying ect. I didn't know any of the above with Mimi. As we drove, I layed my baby girl in my lab and sang Cats in the Cradle to her. She loved that song when she was little.
She would come into our room crying from the dark or a nightmare and would lay down on my chest. I would let her cry while gently rubbing her back and sing that little song to her. Now I stroked her hair and prayed for her eyes to open. I did the same thing when we brought her into the hospital ward. I only stopped to let them take her from me. The worst part was when they told me there was nothing wrong with her. A child just does not pass out for nothing!!!!!
My little outburst, or attack as they called it, almost got me comitted. I was always and extremely enthusiastic mother. I couldn't help it, it just came natural. I never left the hospital after that. I continued to stay, sleep,talk and live by her side. Shiriko yelled, threatened, and begged me to come home. I knew I was destroying my health like this, but I just didn't care. I feel bad for Shiriko, perhaps I SHOULD have left after I found out I was pregnate.
*****Memory*****
I met Shiriko in my home country of America. He was on a buisness trip and saw me. I was twenty three and he twenty six. My parents had disowned me when I turned eighteen, saying I was an embaressment to the family. I wasn't very popular in school, nor very smart. I was an unbearably terrible athleat. It just seemed like I couldn't do anything right. I think my family knew that too. Finally when I turned of age, my family tossed me out. They seemed almost giddy to do it. Like this was what they were waiting for since I was born.
I was left with no money, a waitressing job that couldn't pay for a card board box. So I was offered an exotic job. It was awful, humiliating work, but it payed the rent. In a way I enjoyed it. It made me feel beautiful. Cheaply beautiful, but beautiful. After my dance and the club closed I made my way home. Five years of doing this really wore on the soul. I was wrapped in a gray trench coat as I made my way to my cock roach filled apartment. I would cry at night. For my lost pride, my family, and most of all for my lonliness.
I wanted someone to love me more than anything else in the world. That was all I wanted. Love, unconditional heartwrenching love. In my thoughts and daydreams I had bumped into someone. I muttered an apology and continued my way home when someone grabbed my arm. I whirled around to meet a tall young man. Oh please don't be a rapist! I thought untill I realized that I hadn't seen this man before. Hey this may have been a city but you pretty much knew everybody, or at least their face.
Dark brown eyes, not nearly as dark as mine, and black hair. In all honest I had never seen a man so tall, and well built at that. But as they say, looks aren't everything, trust me I speak from experience. I demanded he let go of my arm. To my surprise he did so immediately, and had actually looked like a child who had been scolded for unknowing doing something bad. I told him it was ok and made an excuse about him catching me off guard. He began to stare at me, unnerving me at least. Then he invited me out for coffee. It was getting late but I knew without looking that I had nothing in the fridge. So I reluctantly agreed.
We ate, talked, drank. He was a nice man, one of the good ones as mother called them. A friend was what he was, but I could tell he wanted more. But my heart had already belonged to another man. I had found out he was a Japaneze man by the name of Shiriko. Wow! Exotic guy! I told him my name was Kiki, he laughed a little, and when I mean a little I mean he stopped when I kicked him in the shin. We again shook hands and made our own seperate ways to our homes.
**********
I walked into my dirty apartment full of stained carpets and rusted lawn furniture. I sighed and made my way to my bedroom and collapsed onto my bed. My eyes made their dark way to my drawr where I kept my second most precious thing I owned. As giddy as a crushing school girl I opened the top drawr and pulled it out. It was a picture of the first most precious thing I owned. He was a beautiful man. I would have never described a man as beautiful before but he was the exception. Slitted almond shaped goldish hazel eyes stared mischievious at me with a little smirk tinting his lips, long waist length red hair tied tightly into a ponytail at the base of his neck.
I loved his hair so. I would play with it any chance I got. Wether it was undoing it as we were making love or when I would brush it back into the safe confines. Oh I loved him more each second of each hour of each day! He was so exotic looking. Even his name sounded exotic, Shance. He was a tall muscular french immagrant from europe. He was rich too. My hair was more orange than it was red, my eyes a deep chocolate brown. My parents had always said I had awful coloring, that god played paint by numbers with it! They had even encouraged me with dye and contacts.
But I would have none of it! I continued the way I was. And he loved it. Shance would wisk me away to beach houses for romantic months of candle light and dancing. He was off visiting his brother and newly born neice. God how I missed him. I would dance with a broom and mop everytime I cleaned, pretending it was him. When would he return to me?
**********
He came back!!! Three days later he showed up at my doorsteps with roses and other assortments in his hands! I immediately leaped on him and brought him into my apartment. What happened next is none of your business in detail! It was beautiful, he had made me wait so he could set up candle light and rose petals. Shance said he hadn't ment for me to be here in the first place so he could set things up. I had the biggest shock of my life when I woke up.
He had left. My beautiful french man was gone. In his place to my right was a note. It said the usual dump letter, you know, 'its not you its me' 'you deserve better than this, you deserve what I can't give you' and than of course there's 'I just need to find myself, to fully know what I want'. I had never felt so used and humiliated! I had cried for days. I then began to get sick. Everything hurt and every movement caused me to see my lunch and I don't mean while I was eating it!
I of course ran out and began walking to the doctor's. But something unusual happened, just as I was all most there I bumped into the same man. He referred me to as 'the pretty lady'. I would've have blushed if not for my ahem 'exotic training'. Once he found out where I was going he immediately became concerned and offered to go in with me. For some odd reason I abandoned my first instict to tell him to take a hike, and let him walk me in.
The next few hours where the most, excrusiating yet the happiest of my life. After hours of waiting I was taken back into the check up room where Doctor Obrian told me the most gorgeous thing to ever pass my ears. You.Are.Pregnate! To most that would be an emotional death sentance, but to me it was sweet sonata. I was with child! I was going to have someone to love me unconditionaly for the rest of my life! To never leave me crying! I was going to be a mother!
Tears came to my eyes as I ran out of the office and slammed into Shiriko's chest with my sobs. At first he thought whatever the doctor had said devastated my but then he saw my smile. The big dolt even spun me around not even know what to be happy about! Then it all came crashing down. I was going to be an awful mother! After he set me down I put a covered my lips and tears once again came to my eyes. Only these weren't the same tears.
My child would hate me!What baby could love a stripper for god's sake!! What was I going to do?! I had no money, no food, and barely even shelter! My baby would always be hungry. Always be sad. NO! This, this isn't fair. What was I going to do?! Money. I needed money. And FAST! I couldn't bring a child into this world only to serve my miserable life.
Shiriko knelt infront of the chair I was sitting in and looked into my eyes. He took my hand and gently asked what was wrong as he stroked it. My hand left my mouth as Satan's own thoughts erupted into my head. This man was a corporate Laywer. He even owned his own personal business and invested in stocks. Perfect. NO! This is an innocent man damnit!! He shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes!! 'But what about the baby?' A voice echoed in my head. Yes, my baby.
I'd do anything for my baby. And I proved it when I lied to Shiriko and said it was just an aids test and had come out negative. He smiled once more and hugged me. He wanted me? Then I would give him me. I immediately put on the whole innocent love face and asked him out to coffee. Shiriko seemed surprised yet undeniably elated. He nodded quickly and instantly sugested a place. I smiled and accepted his offered arm.
**********
No he wasn't a lover, a husband, but he was a friend. He was one of those friend's that mom said you could leave a million dollars to for ten years and get it back with interest. My plan played out perfectly. I covered up any signs of pregnancy. On the third date we slept together. To my unbelievable surprise, he had been reluctant to take me so early and had needed lots of coaxing. I had set up dates for everything, everything had its perfect time to stand. Two weeks later I called him to my apartment and played out a whole sobbing facade.
I had told him that I went to the doctor for days after our intercourse and he had told me I was pregnate. Again the man was full of surprises. He laughed and slammed me into a giant bear hug! This relationship was moving so fast and he didn't even seem fazed! I bluffed just for measure, told him that I wouldn't marry if he didn't want to, that I was perfectly fine with child support. Shiriko seemed abashed at the very thought, so much though that he got down on one knee that very instant.
I cried, sobbed and thrashed at this. It wasn't supposed to be this easy!! It shouldn't have hurt this much! But it did. I was killing an innocent man. 'you aren't killing him, you're giving him a child' my mind whispered to me. And I believed it. I had to or else my sanity would be lost.
**********
It was a beautiful wedding. Full of flowers, white, swans, and candles. It was a romantic night wedding just as I had wanted. Everything was beautiful! But it felt so wrong to do this to him. I must have muttered its for the baby about a trillion times in the course of our relationship. And it was. It was for the baby. When he went with me for my monthly check up I got to see the sono-gram! I was extatic. We weren't able to tell the gender but just seeing my little precious was more than enough for me. The baby was sucking it's thumb all curled up into a little ball, and at the moment trying to get it's toe into it's mouth too.
I covered my mouth with both hands and traced the little body with my finger tips. Shiriko was already begging for copies. When we got the video and pictures I watched them every day. Looking for anything that I might have missed the first thirteen times.
**********
Fat. God I hated being so fat. I kept reminding myself that it wasn't fat that it was baby. That seemed to help a little. I would play Delta Don on the radio next to my stomach everytime it came on. I was doing that when the joyious occasion started. I was cleaning a few dishes while Shiriko was out on a case. I was singing the song to the baby right at that moment.
Delta a Don
Whats that flower you have on?
Could it be a faded rose from days gone by?
Or did I hear you say?
You were meeting him today
She's fortyone and her dady still calls her baby
All the people around town think she's crazy
'Cause she walks around town with a suit case in her hand
Waitin' for the day he'll take her to the promise land.
That was one of her favorite songs next to cats in the cradle. Cats in the cradle? That would be a nice song for her to her now right? I smiled down and rubbed my tummy.
Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
When you comin' home dad I don't know when but-
My body slammed into a crouching position as the pain waved through my body! Oh god not now! I could practically here my baby wailing with the terror of being born. Shiriko! I had to get Shiriko! I struggled to the phone and dialed his cell phone. After a few grueling seconds of waiting and more of hearing him yell it'll be ok and he'll be there I hung up. Getting to the car was the hardest. I COULDN'T DRIVE MYSELF TO THE HOSPITAL~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god make the pain stop! I sat in the car and picked up my cell phone. ILENE!!! Yes! She was one of my best friends when I moved to Japan! Perfect! Smiling faintly I dialed her number, after the situation was confermed she was here in seconds. Her little one year old Taichi was only in a towel in her arms. Huh, guess I cought her in a bit of a bad time.
On the way there she drove like a mad woman!! Taichi was screaming and so was I! I clutched the dash board and my seatbelt to save my sanity! The drive was only minutes, but they seemed like years. They wheeled me into a room where I awaited more contractions. My husband was on the way and I was a nervous wreck! What if my hips were too narrow?! What If I wasn't strong enough! Ilene seemed to sense my worries and gently placed a hand over my stomach. She asked me if I was okay and that it would all be worth it.
I smiled and nodded wearily. Like his mother, Taichi also seemed very interested with my stomach. The baby boy would pat it and put his ear to it every few seconds. Then he would talk his little baby talk to it! Ilene and I laughed at the little conversation they seemed to be having. For some reason he seemed to be coming the pain down. I was even begining to see my baby kicking my stomach and whirling around like a gymnist. Another wave of excrusiating pain over took me and I began to lurch forward almost knocking Taichi off the bed.
This was going too fast! It was all happening too damn fast! Shiriko flew in a few minutes later only to be strangled by Ilene. She did the usual best friend thing, you know, the whole yelling, threatening, asking if his mistress was still in the car, that whole fiasco. I screamed at them to shut up as the doctor ordered me to push. Oh god it hurt!!!!
**********
In two hours my screams were replaced by another's wail. I collapsed on the bed and then struggled to get up to look up at my baby. ITS A GIRL rang through the air. A baby girl. MY baby girl. All mine. The doctor wrapped her in a flanel pink blanket and I begged him to hand her to me. Shiriko stood over me and took me into his arms to get a look at what he thought was his daughter. The minutes she hit my arms I hugged her almost enough to break her. But she didn't cry. Happy tears slid down my cheeks and I almost didn't hear the doctor tell me that her eyes would take a few days to open. I nodded not really paying attention.
I then pulled her back just enough to get a good look at her. A pain of dissapointment hit me as I examined the unusually long, fluffy down on her head. It was a cinemen color, not the vibrant red like her father's I had hoped for her to have. I sighed. But the minute that sigh came from my lips, enormous hazel eyes shot open! I was taken by surprise and could only stare back. Hazel eyes blinked and resumed their staring, but was erupted with a few giggles. Those eyes. Her eyes were his! They were Shance's eyes!!
I smiled back and kissed her forehead. A few days huh? Doctors are so stupid sometimes. Ilene then decided to break the moment and brought Taichi over to us. I looked up to her and smiled a motherly smile. So this is what it felt like. I rocked my baby back and forth. Taichi then had somehow managed to scramble out of his mother's arms and into my bed. He began to crawl towards my baby and lightly paw her.
Instead of crying like I had originally thought she would, she turned her head and her eyes took on a slight look of recognition as Taichi babled to her. Those hazel eyes flashed at him and she began to try to snatch his hair. Once able to do that she wailed happily waving her prize about. Taichi on the other hand was not so happy but didn't make it know to the rest of us. Ilene briefly asked me what I was going to name her. I looked over to the glass bassinet Where Taichi was cradled snuggling my sleeping girl next to him.
I then remembered the song Cats in the Cradle, but that was sung my a boy. Fortunately Delta Don was not. Mimi. Yes that would be the perfect name for her. Mimi Shance Tachikawa. Shiriko seemed satisfyed with that decision.
*********
I remember how Shance had come back. He had somehow tracked me down. He appeared on my door step while Shiriko was at work. His hazel gold eyes flashed happily as he tried to wrap me in his arms. I stepped back wishing I could smack him just like in all the soap opras. But I couldn't. Even if he hadn't left, I would've once I found out I was pregnate. I would've wanted my baby all to myself and not share. So it wouldn't have made a difference.
Once I backed up he cought site of Mimi strapped in her carrier to my chest. His eyes widened and was about to mumble apologies over and over again to me. Saying how he didn't know I had moved on and if I was happy with another man's child. But he was stopped once Mimi's hazel eyes flashed open from her sleep and mirrored his own. Shance slumped against the door and stared at his own hazel eyes.
There was no hiding it. You just didn't get those eyes from anybody. He mumbled something in french in awe. I turned my head away, ashamed of myself for not telling him sooner. But I turned back as I heard cooing and giggling. There Shance stood smiling happily as he stroked the thick long down on Mimi's head. I looked up at him and smiled happily as I invited him in for tea.
Poppy! Mimi had squealed at Shance. It seemed that she knew who her father was. I had always wondered why she didn't seem interested in Shiriko. For my entire life with Shance I had never seen him weep...............but he did now. He held Mimi tightly and I was afraid he might hurt her, but she didn't seem to mind.
The next few minutes and hours dragged on in a shock. Shance had litterally gotten down on his kneese and begged me to take him back. Begged for me to let him be a part of Mimi's life. NO! He couldn't ask for this! It would ruin everything! He would tell Shiriko! Then it was my turn to beg. I pleaded for him to keep this a secret, that this was the only way Mimi could have a life! I had done it for her!
Shance stared at me and nodded sadly. He said it was his faulnt anyway, for leaving. I didn't care who's the hells faulnt it was, just as long as I could keep my daughter. I was greatfull when he decided to take his leave. He told me to send him a picture a day for his silence and a video a month. I happily agreed.
*****Back to the present*****
I never saw Shance again after that. I've heard that he never got married. I often feel awful for that. I'm leaning against Mimi's hospital bed now. How could this have happened?
Suddenly everything begins to go black. I feel as if I'm falling! Whats going on!! An old man appears infront of me and intoduces himelf as Genei.He says that if it would save me grief I could see my daughter. I smile and nodd eargerly. With a wave of his hand a theaterscreen sized mirror appears infront of us.
I then see Mimi and all the other sleeping children!! They are all with these strange monster looking things, but they look friendly. Mimi is with a flower woman looking thing. She is very tall and her eyes are hidden under her red rose looking cap. She carries a sleeping Mimi with the others back to what looks like a camp. Who is she? Did she send my Mimi here!
I demanded Genei to let me speak to my daughter. He had the audacity do refuse! But he let me able to talk to her guardian. I nodded, it was better than nothing. In an instant I appear infront of a moonlit lake. I search around incrediously but the sound of approachment catches my ears. A large walking pink flower walk toward me emotionlessly. She give her name. Palmon? What kind of name was that!
I scream and demand to speak to Mimi's 'guardian'! She says that I'm looking at her. Palmon then explains the wonder of Digivolution. This doesn't impress me in the least. I'm once again screeching as to know why she brought my daughter here! Why! If she's supposedly so powerful why doesn't she just kill the evil herself!!!??? Palmon stares at me and then begins to tell me that Mimi is not my daughter. Not here anyways.
I try to leap at the flower just to strangle her! How dare she!! I don't see her going through two hours of pure hell to have Mimi!!!!! She restrains me with some kind of attacking vine. I yell and thrash, but when I calm down she explains it all better. As long as Mimi's here she'll watch over her like I did in the real world. She'll protect her like I did when I was pregnate.
I'm still angry at the end of this but I don't have a choice. Palmon lets me go and Genei once again comes to take me away. Once back in the blackness I ask to watch Mimi for just a little longer.
For you I'll lie. For you I'll give up anything and everything. For you I'll hurt. And for your safety, Mimi, I'll share you. Untill you can come home to me. Untill I'm able to brush your hair and hold you in your sleep. Untill I'm able to brag about all your perfections to my friends. Untill I'm able to hear you call me mama. For all that I'll wait.
For you I'll wait.